ChApTeR 23- Human condition
Warning: Swearing and violence
"You seem to be under the impression that there is a special breed of bad humans. There is no such thing as a stereotype bad man in this world. Under normal conditions, everybody is more or less good, or, at least, ordinary. But tempt them, and they may suddenly change. That is what is so frightening about men."
― Natsume Sōseki, Kokoro
The thing about darkness, it twists you out of shape. It bends you, breaks you into something unrecognizable, fractures your reflection into a hideous image you can't claim. Sometimes, when he closes his eyes, he can still hear screaming, can still smell blood, can see it on his hands, dirtying the porcelain skin of his hands. Sometimes, even as he's walking beside his sister and Kyoko, he can feel it edging at his consciousness, laughing when his right-hand twitches with the desire to plunder. "You've been awfully quiet" Kyoko says, as they watch Teruko busily typing away on her phone. He's happy that at least one them gets to keep their innocence.
"She's happy huh" Tsuna says and Kyoko is radiating heat beside him. "She seems happy at least" he adds and Kyoko smiles.
"She missed you a lot, especially those months after you left" Kyoko says, because she knows. When Tsuna had left, she made sure to always visit the Sawada household, as she felt it was her duty to look in on them for her best friend's sake. "And what about you? Are you happy?" Kyoko asks and Tsuna doesn't answer, nor does he get a chance to, as Teruko has joined them. She's nervous from what Tsuna can tell. "Oh" Kyoko laughs and Tsuna blinks, ignorant as Teruko blushes.
"Oh what?" Tsuna asks, looking around. The only thing he sees is a tallish boy with an easy-going demeanor waiting at the gate. He has a pleasant smile, though if Tsuna is honest, the boy has a rather plain face.
"Oh, as in-…" Kyoko says, but Teruko furiously shushes her. Tsuna, confused as ever, watches as the boy beams when he finally notices Teruko.
"Is he?" Tsuna asks, bending his pinky at Teruko. Tsuna watches the red as it creeps onto her cheeks in blotches and he frowns.
"No, we're just…. f-f-friends! Baka!" Teruko screams and runs away, even going out of her way to ignore the boy as she darted off into her school. Tsuna looks at Kyoko, bewildered as ever, while she shakes her head.
"What?" he asks as they walk off, while Kyoko tsks at him.
"Teruko" Yamamoto shouts, running past the perplexed students in an act to catch up to her. Teruko stops when she feels an icy glare directed at her head and nearly swears. "Hey" he says, as she turns her head to the side, her face burning. "You okay?" he asks, and she hates the concern in his voice. She's not special, she knows, because Yama, he's nice to everyone, he's always concerned about the people around him, even the ones who aren't worth it. So, no, of course she's not special, this concern he's showing for her, it's normal. She flinches at the hand on her shoulder and shoots a smile at her friend, when she sees the hurt flash across his face.
"I'm fine, just….my brother, he's embarrassing" she whispers and Yamamoto laughs, the one that adds even more red to her cheeks, the one that holds the world to a pause, the one that robs the air from her lungs, and damn….now she's the embarrassing one.
"So that's Aniki" Yamamoto teases and Teruko pushes her forehead on his chest, just as she always does when he teases her. The touch is light, because if it had been up to her, she would push her face on the way against his shirt, just to feel his heartbeat thump against her cheek.
"Yeah" she admits and forces herself to push away from him. He's smiling at her, the one that lights up his entire face and she can't help herself, she smiles too.
"What are you two doing here!" Ryohei shouts and she sighs as the silence blows up in smoke as her childhood friend jogs in place as he stares at them. She glares at the knowing twinkle in his eyes and lets out a chuckle at her.
"Didn't you run ahead of us this morning? Why are you here?" she rudely asks, and Yamamoto flicks her elbow. She hisses at him and he smiles innocently at her.
"Let's go before HE comes looking for you two" Ryohei laughs and Teruko forces her body not to spasm at the mention of the demon. Ryohei darts off in a run, and when Teruko goes to follow him, she tries not to glare at the girls who approach Yamamoto.
