Chapter 5- Starting Over

"I wanna be your drill instructor

I wanna shave off all my hair

I wanna be your drill instructor

I wanna wear that Smokey Bear!"

-Common military jody

The bus ground to a stop outside the front of the police academy, a boxy building with remarkably pleasant landscaping. In the distance, the obstacle course Judy had warned Hunter about was visible. He squinted at it as he picked up his bag. Didn't seem all that formidable, he decided.

He followed the other cadets, who were talking excitedly, out of the bus, where a polar bear and two spotted large cats- jaguars, perhaps- were standing at parade rest. Naturally, he held back slightly, bringing up the rear of the line of cadets.

The polar bear looked over the group with a disapproving gaze. It may have been his imagination, but it seemed her eyes lingered on his face, which was well in the back, for a fraction longer than the others.

"Listen up, cadets!" Friedkin shouted. Most of the young mammals flinched slightly at the sudden noise. "Welcome to the Zootopia Police Academy. My name is Major Friedkin. You will refer to me as Major or ma'am. My two colleagues here are Sergeant Ajuagar and Officer Furrington. You will likewise refer to them only by their ranks or as sir."

She began pacing along the line of cadets. "Zootopia is not the largest city, but has the most diverse population of anywhere on Terra this side of the Council of Terra. It presents an interesting policing challenge. I like challenges. Do you?"

There was a muttering from the cadets that seemed to indicate that, by and large, and taking one thing with another, there was a generalized consensus that an interesting challenge was probably just swell.

Sergeant Ajuagar stepped up. "The major asked you a question, cadets! Do you like a challenge?"

The cadets stood up straighter. "Yes, sir!" Hunter unenthusiastically shouted along with them, feeling bored with it all.

Friedkin shook her head. "I can't hear you!"

"Yes, major!"

"Pitiful," said Friedkin disgustedly. "We've got the whole day planned out for you, cadets, so double-time it into that building over there- it's the cafeteria." She watched them start shuffling towards the building. "Double-time means run, cadets! Move!"

Hunter hefted his bag and started to trot along with the other cadets, only to suddenly find a white-furred arm blocking his way. He looked up into Friedkin's face. "Yes, major?"

"You have a problem, Hunter."

He frowned. "I do?"

She nodded. "You don't like authority."

"Um, up until quite recently, major, I was authority."

"And now you're not. You're a cadet." She poked him in the chest sharply enough to make him reel back slightly. "And I expect you act like it. Which means you don't do just enough, you do the best you can do."

He snapped to attention and saluted smartly. "Yes, ma'am!"

Friedkin growled slightly. "Do not sarcastically salute me, Hunter."

"Oh, no, that wasn't my sarcastic salute, major. This is my sarcastic salute." He saluted again, in precisely the same way. "It's a subtle difference, but it's there. All in the wrist-"

He blinked as Friedkin's muzzle moved to with a few inches of his eyeballs. Which meant that he was mostly looking at a whole bunch of very large, very sharp, very white teeth. "Ten-hut!"

Without thinking, he snapped to attention. Friedkin, her paws behind her back, began pacing around him.

"Cadet Hunter, you are not going to be given one iota of special treatment or special privileges based on your prior service. You will be attentive to orders, enthusiastic, and- most difficult for you- serious, is that clear?"

He started to turn to look at her. "Ten-hut!" she shouted, and he snapped his head to face front again. "That does not require you to drop the position of attention, cadet! I only require a verbal response. Now, is that clear?"

"Yes, major," said Hunter, exasperated.

Once again, polar bear teeth filled his field of vision. "I cannot hear you, cadet!"

"Yes, major!" he shouted.

"You will be motivated, Cadet Hunter! You will be dedicated! What will you be?"

"Motivated, major!"

"Good!" said Friedkin approvingly. "And?"

"Dedicated, major!"

"Outstanding! So once again, what will you be?"

"Motivated! Dedicated! Constipated!"

"Excellent- what?"

Hunter maintained his rigid stance. "Dilapidated! Inundated! Cremated! Uh...consumnated?"

Friedkin's face, under her fur, flushed red. "That's it, cadet! Give me twenty!"

