Curled cozily under her thick duvet, with darkness shielding her from her own sight, Sakura let her hands wander over her body, imagining that they were Gaara's instead of her own. When she had finished and fallen asleep, she dreamt of him, of his warm smiles and delightfully penetrating eyes.
She felt sheepish when she had finally woken up with stickiness between her legs and a warm contented glow to her skin. She realized that there was nothing inherently wrong with what she had done – in fact she had done it on many occasions with a certain broody brunette in mind instead. But somehow the immense shame she felt gave the whole sordid ordeal a special kind of appeal, even if she didn't deserve to feel ashamed.
With a weak groan, she rolled out of her bed and wrapped her robe around her body. She collected her soaps and shampoo and made her way back down the hall to the baths. During the night, the sandstorm had raged on while Sakura had been deeply engrossed in other activities. Now she could see the devastation it had wreaked on the palace. Piles of sand littered the floors, some of the sconces had been ripped from the walls by the harsh winds, and a few of them flickered, casting creepy shadows along the walls.
Pulling her robe tighter around herself, Sakura quickly brushed past the storm's damage and ducked into the baths.
She was surprised to see Sarabi there, leaning back against the marble with her eyes closed.
"Sarabi-chan," she said warmly. "You're up early. I figured you'd probably want to sleep in today."
Sarabi cracked one eye open and gave Sakura a weak smile. Sakura could see the dark circles under her eyes, still wet with what must have been tears. It was easy to forget that while things were still business as usual for Sakura, Sarabi's entire world had been shattered.
"Umm, I can come back later if you would rather be alone," Sakura said softly.
Sarabi shook her head and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. "No, it's okay," she said. "I think I'd like to have some company."
A little hesitantly, Sakura removed her robe and joined Sarabi in the water. She sat down next to her, but not too close. She instantly felt better in the warmth of the water, the cascade of bubbles that bloomed upward as she dipped into the bath. She inhaled deeply, letting the eucalyptus scent of Sarabi's soap relax her. Once she had relaxed against the marble and had leaned her head back, Sakura turned to look at Sarabi. The poor girl stared blankly forward, her eyes glassy.
"It's nice in here, isn't it?" Sakura asked. "There's no bathhouse this nice in Konoha. If there was, I'd be there everyday."
Sarabi nodded with faint acknowledgment, but remained silent, not even sparing a glance in Sakura's direction.
"Are you okay, Sarabi?"
This did drag the young girl's attention away from her dark thoughts. "I don't think so," she answered. "It's really hard to be okay when I don't know what's going to happen to me, when I've lost everything I ever cared about."
"I'm sorry," Sakura murmured. "I wish I knew how to help you."
Oh, you already have, Sakura," Sarabi replied. Her tone was surprisingly steady. "You and Gaara-sama have been so nice and welcoming. I think I just need some time to process it all."
"I understand," Sakura replied. They both fell silent, lulled by the lapping water and the small pips of popping bubbles. Sakura closed her eyes and dipped her washcloth into the water, brushing it between her legs to clean the stickiness still there. She wondered if Sarabi could smell her, if she should have cleaned herself up properly before she ventured over to the baths. It seemed wrong to be cleaning up her self pleasured mess next to Sarabi while she was grieving.
"Sakura, have you ever been in love?"
Sakura swallowed, blindsided by the unexpected question. "Well, I thought I was once," she answered, picturing Sasuke in her mind. Had she truly even been in love with him, or was what she felt nothing more than a teenage crush, a vapid infatuation?
"What happened?"
"He was hurting," she explained, though she had no idea how to convey the depth of her feelings about him. She couldn't really find the words to describe what her relationship with Sasuke had been like. "His entire family was murdered in front of him when he was just a little kid. It made it hard for him to form bonds, I think. I pined after him for a very long time, but he only thought I was annoying."
Sarabi nodded in understanding, though Sakura didn't think she could possibly understand what the situation with Sasuke had been like – not from what little she had told her.
"Toki and I were in love," she said. Sakura felt a hollowness deep in the pit of her stomach. "In fact, it was only a few days ago that he kissed me for the first time. Sakura, you can't even imagine how it felt. I felt brighter than the sun, bigger than the earth. It was like I had finally come alive for the first time."