"Great game, Yamamoto-senpai" one of them giggles, and Yamamoto, who's always been oblivious as ever, laugh. They snidely glare at Teruko who doesn't even cower, instead she provokes them. Her gaze translates into bitch talk as "Come at me then". They ignore her as they engage Yamamoto into conversation, and Teruko can feel the anger burning through her veins.
"Are you coming?" Yamamoto asks when he FINALLY realizes she's not by his side anymore. Teruko forces a smile and nods but doesn't follow as the little group disappears into the school. The smile slides off her face and she releases a sigh.
"Ciaossu" someone chirps, and she jumps when she sees a fedora wearing baby(?), staring at her. "My name is Reborn, and I am your tutor" the baby grins, and Teruko shivers at the maniacal look in his eyes.
After dropping Teruko off to her school, Tsuna finds himself walking with Kyoko down the halls of his supposed new school. He tugs at the tie around his neck and Kyoko shoots him a sly smile at the way his eyebrows pinch together in irritation. "How did you even manage to get transferred to this school so fast?" she asks, and Tsuna glances at her from the corner of her eyes. He can see the gazes that are sent his way, how people are whispering about him.
He ignores them, ignores the itch that starts at the base of his skull, ignores the way the heat threatens to overpower his control, and instead sends a bland smile to Kyoko.
"I have my secrets" he tells her, and she rolls her eyes, pausing at their classroom. He must go to their homeroom teacher before he can start his classes.
"Be careful" she warns him and without looking at him, she leaves him alone in the hallway. As he's walking up the stairs to get to the teacher's lounge, he smells it. A metallic scent that carries on the wind. Blood.
He takes a few steps, and he finally sees what's going on. At the hidden alcove of the second staircase, a boy is getting his ass handed to him.
The large boy is curled in a ball to protect his head and stomach against the barrage of kicks. The group of seniors, as he assumes, laughs as the boy whimpers.
"Gonna call your mommy?" the leader mocks and laughs as blood soaks into the boy's white shirt. Tsuna can see the flush on his cheeks, could see the pleasure that this leader is getting from hurting the boy.
Just his luck. A sadist fuck who gets off on pain.
The larger boy turns his head to the side, glassy eyes meeting Tsuna's. He's begging, Tsuna thinks, as the boy's lower lip quivers in fear. HELP ME.
Finally noticing that Tsuna is there, the seniors turn to him. They're ready for another fight, Tsuna can tell. "Are you going to be his hero, fluffy?" the leader barks, and Tsuna looks at the boy, who's begging Tsuna to help, to rescue him from the torture. Long ago, Tsuna would have been compelled to save him, but unfortunately for them both, that part of Tsuna had died under the hands of his grandfather.
Tsuna turns his head and walks off, turning his back on them all. From the corner of his eye, he can see the betrayal in the boy's eyes, can see the hope fading in the background as Tsuna turns away from him. The leader laughs, as Tsuna continues his way to the second floor, howling with delight as the larger boy finally breaks. "Coward!" the leader calls after Tsuna who shrugs. Tsuna doesn't have it in him to care.
Pain is relative, his teacher once told him. He's trying to hold onto his sensei's lesson, to ignore the incessant throbbing of his limbs and the dull ache that thumps against his chest but he can't hold onto the numbness. "Do you ever wonder how humans can be able to conquer the world? Why we're the only civilized animals that can dominate over the others?" a voice asks, and Tsuna bites down on his teeth. He can hear them crack, can feel the way his skin is chaffing at the ropes that hold him down. "This" the man says, pointing at Tsuna's head, before landing on his heart. "We're a paradox. Trapped within our emotions and rationality. We like to limit ourselves to our morals, what we perceive to be right and wrong, to stick to our 'truth'. We're always in love or searching for it. We waste our lives with something as stupid as hope or if we're stupider, dedicate it to faith. But what if we can break free from such ridiculous limiters? What if we can become…. OTHER?" the man rants, and Tsuna looks around the darkness, his eyes blurry with delirious heat. Elongated canines lean down at Tsuna who blinks away the wetness that's gathered there. "I'll show you, Tsunayoshi-kun" he promises and Tsuna can't even prepare for what's happening next as a dirty hand plunges into his chest.
