[[An author's note to the attentive:

You may have caught that way back in Chapter 14, I stated the only women in the Arrow family were Black Canary and Lian Harper. I'm not hugely familiar with Green Arrow's supporting cast, so I obviously missed someone rather obvious. Chapter 14 will be edited to make up for this shortly.]]

The more things changed, the more they stayed the same. On the one hand Oliver Queen's residence was a far cry from Wayne Manor. Ollie's interior decorating was done with enormous floor-to-ceiling windows in many of the rooms along the outside of his house that let in lots of sunlight. Early in the morning Cassandra saw workers park in his lot and spend hours tending the many trees and vegetables that Ollie and Connor grew in the backyard. Connor, at least, cared for some of his own plants as well, particularly a set of leafy greens and a Bodhi tree, Cassandra noted.

On her first morning in Star City, Cassandra was awoken by a burst of laughter and a patter of feet in the hallway outside her guest room. She had gone to bed early the night before to make up for the jetlag and rubbed at her eyes as she glared at the clock. She'd have liked to sleep more, but the laughter repeated and soon another sound joined it.

"Psssh! Pew pew pew!"

One laugh turned into a short scream and Cassandra cringed. She didn't dislike children, but she'd never heard one make noise at an hour as unholy as 7 AM.

The laughter and "Pew pew" sounds rattled at her door as she slid into a pair of sweatpants and a sweater. There was no use trying to go back to sleep, she'd probably already gotten more rest than she had since her confrontation with Zsasz.

Cassandra pushed open the bedroom door and in an instant all of the laughing stopped. Just on the other side, in the middle of the hallway, stood a little with long black hair and skin too dark to be white, too light to be Asian, garbed in a pink princess dress.

The two stared at one another and a little shudder ran through Cassandra's frozen body. For just a moment, it was like looking into the past.

"Ah shoot. I'm sorry. Ollie told me you were in a different room."

Cassandra leaned out of the room and broke her stare with her miniature doppelganger. The speaker down the hall was a young woman, maybe a year older than Cassandra, dressed in a flannel top with her hair in a strawberry blonde ponytail.

"I don't think we've met before. Cassandra, right?" The stranger approached.

"Wanna play!" the tiny Cassandra said. "Wanna play so'more!"

"I know, I know." The blonde lifted up the little girl, Cassandra estimated the child was maybe five or six. "I'm Mia. Dearden, in case it matters. And this is Lian." She turned to the little girl in her arms. "Say hi, Lian."

The little girl raised her hand for less than a second and said, "Hi." She then turned her face away.

Cassandra managed a little smile. "Hi. Both of you."

"In the interest of full disclosure, I know, y'know, everything," Mia said. When Cassandra winced a little, she added, "I mean, the basic stuff. You run around in costume at night. It's okay, I do it too."

A little of the stress melted away. "Oh. Who?"

"Speedy the second," Mia said. "Or at least I was before I got a promotion to Super-Nanny." She nuzzled Lian, who giggled. "You just woke up, you want something to eat?"

Cassandra nodded.

Mia cleared her throat and spoke to Lian in a British accent. "Madame Harper, what shall we dine upon this fine morning?"

"Um…." Lian raised a hand to her mouth as she thought it over before she shouted, "Basketti!"

Mia laughed and led Cassandra down the hall toward the kitchen. Despite being on the opposite side of the country, costumed heroes still gathered in the mansion and loved ones acting as servants still spoke with British accents. It still felt like home, so Cassandra let another chuckle slip out as well.

Cassandra and Lian sat at a glass-topped table in the mansion's kitchen big, sparkling white kitchen while Mia reached about for pots and pans. Out from one cupboard she drew a small orange bottle and turned out a few pills within.

Cassandra squinted. "What are those?"

"Vitamins." Mia downed them with a glass of water.

Something about the pace of her response seemed unusual, but Cassandra was quickly distracted when she noticed Lian stick her tongue out at her from the corner of her eye. As soon as Cassandra turned to face her Lian slipped it back in, as if she had done nothing wrong.

Cassandra looked toward Mia again as she slipped a few pills out of a second bottle, swallowed them and made a disgusted face. Cassandra almost spoke, but caught Lian with her tongue out again and jerked her head back over to see. Lian again looked totally neutral.

"How about eggs?" Mia walked toward the fridge. "You like eggs this week?"

Lian turned to her and shouted, "No! Don' want any baby chickens!"

"They're not baby chickens, kiddo," Mia said.

