CHAPTER TWO

I'm Chat Noir.

Copycat Crazy: Action, Violence, Humour, Horror, Whatever.

In Which Ladybug Has Too Many Suitors

The instant she stepped through the entrance doors, Ladybug was assaulted by a wall of noise. The enormous hall was filled to bursting with an expanse of canopied stands and colourfully laden tables. These stretched away in broad isles and narrow rows, as far as the eye could see. No wonder they call it The Great Hall of Memorabilia, she mused. Crowds of cosplayers and fans swirled and sauntered before Ladybug, in an ever-shifting pattern of people and pathways amongst the merchandise. It looked like the entire space-time continuum had bent in on itself to materialise, labyrinth-like, in a single hall. Anime, action, monsters, muppets, fantasy, sci-fi, you name it, it was there. Ladybug didn't know which way to look. It was overwhelming.

Suddenly, a gap in the crowd appeared on her right. Ladybug made the dash for space, away from the hum and the buzz of the central isles, which were already full of vendors and victims. With difficulty she weaved her way in and out of the press of bodies until she reached the last isle on the right. The outer isles seemed wider and quieter in comparison to the central ones. Ladybug eased out of the general crowd and into the isle. It was a relief just to hear herself think. Not that the hustle and bustle wasn't exciting, but with so many people in a shopping frenzy at the start of the day, it was a little much.

Ladybug looked at the canopied tables and counters with interest. On display were all kinds of merchandise: Voltron plush toys, Iron Man glow stickers, Avengers badges, Babylon 5 posters, Star Trek books, Star Wars action figures, Firefly photos, Miraculous graphic novels, Pokemon pajamas, Labyrinth glass globes, Dark Crystal puppets, The Incredibles caps and masks, Monsters University lecture pads and scarves, Toy Story cards and colouring in packs, Sinbad ships in a bottle, Mulan kimonos and blossom combs, Kung Fu Panda recipe books, and Sailor Moon costumes. The variety was amazing.

About half way along the isle Ladybug halted at a canopied stall. It consisted of three tables in front of three portable display walls. On the tables and walls were some of the most colourful and evocative pictures she had ever seen. There were postcards, there were posters, there were fully framed pictures, and they were stunning. There were digital animations of natural vistas and alien landscapes. Ladybug could see fantasy Japanese gardens in springtime, evergreen forests in summer, autumn parklands, and ice-bound winter lakes. There were also oils, acrylics, watercolours, charcoals and chalks, and what looked like glittering metallics depicting sand dunes under the night sky, rolling plains beneath planetary bodies, incredible spired cities, sunken temples, and dynamic oceans. Ladybug was lost in wonder.

"They're good, aren't they?!" said a large man from behind the tables. "Name's Ivani, by the way. My wife Myle and I specialise in book, theatre, and film art. Myle will be back in a few moments, she's just helping out at a friend's stall a little further along. Anyway, these are all by artists who work on cover art for books or music albums, backdrops for stage sets, or special effects for games and films. See anything you like?"

Ladybug grinned back at him. "Nice to meet you, Ivani. And what's not to like? They're gorgeous!" Then, as her eyes were drawn back to the centre wall panel, she said, "Actually, I really like the pictures on the middle wall. I love autumn landscapes and imaginary cities, and those ones look almost dream-like. Are they by the same artist?"

"Yes," said Ivani, both surprised and pleased. "You've got a good eye. The artist's a friend of ours, and in our opinion one of the best up and coming artists on the scene. Would you like to have a closer look?" He asked.

Ladybug was about to accept Ivani's offer when they were suddenly interrupted.

"There you are," said a voice behind her. Ladybug turned to find a Chat Noir look-alike smirking at her. Pointing a clawed hand at the paintings, he continued, "You know, Ladybug, you're prettier than a picture. In fact, I'd say you're the Cat's meow."

For a second, all Ladybug could do was stare incredulously at the cat before her. Then her mind registered the echo of what he'd said. To his surprise, she snorted. "Oh dear," she deadpanned. "Copycat, I presume?"

