"So Hunter is scheduled to start the police academy today," said Nick conversationally.
He, Judy, Tavi, and a platypus sergeant named Fleay all sat in the back of a police van. Judy periodically peered through the heavily tinted windows, watching the neighborhood. The van was parked in in the street a few blocks from Mr. Big's mansion, the plumbing company insignia on the side hopefully making its presence unremarkable.
The weather was starting to grow even colder than usual. It was coming up on winter, for what that was worth in the heavily climate-controlled city of Zootopia.
She turned from her latest scan of their surroundings to glance at Nick. "I'm sure he'll be fine."
"Is Major Friedkin still the lead instructor?" Nick asked Tavi.
The mongoose was, in contrast to her usual nervous excitement, slouched against one corner of the van. She glanced up listlessly. "What?"
"At the academy. Major Friedkin still work there?" Tavi blinked at him and he suppressed a sigh. "The polar bear."
"Oh, right. Um, yes, she was when I was there." She settled back, still staring at the opposite wall of the van.
Nick and Judy traded looks. "Hey, Tavi. What's going on with you?"
"I'm fine," she said automatically.
"No, you're not," said Judy. "You were fine earlier today. But not long after we got stuck in this van you've done nothing but stare at the walls and sigh mournfully."
"The only way you could make it clearer that you're feeling down is by hanging a sign around your neck saying 'OH WOE IS ME'," added Nick. Judy gave him an annoyed glance.
Tavi, however, gave a slight smile. "I couldn't find any signboard or markers."
Returning a triumphant look to Judy, Nick sat down next to her. "Is this about Hunter?"
She shrugged. "Kind of. I mean, I'm used to him being here with us in situations like this, cracking jokes, or at least snoring so loud the van shakes."
"I could try and fill in for him," offered Nick. "Let's see." He cleared his throat and, roughening his voice in imitation of Hunter's bass, growled, "Cheer up, rookie. Bad enough I'm working on a Saturday, packed into a van with mongoosen and platypusen, without you moping around."
Judy grinned. "Rule Twenty three point six," she said, her own voice deepening. "Violence never hurt anyone."
Tavi was laughing, but she managed to speak in a voice all of an octave lower than her usual high-pitched tones. "In my day, rookie, we weren't issued cuffs," she said. "I once hauled three murderers to jail only using a box of toothpicks, an old trash can, and a bucket of coleslaw. Uphill both ways, through the snow!"
All three started laughing, until Sergeant Fleay- who was in the seat directly behind the empty driver's seat, twisted around to look at them. "Will you three keep it down?" he snapped. "I'm trying to sleep."
They all looked at each other. "He wins," said Nick. "That was the best Hunter imitation so far."
Fleay rolled his eyes and tried to ignore them as they started laughing again.
Hunter stepped out of the cab- he had to meet the bus to the academy and didn't want to leave his car parked away from his home- and handed the sheep driving it two twenty dollar bills.
"What, no tip?" asked the sheep. "Typical skinflint human, huh?"
"You spent the whole trip jawing off about humans being sneaky, conniving, greedy interlopers out to corrupt your precious bodily fluids," said Hunter levelly. "I'd never thought of myself that way before, but you've convinced me to give it a try."
"Why do you keep ending up in my cab, anyway?" asked the cabbie. "This is some sort of human plot, isn't it?"
"If so, I'm not getting paid enough to participate," said Hunter. "You want the money?"
"It's probably blood money, earned from the back-breaking labor of the working class," said the sheep snootily.
Hunter shrugged and started to turn away.
"Hey, where you going? You haven't paid me yet!"
He turned back. "I thought it was blood money."
"It better be forty dollars, or I'll call the cops on you," said the cabbie as he snatched the cash from Hunter's hand.
"It's two twenties. Try not to explode your brain counting it to make sure it's all there." With that, Hunter picked up his bag- containing the few necessary items that would not be provided by the academy and walked toward a group of nervous-looking mammals clustered together near the front of the bus platform. "You the cadets?"
They all turned to look at him. "Hey," said an antelope. "You're a human."
Hunter sighed. "You know, mammals really need to stop saying that when they see me. I'm running out of good lines for it."
"Not just any human," murmured a warthog, near the back of the group. "That's Hunter."
The whole group took a step back. "Wow," said the antelope, her eyes widening. "I thought for sure you'd be fired!"
"Are you kidding?" said the warthog. "He's a hero!"
"What are you doing here?" demanded a rhino. Hunter eyed him. He seemed vaguely familiar somehow-
"I'm going through the police academy, just like you guys," said Hunter. "What's your name, junior?"