Tsuna screams.
"Sawada!" had been what woken him up. He lifts his head off his desk and could see his classmates laughing at him, as he failed to answer the question the teacher threw at him. "Next time, Sawada stay awake!" the teacher yelled and Tsuna nodded, wiping away at the drool from the side of his face.
"Wow, already one day and you're nicknamed Sleeping Beauty" Kyoko joked as they walked out of the gates together. He could see the stares they are getting from the weirdness that is their duo. She's as popular as ever, and even though he's just arrived at the school, he's already dubbed the newest loser. Though some are curious about his late, unwelcome entrance into the senior high. In their attempt to answer the question of who is Tsuna, others claimed to have known Tsuna before but couldn't remember exactly where. They just knew that he had returned to the city from sending sometime in the countryside taking care of his sick grandfather. So not only was he a dunce (they assumed), he is a country hick too.
"I hate you" Tsuna grumbled but Kyoko just laughed at him.
"Hey, did you hear about the Junior high chick?" someone asks and Tsuna glances at the no names as they walk past them. "I heard she was running around in her underwear!" one of the boys laughed and Tsuna pinched the bridge of his nose.
"You don't think…" Kyoko whispers, with wide eyes and an open mouth. Tsuna bit back the sigh that nearly escaped his lips.
Tsuna sees his mother as she's watering her plants for the last time, humming at her favorite song by Matsubara Miki, Stay with me. She's bobbing her head and swaying her hips, seemingly lost to the real world, but Tsuna can read her just fine. She's tense, from the way the corner of her lips tugs downwards in a mere second, the way her stance is readily poised in the…. She turns around and smiles at him. The fake one he used to fear so much. "You're home" she chirps and he nods, as he turns off the tap for the hose. "I hope you're hungry" she says as she takes his bag and he chuckles as she squeezes his upper arm in a silent warning. Be careful. He follows her inside, the sounds of a mortified Teruko filling the house, and when he enters the kitchen, he looks at the baby who's slapping his little sister on the forehead. Teruko's face lights up at his arrival and Tsuna allows a smile on his face.
"Aniki" Teruko whines pitifully and Tsuna can't resist the urge to ruffle her hair. He gazes down at the baby who's taking him apart with his calculative gaze. He can see how his little sister gulps as Tsuna takes in the sight of the baby, with interest (feigned on his part but she doesn't know that).
"Tsuna-kun, this is Reborn-chan! Teruko's tutor" his mother shouts and claps her hands together. Well, time to get on with this game, he guesses.
"What?!" he shouts, allowing incredulous concern into his voice. Reborn's interest disintegrates at the assumed idiocy displayed by Tsuna who splutters at his mother.
"Calm down, Tsuna-kun" his mother laughs, and she's pleased with him. Tsuna knows. She forces him into the seat next to Teruko, who's rubbing her red forehead. He can feel the baby staring at him, as his mother places a cup of green tea in front of him. "How do you, a baby plan to teach, Teruko-chan?" he asks, allowing incredulous disbelief to crack his voice.
"I come with an extensive resume" Reborn says with a click of the tongue. The green lizard shifts from its spot on his fedora.
"What? Mom!" Tsuna acts out, as he flails his arms at the baby then at his mother. "You really can't…." he shouts but stops as his mother places a hand on his shoulder.
"He's going to help Teruko-chan with a few subjects, Tsuna-kun. It's alright" she persuades him and Tsuna rubs at his face.
"Aniki, he's…. really good" Teruko pipes up and Tsuna can see that she's okay with it. Huh. He honestly expected her to resist becoming a Mafia boss, but apparently his little sister has surprised him yet again.
"If you say so" he concedes, making sure to raise his hand in mock surrender. His mother kisses his forehead and starts off dinner, ignoring them all. Tsuna sips on his tea, half heartedly listening to Reborn help his little sister with her homework, when his phone rings.
