January 1997

Dear Remus,

I hope you had a nice Christmas. Molly said you were coming to The Burrow to celebrate – she invited me too but I thought it would be awkward, so I went to my parents' instead. I don't know if you've been avoiding me for the past few months or if our paths just haven't crossed, but I didn't want the first time we spoke again to be in front of all those people.

If you think us not speaking is making it easier for me, think again. I've never felt like this before. I can't sleep, I can't think straight, I can't even eat – and you know that's not like me! I just need some answers, and it looks like that's not going to happen in person, so the only idea I had left was to write to you.

You know how I feel about you. And I know you feel the same about me, which is what makes it impossible to move on. If you didn't have feelings for me, that would be fine – we could just go back to being friends. We were so good that way! Remember the fun we used to have, and the talks while we were on watch together… I miss that so much it hurts. And what's it all for? To keep me safe? Because we're in the middle of a war – I'm not going to be safe anyway, and nor are you.

What if something happens to one of us? I can't imagine how it would feel if I had to live with the regret of never doing anything about our feelings, never being together. At least the other way we'd have the memories, enjoy the time we have left.

You know me, Remus. I'm a risk taker, like Sirius and James. You didn't stop them from being friends with you just because of your condition. Stop shutting me out. Let me take a risk on you.

Yours,

Tonks


Tonks,

I haven't been avoiding you. I've been working underground for Dumbledore, with the werewolves. They hate humans, and they think I do too – it would blow my cover if I were to contact anyone. It's dangerous, but it's important work. I'm going back tonight.

My feelings may be the same as yours, but this is the way things are. I'm unsafe to be around, and I can't put someone at risk like that. Everybody I am ever close to gets hurt, and I don't want to add you to the list. Look after yourself and find a way to move on.

Please don't write to me again – it's too dangerous.

Remus


Tonks threw the screwed-up letter against the wall, tears of frustration filling her eyes. It was a measly reply, considering how she had poured her heart out into that letter. Most infuriatingly, Remus hadn't even addressed Tonks's arguments – he had just stubbornly reiterated everything that had already been said. And now he was going undercover, so she couldn't even storm over to his house and demand that he listen to her.

She could accept that Remus didn't want to be with anyone. But Tonks was a fighter, and although she knew that it would take time, she wasn't giving up just yet.


A/N: Sorry it's a shorter one this time but it's quality, not quantity, right? ;) And I do always love a letter chapter!

Thank you for all your continued support with this story. I'd prewritten the vast majority of it before posting so I should be able to continue the quick updates.