The following hours passed largely in silence. Vader didn't move from his sitting position, leaning back against the bed's headboard, with his child lying on his left side and holding on to his hand in a perfect metaphor of his situation.
Leia alternated pacing the room with sitting still beside the bed, looking at the pair on it and getting lost in thought for long periods of time.
Vader also looked at her, wondering at the million different expressions crossing her face, that he was certain she wasn't even aware of.
Her pallor and her physical deterioration were disquieting. His son's illness had taken a great toll on her.
"When did you last sleep?" he asked out of the blue.
The tired brown eyes raised to his, and Vader's insides twisted into a knot.
'I don't believe what I'm hearing.'
'I don't know you anymore.'
Force, those eyes! The same look!
"I don't remember," was the stoic, somewhat apathetic answer.
"You should get some rest," Vader's voice sounded weirdly strained. "He will need you when the time comes."
Leia's lips crooked into a wry smile at that.
"How many hours have you been in that position? I don't think sitting like that is very comfortable for you," she pointed out.
Vader wasn't ready to let go. Most of his body's nerve endings had succumbed to the lava that had devoured him alive on Mustafar, but he still could feel the pressure of his son's weight on his side and on his chest; he felt his warmth, his presence, so real and... physical.
It had been so long since the last time he'd had a warm, living body pressed up to him that the thought of relinquishing... But then, he looked into the evasive dark eyes and understood.
'Don't leave me! You're all I've got!'
'Anakin, you're breaking my heart.'
'STOP! STOP NOW, COME BACK! I LOVE YOU!'
Suddenly shaken by a tremor he didn't want to pass on to his son, Vader steeled himself and moved away deliberately, losing contact with the little body that was his last connection with his humanity. He looked up at the Princess.
"Come here. Take over," he said.
Eagerly, Leia rushed over to Luke's bed and sat down on it the moment Vader carefully stood. She slid across the mattress, holding Luke's upper body to her front, practically cuddling him. Only Luke's hand remained attached to his father, as if he stubbornly refused to let him go.
"Take his hand," the Sith Lord told the Princess, giving the smaller fingers a final parting squeeze.
Leia took it and squeezed it hard in greeting. Her eyes opened like two saucers when a huge gloved hand brushed the hair on top of the soft head in an unmistakable fatherly caress. She looked up at the expressionless mask, for once wanting to see the features beneath, to see what he was feeling.
Then, the memory of Auren's encounter with Anakin Skywalker returned.
'He stood up again, put his hand on the boy's head and caressed it, almost in a fatherly manner.'
And her dream... The handsome young man cupping the vulnerable head of his son in his palm, cradling it like a fragile little bird...
Unthinkingly, she brought her own hand up and combed through the silky strands, resting her cheek on Luke's head and dropping little kisses on his temple and forehead, closing her eyes against the sting of tears.
What was happening to her? What was this feeling blossoming in her heart? Hope? Hope for whom? For Vader? For Luke? For all?
No, she couldn't afford to hope! In their situation, hope could be fatal. NO!
"Help me. Help me!" she whispered into the soft ear in dismay, holding him tight.
And Vader knew he had to get out of there, before... before he'd...
"Is there some place where I can take care of... some personal affairs?" he asked hoarsely.
Leia raised her head and gazed at him interrogatively. Guessing that Vader was using an euphemism, she nodded at a door on the farthest wall of the room.
"There's a small restroom behind that door," she told him.
Vader looked in the appointed direction and nodded. Hands closed at his sides, he turned around and strode into the little room like a thunderstorm. Once inside, he released weeks of bottled up emotions smashing his right fist into the wall, making a hole the size of his hand in it.
'Something wonderful has happened. Ani, I'm pregnant.'
'This is a happy moment. The happiest moment of my life.'
'Our baby is a blessing.'
'I love you, and I love our baby. I will love you both forever.'
'I won't lose you the way I lost my mother.'
'I am your father.'
'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NO!'
'Luke.'
'Father.'
'Son, come with me.'
'He'll annihilate us all, Leia!'
'In his eyes, the fact that you're here only means that in his weakness he betrayed us all.'
'I want to die.'
'I WANT TO DIE!'
'Congratulations. You killed him.'
'Come back and stay. Stay, STAY! ...Please.'
The Sith Lord snapped back into reality when he realized he couldn't breathe. His respirator was supplying his hyperventilating lungs with massive quantities of oxygen, but it couldn't catch up with his urgent need of it. He gasped over and over, on the verge of passing out.
