The highlight of my summer was getting to hear my mom call our neighbor a fucker in her thick-ass accent. I'm kind of excited for the new school year to start because I-

Holy fuck I haven't done any SAT Prep


Kaoru found Hikaru in front of the bathroom mirror, staring intensely at two bottles. "Picking a new hair product?" He asked. Hikaru did not look up.

"This is sunblock, and this is self-tan."

"Skin cancer, or not skin cancer. That is the question." Kaoru chuckled. When Hikaru didn't laugh back, he sat down on the bathroom counter, looking at his brother with his signature gentle smile. "What's on your mind?"

"I have to pick one."

"Obviously."

"Within one of these two bottles holds the key to my fate."

"I think it just holds the answer to what skin pigment you want for the next month."

"Everyday, after cleaning up the dishes and everything. For every hour she spends hosting, she's with Nekozawa-sempai for one."

"I know, it's weird."

"But why does she stare at Mori-sempai all the time?"

"I don't know. Maybe they're lovers." Hikaru glared at him and Kaoru just shrugged. "Would that bother-"

"Let's all go to the amusement park."

"Okay."

"A huge amusement park. Huge. With huge, violent rides."

"When do you want to go?"

"Tomorrow."

"It's going to be in the high 90's! Are you crazy?!"

"They have a water park."

"They're going to have a high number of people who get heat stroke."

"Please, Kaoru? It's really important that we go tomorrow."

"You want us to shrivel up and die in the heat?"

"We'll just take a shit ton of water with us! Honestly, forget I even said anything. I don't want to go if you're just going to complain the whole time that me and Haruhi are trying to have fun."

"What about Tono?"

"I don't have to include him in my daily life." Hikaru frowned, Kaoru continued smiling.

"And Kyouya-sempai?"

"He wouldn't come."

"Got it. You can carry the cooler around because I don't want to bring a butler with us to the park."

Hikaru looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "Now you want to go?"

"Oh yeah, wouldn't want to be a downer on you and Haruhi trying to have fun together. Might as well be enthusiastic about it. And we're going to need to buy tickets."

"Yeah, I can handle that! And then, we can go to those photo booths and buy three strips, one for each of us!"

"Hikaru, why is it soo important that we go tomorrow and not on some other day."

"..It'll be nice and sunny tomorrow."

"Nice isn't how I would describe it."

"Well, it will be nice because Nekozawa-sempai won't be there to ruin everything."

"To ruin you and Haruhi having fun."

"Yeah."

"..And Mori-sempai wouldn't either because Hani-sempai doesn't like violent rides."

"Right."

"... just like Haruhi."

"Come again?"

"Haruhi doesn't like those sky-high rides." Kaoru said nonchalantly. Hikaru just stared at his reflection in the mirror with a blank, bored face. Kaoru looked quite happy with himself. Hikaru opened the bottle of self-tan, squeezed a good dollop onto his hand, and then, splat.

"Hey! What was that for! Now I'm going to have this huge brown spot on my face! What if this makes me break out?!" Kaoru yelled at Hikaru. rushing to wash it off of his face. Hikaru had already left the bathroom quickly and quietly.

"I hope you get acne scars." Hikaru mumbled.

Nekozawa had learned to enjoy the time that he had with Haruhi, instead of seeing it as nothing more than stalling for when he was going to erase both of their memories. He realized that he had to compartmentalize his life, and he did exactly that. Of course, he still spent a lot of his time researching and studying, creating a fool-proof plan- which he failed to do the last two times. After he began to loosen up around Haruhi, the strain that had been put on their relationship seemed to dissolve.

"And then, he told me that I know nothing of the "real world" and what it takes to "succeed". Haruhi said, slightly angry. "Can you imagine that? Here I am, trying to tutor this kid who's so unorganized that he doesn't even bother to try to keep track of his assignments, and when I try to lecture him on his study habits he goes and insults me. So then I-"

Nekozawa didn't look up from his book when he spoke. "Then drop it. It's not your problem if the Morinozuka clan doesn't know how to raise more than one child."