The rhino straightened proudly. "Seamus McHorn. My uncle is ZPD."
"Is he?" said Hunter, with a sinking feeling. "I don't suppose he's mentioned me-"
"Oh, he's mentioned you," said Cadet McHorn. "Lots of times. Usually very loudly."
"I'm going to pretend that's meant to imply vociferous approval," said Hunter.
"It's really not-"
"So what about you?" Hunter said quickly, pointing to the antelope that had spoken first.
"Cadet Trisha Eland, sir!" she said, snapping to attention.
Hunter grimaced. "I'm a cadet, just like you. You don't call me sir. Also, I work for a living." He paused. "At least, if I can't avoid it."
The warthog pushed forward eagerly. "Mr. Hunter? I'm Jason Tibbs. It's an honor to meet you!" Hunter gingerly shook the paw the warthog extended. "I've read all about you! Did you really crash a tank through a building to make dynamic entry?"
Hunter blinked. "I thought that was classified."
"Yeah, but it wasn't too hard to put together," said Tibbs proudly. "I-"
He was cut off by a horn blowing as a large bus pulled up to the station. An annoyed-looking panther poked his head out. "Cadets? Come on, let's get loaded. We ain't got all day."
The cadets duly picked up their bags and filed onto the bus. Hunter followed, ignoring the curious glances he attracted- he was getting rather used to those.
Putting his bag into an overhead compartment, he found an empty seat and sat down.
It was all rather familiar. It had been a long, long time, but he found himself remembering the FLPD Academy. Despite the differences in species, the nervous chatter was the same, the trepidation in the faces- now that he had learned how to read mammalian expressions- was the same, even the way the other cadets seemed to avoid him was much the same.
Except for one cadet this time, however. The seat groaned as Tibbs settled in next to him. "I hope you don't mind if I sit here," said Tibbs anxiously. "It's just that- well, I've followed everything about the humans since they first came to Terra. I have so many questions!"
"I was sort of hoping to get some sleep," began Hunter.
"So is it true that humans don't grow any hair other than on their heads? Don't you get cold? And what about-"
Hunter sighed.
"Suspect entering the residence now," said Tailwhisker over the van's radio.
Three of the four mammals in the van pricked up their ears, and even Fleay became more attentive. He grabbed the mike. "Acknowledged." The sergeant turned to the other three. "You ready?"
Judy gave him a thumbs-up. "Ready!"
"The captain wants us in right after the entry team," said Fleay, working his way into the driver's seat. "So look sharp."
The radio crackled again. "Suspect has entered the residence. Entry team, go! Beta team-" that was their designation, "-stand by."
Fleay started the van's engine.
The entry team was next on the air. "Two subjects detained in front, male polar bears. Preparing for entry." In the background, there was a crash as the entry team presumably rammed the front door. "We've made entry."
"No kidding," said Nick dryly. "I wonder if they even bothered to see if it was locked first."
"Lay off them," said Fleay, his voice equally dry. "They don't get to play with the battering ram too terribly often."
"Beta team, you are clear to approach," said Tailwhisker crisply. "Stay safe."
Fleay acknowledged and put the van in drive.
In moments, they had reached the mansion's front drive. Two SWAT vans were parked outside, with a couple of uniformed officers standing guard over two disgruntled-looking polar bears. One of the guards recognized Judy and Nick as they dismounted from the van. "You! I thought you were friend of family!"
Judy frowned. "That was before you sent assassin squirrels after my family."
The polar bear blinked. "Assassin- squirrels?" He peered at her. "You are sure this was not dream?"
"No," snapped Judy.
Nick held up his paw. "I'm still not entirely sure."
Tavi spotted a familiar bulk, hovering silently around the corner. "Hey, Shepherd! Good job! You caught everyone outside without killing anyone!"
The polar bear blinked. "Say again, please?"
The tank hovered closer. "Commander, thanks are not required. Do you wish a situation report?"
"Sure, tell me what happened."
"The objective was defended by six apparent hostiles, including these two prisoners here," said the tank, the arm indicating the two cuffed polar bears. "The remainder are secured in the rear of the structure. Their patrol pattern indicated either extremely poor training or below-average intellectual capability."
"Hey," protested one of the guards. "Is not true! We were trained by secret service in old country!"
Ignoring him, the tank continued. "Three of the guards were confronted and successfully detained by allied units. Three attempted resistance and took shelter behind cover. I instructed them that I was authorized to use lethal force if needed and utilized some of the artistic statuary scattered around the premises to effect psychological warfare tactics."