'Be calm. Be calm! Take it easy. One breath at a time. One breath at a time.'
'You found me.'
'He felt he was endangering the Alliance just by being alive.'
'I will not hurt you.'
'I'm doing it for you. To protect you.'
'But at what cost? You're a good person, don't do this!'
The sound of a body hitting the floor startled the wits out of him, but when he looked around he saw himself on his knees on the tiled floor.
He stayed there, wheezing and panting for breath, fighting for control until the shocking episode passed. Then, mechanically, unemotionally, he rose to his feet, ruthlessly drowning every feeling, every memory, every attempt of his conscience to keep on causing him pain.
And now that he had pulled himself together, there was something that had to be done.
Reaching into a hidden compartment in his belt, he drew out a small communications device. He activated it and rigged it to transmit.
"Admiral Piett, you will carry out the following orders to the letter. I want you to assemble a heavily armed assault force."
Leia was rocking Luke's body in her arms when the Sith Lord emerged, looking chillingly self-assured, unstoppable in his purpose. The Princess's blood ran cold at the fearsome sight.
Yet, on seeing the two defenseless youths, the cyborg's demeanour transformed in a matter of seconds. His intimidating bulk hunched over slightly in a gesture that spoke volumes.
The two stared at each other for a minute, and then Vader sat down in the chair beside his son's bed without a word. Aloof, reserved, but at the same time radiating a yearning that Leia couldn't begin to figure out.
An hour later, Dr. Vilk paid them another visit. Bending forward in his seat menacingly, Vader watched everything he did like a Noonian hawk.
Knowing he was the target of the Imperial's undivided attention, Vilk proceeded with extra caution while examining Luke's vitals.
"His temperature's dropped another degree," he announced. "If this progression continues, I'll have the cooling blankets removed by morning."
The Princess' shuddering breath was painful to hear. It hurt to hear the hope in that sigh.
"I'll have a nurse bring you the dinner you didn't have when you should."
Leia glared at him, but Vilk didn't relent. He understood her reticence to indulge in front of the Commander of the Imperial Fleet and the galaxy's official butcher. But if she'd had her motives to invite him over - and he respected that even if those motives escaped him - then he had his own to force her to eat.
Drilling Leia with a glare of his own, he left.
The Dark Lord could guess why the Princess was so averse to eating in his presence. Bespin was still too fresh in her mind. After a second's consideration, he stood.
"I will come back after you have eaten," he said.
His eyes strayed to his child on his way to the door and when he was about to reach it he did a double take. Luke's head was following him. Not only that, his eyes were open; just barely, but they were open.
He froze on the spot and turned to the bed slowly, almost fearing it was an illusion. Then, he took a couple hesitant steps towards it.
Confused by his actions, Leia looked down at the bundle in her arms. Her heart skipped a beat of joy when she saw what Vader was seeing. Luke's half-open eyes were set on his father, but he didn't acknowledge him in any way. His face was an unreadable mask, much like Vader's.
A growing feeling of unease made the Sith Lord take the final step, until he was right at the foot of his son's bed. He returned the intense staring, and something told him that his child was as aware of his eyes as he was of his.
"You're here," the boy was the first to break the silence in a raspy, almost inaudible voice.
Chills ran up and down Vader's spine just hearing those words.
"Yes," he confirmed.
Luke tried to swallow to clear his throat, but it was too dry. He coughed, groaning at the pain that shot through him.
"Have you c-come to finish what... you st-tarted in Cloud City?"
The capitulation and despondency in his tone cut deep, very deep.
"I have come to see you," Vader enunciated as softly as he could.
The incredibly expressive eyebrows drew together, conveying a million different emotions that Vader couldn't begin to unravel.
"Why?"
Vader could tell that his son was looking for a sign. But a sign of what? What did those fathomless eyes want from him?
"Because you need to recover," he stated emphatically. A part of him cringed inside, somehow knowing that he had failed.
Sorrow, melancholy, bitterness... All those feelings and more crossed the beautiful, breathtaking eyes, sunken in their sockets. Closing them in what looked dangerously like giving up, the child moved his head away, burrowing into Leia for comfort.
"We... shouldn't expect the impossible," he whispered with finality.
Driven by a sudden force that seized control of his limbs, Vader walked up to his son's bedside and stood there; commanding, overwhelming... inescapable.
"Why not?" he asked daringly. "I got exactly what I wanted."
The lifeless eyes turned to look at him, and in them Vader saw a quiver of fear at having him so near.