Before the cat could answer, another Chat inserted himself into the conversation. "Hey, sorry to burst your bubble, but Ladybug and me, we're a thing," said the newcomer.

"Excuse Me?!" said Ladybug in total disbelief.

The second cat turned to Ladybug and continued, "Ladybug. Please. Allow me to express my adoration for you."

Before she could say anything, the first copycat interjected, "A thing, huh? You don't even take partnership seriously, calling it a thing. Ladybug, please, take a little time to get to know me. See how much we have in common, like our devotion to the things we love..."

"If I can't have her, then nobody will," the second copycat interrupted, coldly.

"I told you I was better than him," the first copycat said to Ladybug in retort.

"But I'm better than both of you," sang out a third copycat, strutting forward.

Ladybug groaned. "Copycats," she said through gritted teeth, "I'm not getting you!"

A fourth copycat strolled forward. "Yeah, I don't get what Ladybug sees in fools like you either," he said with a smirk.

"Hey, Ladybug," a fifth copycat tried to catch her attention, "I'm way better than these mangy alley cats."

"What does Ladybug even see in you?" said Copycat One.

"You don't deserve her. I do," said Copycat Two.

"Yeah, but I'm the real Chat Noir," taunted Copycat Three.

"No! I'm Chat Noir," howled Copycat Four.

"No, I am," bawled Copycat Five.

"No, I am," bellowed Copycat One.

"I'm Chat Noir," shouted Copycat Two.

"I'm Chat Noir," yelled Copycat Three.

"Argh!" snapped Ladybug, stamping her foot. "Now you're all annoying me."

Her outburst was largely ignored, as the growing crowd of copycats continued to hurl challenges and insults at each other. As the argument began to heat up, Ladybug decided to beat a strategic retreat. Turning to make her escape, suddenly, her arm was grabbed from behind. Copycat One had latched onto her elbow, his claws pressing into her suit uncomfortably. A second later Copycat Two also grasped her forearm. Ladybug froze, her voice going dangerously low, "Let. Go. Of. My. Arm." she ground out between clenched teeth.

"Ladybug, you can't leave," Copycat One said. "You have to have a partner."

Before Ladybug could speak, Copycat Two chimed in, "You have to be my partner."

Saying this, the second copycat tried to pull Ladybug into an embrace. Copycat One reacted by hauling her back by the arm. Ladybug swore and tried to pull free of them both, as the cats continued to wrestle. The other copycats, becoming aware of the tussle, converged in a scrum on Ladybug. With her arm now caught in the grip of several copycats, Ladybug started yelling to be released. Panicking, she could hear Ivani and others yelling at the cats to release her, even as the tussle intensified. Suddenly, the scrum shifted in two directions at once. The torsion on her forearm burned. Ladybug cried out, tears of pain starting into her eyes. The scrum shifted again and her knees buckled, but even as she felt herself falling she was lifted off her feet. The next few seconds were a blur of shouts, black leather, and...white wings? As the initial shock subsided she realised that she was being cradled gently in two strong arms, and held secure against a firm chest. Blinking tears from her lashes and clutching her forearm to her body, she looked up. A strong jaw and, beyond that, the profile of an aquiline nose were all she could make out above an expanse of black leather. She felt, more than heard, the deep voice that rumbled out of that chest, "Don't worry, My Lady. You're safe now. I've got you."

Strangely, Ladybug found herself calmed by this pronouncement. I must be in shock, she mused, given that a stranger is carting me off to goodness-knows-where. This thought, more than anything else, helped kick-start the adrenaline back into her system. But before she could begin to struggle, the voice rumbled again. "I'm going to set you down on this bench here, and then we'll have a look at your arm. Okay, My Lady?"

Unable to trust her voice, Ladybug nodded her assent. She felt herself being gently lowered into a sitting position on a long, wooden, park bench. Dragging her gaze up from her knees, she realised that she was inside the canopied stall of pictures, behind its moveable display wall. To her left, on the other side of the display wall, she could hear the copycats caterwauling for her return. To the right was the canvass of the stall's rear wall. In front of her, someone was crouching. Ladybug looked up into brilliant green eyes, framed by a halo of golden hair. "Hello. Ladybug," Chat Noir said. "How's your arm?"

