"And now?" Leia asked Dr. Senna, who had been glad to keep her company while they waited for the operation to end.
"I'll start working with him as soon as he's well enough," she assured her.
Leia nodded and stared down at her hands on her lap, looking like a lost little girl.
Auren bit her lower lip, not wanting to bring more anguish to the young woman's already precarious state of mind. But she needed to say it. She had failed as a doctor and an apology was in order. More than that. It was owed.
"I'm sorry my diagnosis came too late to be of any help."
"No!" Leia turned her head and met her eyes with her intense brown depths. "You did everything you could with what little he gave you to work with. I'll never hold you responsible for what's happening. It's... no one's fault really," her eyes hardened suddenly and she looked away. "Only his," she hissed, grinding her teeth.
Auren nodded assent, taking a mental note to try and help the Princess to manage her anger in a healthier, more constructive way. Her hatred for Vader was understandable,but it could easily become an obsession, an illness that would devour her from within. In the meantime, she would be at her side like a true and loyal friend.
For one of the top leaders of the Alliance, Leia was surprisingly alone. She suspected that in her position she couldn't afford to trust many people, so her closest circle had to consist of a very few chosen ones. In the end, all of them were expendable for the greater good, so creating strong emotional bonds with many people only to see them die, had to be unbearable. She could understand that, for that was exactly what had ended up happening. Her entire family on Alderaan first, and now... one by one...
She reached out and took hold of her hand, stunned by her own actions.
"Keep the faith. Everything'll turn out for the best," she promised ilogically.
Leia came back from whatever dark place she'd lost herself in, and smiled sadly. She reached out and placed her own hand on top of hers.
"Thank you, Auren. I really need that," her eyes reddened for an instant, but she quickly pulled herself together.
Right then, the doors opened and Dr. Vilk came out with a satisfied expression on his face.
Leia and Auren stood up at once. Leia quickly approached the doctor, but Auren stayed back respectfully.
When she realized that she was standing in front of the doctor alone, Leia looked behind her and smiled at the older woman's thoughtful gesture. She reached out her arm to her.
"Come, Auren. You need to know too," she simply said.
Deeply touched, Auren walked up to Leia with slow, shy steps. The look in Luke's eyes would be forever imprinted upon her soul. Shetruly needed to know how the young man was.
"Doctor?" Leia asked, turning to the physician.
Vilk smiled.
"Everything went fine. We removed his hand and had nanorobots get rid of the necrotic issue. We're administering antibiotics and mild painkillers. He should start getting better sooner than later."
Leia's heart missed a beat inexplicably.
"You weren't too late, were you?"
Dr. Vilk's eyes opened wider.
"Not at all. With his hand gone, there's nothing to be afraid of; other than his extremely debilitated state. But I'm counting on him to fight and beat this."
Leia met Auren's eyes, and both of them shared the same thought.
It wouldn't be that easy. Not by a long shot.
Leia placed herself at Luke's bedside as soon as he was moved to a sterile room. His immune system still had to recover from the immunosupressants he'd been given, and until it did, he had to be kept in isolation.
The young man was too weak to wake up, and the few times he did he just mumbled some unintelligible words, fought to keep his eyes open and promptly fell asleep again.
Leia didn't move from his bedside, alternating gentle caresses and the retelling of some of their adventures, in the hopes of keeping him anchored to the present. To the love.
Hours passed thus until, exhausted, she fell asleep, holding his hand.
'I wish I'd known him.'
'How did my father die?'
"I want to learn the ways of the Force and become a Jedi like my father.'
'Obi-Wan never told you what happened to your father.'
'He told me enough! He told me you killed him!'
'No, *I* am your father.'
'They used me... I've been a puppet in their hands and I don't know who I am anymore.'
'Come with me, it is the only way.'
'How will I be able to resist him next time?'
'I'm losing my mind, Leia! I want to die!'
