I dread the nights, I don't sleep at all until I pass out from exhaustion. It can't be good for this body, not one bit. But there is no alternative, If I start to fall asleep or let me guard down for even a moment It is there...suffocating me. Soon enough it was routine for Mikoto or Fugaku to hold me whilst I screamed. This whole ordeal has lasted a month, a month in which I have decided, through their patience and growing close to them, are now Kaa-san and Tou-san.
"They deserve that much"
This world was not growing on me so much currently, what with the persistent nightly attacks. It's daytime now, so I'm laying stomach down on a rug in the back family room; shoji screen doors wide open to let in a lovely breeze. Summers were long here, too long in my opinion. Back to where I am, Itachi is sat beside me stacking some wooden blocks that had simple characters on them. He babbled as he stacked them, making sure to show me each brick as he did so; it was kind of sweet how he involved me all the time. At this point I'm about 4 months old, I'm cranky from sleep deprivation and the overstimulation by It at night. But the simple interactions from Itachi always bring a small smile to my baby face, I'd opened up the most to him. He's my big brother, no matter who he will become I'm sure there will always be a space for him somewhere in my locked heart. I noted how he stacked the bricks, in repetitive patterns the characters lining up in similar ways every time. イズナ. It was always the same and in the same order, it was burned into my brain and I had to wonder what he was spelling so diligently and with such care and attention. Immediately realising I'd been staring, lost in thought, I noticed Itachi pointing from the lined up bricks to me and back again. Then at another set beside it, to himself and then back at the second lined up set of brick which read イタチ. He kept re-doing his gestures, getting more and more frustrated when I seemed oblivious to what he was trying to tell me.
"Izuna. Itachi" The voice made me jump, deep and jolly but different to the usual that Tou-san had. Soon I saw a slender hand point at the first set of bricks, イズナ and say "Izuna" and then point back to me. Then it pointed at the second set, イタチ and said "Itachi" before then pointing at Itachi. My eyes widened in realisation.
"It's our names!"
Itachi had spelt our names, how had I not understood him and what he was trying to show me. As I turned to thank the owner of the hand I stopped in my tracks, thoughts of a fox boy with golden hair, of death and destruction tried to overwhelm me. Quickly Itachi's hand landed on my back, soothing and understanding that something was making me upset. It worked. The fear and memories subsided allowing me to focus on the person crouching over us. Namikaze Minato, the future Fourth Hokage. His eyes were turned up in a broad grin, face dancing with joy and the sliver of golden sunlight from outside seemed to set his hair alight.
"He's beautiful."
The thought caused heat to creep on my tiny cheeks and I tried desperately to hide my head in Itachi's outstretched arm. But that plan failed when Minato reached out to pick me up, arms outstretched he forced me to look into his ocean blue eyes, ones that glistened with mischief and happiness. Quirking an eyebrow elicited a laugh from said man, making me jolt in his arms fearing he might drop me. Immediately my too tiny baby hands grabbed at his own in hopes of seeking perch, so that maybe I could save myself should he let go. Instead he placed me carefully back onto the tatami floor, sitting this time but supporting my back with his right hand. I huffed and scooted away from his hand slightly, before sitting on my own to show that I was more than capable of doing it myself.
"Zu-zu?" The voice snapped my focus back to Itachi, within reaching distance his eye were searching mine. Searching for answers that I wasn't sure I had. Reaching my hands out towards him I made small grabbing motions, hoping to show that I wanted to be nearer him. And the nickname he had used melted my heart, causing me to yearn even more for his comforting heat.
"I might be a grown woman, but I'm still in this defenceless body."
Before Itachi could even begin to toddle towards me another set of arms picked me up, familiar this time and I sunk into the embrace of familiarity. The arms were lined with muscles from years of working hard, chest just as muscular despite being covered in loose cloth. Tou-san. A booming voice echoed into my body through his chest, but it was a welcome distraction from lingering thoughts of plots and destructive consequences. He continued to talk whilst I glanced down at Itachi, hand clinging tightly to Tou-san's trousers; subtly hiding behind his leg as he did so. There were exchanges between Tou-san and Namikaze-san, before the grip on me was re-arranged and we began to move out of the family turned playroom and into the kitchen area. Soon enough we were all sat around a table, plates; or bowls in mine and Itachi's case, full of food. Tou-san diligently began feeding me mine whilst still eating his with a separate hand, eyes ensuring he was doing it right before continuing his conversation with our guest. Once I was full, bowl empty and sitting on the table I decided to look around and see if anyone else had joined us for the meal besides Namikaze-san, everyone else was still too busy eating. I quickly noticed that other than our small quartet plus our single guest nobody else was around.
"So where is Kushina?"
The thought barely registered as I yawned, stilling when I looked to the windows and saw the setting sun. All in a sudden moment an organised chaos started, I was gently pulled into Tou-san's lap and cradled close to him. A hold that was tight but reassuring, they knew what was to come and so did I. I could already begin to feel my eyes droop, closing for a moment. Then It came. Suddenly I was in an ocean, the salty water filling my lungs and drowning me; letting me come up to breathe again before plunging me back under. The screaming started. I had no care for our guest, he would endure my tirade just as my family did, I was drowning and not about to be quiet about it. I felt the rubbing on my back and the gentle pats of meaningful, but worthless, attempts to calm me. Tears stung at my eyes and they already ached, sore and overused. When I felt something change drastically, shocking me...It was replaced. But this replacement was just another It, however this time It didn't suffocate me; instead new It wrapped around me and smothered me in warmth and a fierce protective love I had never felt so freely in this new life. So focused on the new It I failed to notice what It had done, the old It was gone. Completely blocked out by the new It, in a moment I had thought would never come I felt peace. Blinking through wet eyes I hiccuped out a sob, trying to see what was happening. I could see blurry faces of amazement and relief from my new family.
"But then who is holding me?"
Craning my head back to look at the one responsible for the new It, I saw Namikaze-san. A gentle genuine but sad smile greeted me and soon words left his mouth, all but two made no sense to me. Suddenly it all seemed to fit, like a missing piece of the puzzle that I hadn't known was lost.
"How had I forgotten something so basic, so fundamental in this world!"
As I allowed the new It, Namikaze-san's It, to cocoon me I found meaning in the words he said, finding a name in the It which had plagued me and made it so much less scary; now that I knew more Its were out there and not as scary as my first experienced one. The words I understood rung in my head, like a bell which I had been so desperately ignoring in hopes it might have faded away by now.
"Chakra Sensitivity...It was Chakra all along."
With a sigh of relief much too heavy for this small short-lived body I relaxed and slipped into a restful sleep for the first time in what felt like forever, courtesy of the newly acquainted Namikaze Minato.
END OF CHAPTER 4: RELIEF
Key:
"Thoughts"
Inner Guidance
"Speech"
One Horizontal Line = Time Passing
Author's Note:
Sorry this upload was a day late, I'm having to do some resubmission work for my degree. So this story might be every 48 hours rather than every 24 hours, however I will upload as often as I can promise!
A big thank you to all followers/favourites and to the two further guest reviews showing their love and support! It truly means a lot and is the sole reason I'm trying my best to regularly update this story!
I hope you enjoy this chapter,
K-Chan x