"Baby chickens, baby—" Lian stopped and whirled her head around. From the corner of her eye, she was positive she saw Cassandra with her tongue out at her. Lian pointed. "Stuck your tongue out!"

Cassandra locked into a glare with her. "Did not."

"Did so!"

"Do I need to come over there and sit between you too?"

Both held the stare until they began to crack up and finally broke when each burst into laughter.

After breakfast, Cassandra stepped into the backyard. Beyond the many employees who busily mulched and picked weeds from the garden, Connor sat beneath the solitary Bodhi tree with his hands clasped together. His eyes were shut and Cassandra was unsure if she should try to bother him just yet when he said, "I know you're there."

"Meditating?"

"Yes, but I've gotten what I need for the moment." The sun had just begun to peak over the nearest large house to the east and forced Cassandra to squint. Connor patted the grass beneath the tree. "You can sit here, if you want to."

Cassandra crossed her legs and sat next to Connor in the shade of the tree. "Met Mia and Lian."

"It's a shame we haven't all gotten to work together more." Connor toned himself down to a whisper. "Mia's a reserve for the Titans, you know. Have your brothers really never invited you to join them?"

"Have," Cassandra said. "But home needs a team too. Busy enough there." She yawned and leaned her head against Connor's shoulder, he did nothing to object.

The two sat quietly for a few minutes. The gardeners slowly shifted from their vicinity to the next side of the house and they were soon alone.

"Is she all right?"

Connor only stirred a little. "Hm?"

"Mia."

Again, Cassandra caught something strange when Connor replied. Mia was a split second too fast, Connor was just a bit too slow. "She's fine. Went through a lot when she was younger, so she has to take a lot of extra care of herself now."

Cassandra sighed. There was clearly something she wasn't being told, but she figured it didn't matter. She could almost have fallen asleep again resting against Connor's shoulder, but made herself stay awake so she could enjoy the feeling.

Ollie and Dinah only made their own appearances when it was already late in the afternoon. They found Cassandra doing sit ups in front of the fireplace in their den.

Ollie almost laughed as he stroked his blonde beard. "Roy's friends hooked all sorts of those damn boxes up to my TV to play games on when he had them over."

"Connor's friends just aim higher, I suppose." Dinah smiled toward Cassandra as she paused from her exercise and laid in the center of a great, oriental rug. "Hey, Cassandra. Haven't seen you for a bit."

Cassandra hadn't been at it for long, but was still catching her breath. "You too."

Dinah was dressed in a white T-shirt and a pair of blue jeans. Cassandra was unsure she had ever seen her without a leather jacket or a pair of fishnet hose.

"You're not planning on going out anytime soon, are you?" Ollie stepped closer to her and lowered to one knee. "We've got instructions."

"No," Cassandra said. "Staying healthy."

"Helena used to say she did too many crunches to not show some midriff in her Huntress uniform," Dinah said. "Don't know if that's what you're going for—"

"No." Cassandra resumed her exercise. "Just healthy."

"I don't believe that story for a second," Ollie said. "It's more ridiculous every single time you tell it."

"I'm serious!" Dinah said. "You can ask her yourself one of these times. I can call up O right now and she'll confirm it if you need every one of us to."

For a moment, Cassandra considered saying something. Dinah had just mentioned Barbara, whom it was now clear she could easily contact if she wanted to. From one perspective Barbara had always been a great voice of care and reason to her. But Barbara had said herself she lost her faith years ago, would she understand the crisis boiling inside Cassandra at that point?

Then again, did anyone around her? She didn't know Ollie well enough to say if he believed in anything or not, but Zsasz's terrible words stuck with her. If he did, wouldn't she already know it? Was she supposed to be worried about the spiritual well-being of the people who had taken her in at such a turbulent time?

Perhaps it was better to be somewhere nothing was truly expected.

"Anyway, the streets are pretty secure right now," Ollie said. "But don't go looking for any trouble. We're a diverse city, but that also means the bastards have more to judge."

Cassandra wasn't even giving him any mind as she resumed her exercise routine, rolled over and began push-ups. It wasn't as if there was anywhere else around the city she wanted to be. Except maybe that Ghirardelli shop for its tasty treat and that kind server.

Her night ended in Connor's bedroom. It was a place of contradiction: it was bigger than Cassandra's room, maybe as bit as the den. Yet the furniture within was sparse. Connor had only a desk covered in tiny treasures, a full sized bed and a pair of yoga mats he'd spread out.

As Cassandra prepared for their first night of stretches and meditation, she chuckled at a fat, golden Buddha on Connor's desk.