Leia woke up, terrified and breathless, still holding on to Luke's hand. She looked around frenetically, reassuring herself of the reality of her surroundings. They were in the isolation ward. Safe. There was nothing to fear.
Then why was she covered in sweat?
"Doctor! Doctor Vilk!" she cried out agitatedly, unable to help herself.
A few seconds later the doors opened and Dr. Vilk entered in a hurry.
"What is it?" he asked.
"Is he...?" Leia swallowed the lump in her throat, "is he all right?"
Vilk studied Luke's vitals in the monitors and made a quick examination of his physical responses.
"Yes, he's fine," he said at last. "No change in his condition."
"Are you sure?" Leia insisted apprehensively.
"I am sure," Vilk nodded emphatically. "Why?"
Leia tried to make sense of her feelings. Her teeth were chattering and she couldn't figure out why.
"I-I don't know," she admitted, shaking her head nonplussed.
The doctor put his hand on her shoulder kindly.
"We've had a couple setbacks, but you shouldn't start expecting the worst. He needs to feel your confidence. Your emotional support is crucial now," he advised wisely.
Leia took a few deep breaths and tried to calm down. She looked down and nodded in acceptance of his words.
"I... I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me."
"You must take care of yourself as well," Dr. Vilk said in a no-nonsense voice. "His full recovery will take time and you won't help him if you push yourself to your breaking point."
Leia looked away.
"I know, but I have this feeling that... it's like..."
"Like waiting for the other shoe to drop?" Vilk finished her thought for her.
"Yes," Leia stared at him in surprise.
Vilk smiled softly.
"It's normal to feel like that, especially after all the things that have already gone wrong," he nodded to her. "But he's young and healthy. That works in his favour. Give him time and he'll bounce back, you'll see."
Leia turned her eyes to Luke, who appeared to sleep soundly and peacefully, for once.
"I'll try," she didn't move her eyes off of him. "I will try."
More hours passed and Leia didn't move from Luke's side. She even ate in the same room. Dr. Senna visited them a couple times in the evening, joining Dr. Vilk in trying to convince the young woman to retire for a while and get some sleep. Leia refused. She only agreed to have an extra bed brought into the room so she could sleep next to Luke.
Luke's condition remained unchanged and finally allowing herself a small ray of hope, Leia went to bed.
"I can't wait to see those beautiful eyes looking at me again," she reached out and brushed his hand across their beds. "Don't let me down."
Minutes later, she was fast asleep.
'You have learned much, young one.'
'You'll find I'm full of surprises!'
'Your destiny lies with me, Skywalker. Obi-Wan knew this to be true.'
'No!'
'Luke, you can destroy the Emperor, he has foreseen this. It is your destiny. Join me, and together we can rule the galaxy as Father and Son.'
'...MY FATHER, LEIA! HE'S MY FATHER!'
'Son, come with me.'
'They lied to me, Leia! Everyone lied to me!'
'My whole life has been a lie and I want to die.'
'I want to die!'
'DIE!'
Leia's eyes popped open. Immediately, she turned on her bed and set her eyes on the young man next to her.
Luke was sleeping soundly. His chest moved slowly up and down as he breathed. He didn't seem to have moved since she'd last seen him last night.
Restless, she got out of bed and stood by his side. Something wasn't quite right, she could feel it.
Inevitably, her eyes strayed to his right arm. She didn't want to look, she couldn't bring herself to look, but she knew she had to. And with a deep intake of breath, she did.
The sight of the stump at the end of his forearm filled her eyes with tears. Somehow, looking at it now was more shocking, more awful than the first time she'd seen it in the Falcon. The brutality of it; the savage cruelty the amputation conveyed, slashed at her heart. There were just no words.
His own father.
Leia found herself standing on the other side of the bed, reaching out to the swollen arm.
To see someone so strong and athletic, so full of life, reduced to this state of complete defencelessness was beyond heartbreaking.
"Please..." she whispered, she pleaded, "please..." her fingers made contact with the smooth skin.