Tavi frowned. "What do you mean?"
"It threw marble statues at us until we surrendered," supplied the polar bear.
"Oh." She paused. "You know you're not allowed to use lethal force. As in, ever."
"Yes, Commander. But they didn't."
Tavi looked at him suspiciously. Somehow, the tank managed to project an air of innocence.
Tailwhisker arrived and gave them a look. "Come on, officers. We've got a situation inside."
She rushed in, her tail flicking nervously, and the three younger cops followed at a run.
They ran down a hallway, ornate works of art lining the walls. Tailwhisker slowed, looking around. "Good grief, those look expensive. And they say crime doesn't pay. I'm pretty sure that one's an original Marmet."
"Seuchat, actually," said Nick airily. "He used a pointillist technique to express his view of how color could be used similarly to a musician using notes. A so-called language of art."
Everyone looked at him.
"Or so I heard," he mumbled. "Somewhere."
"Captain?" Officer Francine Pennington, in full SWAT gear- meaning about an acre of kevlar- appeared around the corner up ahead. "We've got a door up ahead we can't get through."
Led by the captain, they trotted around the corner. Nick and Judy immediately recognized the massive door leading to Mr. Big's office. "Hang on a sec," said Nick, looking at the elephant. "You couldn't break the door down?"
Francine looked down at him. "I tried it with the ram and everything," she said, holding up a paw-held battering ram that looked like a toy in her hands.
"Well, what the heck are we supposed to do?"
Judy frowned, then shrugging to herself, walked up to the door.
And knocked.
She glanced over her shoulder to see Tailwhisker rubbing her forehead with one paw. "Seriously, Hopps?"
Before she could go on, a pleasant voice from the other side of the door was heard. "Yes? Who is it?"
Nick and Judy exchanged looks. "It's Judy Hopps," said Judy. "ZPD."
"Ah, Ms. Hopps." The voice was unfamiliar. "Please, come in."
There was a click and the door unlocked. Carefully, with Francine's help, they shoved the heavy door aside.
Mr. Big sat behind his tiny desk, watching them with a blank expression. Beside him, standing, was a wallaby Judy, Nick, and Tavi had never seen before.
The wallaby stepped forward as they entered the room. "You are trespassing in a private residence."
Tailwhisker held out the search warrant with a flourish. "Or it would be, if we didn't have this." As the wallaby took it, she smiled nastily. "Read it and weep, Gale. That copy is yours."
Gale started reading the document, Big still impassive beside him. Tailwhisker turned to the junior officers. "This is Petro Gale," she explained. "Mr. Big's consigliere."
"Lawyer," said Gale absently. He looked up. "You're not serious."
Tailwhisker turned to glare down at him. "What?"
"The judge actually signed this based on the confession of a two-bit hoodlum and a bunch of self-proclaimed assassin-" he hesitated, "-squirrels." He shook his head and put the warrant copy into his briefcase. "I'll have this thrown out faster than it took the judge to sign it."
"Maybe you will and maybe you won't," said Tailwhisker. "But we're here now, and my officers are already searching the premises. You will cooperate."
"Of course," said Gale smoothly. "No one will get in your way. You won't find anything, of course." He smiled at Tailwhisker.
The captain smiled back.
Tavi leaned over to Nick. "The captain seems to get along well with this Gale mammal, huh?"
Nick and Judy both gave her incredulous looks. "That's what you're getting from this?" he asked, exasperated.
"They're smiling and he seems really cooperative." She glanced between them. "What?"
Judy sighed. "Learn to read between the lines, Tavi."
Tailwhisker finally transferred her gaze from Gale to Big. "And you. Do you have anything to add? Maybe something to help us with our investigation?"
Immediately, Gale spoke instead. "My client has decided to exercise his right to remain silent."
"Very wise. Why, just the other day I had a suspect in my back seat whom I really, really wished would exercise that right," said Tailwhisker.
"All mammals have the right," said Nick. "It's just most lack the ability."
The captain and Gale both scowled at him, annoyed at his interruption of their little stand-off. "It seems police mammals have much the same problem," said Gale.
"You have no idea," muttered Tailwhisker. One of the officers searching the residence came through the door. He hesitated. The captain turned to him. "Well?"
The cop shrugged. "Sorry, captain. Nothing so far."
"Make sure you take all the documents," said Tailwhisker. "The search warrants cover anything that might indicate monetary payments were made to the Chargers or this, er, assassin group.
"Yes, ma'am."