"But he needs me, Nii-chan, he really wants to be respected by Mori-sempai. And he always pays for food, I can't just turn him down."

"Selling yourself out for material goods." Nekozawa hissed mockingly. "Who are you and what have you done with Haruhi?!"

"Nii-chan," Haruhi said, her smile twitching a bit, "I didn't get to the part where I politely told him that Mori-sempai would never speak to someone like that."

"That's cold. That's.. that's really cold." Nekozawa laughed. "You played the inferiority-complex card. But if he does bother you again, would you like me to make his hair fall out? I'll bet he's vain."

"Don't do that. He takes pride in his appearance, but that's because he just looks so much like Mori-sempai." Haruhi said, smiling and blushing. "As weird as it feels to say it, taking his looks away from him might be devastating, and I don't want to do that to him."

"You just like looking at a mirror image of the Wild type everyday."

"What are you saying?!"

"That you like 'em tall, dark, and handsome. Perhaps you'd like to purchase a love potion?" Nekozawa sneered

"Why should I have to pay? I thought we were close." Haruhi joked back.

Nekozawa thought for a minute. "Buy one, get one half-off."

"Wow," Haruhi chuckled ".. love potions don't make sense, but I can see how the false blanket of affection is an attractive prospect. Even though it's not real, it must be nice." She knew that Nekozawa was joking, that he really didn't like it when those kids wouldn't be honest with themselves and he had multiple orders for love potions during Valentine's day. He probably would have been disappointed in Haruhi for asking. Still, the thought of tall, dark, and handsome finally seeing her as something more than an underclassmen made her face burn with a feeling she didn't quite know how to define. Then, a new thought raced through her mind, one she didn't have the nerve to ask before.

"Nii-chan," Haruhi asked. Nekozawa looked up at her from his research. "Now that I've found out that... You know, magic is real... I was wondering..." He went wild eyed, and slammed his hands on the table with the force of his entire body. Haruhi jumped in her seat.

"Don't say another word!" His voice boomed. "Do you think I'm stupid?" Haruhi was at a loss for words. "You think I haven't been expecting this? Waiting for it, like a predator waits for prey?! I don't need you to tell me, like I don't know what you're going to ask!" Haruhi was standing behind her chair now, holding it as a shield. "You... You..." Nekozawa put his head down, his entire body shaking. He quickly reached into the drawer of his desk and pulled out Haruhi's old black cloak, holding it in the air valiantly. "You make Onii-chan so proud!" His eyes were shimmering with a war-like glory.

"Huh?"

"The brother and sister duo, back together! Nekozawa, Umehito and his Black Magic Apprentice Fujioka, Haruhi!" Nekozawa gave her the classic anime thumbs up and grin.

'Nii-chan, I just wanted you to finally tell me the story of how exactly this whole mess started.' Haruhi thought, but Nekozawa seemed too ecstatic to stop.

"I've kept this, this whole time, not even knowing if it would be of any use, but I couldn't just let it be a prop in some play. But now, all I have to do is modify it and it'll fit you fine! With a nice border, and maybe a pocket?" Nekozawa sang to himself as he dug up the old sewing machine and began working diligently. The sight of him in his dark and dreary cloak frantically running around the room and bobbing his head happily at the sewing machine made Haruhi laugh. Even Beelzenef helped with the sewing, tugging on the fabric when Nekozawa needed it. "Maybe she'll even start bringing Dara to school."

"Onii-chan?"

"Yes?" He chirped

"You ever say something so many times, it loses it's meaning?"

"Of course. That's the problem with any language. Its's just a bunch of abstract things that are put in neat, individualized compartments to describe both abstract and concrete things. I mean, how does the word 'lion' really describe ferocity, magnificence, golden fur, and paws? Luh. Luh-Eye-On. Lion. Rawr. King of the jungle."

"Have you ever said a name so many times that it just became... A word?"

Nekozawa stopped sewing. "What are you talking about?"

"Fujioka, Haruhi."

