Though Ollie was clearly trying not to pull Connor away too much, he was still inevitably summoned a few nights out of the week. Though Cassandra did everything in her power not to show it, she was grateful the first night after their kiss he was away. She had a lot on her mind and was afraid to talk to him about much of it.

It was over an hour's walk to the Ghirardelli shop from Ollie's estate, but Cassandra didn't mind. If she wasn't allowed to go out in uniform, the movement would at least help to compensate. It was a chilly evening, but another one of those sundaes sounded very good.

In one corner of her mind, Cassandra wondered if she wasn't hoping for a fight. Maybe some punks would try to attack her and she could take out some frustration on their faces. Another corner admonished her for letting a violent thought cross her mind. And yet another corner told the second to shut up. The last of them acknowledged she was still in a wealthy and well-lit neighborhood and the sun had only just set. The odds of a confrontation were unlikely.

With her hands clutched in her pocket, Cassandra tried to take inventory of the situation. It was a very real possibility Bruce was never going to let her out in costume again. She had practically been exiled from the city she had served for years. She'd managed to screw up the one healthy relationship she'd come so far for and was terrified to admit to Connor her feelings weren't cooperating with her mind. Those were the thoughts she was willing to acknowledge, even worse ones lingered in the back of her mind.

Cassandra slipped her hands out of her pocket when a better use occurred to her. She crossed and clasped them together.

Father… what is it? What should I do? Even to her it sounded pathetically simple, but that was how she felt. Why can't I be happy?

Connor was the most pressing issue, as he was the one problem she couldn't escape anytime soon. The most obvious thought continued to linger at the forefront of her mind. Because he's a man? and again and again she shot down the conclusion. Even if she hadn't put in so much effort to distance herself from her past sins, she still felt drawn to him physically.

Because… Buddhism? Cameron Gram had never shied away from his disdain for other religions while Cassandra was listening to him back in Gotham. But of anything he extolled, that lesson's impact had relatively little effect on her. She considered the anger behind the words, but she could still remember the Muslim woman and her daughter from weeks before who sobbed and wailed as their family and friends were kidnapped. She couldn't have held Connor's faith against him, she was sure of it.

She paused as she passed the boarder that separated the large houses in the hills from the city proper. The smell of commuter's gasoline and distant seawater mingled as she kept forward.

Because… nothing? She wasn't sure what to make of what Connor had told her just before their kiss. He didn't know exactly how the world worked, he was just trying his best to help it. Did he actually believe anything supernatural about his own faith, let alone anyone else's?

Did the prospect of being with an atheist bother her?

No,' she concluded. Bruce was an atheist, or at least close enough. So was Barbara, so was Ollie, she couldn't just disregard how good they all been to her.

A last answer prodded at Cassandra from the corner of her mind, but she did everything in her power not to acknowledge it. It wasn't worth thinking about, nothing good would come of it.

Because… her?

Cassandra's whole body tightened as she reached a crosswalk and pushed the button to call for a crossing signal. The answer was absurd. Why would she still be lingering on someone who abandoned her for what she valued? Why should she care about someone who didn't want to share a future with her? And why was the thought even crossing her mind when she'd already corrected that flaw in herself?

Does she miss me?

If the voice would come out of her head, she wouldn't need to bump into any gang members. She could just punch it.

Still have the number?

She didn't. She deleted it from her phone's contacts as soon as she'd decided she'd moved on.

But Stephanie has it.

Cassandra had to settle for a few annoyed hits against her own forehead. The girl from earlier needed to get out. She was only supposed to be a happy memory. Cassandra even grappled with that idea for a moment, but found she couldn't honestly say the memories weren't good ones.

All manner of stores lined the street for the last few blocks to the Ghirardelli shop. Clothing shop for rugged urban wear, a market for painting and crafting supplies and a tiny independent movie theater were all set up within buildings of one another.

She'd like it here.

Cassandra finally arrived at the front door of the store store and desperately hoped some sweets would silence the voice. Instantly the smell of melting chocolate and the countless bags of treats in bright packages gave her some much needed stimulus. The first true distraction stood behind the ice cream counter. Lupe grinned at her as she walked in.

"Hi there," Lupe said as Cassandra walked up. "Cassandra, isn't it? Connor's friend?"

Cassandra tried to put on a happy face. "Yes." She peered around the counter. There were clearly other employees working on something elsewhere, but it was Lupe she had hoped to see.

"Connor got your sweet tooth going and you just wanted another sundae then, am I right?"