Sakura furrowed her brow because while kissing Gaara had certainly left her feeling something special, it hadn't been quite like what Sarabi described.
"And now he's gone forever," Sarabi continued, her voice watery as she strained to hold in her tears. Sakura wanted to reach over and grab the girl's hand to give it a reassuring squeeze, but she still held her now soiled washcloth with both hands and she didn't think that was appropriate.
And she found she didn't know how to comfort Sarabi. There wasn't really anything she could say to ease the pain – she had already determined on her own that time was the only thing that would help her. Sakura didn't know much about loss, but she knew plenty of her peers did. She wished that any of them were here to offer something to Sarabi other than the pathetic blank stare adhered to Sakura's face.
"Do you still love that boy?" Sarabi asked.
"Sasuke?" she mused. "Mm, yes, I suppose I still love him. In a completely different way, I mean. I'm not in love with him."
"Sasuke…" Sarabi repeated.
"He's gone now," Sakura continued. "He abandoned Konoha to get revenge on the man that killed his family. It's been years since I've seen him and sometimes I wonder if I'll ever see him again."
"Do you want to see him again?"
Her immediate thought was yes, she definitely wanted to see him again. But would he want to see her? Would he even recognize her? It was harrowing to think that she spent so much of her mental energy on missing him and loving him and that he might not even remember her if they ever did meet again. "I just want to know that he's okay," she said, "that he's happy."
"Toki may be gone now, but I will always remember how much he loved me and it will always make me happy to think of him," Sarabi said softly. Sakura flicked a furtive glance in her direction and found her face somber, her eyes closed as she sunk deeper into the water. "I'm sure even if you never see Sasuke again that he thinks of you and is happy knowing how much you love him. That's not the kind of thing a person can forget about."
Sakura wanted to laugh. She couldn't speak to the validity of Sarabi's statement, but it was hard to derive comfort from it when the truth was a lot more complicated than that. Besides, Sarabi was the one who needed comfort now.
"Maybe that's true," Sakura conceded, "but I'd like to put a bit more effort into the people here with me now, the people who love me now. I've got my friends and family back in Konoha still. And you've still got Taiyo-sama."
Sarabi ducked lower into the water until the surface hovered at her chin. "Taiyo-sama," she repeated quietly. "I know Taiyo-sama loves me in his own weird way, but sometimes I wonder if I love him."
Sakura nodded in understanding. "I know what you mean," she replied. "Sometimes with leaders, love is different. Gaara-sama, for example. The people of Suna respect him, but they also fear him because of what he's capable of. He had to earn their love, which I know wasn't an easy thing to do."
"Really?" Sarabi asked in surprise. "It's hard to imagine someone not loving Gaara-sama. I feel as if I love him already and I barely know him. He's been so kind to me. He's showed me so many things I didn't even know I was capable of doing."
"Yeah, he's certainly something special," Sakura mumbled under her breath.
"Taiyo-sama isn't like Gaara-sama, though," Sarabi continued. "Gaara-sama is smart and is willing to do what's best for his people, even if it puts him in danger. Taiyo-sama was only ever interested in self-preservation. He kept us alive, but we weren't thriving down there. Daisuke and Toki were scheming behind his back to scavenge the surface, to find anything to help us. Taiyo-sama didn't even realize what they were plotting right under his nose."
"Wait," Sakura said, her ears perking up like a dog's. "What exactly were they plotting?"
Sarabi turned to look at Sakura, shifting herself so that she sat upright. Her expression was dark, but her eyes were pleading as they sought something from Sakura's – understanding, maybe. Or patience.
"Daisuke knew something about the, ummm, chakra that Taiyo-sama didn't," she explained. "He told Toki they needed to wait until the tenth moon day before they could go up to the surface. Neither of them would tell me what they were going to do or why it had to be on that day."
"The tenth moon day?" Sakura asked. "Does that mean the tenth day of the month? That was yesterday."
"Yes," Sarabi agreed. "Yesterday. I knew what they were planning and I had a feeling it was dangerous. That's why I came up to the surface. I knew if I found you—"
She cut herself off and swallowed, squeezing her eyes shut as if steeling herself for a blow of some kind. "I knew if I found you and Gaara-sama that you could help us. I was trying to protect Toki and Daisuke. I just knew they were going to get themselves hurt somehow. But when I went to find them after you and Gaara-sama had arrived at Turtle Rock, they were in the middle of some kind of ritual. It was terrifying. I begged them to stop. They were bleeding and their skin looked yellow. I didn't know what to do."