"You realize that my client has multiple business interests," protested Gale. "We need that paperwork to effectively run the various corporations, charitable organizations, and-" he smiled slightly, "-political efforts he is involved with."
"Then I hope you made copies," shot back Tailwhisker. She turned to Nick and Judy. "You two have any ideas."
"Well, as a matter of fact," said Nick, who had been waiting for this moment. He walked over to where he remembered the trapdoor being. "Would you care to explain this?" He reached down, trying to find the opening to the trapdoor.
They all watched him for a moment as he scrabbled around. "It's a carpet," said Gale, bored. "I'd explain it, but I can think of no better word to describe it other than 'carpet'." He looked at Tailwhisker, whose ears were twitching with annoyance. "What is this?"
"No, it must be under the carpet," muttered Nick. "It's a trap door! It was right here!"
"A trap door," said Gale flatly. "Perhaps it's in a secret room behind a bookcase. Try pulling on candlesticks- I believe they are often disguised levers in whatever world you're in right now."
Nick stood up, glaring at the lawyer. "You knew we were coming! You had the trap door removed!"
Gale gave an exaggerated yawn and looked back at the captain. "If you're through wasting my time, I'll thank you to finish your search and leave. Rest assured the department will be responsible for any damages."
For a long moment, Tailwhisker met Gale's eyes, then nodded slowly. She looked at the shrew, who hadn't even twitched throughout the conversation. "You can't get away with it forever, Big."
"Forever is a long time," said Gale with a casual shrug. "Long enough is much shorter."
Turning to Nick, who stood quivering with anger and embarrassment, she pointed a finger at him, Judy, and Tavi. "You three stay here and keep an eye on them. I'm going to see how the search is going." With a last glance at Gale and Big, she left.
For a long time, the five mammals stood in the room.
Tavi cleared her throat. "Well, this is awkward. I don't think you two have met me. My name is Tavi."
Gale peered down his nose at her. "Ah, thank you, Ms. Tavi. I appreciate you introducing yourself."
She smiled. "I find it's always easier to get along if-"
"I'll need the name for the lawsuit I'll be filing after this is over."
She fell silent.
Behind them, somewhere in the house, they heard a crash, followed by a series of other crashes. Everyone winced.
"I'm sure it was nothing valuable," said Judy.
"In this house," said Gale, "everything is valuable."
"Especially a brand-new carpet," muttered Nick.
Gale smiled coldly at him. "Perhaps you will be interested in visiting when we renovate again. Mr. Big is considering reverting it to the old style."
Nick pointed to his badge. "I'm a cop, now, Gale. You really want to declare war on ZPD?"
Judy blinked at that, then looked suddenly thoughtful.
"I don't know what you're talking about-"
"Enough!" shouted Judy.
They all stared at her. Even Mr. Big, who had been idly studying a far wall, looked at her with faint surprise.
The bunny stepped forward, pointed at Gale. "You would never go after a ZPD officer, would you? It's not 'good for business'."
"And it's illegal," said Gale with faux outrage. "We are a law-abiding-"
"Shut it," suggested Tavi. "When she gets like this you're better off just laying low."
Judy was pacing the room, thinking. "But you went after Hunter. Knowing he was not only still- technically- a ZPD officer, but a bit of a hero. Enough that he would be missed. All over a measly five hundred dollars."
Gale started to speak, but stopped as Judy stepped closer to him. "So why try to kill Hunter? Why not just let it go? Maybe punish the Chargers in some way for being such idiots?"
Nick started nodding. "Someone else wants him dead," said Nick. "Who?"
"I think we know who," said Judy slowly. She turned to look at Big, who was watching her very carefully.
"Prometheus."
The silence was only broken by a distant clatter, followed by loud swearing.
Finally, the consigliere cleared his throat. "I'm not certain what that little outburst was intended to accomplish, but neither my client nor myself has any knowledge-"
"Well done, Judy," said Mr. Big. Gale looked at him, alarmed.
"Sir, I must insist that-"
"Be quiet, Petro." The shrew walked to the edge of the desk to look Judy in the eye. "Do you know who Prometheus is?"
Behind her, Nick and Tavi stepped forward, their ears pricked upwards. Judy shook her head. "No. Who is he?"
Mr. Big sighed. "Pity. I was hoping you could tell me."
Author's Note: So things are moving along. I should point out the "had the right, lacked the ability joke" is rather shamelessly stolen from Ron White's stand-up routine. I try very hard not to use jokes except as a deliberate shout-out or homage, but I couldn't think of a better way to put that particular line. Check out Ron White if you like stand-up of the "humorous anecdote" variety- he's pretty good.