"Yes." Cassandra pulled a wallet from her pocket and rifled through some bills Bruce had given her. She'd be able to tell the price of the sundae if she's squinted at the menu and had a few minutes to consider, but it was easier to just lay down a bill and ask for one. The numbers still didn't come to her instinctively, it took longer than she knew was normal to identify a twenty and lay it on the counter. "One, please."

"You want me to do anything special with it? Mix ins or toppings or anything like that?"

"Whatever you like." It was too time consuming for her to look over the menu. Soon she was served and seated.

Cassandra was not familiar with the stereotype of the forlorn girl numbing her pain with ice cream, but part of her felt pathetic anyway. Her feet expressed their tiredness the longer she sat down and she began to regret the venture. She wasn't in the right mindset to have journeyed out again for the night and Ollie surely had tasty treats in the house, at least to keep Lian occupied. But Cassandra acknowledged the shop had only been a place to justify a step out of the house.

"Trouble in paradise?"

Cassandra perked up as Lupe set down a small dish of her own on the table across from her.

"Mind if I sit down? I don't want to intrude, but you seem like you could use the company."

Cassandra motioned toward the empty chair opposite her. Lupe sat down.

"Taking my break a little early," Lupe said. "We're not all that busy right now. Connor didn't bring you?"

"Walked," Cassandra said. "He was busy."

"Ah, sure. Sure." Lupe took her first spoonful of vanilla and fudge. "But he said you were visiting from out of town. I guess I assumed you were staying with him—"

"Am."

Lupe double-took. "The Queen's mansion is miles from here. You walked that?"

Cassandra nodded.

"You should stick around until summertime. You might win Bay to Breakers." The little smile on Lupe's face suggested she was pleased with her remark, but she dropped the look after a moment. "Sorry, you probably don't know what that is."

Cassandra almost wanted to be annoyed with her but decided Lupe may be helpful. She and Connor did know one another, but they probably didn't interact much outside of the shop. Even if Lupe did consider him a friend, it was unlikely she would have the chance to discuss anything with him from behind the ice cream counter. At least she could be a less judgmental confidant than Mia, Dinah or Ollie.

"Don't know what to do." Cassandra dipped her head downward.

"Do about what?"

"… Connor."

"I kind of figured that," Lupe said. "You obviously don't have to tell me anything. I'm sorry, I know I can get nosy sometimes—"

"Want to love him." Cassandra rested her cheek on a palm and sighed. "Want to."

Lupe nodded. "But you don't?"

"… Not how I want to."

"Feelings can be a real rollercoaster," Lupe said. "A dark one where you can't see where all the twists and turns are supposed to be. Does he love you?"

The thought took Cassandra a few seconds and another spoonful of ice cream, but she nodded. Connor had always been at least a little stoic. It wasn't as if she acted so different than usual in her earlier relationship.

"Have you told him you're feeling confused?" Lupe took another bite of her own. "Connor seems like the type who would be understanding."

Cassandra shook her head. "Where to begin?"

"I don't know, it's not my life," Lupe said. "I've had to tell some old boyfriends I was confused about some stuff." She clasped her still slightly-too-big of hands in front of her and set them on the table. "I've heard a lot of it too. People talking about their feelings changing, that things didn't turn out the way they hoped they would. Some of it their fault, some of it mine… not everyone's as understanding as Emilio."

"Emilio?"

Lupe let herself smile. "He's my guy. We've been together for ten years now."

Cassandra squinted to scan Lupe's fingers. No ring was visible. "Husband?"

"Nah. That'd be nice, but it's not in the cards." Lupe looked down for a moment. "You want to talk jewelry, I noticed the cross when you first came in. You're religious then?"

As if by instinct, Cassandra raised a hand and tapped the silver cross around her neck. "Catholic. You?"

"Used to be," Lupe said. "Dunno, maybe still am, deep down. Latinas don't get a lot of choice in the matter.

"Too many rules for me," Lupe said. "JC had it all figured out. Love other people like you love yourself… course a lot of people don't really like themselves these days. You'd have to kinda reinterpret that one."

"If it gets you hurt?" A hundred very recent examples ran through Cassandra's mind.

"JC told his father to forgive the people who put him to his death."

Every thought that pushed through Cassandra's mind froze at that moment.

"It's not easy to care so much. I guess that was my biggest problem back when I was still going to church. Not enough love to go around, too many excuses to just push someone else out."

And in her own words, Cassandra asked herself how often she had kept that great commandment to care for others since disaster overtook her.