Sakura was silent, her eyes wide as she watched Sarabi wrestle with what she had seen that day.
"The four lights from the monoliths converged on them," she continued, her voice a little unsteady. "I'd never felt them all at once like that before. They were drawn to whatever Daisuke and Toki were doing. But then the walls started shaking and the ceiling began to crumble. I remembered Toki trying to shield me with his body as the catacombs caved in. He was glowing and he was stronger than usual. I don't remember much after that. The sand nearly crushed us – or rather, it did crush us. I blacked out and when I woke up, I was the one glowing and Daisuke and Toki were…"
Silently, Sakura reached out underneath the surface of the water and grasped Sarabi's fingers, giving them a reassuring squeeze. Sarabi squeezed them back.
"The four lights, the chakra," she said. "It was in me. It controlled me, not the way Gaara-sama showed me how to control it. It was like I was under a spell. It led me to you two."
"Did you tell all of this to Gaara-sama?" Sakura asked, hoping her voice conveyed the right amount of urgency and sympathy, though to her own ears it sounded mostly confused.
Sarabi nodded. "Yes. When he took me out into the desert to practice using this chakra."
They both fell silent again. Sakura wondered what kind of life Taiyo and Sarabi would have here in Suna, if they would stay close to one another or if Sarabi would choose to cut her ties with him. Sakura supposed that was sort of dependent on what she learned today from Taiyo.
But still, it seemed unfair that Sakura could just go back to Konoha and be home in her own apartment, surrounded by her own friends while Sarabi had to start completely over here in Suna.
"At least something good came out of all this, Sarabi," Sakura said, mustering enough courage to smile at the girl. "You're a free woman now. You can go wherever you want, do whatever you want. You have so many choices. You can be exactly who it is you want to be now."
Sarabi blinked, watching the bubbles in front of her rise from the water and pop. "I guess I never thought of it that way," she said slowly, methodically. "What would you do, Sakura? If you could go anywhere, do anything."
This time the smile Sakura gave was one from the heart. "I can say with full confidence that I'm very happy doing exactly what I do now," she said brightly. "Being a medic nin is my reason for living. I save lives, protect my teammates, heal those who are sick or hurt. There's nothing I'd rather be doing than that. And thank heavens I'm good at it!"
Sarabi smiled, too, then she laughed. "I should like to be good at something like that, too!" she exclaimed. "Maybe then I could have saved Toki and Daisuke."
"I could teach you a few tricks, if you'd like," Sakura offered, excited at the prospect of someone being interested in what she had to teach.
"Yes, definitely!" Sarabi said and Sakura was pleased to see her smile, her losses forgotten, at least for the time being.
A knock at the door tore their gazes from one another. Sarabi's brow furrowed, no doubt as she questioned who would knock on the door to the women's baths, but Sakura knew exactly who it was. She quickly slipped out of the water and tied her robe around her waist. Sarabi did the same as Sakura made her way to the door.
"Now, Gaara-sama," Sakura said with faux exasperation as she opened the door. "What could be so urgent that it couldn't wait until Sarabi and I are properly bathed and dressed? You wouldn't be trying to sneak a peek, would you?"
On the other side of the threshold, Gaara stood, his face stony and his jaw clenched and he appraised the two scantily clad women clustered in the doorway, soaked hair dripping puddles at their feet.
"You've been in there quite long enough," he said tersely. "We have work to do, so if you don't mind…"
"Yes, Kazekage-sama," Sakura said, bowing low with exaggerated reverence. "Just give me one moment to find my clothes."
Gaara watched, teeth still clenched, as Sarabi and Sakura gathered their things. "What were you two doing in here for so long, anyway?" he asked.
Sakura ducked behind the room divider and began to get dressed. "Oh, we were just making out," she said with her most no-nonsense tone. She peeked around the divider to see Gaara's furious blush, though she hadn't expected the sheer fury that radiated from him. She heard Sarabi giggle on the other side of the divider and decided it was best to not press her luck again.