At this mention of her arm, Ladybug's attention was again captured by her stinging limb. It wasn't broken. Not even close. In fact she had suffered nothing more than a friction burn, but boy did it hurt. Ladybug cradled her forearm closer to her chest. "Erm...It's okay, thanks, Chat. It's just a friction burn."

Chat's eyes narrowed, even as his shoulders relaxed. "I'm relieved to hear it," he said. "But, if you don't mind, I would like to check it all the same, just to make sure."

Chat held out his hand, palm up, and waited patiently. Looking at him, Ladybug realised she no longer had the energy to resist. Sighing, she lowered her forearm into his hand. "Sure," she said, pausing. "Actually, I could really use some cool water on it."

Chat grinned. "We can do better than that," he said, as he stood up to retrieve a first aid kit. He returned with a bowl, a large bottle of drinking water, and a compact medical kit slung over his arm. Kneeling before her, Chat once more took her forearm in his hand. Gently, he opened her glove and began to draw the sleeve of her costume up above her elbow. The skin of her arm was an angry pink where the copycats had twisted it. Like many friction burns, it felt worse than it was. Angling her forearm over the bowl, Chat very slowly began to pour the bottled water over it. The sensation of the cool water running over her arm brought immediate relief. Ladybug watched as Chat slowly poured out the entire contents of the bottle. When the bottle was finally empty, and the water had filled the bowl, Chat took a soft gauze pad from the med-kit and gently pat her arm dry. "How does that feel?" He asked.

Slowly, Ladybug rotated her elbow and wrist. "It's not stinging anywhere near as much. Thank you," she said.

"Hmm," Chat hummed in thought. "That's good, but I think we should still apply a mild burn cream to help reduce the stinging sensation. You're not allergic to lidocaine are you?"

Ladybug shook her head, and Chat began to gently apply the topical cream to her forearm. Minutes later the cream had been absorbed and the stinging sensation was gone. Chat gently eased Ladybug's sleeve back down her arm and helped her reclose the glove. "Well, that's the arm soothed," he said. "How about a cup of tea to soothe the spirit?"

Ladybug smiled widely. "That would be heavenly," she breathed.

Chat grinned back at her before placing the first aid kit under the makeshift card table he had collected it from. From the paraphernalia on top of the table, he set about making tea. "It's bagged tea, I'm afraid," he smiled deprecatingly, "but the water's hot."

"Sounds wonderful," Ladybug replied. After a pause she continued, "So...um...thanks for getting me out of that scrape."

"Anytime," said Chat, handing her a fresh cup of black tea.

Ladybug accepted it, gratefully. Taking a few sips, she cradled the cup in her hands to savour its warmth. Feeling Chat's gaze resting on her, she looked up, but the cat was staring into his own cup. He was taller than her, she noted, and well built, like a swimmer. His costume fitted his broad shoulders and lithe body perfectly, the leather cat's ears sitting almost jauntily on his head. He's incredibly attractive, she thought. Chat turned to look at her, and with a start, Ladybug realised that she'd been staring. Blushing, she sought a distraction in questions. "So...," she began, waving in the general direction of the copycats. "Does that sort of thing happen often at the convention?"

Chat's eyebrows shot up in surprise, then lowered into a frown. "Not usually," he said. "It's because of this year's special competition..." he trailed off, before asking, "Is this really your first Comic Con?"

"Yes," said Ladybug. "So, what's so special about this year's competition?"

Chat gave another start of surprise, but before he could reply he was interrupted by the arrival of Ivani. "Chat's referring to this year's theatre sports competition," he said, as he entered the enclosed space. "Everything ok back here? How you doing, Ladybug?"