"And w-what is that?" Luke breathed, exhausted.
The Dark Lord squatted down to his child's eye level. Tilting his head, he spoke with a passion he hadn't known in decades.
"You."
Luke stared at him searchingly, looking so frail, so lost... A small shudder passed through his thin frame, and his eyes closed again.
Alarmed, Vader's mind sought his son's, trying to ascertain if he had merely fallen asleep or lost consciousness.
"Is he all right?" Leia asked as if she expected him to know better than anyone.
"Yes," he replied a few seconds later. The boy hadn't lost consciousness, but he wasn't sleeping either. He was somewhere halfway between sleep and unconsciousness. Wherever he was, Vader hoped it was a peaceful place.
A nurse rolled in carrying a tray with food. She put it on the table closest to Luke's bed and addressed Leia with just one word.
"Eat."
The Princess and the Dark Lord exchanged a wordless glance. Vader nodded assent at her.
With the utmost care, Leia slid out from behind Luke and held him up for Vader.
As soon as he had his son in his arms again, a jolt of sensation stabbed at the Sith Lord from everywhere at once, making him feel dazed and light-headed. The weak head lolled until it found a resting place in the crook of his arm. Vader looked down at it and experienced an irrepressible desire to cover it with caresses. His hand came within a hair's breath of touching it, but it stopped when a fleeting spasm of pain crossed the sleeping face.
"What is happening to you?" he wondered, unaware he'd spoken aloud.
On hearing that, Leia stiffened and turned around, confronting him with bloodshot eyes.
"My goodness, you really have no clue, do you?" she exploded, looking daggers at him. "You don't know why this illness is consuming him, what brought him to this state? You truly have no idea why your son is dying?!" She appeared genuinely scandalized.
Vader witnessed the Princess' outburst totally floored by the outrage in her voice and the seething anger in her eyes.
"You don't understand that he's been dying since that ill-fated day, when the person who should love him the most committed the worst crime any being can commit against another," she trembled with revulsion. "You not only mutilated his body, you killed his spirit, you destroyed his most cherished dream – the dream of becoming the man his dead father could be proud of," she snorted disdainfully and her voice lowered an octave. "You really don't understand how much he loves you, do you?" tears of helplessness brimmed in Leia's eyes, as if she'd just lost whatever faith in him she had.
She stormed off to the table with her snack, sat down and slammed the food dome on it with a loud clang.
Thunderstruck by the young woman's tirade that battered against every misconception, every false assumption he had made about the child in his arms, Vader felt as if his insides had been wrenched out.
Her words had taken away from him every pretext, every justification he'd ever invented to condone the things he'd done, the moral corruption he had embraced.
His respirator started supplying him with extra doses of oxygen once again, as he fought to take in everything he had been told, everything he should have known all along.
'He... loves me?!' The blinders finally fell off. He had found the missing piece of the puzzle that explained... everything. At long last, everything made sense.
His eyes fixed on the singular, precious life that he'd helped to create.
'You love me?!' he asked, the very concept too unimaginable to believe. 'Is that what your eyes were telling me on Bespin and I failed to see? That behind that bravado, that defiant attitude, your evident desire to prove yourself in front of a Dark Lord of the Sith, you were avenging your long lost father? Someone who deserted you before you were even born? Is that what you were doing?'
'You're here.'
'Why?'
'We shouldn't expect the impossible.'
'Is that the sign you were looking for? A sign that I... care? Is that why you're dying, my child? Because you think I'm going to... That I don't... That I couldn't possibly...?'
Luke inhaled a painful breath and another shudder ran through his feeble body.
And Vader felt that pain, his son's indescribable suffering, down to the marrow of his bones.
His hand started to move with exquisite care, coming closer and closer, until it was millimetres away from the sleeping face. On an impulse he brought it down, and this time nothing stopped him from touching the indrawn cheek, the dauntingly protruding cheekbone. Mesmerized by the sight of his own hand touching another in gentleness, there was no stopping him now. His fingers glided all over the paper-thin, achingly soft skin, ignoring the fact that he could almost feel the bones beneath.
None of that mattered.
'Look at him, Padme. Isn't he perfect?' he sighed inwardly. For the first time, the memory of his wife didn't bring with it the excruciating pain it used to. 'Did you get to see his face? Did you get to feel him like I do? Did you imagine he would become the exceptional young man he is? Are you as proud of him as I am?'
