June 1997
All was quiet in the Hospital Wing as they collectively processed what had happened that night. For once, Tonks's thoughts were solely focussed on this. Dumbledore, dead? And it was Snape who did it? What did this mean for the future of the Order? She couldn't believe that Snape had been on the other side all along. There was little hope now. Voldemort would have annihilated them all within weeks.
Tonks's pessimism was interrupted by the arrival of Molly and Arthur; their anguished looks at the condition of their son were like punches in the gut. Bill had met the same fate as Remus – while he would not become a full werewolf, he had been maimed and attacked by Fenrir Greyback. Anger burned throughout Tonks's body. Without the existence of that foul creature, she could be with the man she loved. But then, would Remus be the same if he wasn't a werewolf? It was part of who he was, and how much of his selflessness and protective instinct came from his condition? He had suffered so much pain and anguish, and his life's work – teaching, and working for the Order – was dedicated to helping others. It was one of the many things she loved about him.
She was vaguely aware of a conflict between Fleur and Molly. They had never got on, but the tension between them had mounted; was this to do with Bill and his condition? Tonks tuned into the conversation.
"It would take more zan a werewolf to stop Bill loving me!" Fleur declared, sweeping her silvery blonde hair behind her.
Tonks had vowed to keep the feelings between her and Remus to herself for the time being, what with the battle, and Dumbledore. But as Molly and Fleur reconciled – hugging and crying – over the knowledge that the engagement would withstand even Greyback's best efforts, Tonks couldn't hold back anymore.
"You see!" she tried to yell at Remus, but for some reason, her voice did not come out as she had intended; she sounded pained, desperate. "She still wants to marry him, even though he's been bitten. She doesn't care!" Tonks felt eyes flick from her to Remus, trying to put the pieces together, but she didn't care who knew anymore.
"It's different," Remus retorted, and Tonks could hardly believe that he was still being like this. "Bill will not be a full werewolf. The cases are completely – "
"But I don't care either, I don't care!" Tonks interrupted, and she couldn't help but shake Remus by his robes. What more could she do to make him understand? "I've told you a million times…"
"And I've told you a million times that I am too old for you, too poor… too dangerous…" Remus couldn't even look Tonks in the eye, and yet she sensed a change. Now, it seemed like he was trying to convince himself, trying to fight what he knew he really wanted.
"I've said all along you're taking a ridiculous line on this, Remus," Molly called from across the room, and Tonks felt a rush of affection for her sole confidant.
"I am not being ridiculous. Tonks deserves someone young and whole," Remus said, and Tonks almost laughed – who was more deserving of love than Remus? And why couldn't he see it?
"But she wants you," Arthur pointed out, and his input really did seem to make Remus think – Tonks knew that he had always respected Arthur's opinions. "And after all, Remus, young and whole men do not necessarily remain so."
Arthur was right: even Remus himself was young and whole once. Tonks felt the anger for Greyback wave through her once more, but there was no use in dwelling on it now. It was not the time for her to put forward more of her arguments – it was a tragic day – but it seemed Remus was sticking to his guns. For now.
In the shade of what had been her favourite tree to relax under whilst at school, Tonks looked out over the Black Lake. She had hoped that it would be a comforting place to come and process what had happened in the Hospital Wing, but she wasn't sure that anything could comfort her now. She had put herself out there in front of everyone, clear as day, and they had backed her up. Still, Remus had turned her down.
Tonks didn't want someone young and whole. As Arthur had said, who would stay whole, anyway, in these dark days? Remus was broken, scarred and troubled, but it shaped him and made him into the incredibly selfless person that he was. How could he not see that?
"Dora?"
She spun around, stunned. Remus had never called her by that nickname before, and it sounded almost… affectionate. Had he come in peace? "I have nothing left to say to you," Tonks said, because unless he was going to change everything he had been saying for the past year, she didn't see the point in continuing.
"I need you to understand that I only said what I said because I care about you. Possibly more than I've ever cared about anyone," he told her, unable to make eye contact, and Tonks began to feel her heart thumping in her chest. Was that hesitation she sensed earlier finally coming to something? "It hasn't been easy for me either. I've been fighting this for months, but I really don't know that you understand how harmful I could be to you. If something ever happened…"
And in that moment, Tonks decided that it was time for her to live dangerously. She grabbed Remus by both hands and pulled him towards her, crashing their lips together in a desperate kiss. To her astonishment, he responded, wrapping his fingers in her hair and pulling her closer, so that they could feel every inch of each other's bodies.
When they finally broke apart, Tonks was breathless. She felt a warm glow spreading around her body, and she knew that if she tried now, she could make her hair any vibrant colour she pleased.
"You're sure you won't find somebody more deserving?" Remus asked in a last-ditch attempt, but Tonks had had enough.
"You're the most deserving person I know," she told him passionately.
Remus was obviously conflicted, but Tonks could sense that it was actually a decision now; he was really listening to her. "You're sure you want me?"
"For a hundred reasons," Tonks said, using his very own phrase from all that time ago against him. "You're kinder than anyone I've ever met, and completely selfless. You're funny. I can talk to you for hours. And your spellwork is completely brilliant," she said, and Remus finally cracked a smile. "Do you need me to go on?"
"You really don't care that I could endanger you?" he said fretfully, running a hand through his dishevelled hair.
"Remus, you know I live for danger," she said, grinning, and she finally saw his face relax. "But I have to know that you're sure. That you're all in."
"In that case, I can only see one solution," Remus said, and Tonks thought she was going mad as she saw him go down on one knee. "I didn't plan this, so I don't have a ring or anything, but… you've worn me down, Nymphadora Tonks, and I can no longer deny how much I have come to love you. Will you marry me?"
"I… wow," Tonks said, unable to breathe properly. How had all her dreams come true in less than five minutes? One minute, Remus said they could never be together; the next, he wanted to get married. "Are you sure?"
Remus rose to his feet took her hands in his. "It's like you said. Something could happen to either of us at any point, and if we're doing this, I don't want to waste a single moment with you."
The future suddenly seemed less bleak. "Yes, I'll marry you," she said, never more certain of anything in her life.
"It'll have to be done quietly," he said quickly, guilt flooding back onto his face. "We won't be popular with either side; I'm a werewolf, and you're Bellatrix Lestrange's niece."
Tonks kissed him again, nerves turning to excitement as she took the worry off his face. "I don't care. I love you. You're all I need," she said, grinning, and finally, Remus grinned back.
They savoured the feeling of stolen joy within the darkness of the day. And she didn't take the time to try, but Tonks knew that now, if she wanted to, a Patronus could burst from her wand effortlessly. There was one thing that she did want to try, though. She screwed up her face, and Remus's face told her that she had succeeded in restoring her hair to a vibrant pink. She felt like herself again, and finally she had someone to share it with.
A/N: And there we have the last pre-written chapter. This was going to be the end, but I've really enjoyed writing this and I think it deserves an epilogue! So keep your eyes peeled, and thanks again for all your kind words so far. Let me know what you thought :)
Dialogue in the first section is quoted directly from HBP - again, I do not own this.