Hot. It was hot. Too hot.
With a jolt, Leia bent down and studied the arm more closely. Little round red points covered the hot and swollen forearm, and she just knew.
With a dreadful calm, she reached over to the intercom.
"Dr. Vilk," she called, with no hint of emotion in her voice. Her arm dropped to her side limply.
The door opened and Vilk entered, followed by a robot nurse.
"Good morning," he greeted Leia with a cheerful grin. "Did our patient sleep well?"
Leia raised her eyes to him wordlessly, and Vilk's blood went cold. He looked down at Luke and paled visibly. He quickly touched his forearm, felt it up and down and then examined him thoroughly.
Shutting herself off from the scene in stoic resignation, Leia stared at the floor.
"What is it?" she asked when the examination was finished.
"Septic thromboembolism," Vilk shook his head. "He's got all the symptoms – fever, edema, petechiae..." a long silence ensued. "I... I just don't... This is..."
"Incredible," Leia muttered drily.
Vilk blinked, looking down at the frail young man, trying to understand what in blazes was happening. His medical training soon took over. "Give him anticoagulants and more antibiotics," he ordered the nurse in a gravelly voice. After that, he turned to Leia and put out his hand. "Come with me."
Leia accompanied him out of the room, feeling strangely detached from the here and now, from her own feelings and emotions. It was as if she was witnessing the moment from outside herself.
Vilk faced Leia.
"I cannot explain this. I simply cannot," he shrugged in disbelief.
"I can," Leia said, gazing into his eyes. "He wants to go," her eyes flashed with passion. "But I'll be damned if I'm going to let him!" Clenching her fists, she looked up at the tall man in front of her. "What are we facing now?" she questioned without preamble.
Dr. Vilk stared agape at the petite woman, taken aback by her fiery tenacity.
"An infected blood clot," he explained, recovering swiftly. "It's reducing the blood flow below the elbow."
"Can't you take it out or destroy it with nanorobots?" she asked.
"I'm trying to shrink it first, that's why I prescribed an anticoagulant," he answered patiently. "And the antibiotics are meant to kill off the infection that's causing the clot, otherwise..."
"He'll keep on producing clots over and over," Leia understood.
Vilk nodded.
"They could spread the infection to other organs, and then we'd be dealing with generalized septicaemia."
"Come on, doctor Vilk," Leia exploded, "we're dealing with it already. You diagnosed him with sepsis two minutes ago."
Vilk started.
"Well... y-yes, but I meant a full-blown infection. So far, it seems contained in the right forearm," it was unbelievable how such a young woman could reduce a competent doctor, old enough to be her father, to a mass of stuttering justification.
Leia looked down and heaved a long, weary sigh.
"I'm sorry, doctor. I didn't mean to snap at you."
Compassion appeared on the older features.
"It's just that..."
"I know. It's all right," Vilk smiled softly.
The tired brown eyes raised to his.
"So, it's back to waiting, isn't it?"
Vilk reached out and squeezed her shoulder.
"It's always about waiting... And hoping."
Leia made a sad grimace and nodded.
"I'm staying with him," she followed Vilk to the sterilization room. "I need him to know he's not alone and..." she bit her lips to hold back the burst of emotion.
"I will allow you to be with him for as long as you want," Vilk said. "But you *will* eat three meals a day and keep yourself healthy, is that understood?" he could also be inflexible for his patients and their families' sakes.
Leia accepted his stipulation with a nod.
The hours passed painstakingly slowly. Leia stayed by Luke's side, who didn't open his eyes, not once. Dr. Vilk or the nurses would drop by to either check on his progress or adjust his medication.
Leia forced herself to eat, but the long days and the ever growing concern were taking their toll on her.
Dr. Senna paid them a visit in the early evening and Leia greeted her with a weary smile.
"How are you?" she asked the Princess, sitting in front of her after squeezing Luke's inert hand affectionately in passing.