Unable to hold back, Vader's fingers were possessed. Something had been unleashed within him, and that throbbing need only grew stronger with every caress. He slid the tips of his gloved fingers all over the wide forehead, the lovely ear, revelling in the unmarred grace of every feature.
A tiny wail escaped the cracked lips and instinctually, Vader pressed his forefinger to them.
"Shhhh," he murmured. "It's all right."
And to his eternal wonderment, Luke quieted.
'Force, what is this?' Vader had forgotten the last time he had felt like this. It was overpowering, it was terrifying... It was sublime.
His hand trailed into the dishevelled hair and he sank his fingers in it, stroking it endlessly.
'I won't hurt you. I will never hurt you, my son. Sleep in peace now. You're safe. Nothing will ever hurt you, little one.'
Vader didn't notice at first, but he eventually felt a slow, almost lethargic movement below the cooling blankets covering his child. He sharpened his senses, trying to find out what it was.
All of a sudden, he felt a slight touch on the hand that held his son to him. He looked to see what it was, and his heart almost stopped.
Weakly, shakily, Luke's hand had moved up in his sleep, seeking. Gingerly, he grasped the tips of Vader's fingers at the same time as he curled into a foetal position, snuggling up to his father's warmth.
'Force! Oh, Force!' Vader bit his lower lip and looked up imploringly, feeling his body burst into flames. But unlike decades ago, this fire didn't burn him. This fire was bringing him back from someplace dead and cold, from a stinking void where his damned soul had wandered without meaning, without purpose.
He gazed down at the needful hand clinging to him for dear life and with a shiver, he surrendered himself to the roaring need that cried out for completion with this heavenly child who, just by existing, was dragging him out of the very bowels of hell. He splayed the lax fingers apart and intertwined them with his own. He wrapped himself around his son, shouting the same words desperately over and over.
'Save me. Save me. SAVE ME. SAVE ME! SAVE ME!'
Leia washed down the last mouthful of her dinner with the last sip of water in her glass. She was still fuming inside but deep down, she acknowledged the fact that there was nothing to be done. She had been a fool in the first place for even considering that a... soulless machine was the solution. Mad at herself for ever believing in a foolish, childish dream, she pushed back her chair and began to rise...
...and stopped dead cold at the scene before her.
Luke had moved into a foetal position and Vader's body had draped itself around him in a warm cocoon, almost a protective shield.
Speechless, the Princess didn't dare to blink, lest her eyes were deceiving her.
It was the most bizarre and the most mind-blowingly beautiful thing she'd ever seen. She couldn't take her eyes off them. Her heart hammered against her ribcage over and over, insistently reminding her that she wasn't imagining it.
And just staring at them, just feeling the emotions that the image stirred inside her, something told her that Luke's true healing had finally begun.
Time passed, but no one kept track of it. Leia just stared and stared, her mind reeling with so many possibilities that she was alternately dazzled by them and fearful of the danger of giving in to them.
"You should retire," Vader's deep voice broke the silence like a thunder.
"I know," Leia said, after recovering from the start he'd given her. "I..." she cleared her throat. "I always sleep next to him."
"I have seen the bed," Vader nodded at the small piece of furniture nearby. "But you know now that I will never hurt him."
The Princess and the Sith Lord crossed gazes. And Leia yielded to the evidence.
"Yes, I know," she conceded. "Don't ask me why, but I know."
"The same way you knew you had to call for me. Through the Force," Vader explained enigmatically.
Leia raised a sarcastic eyebrow and cocked her head to one side dismissively.
"Yeah, I guess so... huh?" she straightened up when Vader's words sank in.
"You are Force-sensitive," Vader stated impassively.
"W-what are you talking about?" Leia asked, mystified.
"I am saying that your dormant Force abilities have awakened."
Far from being reassured, Vader's composure was unnerving to the Princess.
"Wait a minute. Are you saying t-that... that I have... that I'm like Luke?" she recoiled, almost defensively.
"Precisely," Vader inclined his head in the affirmative.
Petrified, Leia's eyes skittered all over the room; her thoughts going too fast for her to keep up with them.
"T-that's impossible!" she mumbled at last.
The Dark Lord's mouth twisted into an ironic grimace at the familiar words.
"How can it be?!" the agitated eyes demanded an explanation.
"Did you ever have an irrational, outlandish feeling that ended up being proved correct?" Vader asked.
"Who hasn't?" Leia shrugged expectantly.
Vader admitted the truth of her answer. He tried a different approach.
"Have you ever felt, just looking at someone, that they weren't to be trusted or they carried a secret pain... something that was impossible for you to know?"