"Alright, Gaara-sama," she said, stepping around the divider, fully dressed and ready to interrogate Taiyo. "I'm ready."
/
Sakura adjusted her earpiece, tucking the cord behind her ear so her hair would hide it. In her pocket, tucked away from sight was the microphone, the top of which just barely poked out of the top of her apron, blending in with the black spandex of her shorts. "Testing, one, two," she said.
There was a sharp crackle in her ear. "I can hear you," she heard Gaara's voice say. She glanced across the courtyard over the where he stood, watching her with seriousness. "You have the list of questions memorized?" he asked her for the billionth time.
"Yes, Gaara-sama," she said.
"Hideki will be stationed outside the door should you need his assistance," he said, his voice marbled by the static of the radio. "Taiyo seems to respect you more than anyone else here, so try to maintain that relationship with him."
Sakura nearly rolled her eyes at his last statement – a statement which might as well have been translated as: don't be sassy or troublesome. Of course those things were too ingrained in her nature to suppress, but for Gaara's sake she could roll with the illusion.
"Yes, Gaara-sama," she repeated, her impatience evident from her tone.
"Proceed when ready."
Quickly, Sakura leapt up to the balcony above her and flitted down the corridor to the medical wing. Taiyo's door was close, marked by Hideki who stood guard outside. He nodded curtly when he saw her and held the door open for her to enter.
Taiyo was still slumped against his pillows, his eyes shut, face turned toward the ceiling. Sakura knew he was awake, but he kept up the façade until she had seated herself on the stool at his bedside and pressed her fingertips to his wrist to check his pulse.
"Good morning, Taiyo-sama," she greeted cheerily as he fake-yawned himself awake and shifted until he was sitting up. "Did you sleep well?"
"As well as possible, considering the circumstances."
Sakura nodded sympathetically and sent a surge of her chakra into his system to check for any kind of damage or disease. His burns had mostly healed by now, but Sakura soothed what reddened skin remained before she rolled her stool farther back away from his cot and crossed her arms.
"You're healing quite well," she said. "I'll advise that you stay out of the sun for now, but once you regain your strength, you'll be good as new."
Taiyo grunted, but offered her no words.
"Any idea what your next step will be?"
Taiyo's brow furrowed and his eyes flicked to hers uncertainly. "What do you mean?" he asked.
Sakura faltered a little because these were not her scripted questions and she had assumed Taiyo would know what she meant. She wasn't particularly thrilled that Gaara could hear this part of their conversation when he had made it clear she should stick to the script.
But he had also told her to maintain the amicable, if a little terse relationship they already shared, and this was the proper way to do this. After all, she had already had a very similar conversation with Sarabi.
"I mean you have so many options available to you now," she answered. "You can go anywhere you want, do whatever you want. I'm curious, Taiyo-sama. What will you do with this newfound freedom?"
"Freedom," he echoed. "I was not under the impression that I had freedom." His eyes flicked over to the doorway, where Hideki's silhouette was visible through the small window.
"Taiyo-sama, surely you, as a leader, understand Gaara-sama's wish to eliminate any threats to his people," she said patiently. "He means no harm to you and you are not a prisoner here. He only wants to ensure your intentions here are not hostile."
"I have no intentions here," he said, his voice dejected. He dropped his gaze down to his lap and for a moment Sakura felt pity for him. "My intentions died with my people."
"I'm sorry," she said respectfully. Then, after a beat of silence, she asked, "What exactly were your intentions with your people, Taiyo-sama?"
Taiyo scowled. "It doesn't matter."
"It matters to me," she said softly. "Sarabi still loves and respects you. You still have at least one person who needs you."
Taiyo's face softened at the mention of Sarabi. He heaved a sigh and looked up at the ceiling. "Sarabi-chan does not deserve this," he murmured. "She is such a tender-hearted girl."
Sakura did not respond immediately, but watched the expressions shift on Taiyo's face. He cared a good deal for Sarabi – that much Sakura could see. Sakura wondered what their relationship might have been like. Was he more like the Sandaime or the Godaime? Was he too stern with her or he did he have a soft spot for the 'tender-hearted' girl?
"I'm worried about her, if I'm being quite honest with you, Taiyo-sama," Sakura said. "As you know, she's developed a chakra signature – the light, as you called it. I'm afraid she doesn't know how to properly wield it. She may end up hurting herself."