Without otherwise changing from the position of attention, Hunter sharply pulled out his wallet. "Do you have change for a hundred, major? Because I-"

"Push-ups, Hunter! And make it forty!"

"Yes, major!" He dropped down to the ground, pushed himself up. "One!"

There was a long pause. "Hunter," growled Friedkin.

"Give me a sec, I'm old." He lowered himself, came up again. "Two." He dropped down to the ground again. "Two and a half." He half raised himself. "Two and three-quarters..."

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The rest of the cadets, with the other two instructors having gone to retrieve paperwork, watched through the window of the cafeteria as Friedkin started screaming at the human again.

"I think Cadet Hunter is going to have a long three months," said McHorn smugly.

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"So you know something about Prometheus?" asked Judy.

The three of them were now seated around Mr. Big's desk. The shrew had sat down himself, with only Gale standing somewhat protectively near his employer. The consigliere's occasional disapproving glances in the shrew's direction did not seem to bother Mr. Big at all. He was clearly not happy about his client speaking to any police in any way.

"It all started right after that business with the human Horne," said Big. "We knew about the gun shipments coming in, and as Nick correctly guessed the last time you graced my home with your presence, I did not like the competition. As a law-abiding business-mammal, of course."

"Of course," echoed Judy and Nick. Nick elbowed Tavi, who blinked.

"Um, yes. Of course," she said uncertainly. She leaned over to Nick. "I thought you said he was a crime boss?" she whispered.

Nick sighed.

Mr. Big continued. "So I began looking into the organizations that were bringing in guns. As it turned out, though, there was really just one- the distribution looked more spread out because this organization always kept to the shadows. They brought in the guns, but they never did anything else."

"That's a bit unusual, isn't it?" asked Judy. "Most criminal organizations tend to branch out a bit, sort of diversify."

"Yes," said Big smoothly. "While I have no direct knowledge of this myself, I believe it to be the case. I have only seen a similar situation a few times in my business career. Almost always, it is because the organization is either very small- or they have a very specific goal."

"Goal?" said Tavi. "Like what?"

The shrew spread his paws. "I wish I knew. The guns were always provided with a- Gale, what is the term?"

"Quid pro quo," said the wallaby. He looked at Nick. "It means something for something else."

"I knew that," snapped Nick. "I'm not an idiot."

"Sorry, that's just me judging by appearances again."

Nick looked at Big. "You going to just let him stand here and insult me like that?"

Big narrowed his eyes at Nick. "Skunk. Butt."

Swallowing, Nick leaned back in his chair. "My mistake. Insult away."

"As I was saying," Big said, "the guns came with two price tags. One in money, and one in favors. Very specific favors." He looked at Judy. "For example, an old office building which could be rented without too many questions asked."

Judy and Nick exchanged looks. "The Raid," she whispered. She looked back at the crime boss. "That warehouse?"

He nodded grimly. "You remember Lucky the tiger? He also got a gun, with instructions to pay for it by bringing a mammal no one would miss to another location. There, he met with other mammals, who had instructions to bring the mammal to the office building. You see?"

"Cut-outs," said Nick.

"What?" asked Tavi.

"Cut-outs. You don't do the dirty work yourself- ideally, you don't even let the mammal doing the dirty work know who he's doing it for," explained Nick. "That way, if we catch one, they don't know who's calling the shots."

"Or if someone else catches one," said Big, casually inspecting his claws. "Such as another organization besides the police interested in stopping the gun trade."

"Stopping the competition," muttered Judy. Big didn't respond directly, but gave a slow nod.

"So where did you hear the name Prometheus?" Judy asked.

Mr. Big looked up at the ceiling. "You must understand that this is all hypothetical."

"Meaning my client is not admitting to anything," said Gale. He looked at his boss. "In fact, I would strongly suggest that-"

Big held up his paw, forestalling him. "This is too important. We shall just have to trust that Judy, Nick, and their little mongoose friend here will understand there are far more dangerous enemies than one old shrew to deal with."

"Are there?" said Nick. "Oh, good. I'd only get bored with one evil criminal organization to deal with."

