August 1996
Cloaks swishing, they emerged out of the darkness one after the other. The silhouette of The Burrow was visible in the distance, lights twinkling from the windows, and frankly, it had never looked more inviting. For the first time since the battle, Tonks and Remus had been scheduled to keep watch for the Order together, and Tonks didn't think that the chill she felt was only from the breeding Dementors. Remus had barely spoken a word to her all night.
They kept up their silence as they walked up to the house. Tonks had given up on her attempts to make conversation hours ago, and Remus was as quiet as ever. There was an ache in Tonks's heart, and it wasn't just from Remus's rejection – she missed how he used to be around her. She would look forward to their watches, and the easy conversation they could enjoy together. Not only that, but she wanted to know how Remus was really doing; he looked older and greyer than she had ever seen him. Was something wrong?
Finally, they reached The Burrow, and the awkwardness finally dissolved with Molly's warm greeting.
"Remus! Tonks! Oh, come in and have some tea – you must get warm," she insisted, fussing over Tonks's coat as she removed it.
"Thank you," Tonks said, with genuine gratitude; she felt that she could use some more willing company than this new Remus.
"No, I must be going," Remus said hurriedly, and that hurt; could he really not bear to be around Tonks for any longer, even in the presence of Molly? "I just wanted to let you know that Arthur has arrived safely. Goodnight, Molly… Tonks." Before they could even respond, he had Disapparated with a crack.
Molly looked bemused. "What was that about? Did I say something to offend him?"
Sighing, Tonks shook her head. It was time to tell someone about their predicament; it was beginning to take up all of her waking thoughts (and some of her sleeping ones, too). "I think it was because Remus and I kissed a couple of months ago," Tonks said carefully, sinking into a chair at the kitchen table as she tried to gauge Molly's reaction. "He reckons it was a mistake."
Comprehension was dawning on Molly's face as she poured the tea. "A mistake? Why?"
"A hundred reasons, apparently," Tonks said; reliving the experience was painful, but it felt good to finally confide in someone. "He thinks he'd put me in danger from being a werewolf. And something about not being able to look after me properly. Oh, and he thinks he's too old for me, too."
Molly patted Tonks's arm sympathetically, and Tonks felt like she had made exactly the right choice of who to tell. It was clear that Molly had years of experience of things like this. "I've known Remus for a very long time," she said eventually, "and as far as I know, he's never dated anyone. He's too selfless; he'd never forgive himself if he let himself get close to you and something happened."
"I know, but – "
Smiling, Molly held out a hand to stop Tonks. "I'm not saying I agree with him," she said, taking a sip of tea. "It's ridiculous, having those feelings and not acting on them. It's clearly just hurting both of you. And as for being too old for you, you're both grown adults, aren't you? I'm just trying to explain why he acts that way."
"I just wish he could see that I don't need protecting," Tonks said miserably. "Or even that we could forget the whole thing and he could go back to being my friend. It's like he doesn't even know me anymore."
"Oh, sweetheart," Molly said, abandoning her tea and enveloping Tonks in a hug. "Don't give up hope. He'll soon realise that he's doing more harm by shutting you out."
"Thanks," Tonks said, her voice thick as she tried not to succumb to the tears that threatened to fall.
"I'll invite you both around for dinner sometime," Molly offered, without leaving time for objections. "Maybe it'll be better if you're around other people as well – hang on, who's that?" Molly asked, hearing someone approach the door, and Tonks saw her hand tighten around her wand. "Declare yourself!"
"It is I, Dumbledore, bringing Harry," came a voice from the other side of the door.
Tonks smoothed out her robes hurriedly and tucked her mousy hair behind her ears; she didn't want the new guests to know why she was there and think her pathetic. She greeted them perfunctorily and got up to leave. "I'd better be off. Thanks for the tea and sympathy, Molly," she said, genuinely appreciative.
She shook off the various insistences that she stay, or that she visit again at the weekend. After saying her goodbyes, she Disapparated swiftly and reappeared onto her front doorstep.
Sighing, she unlocked the front door and paused by the mirror in her front hallway to regard her unkempt appearance. This was the first time in her life that she had been unable to use her Metamorphosing powers, and the dishevelled brown hair that now tumbled past her shoulders served as a visual reminder of her inner turmoil.
Once again, she screwed up her face, trying hard to focus on her appearance, on the vibrant pink pixie cut that she had favoured for the past year or so. But once again, nothing happened. All she could do was think of Remus and obsess over Molly's words – would he see sense? Or would she be left like this forever, chained in her own misery?
A/N: Many thanks to those people who reviewed! I'm glad people are enjoying the story - hope this chapter lived up to your expectations. I've always thought Molly would be exactly the person to go to if you had a problem :)
Disclaimer: The last three lines of dialogue are directly quoted from HBP, which I don't own.