Incoming call: OLD BASTARD
"Hello" he says when the call connects, and he can hear the rustle of papers from the other end.
"You have some nerve, kid" his grandfather laugh as Tsuna allows a goofy smile on his face at his voice. "I had to find out from Nao, that you've arrived safely. Shame on you" he jokes and Tsuna forces himself to splutter again when he feels Reborn's stare on him again. Creepy fucker.
"I was busy" he groans and gets up. Teruko shouts out a hello to their grandfather as he stomps upstairs to his room. He knows his conversation isn't safe, not even there but the illusion is better than nothing. "So, how are things over there?" he asks, sitting on the edge of his bed.
"Quiet, now that you're gone. Good riddance" his grandfather says and Tsuna whines at him. "How are you?" he asks and Tsuna allows the emotions to fade from his face.
"Quiet too. Mom and Teruko-chan says hello" he tells him and covers his eyes as a headache plows through his skull. Nothing yet; will keep you informed; goes unsaid.
"Okay, that's good I guess. Look after them. See ya later kid" his grandfather says and with a goodbye, he remains sitting on his bed, face shadowed by the flickering rays of a setting sun.
It's nearly a week, since Reborn has situated himself in the Sawada household. He's watching his student as she moans at the pain in her arms. She's complaining about Reborn and his unfair treatment, as she walks with Hayato. The silver haired kid is trailing beside her with a reverent stare, as if she holds all the answers to the universe. She's exactly as her father reported (which surprises Reborn, he expected some sort of bias from the doting father, but he hadn't done anything to taint his report) she's polite, kind, friendly with her peers though she does have a mean jealousy streak in her, she's not smart nor is she a dunce, she's teetering on neutral ground, but what surprises Reborn is her penance for goodness. She's pure, untainted in virtue, and fair.
He watches as she calls for her mother, who approaches with a smile on her face, though she's pleasantly pleased with the sight of a blushing Hayato. It had been one day since the Italian boy had bowed low and sure to the Sawada household after he promised himself to Teruko.
Her brother hadn't been particularly pleased.
Speaking of her brother, the boy is nothing like his father described. Reborn had found it weird that he hadn't much information on his report, and when he glanced at the boy's father, he had the gall to look sheepish.
Reborn watches from the corner as the boy lounges on the couch with a book in his hand. He squawks as Teruko launches herself on him and sighs as she kisses his cheeks in a fit of childishness.
He doesn't acknowledge Hayato, who frowns and Reborn nearly chuckles. Teruko whispers a warning of "Behave" to her brother, who finally looks at the silver haired boy.
Hayato bows his head again in a fit of nervousness.
The boy is an enigma.
One minute, he's as dumb and cowardly as they come, but in rare moments like these, where he's staring at Hayato, Reborn wonders if there's more to the brown-haired boy.
He's possessive of Teruko and Mama.
He never mentions his father, he's close with his nameless grandfather, and he's best friends with the pretty girl he saw from before.
Here's what Reborn observes in the last week about Tsunayoshi:
He loves books, especially those on Japanese history
He randomly quotes philosophers like Plato or even Descartes
He's fluent in English (question of why and how arises)
At exactly 4 in the afternoon, he locks himself in his room for a skype call
He's a vegetarian, his favorite dish is Yasai Itami (Stir fry vegetables)
He runs 12 miles in the morning
He doesn't drink any soda, only water or tea
He hates sweets
And sometimes seems to be aware of Reborn
The last one perplexes and worries Reborn, because it's a feat no one especially not a Dame should have.
"Well, we're off to get some homework done!" Teruko says, getting up from her brother and pulling Hayato upstairs to her room.
"Keep the door open" Tsuna shouts and she rolls her eyes as they run upstairs. Reborn stays.
"Interesting choice" Reborn says and Tsuna's eyes widen but disappear under a smile. "A bit heavy, don't you say?" he asks and Tsuna shrugs as Reborn gazes at the copy of Kokoro (1914) by Natsume Soseki in his hands.