"I'm holding on," Leia replied without taking her eyes off the unresponsive man in the bed. "And I'm not giving up on him," she murmured to herself, setting her jaw.
Auren could see the struggle in Leia's stance and she felt helpless. But there was nothing anyone could do. It was up to Luke to fight and survive.
"But I'm afraid he's given up on himself," the words came out like a death omen.
"Don't think like that. There's always hope," Auren refused to let Leia give in to pessimism.
"Auren, I know!" Leia's eyes turned to the older woman, full of grief and chilling certainty. "I can feel it. I felt it in him... and through him," she confessed, too tired to keep quiet. And at this point, she wasn't sure she wanted to keep quiet.
"What do you mean?" Auren straightened in her seat on hearing that.
Leia considered for a moment to obfuscate and keep the truth of what was happening to herself, but something inside her needed desperately to find a shoulder to lean on, and Dr. Senna's caring eyes killed all resistance.
"I..." she began, not knowing where to start. "I've always had a special bond with Luke. There's something about him I can't explain. I... I just feel so close to him sometimes... Almost as if he was a physical part of me," her eyes turned to Auren, looking for a gesture of support and understanding.
Auren nodded with a smile. She had seen the power of that bond with her own eyes.
Leia gnawed at her lip for a minute.
"But something's... changed," she said at last.
"Changed how?"
Leia's eyes skittered nervously across the room until they settled on the sleeping form. A strange peace settled in her soul.
"When we were escaping from Bespin in the Falcon, I felt..." she shook her head, "I don't know how to describe it... Like an inner voice that sounded like Luke... Calling my name... begging... And just like that, I knew we had to go back for him," she met Auren's eyes and spoke vehemently. "I even *knew* where to find him!"
Vividly interested, Auren nodded encouragingly, inviting Leia to go on.
"He was hanging from a weather vane, about to fall. We saved him in the nick of time," Leia's relief was palpable, even though she was merely retelling the story. But then, her features darkened. "I brushed aside that incident until... until I started having these weird feelings and sensations."
"Can you elaborate?" Auren asked.
Leia interlaced her fingers, searching for the right words.
"Somehow, I can tell when something's wrong with him. I have this... urge to seek him out... It first happened the morning I found him on the floor in his bathroom. I suddenly found myself running to his quarters not knowing why. And the day before that..." she squirmed anxiously. "When he was telling me about his duel with Vader... All at once I was seeing it in my mind."
"Seeing it?" Auren's eyes opened wide at that.
"Yes," Leia's gaze unfocused as she relived the instant she realized she was seeing the scene as Luke was telling it. "I could see Vader standing there, reaching out his hand, his cape billowing wildly in the wind," she shook her head, casting the image away as if it would burn her brain. "I could hear their conversation inside my head. Everything that Luke was telling me... and even more."
The long pause brought Leia back to the present.
"It's not my imagination, Auren! I know it's not!" she exclaimed, focusing all her senses on the other woman.
"Easy, easy," Auren squeezed Leia's hands reassuringly. "I've always liked to keep an open mind, and I know there's more to life than what our five senses can... perceive. The bonds between some people are too strong to be limited by our physical bodies. Parents and children, lovers, close friends... Sometimes, their connection appears to be as much of the body as of the soul. I've heard of such cases, and I do believe it's real. Feelings, premonitions... even dreams..."
Leia's stiffening at her last word had Auren's ears pricking up.
"What is it?" she whispered intimately, trying to get her to open up.
Leia's reticence was plain to see but in the end, her need to share what she'd had to keep secret won out.
"I've also had dreams the last two, three days," she admitted reluctantly.
"About Luke?"
Leia nodded, turning her gaze to the sleeping young man.
"What kind of dreams? The ones that feel like premonitions or...?" Auren asked.
"No," Leia's eyes sought hers again. "I dreamed of him as a little boy, looking into the sunset on his home planet... crying," her heart ached with the memory of the dream she would never forget.