"Fine, thanks, Ivani" said Ladybug. "Chat took good care of me. But, what's this about a- "

Before Ladybug could get any further, Dot burst into the tent unannounced. "I knew it," she said. "As soon as I heard about the incident, I just knew it would be you. You're the only Ladybug I've seen here without a partner," she said, as if that explained everything. At Ladybug's look of surprise, Dot continued on, "All the same, I can't believe how badly those copycats behaved. Are you alright?" she asked.

Ladybug nodded. "Yes. Yes, I'm fine. Thanks," she said, before adding, "but I'm a little confused. Can we pretend for a minute that I haven't looked at the Comic Con programme, and someone please explain what the big deal is with this year's theatre sports?"

Dot stilled in disbelief. Chat's frown deepened further, but Ivani grinned at Ladybug. "Everything," he answered. "It's the first time that a big company has decided to sponsor a themed theatre sports competition, and offer decent prize money for the winners. For the theme they have chosen to showcase the lead heroes of Miraculous. And you, Ladybug, are the only Ladybug who turned up to the convention today without a partner." Ivani paused, before jerking his head in the direction of the copycats and adding wickedly, "Which explains your many suitors out there."

Ladybug groaned. "Oh, well, that's just great," she deadpanned. "And what time does registration for the competition close?"

"Midday," Dot replied.

"Right. Well, that's half of today done for me, then," said Ladybug with a grumble. "So...do you guys mind if I hang out here until after twelve, because it looks like I'll have to lie low 'til then."

"Or..." said Ivani smiling, "You could register in the competition. Just think, no one would bother you if you've already signed up, and you'd still get to enjoy the Con."

"Sure. No problem," huffed Ladybug, but without any real heat. "And which of my crazy suitors do you suggest I ask to join me?"

"This one," said Ivani, putting his arm around Chat Noir's suddenly rigid shoulders, his smile becoming impossibly wider still. Chat choked silently as Ivani continued, "Don't worry about inconveniencing him. I happen to know that he was already thinking of entering the competition, if he could find the right partner. And, of course, if you don't want to be in the competition, he won't be upset about being a no show either. But, trust me, you don't want to be stuck here for the next couple of hours, and this Chat Noir is much nicer than any of the copycats out there. So, what do you say?"

Chat held his breath, but Dot clapped her hands and practically sang, "Say yes! Oh, please, say yes. It'll be perfect."

Ladybug looked at Chat, desperate to decipher the cat's silence, but his facial expression gave no clues. She decided to hedge. "Well, I can't say it isn't a tempting offer, but I don't see how we'd even get to the registration table without being mobbed."

"Ha. Leave that to me," said Dot, smirking, as she ducked back out of the stall.

"Good," said Ivani, "That's settled then."

"Actually, I don't think it is," said Ladybug, looking at her feet. "You know, Ivani, Chat hasn't actually agreed to go along with your crazy scheme, and he kind of has a big say in the matter, don't you think?!" Turning to look up at Chat, she continued, "I-I'm sorry you got dragged into this," she said, helplessly. "I'm sure there must be other things you would much rather be doing."

With a shrug, Ladybug looked back down at her feet. For a moment Chat forgot how to breathe. Then, screwing up his courage, he stepped forward to take Ladybug's hand in his. "My Lady, it would be an honour to partner you in the competition," he said. "But, please, don't feel pressured to compete if you don't want to. I would be happy, really, just to have your company."

Startled, Ladybug looked up into his eyes, and then blushed. "O-Oh," she stammered, before collecting herself. "Okay...so, now what?"

"Well," said Ivani, chuckling, "since we have to wait to find out what Dot is up to, I suggest the two of you finish your tea before it goes cold. Meanwhile, I'm going to check on a few things out front. I'll be back shortly."

As Ivani made his way to the exit Chat called after him softly, "Ivani, let me know how the others are doing, will you?"

With a barely perceptible nod, Ivani left. Chat seemed lost in thought. After a few minutes Ladybug decided to ask, "The others?"

Chat smiled at her gently. "I'm here with some friends," he said. "They've been out front, helping to hold the fort, so to speak."

"Oh!" Said Ladybug, her eyes widening. Before she could say anything more, Dash entered the stall, accompanied by a small, solid woman with cheerful eyes and several colourful braids in her hair.