Leia opened her mouth to deny it, but something stopped her. The spark of an old, unformed sensation, an odd stir in the pit of her stomach. Nothing specific, but very powerful nonetheless.
Vader continued, knowing he was getting through to her.
"Moments when you felt as though you were hearing other people's thoughts?"
All colour disappeared from Leia's face.
"Visions of actual events? Dreams?" Vader pushed. "Dreams that you knew were different? Dreams that were too real to be brushed aside as mere figments of your subconscious?"
Leia sat absolutely still, rigid like a board - her eyes lost in the distance.
"I- I heard Luke calling out for me when we were leaving in the Falcon," she whispered, as if from a trance.
"Then you're stronger in the Force than I thought," Vader couldn't hide the admiration in his voice. "To hear another Force user calling out for help with no training is... I would dare to say unparallelled."
Leia roused herself out of her reverie and focused all her attention on the Sith Lord.
"Was... Was that the Force?" she asked, almost childlike.
"Yes."
The Princess swallowed hard and looked away, trying to gather her thoughts.
"I... didn't know."
Vader didn't say anything. He remained silent, giving her time to come to terms with what she was.
Sometime later, her eyes looked for his, and in them Vader saw a million questions begging to be answered.
"What do I do now? How can I control this? Does it mean I'm going to keep having...?"
Vader raised a hand.
"I will answer all your questions..."
Leia's eyes opened wide in expectation.
"...tomorrow. Now you will retire and sleep."
The young woman's eyes closed into tiny slits, both in frustration and suspicion.
"I don't require as much sleep as you do," Vader felt it was time to admit to some vulnerability if he wanted to gain her trust, or some semblance of it. "And you will know the moment something happens."
Was the Dark Lord asking her to trust him? Leia had the distinct impression that that was what he was doing; at least some part of him. Unfortunately, she wasn't sure she could trust him. Not after a lifetime of atrocities.
'I love you so much, Daddy! Don't go. Please, don't go again!'
'Never! I'll never leave you, my baby.'
Leia shuddered at the abrupt flashback that pulled at her heartstrings in a way that was almost scary. She winced at the raw need little Luke had projected in her dream; a dream that seemed bent on coming back to haunt her.
But... hadn't his father's need felt just as raw?
Did that mean Vader also...?
"You need some time alone with him, don't you?" she asked, stricken by how precise her own insight felt.
Vader didn't move. He simply stayed as he was, returning her stare, holding his son in his arms like a timeless - if also spooky - representation of Fatherhood.
She stood to her feet, shrouded in dignity.
"I'll come back first thing in the morning," she headed for the door without looking back.
"Thank you," a low voice said right before the door opened before her.
Leia stopped for a moment, nodded once without turning, and left.
Alone with his thoughts, the Dark Lord remained still, wondering how he'd come to find himself in his current situation, and fighting the million mixed feelings churning inside him like a cauldron over a fire.
The weight of his son's body beckoned him like the gravity of a star gone nova, so sweet and fulfilling that his very soul hurt with the effortless pain that just thinking about the boy evoked in him.
Tired of resisting, Vader looked down at the sleeping form, curled up to him in the most primordial instinct known to man. The instinct for survival.
'How do you do it?' Vader asked. 'How do you make me feel like this? It's like... Like you're my sanctuary. The shelter my soul has craved for and I could never find with anyone. Being with you gives me the only thing that eluded me all my life. Peace.' He looked down at the huddled young man in his lap. 'And I want to give that to you too. I want to be your shelter. I want to give you back everything I took away. I want to do everything for you. I want...' he closed his eyes and threw his head back. 'I need you to forgive me. I want... the impossible.'
A dark veil of resignation and regret settled in his spirit. His soul was already doomed. It had been forfeit since the first innocent life he took, since the instant he'd renounced his beliefs and principles and embraced Evil in all its manifestations.
There was no salvation for him, but there was one thing he could ensure. A new hope for the galaxy, in the form of this pure child he'd defiled and he would restore to his friends and the Alliance, no matter what the cost.
'You will live, my son. You will live to be a source of light and guidance for all those who follow you. For all those who came before you and gave their lives to keep you safe in any way. For my mother. For your mother. For the man that I once was.'
The Dark Lord wrapped his arms more securely around his offspring, covered the smaller hand whose fingers were still intertwined with his own with the other, and holding his child as close as his suit allowed, abandoned himself to the realm of sleep, feeling human for the first time in over twenty years.
TO BE CONTINUED...