"Gift from a friend," Connor insisted. "A bit contradictory to his teachings, but I'd like to think old Siddhartha has a good sense of humor about these things. But I guess if he reached true enlightenment, it doesn't much matter what he thought anymore."

Cassandra stepped onto the matt next to Connor's. "Heaven?"

Connor shrugged. "In a sense. Kind of depends on who you ask." When Cassandra was in place, he pressed his palms against one another. "The Japanese believe so. Christianity only settled there for a relatively short time centuries ago, but they still have heavens and hells. Some of their own making, others they got from the missionaries."

He put out one of his legs and nearly reached his toes when he leaned down. Cassandra did him one better and made it. "In India, where Buddhism originated, it was thought that even the hope of an afterlife was suffering. It was better to detach from everything, even the idea of eternity."

"What about you?"

"According to some of the Justice League's accounts, my atheist father spent some time in the Christian heaven," Connor said. "I think it's better to lead a good life and let God or the gods decide what it was worth."

Just as Cassandra's front leg began to hurt from the stretch, she almost fell forward. Whatever situation Connor had just described Ollie in, it was hard to wrap her head around.

Connor brought his feet together and raised his hands high above his head. "Love others, love yourself. I think that's the best we can do."

As Cassandra took the stance she lowered her head. "Was never good at that."

Connor turned to look at her for a moment and lowered his arms. "We can come back to the yoga later. It's pretty obvious where we need to direct our attention." He knelt down and pat a spot on his matt. "Cross your legs, lotus position."

Cassandra hesitated a moment but then nodded. One leg over the other, eyes closed, she sat and awaited further instructions.

"Deep breaths now. In through your nose, out through your mouth. Find your center of gravity, just like before. Clench every part of your body from your feet to your head, one muscle at a time."

Toes. Feet. Ankles. Lower legs. Upper legs. Groin. Stomach. Hands. Elbows. Shoulders. Chest. Neck. Head—

Cassandra flinched, almost as if she'd just been jerked from sleep. Connor frowned. "Are you all right."

Her breaths were uneven. "I… afraid. Felt… felt nothing."

"That's part of the idea—"

"No." Cassandra was almost gasping. "I can't. Not again. Please Connor—"

It wasn't clear to him what was going on, but he held Cassandra by her shoulders. "Okay," Connor said. "You don't have to. I won't tell you to try again."

"Can't do this." Cassandra still sounded like she was on the edge of tears. "All I have. Gave up everything else."

"What do you mean?" Connor squeezed her shoulder. "I know it's hard, but I can only do so much if I don't know what's happening."

The first tears slid down Cassandra's face. "Year ago, Seraphim, almost gave up on God." She wheezed as she drew another breath. "Couldn't do it again. Give up God for myself—"

Connor slowly started to nod as she struggled for words. "You couldn't give up God for yourself again. So you tried giving up yourself for God."

With her head downturned, Cassandra slowly nodded.

"I'm sorry that didn't work out," Connor said. "We don't have to do anything else if you don't want to."

Cassandra rubbed at her head and tried to wipe the wet from her eyes, but said nothing.

"I don't know what you're looking for. Maybe you're not sure either, but—"

Cassandra leaned forward and silenced Connor with a kiss.

Maybe Connor was right, she didn't know what she wanted. But the misery had exhausted her. She was tired of thinking about the girl from before. She was sick of contemplating who she was supposed to be. And she was haunted by the confrontation with Zsasz. She just wanted someone, anyone, to love her again.

When Cassandra pulled away, she did not look at Connor immediately out of fear of his disapproval. When he said and did nothing, she looked up at him slowly.

"Why did you do that?" Connor sounded neither angry nor approving. It was a question and nothing more.

"Don't know." Cassandra met his eyes as she regained her composure. "So tired of the pain. Like you said. Wanted to let it go. Let… her go."

"Is that really what you want?" Connor squeezed her shoulder again. "And is this how you think you'll get it?"

"Don't know. But want to try." She mustered a weak smile. "Don't you like me, Connor?"

"Of course I do."

It wasn't going to cure everything, she knew that. Nightmares were still ahead. But if Connor could just make her forget that one shred of the past, it would at least be a good place to start.

Cassandra leaned in again, Connor met her halfway and their lips locked again. It made perfect sense. Connor understood who she was with or without the mask on. Connor had never asked her to change or do anything she was uncomfortable with. He was good enough to be a wonderful friend, that made him good enough to be more.

She was still fighting back tears as they held the kiss. Every one of those thoughts was true. So why, for the love of all things sacred, didn't it make her feel any better?