"Hello, again, Ladybug," said Dash with a broad grin. "Heard you were having a spot of bother with the local strays."

"Dash!" Said Ladybug, both surprised and pleased to see him.

"Well," said Dash, good humouredly, as he shook hands with Chat, "It didn't take you long to find yourself some trouble, now did it. Mind you, it's a good thing you were here to fish her out of the firing line, if even half of what Dot told me is true." Chat grinned. Turning back to Ladybug, Dash continued, "But never mind that now. It's time I found my manners. Let me introduce you to Myle, Ivani's wife. She's good friends with my Dot, and the two of them have cooked up a scheme to help you get to the registration table unscathed. So here," he said, handing a bag to Chat. "You'll be needing these. I'll leave Myle to explain. I promised Dot I'd go straight back to help with our stall."

Waving goodbye to Dash, Ladybug exchanged greetings with Myle as Chat emptied the bag. Inside were a couple of trench coats, a lightweight scarf, a sleek fedora, and what could only be described as a couple of ridiculously long, and rather feral, knitted leg warmers in Cookie Monster blue. "Here, Chat," said Myle. "You put on the longer trench coat and hat. The legs of your suit are plain black, so they won't stand out under the long coat, but you need to hide your cat's ears under the hat. Ladybug, your legs are an entirely different story. You need to wear the leg warmers to hide your spots. The coat will cover the rest, and you can hide your hair with the scarf. Hopefully, that should be enough to help you slip past the copycats," she said.

At that moment Ivani came back inside. Giving Myle a quick peck on the cheek he spoke to the Miraculous heroes. "Ok, Chat, Ladybug, listen up. It's still mayhem out front. There's no way you can go out that way without being mobbed. So here's what we'll do. Once you guys are ready we'll create a brief distraction out front. When that happens you'll need to open up the back wall to get out. The vendors on the other side are expecting you, and will help you to get to the next isle. Once there, you'll need to make your way to the registration table. We'll try to keep the copycats here from realising you've gone, but it's possible you could run into others on the way, so get there as fast as you can. Once you've registered we'll expect you both back here, okay?" Ivani smiled, before turning to address the cat specifically, "Oh, and Chat, everyone out front's doing fine."

Chat clasped Ivani's shoulder as he shook his hand. "Okay," he said, his green eyes gleaming. "Time to make an exit."


POSTSCRIPTUM

Please Explain Your Cat-egories

Why 'Horror' and 'Whatever' in the headline for all this copycat craziness? Naturally, the former applies to the blatant reinvention of the dialogue of the Copycat episode, and the latter to the lame puns (Ladybug's suitors; The real Chat Noir; Copycat, I presume?). I would apologise for both, but I own nothing.

The Great Hall of Memorabilia

Anyone who attends Comic Con will know this as the Dealers' Room. For the non-Con goer, that term sounds a little sketchy and doesn't convey the idea of something as extensive and imposing as the largest wall on earth. So, in the spirit of writers' licence, I've had fun playing with the idea, entrenched in pop-culture since 1754, that the Great Wall of China can be seen unaided from space. It's not true, but it's a fun idea all the same.

Old History For New Buffs

Spartacus was a Thracian gladiator, who led a slave revolt from 73-71 BC. We learn about him from the writers Appian, Florus, and Plutarch's Life of Crassus. He defeated several Roman military units and remained at large in Campania for almost two years. At one point his troops camped out in Mt Vesuvius (the volcano that later buried Pompeii in AD79). Eventually, Marcus Licinius Crassus was appointed to lead an army against Spartacus. Despite the claims of Gnaeus Pompeius Magnus, Crassus eventually defeated Spartacus. As punishment, he crucified the 6,000 surviving slaves of Spartacus' army. Their bodies lined the Appian Way from Rome to Capua, a distance of some 189km (or 118 miles). In 1960 Stanley Kubrick directed the film Spartacus, starring Kirk Douglas. The film's phrase "I'm Spartacus" has been a pop culture legend ever since.