That was a lie, of course. Sarabi might not have proper training with her new chakra, but she wasn't in any immediate danger because of it. But Sakura wasn't afraid to exploit Taiyo's affections for her.
Taiyo cursed, spittle flying from his lips and landing in his lap. "Curse those damn boys," he said fiercely. "Daisuke and Toki had no idea what they were doing. They had no right to be messing around with such things."
Now they were getting somewhere.
"Tread carefully, Sakura," the radio crackled in her ear. "Let him do the talking."
"What things?" she asked.
Taiyo's eyes snapped up to hers and for a moment he looked angry, his eyes blazing, his fists clenched tightly around his bed sheets. But then he relaxed, loosening his hold on the linens. His face softened and the look he gave Sakura was desperate, hopeful, and pleading.
"Sakura, you have to take care of Sarabi-chan," he implored. "The light… the chakra. You know enough about it to teach her how to wield it?"
Sakura nodded, her brow furrowed in confusion.
"Please, I beg you. Take her as your apprentice," he said. "Give her a home and future. She shouldn't have to suffer for Daisuke's mistakes. For my mistakes."
"What mistakes?"
"Promise me, Sakura," he said. "Promise me that she will be taken care of."
"Gaara-sama will take care of her the same way he cares for his own people," Sakura said consolingly.
"No," Taiyo snapped. "You. You are the only one I trust here, and even that is questionable. Sarabi-chan likes you. She looks up to you. I will cooperate with you and answer your questions if you take her back to your home with you and teach her to heal like you can. She's already expressed interest in it. She's a smart girl and a quick learner."
Sakura blinked, stunned. She was in no way opposed to that idea, but it struck her that Taiyo would offer this compromise between them, that he would send Sarabi away.
"You distrust Gaara-sama that much?"
"He is the reason my home and my people are gone."
Sakura wanted to argue with that, but she chose not to. Especially since she knew Gaara was listening.
"Please, Sakura," Taiyo begged. "Promise me you'll take care of Sarabi-chan. Bring her back to Konoha with you."
"Don't promise him that, Sakura," said Gaara's voice in her ear.
"You have my word, Taiyo-sama."
Sakura heard the static crackled of the radio in her ear, but Gaara said nothing else. She imagined he was either frantically pacing the courtyard, or barging his way up to Taiyo's room. She didn't really understand why Gaara wanted her to refuse his promise. Even if she had no intentions of taking Sarabi back to Konoha with her, lying to Taiyo was a much smoother way to get the information they wanted.
She waited for a moment to see if Gaara would burst through the door or if he would give her another order over the radio. But before the silence could become tense, Taiyo spoke again.
"I will answer your questions about the chakra, and only the chakra," Taiyo said, his voice authoritative and powerful, like the one he used down in the catacombs. "I will do this so that you may have all the information you need to take proper care of Sarabi-chan."
She bowed her head to him in acknowledgement, grateful that he was giving her this much. In spite of how little he and Gaara trusted one another, Sakura couldn't help but feel like Taiyo was a good person deep down. He cared for his people, and with Sarabi the only one left, he was willing to share confidential information with strangers in order to protect her. If he didn't want to speak about the other things relating to his people… well, Sakura understood. After all, Konoha had its own secrets, skeletons in the closet. It wasn't outlandish for him to want to protect his culture and his people. In fact, it was rather pragmatic.
"Thank you, Taiyo-sama," she said earnestly. "You can trust me with this information. I care about Sarabi, too."
Taiyo smiled for the first time since she had entered the room and Sakura was pleased to see that his eyes were lit with genuine happiness and appreciation.
"Where to begin," he started.
But before he could begin, the door burst open, and standing in the doorway was Gaara, his expression blank and yet still somehow harsh. His eyes settled on Sakura, angry and calm, before they drifted over to Taiyo. Behind him, Sarabi peered around his shoulder, her eyes blazing with curiosity.
"What's going on here?" Gaara asked with feigned ignorance.
Sakura clenched her hands at her sides, willing herself not to snap at the Kazekage for jeopardizing the success of her interrogation.
"Kazekage-sama," she said dryly. "So good of you to join us."