Auren winced in pain at the mental image the dream evoked in her.
"What else?" she asked in a thick voice.
Leia didn't know how to tell Auren about those other dreams without revealing the truth about Luke and Vader's connection. She squirmed on her seat again, thinking fast.
"Since that first dream, I've only had nightmares about... about Luke and Vader," she continued tentatively. "About what happened after that... beast mutilated him."
"Recurring nightmares?" Auren edged closer.
Leia shook her head.
"More like... like the new one was the natural progression of the one before."
Auren nodded.
"The way Vader tempted him, the things he said, the things Luke said..." Leia's eyes filled with tears. "I understand much better now, and I think I know why Luke is giving up. Vader found his dearest, deepest longing and tried to use it for evil."
"Oh, poor child!" Auren couldn't help herself.
Leia turned inwards, trying to make sense of the feelings boiling within her.
"Luke fears to give in to that temptation. He chose to die before yielding to it, and now that he survived he fears that temptation even more. It's like... like a siren call, his sweetest dream come alive."
There was more to those dreams than that. Leia knew that Auren knew it, and Auren knew that Leia was aware of that fact that she knew. But neither dared to face the bantha in the room.
With a poignant smile, Auren squeezed Leia's hands one last time.
"Whenever you're ready," she simply said, beginning to rise.
"It's Vader," Leia blurted out without thinking.
"What about him?" Auren sat down again oh-so-slowly.
"I'm not sure," Leia rubbed her forehead with her fingertips, angry at herself for what she was about to say. "Through those dreams... It's as if I was having access to his... inner workings, so to speak. I don't know what's going on inside him and I don't want to know; but his words... what he said... There's more to him than it seems," she gave up trying to understand. "I'm sorry I can't be any more specific. I don't know what I'm trying to say here."
"It's all right. You'll figure it out," Auren smiled softly.
There was a long, slightly uncomfortable pause, and Auren decided to stop pushing. Leia was very vulnerable and her prodding could do more harm than good. To her eternal shame, she had to admit that she'd allowed herself to become too emotionally involved with those two youths, and she was starting to lose her objectivity.
She'd been taught by her older and wiser mentors that all psychiatrists one day face the case that makes them cross the line and become personally involved. Apparently, she was facing that one case after almost 20 years of impeccably professional career.
She couldn't change the way she felt, but she could be the professional they needed her to be and they counted on. She nodded to herself and steeling her feelings, she rose to her feet.
"If this was a 'normal' case..." Leia began in a detached monotone, staring at the floor unblinkingly, "...and we weren't the people we are..." she raised her dark eyes to hers, "...what would you recommend?"
Taking a deep breath, Auren called upon her two decades of experience.
"The standard approach would be to have the two parties in conflict meet and sort out their differences on their own." She arched one eyebrow ironically. "But we're talking about 'normal' conflicts, if such a term even exists, which I doubt," she informed the suddenly distant Princess.
Leia was looking straight ahead, eyes glazed over. A few moments later, she snorted and nodded despondently.
'Daddy, where are you? I need you.'
'Whatever happens, I'm glad to be here with you. Where I belong.'
'I want to give our baby a safe galaxy to live in, Padme.'
'I want to become a Jedi like my father.'
'Son, come with me.'
'I want to die!'
'Luke.'
'I need you so much!'
'Stay, STAY! Please!'
'DIE!'
Vader woke up once more in his pod, the feeling of panic so great that it constricted his throat. He jumped to his feet with a snarl and started pacing his quarters once more.
"I will not lose him. I will *NOT* lose him too, YOU HEAR ME?! YOU HEAR ME?! NEVER! NEVER AGAIN!" he shouted out, hearing the echo of his futile outburst fall on deaf ears.
Enraged, breathless, heart pounding like a drum in his ribcage, the Sith Lord became reacquainted with feelings he had left behind decades ago.
Hopelessness. Despair.
Horror.
TO BE CONTINUED...