Gale sniffed. "The term 'evil' is not legally recognized terminology."

"You know, that statement explains an awful lot about lawyers. And I notice you didn't quibble with 'criminal.'"

Big gave him a cool look. "Hypothetically, suppose one of the actual arms dealers- the mammals behind the mask, so to speak- was captured by one of their competitors. And let us say that this particular mammal turned out to be a human."

"A human." Judy's eyes were wide. "You kidnapped a-"

"My client certainly did nothing of the sort," interjected Gale. "And if you continue to make such wild accusations, then this interview is over."

Judy held up her paw apologetically. "Of course, Mr. Gale. I mean, this hypothetical organization hypothetically captured a presumably hypothetical human."

"Precisely."

"You mean hypothetically precisely," said Nick.

"Okay," said Tavi in annoyance. "Can we stop with the hypothetically already?"

"Well, hypothetically we could-"

Tavi looked at Big. "I'm starting to see why you don't like him."

"Human captured," said Judy in exasperation. "What happened next?"

"He was, well, quite resistant. It seems humans are fairly well-versed in resisting, shall we say, harsh interrogations?"

"Okay," said Nick. "Harsh interrogations."

"Nick, shut up," Judy suggested.

"Sorry, I get nervous when we're calmly discussing torture."

"He talked eventually, or so I heard. Said a number of things. That humanity was the superior species. That humanity was the chosen protector of the galaxy. That we mere mammals should be pleased to serve them." Big's voice was grim. "That he learned this from his leader. The one he called Prometheus."

Judy broke the ensuing silence first. "What happened to him?"

"It seems that being the superior species does not confer the ability to breathe underwater," said Big composedly. "Or to resist freezing temperatures."

The three cops' eyes were drawn to the area of carpet which had once covered Big's trap-door.

"Wait a minute," said Tavi after a moment. "So Prometheus didn't try and get you to kill Hunter?"

Big sighed. "I don't think your colleague truly understands how this works."

The mongoose rolled her eyes. "So who wants Hunter dead, do you think?"

"Not this Prometheus, whether that is a mammal or an organization. Indeed, the human who was questioned said there were strict orders to leave 'Saint Zacharias' alone."

Nick and Judy snapped bolt upright. "Saint Zacharias?"

"The human appeared to be speaking sarcastically. I don't understand the joke."

Nick and Judy exchanged looks. "I think I do."

"But if Prometheus didn't want him killed-" Tavi suddenly frowned, and she stared at Mr. Big. "What, you decided if Prometheus wanted him alive, then you wanted him dead? Without even knowing why?"

"My client is admitting nothing-"

Gale was cut off by Tavi leaping clear from her seat to the desk, coming face to face with Big. The shrew blinked, but otherwise showed no sign of alarm as the mongoose came nearly nose-to-nose with him. "That ends now," she snarled. "If so much as one hair on his head is harmed, I'll-"

"Are you threatening my client, officer?" said Gale, moving to Big's side. "I must warn you-"

Without looking at him, Tavi grabbed his tie and yanked, cutting him off in mid-word.

Nick jumped to his feet nervously. "Whoa, slow down, Tavi-"

"Mr. Big, do you really want to make an enemy of the ZPD? I mean a real enemy?" She bit off each word. "Then ignore what I am saying. Remember, I've got a sticker on my car's bumper that says 'My other car is a tank'." Beside her, Gale was clawing at her paw holding his tie, struggling to breathe.

The shrew just stared at her, almost curiously, then he smiled slightly. "Perhaps you are right, Ms. Tavi. I did not know why Prometheus wanted him alive. So, likewise, I do not know why I would want him dead." He shrugged. "Barring further developments, Mr. Hunter will be in no danger from me or mine. So long as he does not give me an excuse, such as, say, harassing one of my colleagues."

Tavi let go of the wallaby's tie and straightened, smiling sweetly. Gale gasped for breath. "Good to hear. I think you and I will get along just fine."

Gale glared daggers at her, wheezing for breath. "I'll sue the-"

Mr. Big put a paw on his arm. "Petro. We are speaking somewhat freely because there are no cameras or recording devices. Deniability works both ways."