"It's a beautiful, beautiful name."

"Fu-ji-o-ka-ha-ru-hi." She said with more force.

"I don't like where this is going."

"It's a simple conversation."

"It's a beautiful name. I think it suits you very well."

"It's not mine."

"It's not safe for you to start using your birth name, someone will hear, someone will know, someone will find you."

Haruhi tried her very best to stay calm "Everytime I hear someone say it I just want to rip their lips off and make them scream out-"

"Isn't violence what got you into this mess, Ha- er..."

{A+ save.} Beelzenef commented {I'm sure she had no idea what you were talking about.}

Nekozawa walked around to face her, told her to look up at her, and said "First, I will start. Then, you'll beg and beg your father to start calling you by that name too. Then, when nothing happens to you, you'll get more comfortable with it, and insist on all of your Host Club friends to start, and of course they will force you to tell them about your past. Eventually, the whole school will know. Someone will hear it on the street "Did you know that name-redacted is really a girl and had a run in with a huge criminal when she was young?" The information will somehow travel back to those two men. Those two, sick, twisted, perverted, horrible men, and they will come. Please, don't risk your father's safety. Don't take your parents' sacrifice for granted." Haruhi's throat tightened up, hurting. She started smiling.

"I'm being foolish. Millions of people go through this. I'm being stupid, and foolish."

"No, you're not H-... no you're not."

"What's wrong? Cat got your tongue?"

"More like a fox." He said, ruffling her hair. "Now be a good sport and try on the cloak so I can see how much I have to hem it." His tone was menacing.

"What am I? Some kind of mannequin for all of you rich people?"

"Hey, you are 50% rich person, Little Ms. Lovechild. One of us. " He said as she stood up and put the cloak around her. He helped her adjust it and took measurements. "Are you busy tomorrow?"

"Hikaru and Kaoru said they wanted to go to the zoo tomorrow."

"The... the zoo.."

"I'm sorry, I would've asked if you could come along but because of your condition I didn't think you'd appreciate it. And I couldn't cancel on them, they've been whining about how I haven't been spending any time with them."

Nekozawa laughed. "Because you've been spending it with me." Haruhi nodded. "Don't look so apologetic. You shouldn't spend your youth with an old fart like me."

"You're not an old fart."

"I am, indeed an old fart. I never go outside, I read old books, I complain when people are too loud."

"Stop being so hard on yourself, you old fart."

"I didn't know you read the paper." Tadashi said simply. "What? Did they suddenly add a porn section?"

"This stuff is trash. That billionaire, Nekozawa Takao, you know he has a lovechild?"

"Figures."

"Who cares if his wife is ugly and he was horny?"

"Lots of people, apparently."

"Ain't nothing wrong with a little bump n' grind."

"Amen."

"I have a lovechild. Where's my frontpage cover?"

"You have a wanted advertisement. That's good enough, right?"

"It says the wife's picture is on the next page." Isamu turned the newspaper around, and then let out a whistle. "Hello, Sputnik." He said with a very bad accent. "What's this? It's a picture of the kid. No name, must be a minor. Wait..."

"He looks like a girl." Tadashi laughed. Isamu gripped the newspaper tightly, staring at Haruhi's picture. "What's up with you?"

"He looks like a girl because he is a girl."

"What?"

"Look at how weak the browbone and the mandible are."

"Okay, doctor."

"Mandible means jaw."

"Maybe he's just a weak mandibled guy."

"Oh, this is great, this is wonderful. She looks nothing like Nekozawa."

"So she's not really his kid, who cares?"

Isamu let out a blood chilling grin.

"You have your mother's eyes, doll-face."


I tried to make this chapter just a little bit more lighthearted than I've been making the previous ones. I don't know if it showed, but I tried and therefore I can't be penalized.

I have the ending for the story kind of figured out, but I don't know if I want to post the happy ending or the really sad one. And I get to make the decision. I feel powerful. I feel like a god. I feel like George R. R. Martin.

Kneel before me and beg for mercy.