The lawyer gave the shrew a sour look. "Of course."

As Tavi jumped down, Nick and Judy stared at her, open-mouthed. She looked at them. "What?"

Before anyone could say anything further, Captain Tailwhisker came in, her tail lashing in frustration. "It seems there was nothing in your home particularly incriminating," she said without preamble.

"Not surprising," said Gale smugly. "As my client is not a criminal."

Tailwhisker pointed at him. "Shut up." She looked at Big. "Still not talking, eh?"

The shrew gave an almost imperceptible shrug.

"Whatever. We still have those seized documents to go through." With that she turned and left, muttering under her breath.

"She's right, you know," said Judy. "Sooner or later, all of this will catch up to you. I think you're really a kind shrew, at heart. Maybe it's time to really become a 'legitimate businessmammal'."

Mr. Big nodded slightly. "I am pleased to hear you say that, Judy. You are still, in many ways, family to me."

They turned to go, but stopped when he spoke again.

The shrew's voice was low, almost wistful. "You are a good mammal, Judy Hopps. And perhaps you are too quick to see goodness in others. You would perhaps not think so well of me, if you heard how the human screamed when he fell into the freezing waters below."

Judy shivered as she looked at Mr. Big. He looked at Tavi. "Hypothetically, of course," he added.

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Nick snuck a look at Judy as they walked back into the station. Her face was still carefully blank, a stark contrast to the smiling openness he was accustomed to from the irrepressibly cheerful bunny. "You knew what he does," said Nick quietly. "He nearly did it to us."

"I know. But it always seemed a bit unreal- as if maybe it was just a joke or something," she said, just as quietly. "Right now, I can't get the image of someone- a human- being dropped to their death after a 'harsh interrogation'."

"I can't get the image of Tavi strangling the lawyer with his own tie out of my mind," said Nick. "Try thinking of that. It's a much happier image."

Judy smiled slightly. "You know she shouldn't have done that."

"She gets a bit protective about Hunter."

"Yeah." Judy looked around. "Where'd she go, anyway?"

"Where do you think?" He gave Judy a knowing look. "She went to call Hunter at the academy. You know, we were all joking, but I'm actually thinking that maybe-"

"He thinks of us more like we're his kids- at least, that's what Tavi said."

"Yeah, and that's still really weird to me. I think of him more as that nutty uncle who rants about government conspiracies all the time." He blinked. "Although, maybe you didn't have an uncle like that-"

"No, no, I had five like that."

"Oh, right. Big family."

As they walked through the station, Nick congratulating himself for diverting Judy's thoughts, she frowned thoughtfully. "Saint Zacharias."

Apparently he hadn't completely succeeded. "Yeah."

"I've only ever heard one mammal refer to Hunter that way."

Nick nodded. "The Church of the Fellowship of Terra."

"The human didn't believe in it, from what Mr. Big said," pointed out Judy. "But he still must have been in contact with them."

"It makes sense, too. If this is a human conspiracy, who better to be the conspirators on Terra than a group that thinks humans are gods?"

Judy sighed as they walked into the station's locker rooms. "I guess we've got our next lead, then."

"Yeah. Pity. I was hoping not to have to deal with those particular nutjobs again." As he spoke, Judy's phone beeped. Nick caught a glimpse, showing a text from Tavi. Judy read it, then smiled ruefully.

"Cheer up," said Judy. "It could be worse."

"Oh? How's that?" asked Nick as he opened his locker.

She held up the phone, showing him what Tavi had texted. "You could be Hunter right now."

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Author's Note:

I do not suggest you try doing or saying anything Hunter does if you actually go through boot camp, a police academy, or anything similar. You will at minimum be smoked so hard you will actually burst into flame; more likely, you'll be brought up on (in the military) charges/fired (for police). It's Rule of Funny, plus Hunter is being kept in the police department due to political machinations. He doesn't know that, of course (though he might suspect at this point), so he's just being Hunter.

Expect more amusing "Hunter in the Academy" moments later on.

I'm not going to be putting quotes before every chapter, but I will if I have something particularly interesting or funny to put up.