"It's interesting at least" Tsuna says as he stands. Reborn narrows his eyes at him watching Tsuna with a morbid fascination as the boy walks past him. "Under normal conditions, everybody is more or less good, or, at least, ordinary. But tempt them, and they may suddenly change. That is what is so frightening about men." The boy quotes as he stops to look down at Reborn. He smirks, something off about the gesture, though it doesn't contain any malicious content or any vindictive vendetta. It's not cold…. it's just empty. And that….it concerns Reborn. "Human beings are interesting. Right, sensei?" he laughs, and totters away, tripping on the way up the stairs.
Like Reborn said, an enigma.
Tsuna can't maintain his regular exercise, the schedule he kept at the clan house utterly broken under his Dame guise. He loathes the way he can feel his body is affected by the lack of exercise, but at least the running is helping, if but a little. He regulates his breathing as his legs hits the asphalt, listening to the meditation playlist that Nao had gotten for him. He needs it more than ever.
Reborn has him under a microscope, waiting for him to slip up, because the hitman is as paranoid as ever.
Hayato, his sister's new follower, is annoying as fuck. He grates on Tsuna's nerves, not because the little sick freak has a submissive, "I'll lick your boot if you ordered me to" kind of attitude going on, but because he's incompetent. He can't protect Teruko, yet he's prostrating himself as some kind of knight, as if he's capable of saving his little sister when the time calls for it.
Tsuna wants nothing but to slam his head until his skull crack open…. Tsuna takes a breath. He can't kill the twerp. He just has to wait and be patient.
However, that's when he feels it. A presence following him. It's not Reborn, he can tell. It's filled with a different kind of violence, one that stinks of desperation and Tsuna smirks.
Oh, this is just too fucking easy. The fun he's going to have.
He continues with his run, though he slows his pace and turns where he knows there will be an empty tunnel entrance. He doesn't even flinch when a knife is pressed against his lower back.
"Hand over the phone" the robber hisses, gesturing at the phone strapped on Tsuna's arm. Tsuna laughs, the dark humor making the robber pause. The fucking fool doesn't even register that he's flipped to his back, the knife that was in his hand, now poised at the base of his throat. He shivers as the sliver tip runs up his skin until it hovers against his Adam's apple. "Look, I didn't mean-…" he pleads, but the boy just cuts into the man's hoodie and shoves the now free strap of cloth into his mouth. Even now, the brown bangs are covering his eyes, though the boy's mouth is stretched in the most horrendous grin he's ever had directed at him.
"It's a sin to steal, ya know that?" the boy whispers, and the man doesn't dare move. He wants to run, to fucking turn himself in to the police, rather than spend anymore time with this fucking psycho. The boy leans in, until his mouth is pressed against the man's ear and mutters "It's time to teach you a lesson, so hold on tight"
No one hears him scream when the knife is driven into the side of his knee, slicing through cloth, past his skin to get to bone and ligament.
"Master" is whispered to him when he's finished. Tsuna stands, satisfied as he looks at the man. He had choked from having the cloth shoved so far down his throat. And Tsuna had been getting to the good part too. When Tsuna had looked up, he had seen how the man's eyes had glassed over to reveal that he had stopped breathing. A shame really. Just from a knife to the knee, and cloth in his throat. How weak.
"Get rid of it" Tsuna says when a new t-shirt and pants, companied with a pair of shoes are handed to him. "You know me so well" he sighs, and the man chuckles as he shows no hesitance in changing right there.
"He's not awake" the man says and Tsuna nods. He knows. Reborn never follows him on his runs again, because it leaves Teruko too open especially now that familiar people had been reported to enter Japan. Tsuna uses his old t-shirt to wipe away the blood at his hands and looks at the man. "Try not to make this a habit, master" the man chides and Tsuna just chuckles as he pulls on the laces of his new shoes.
"I'll try my best" he mockingly swears and when he's finished, stretches. The rage abates for the moment and the head ache stops. "Today is going to be a great day" Tsuna says and the man snorts, shaking his head as his master runs away.
"Time to clean up" he says and with a flick of the hand, three more men appear before dropping to their knees. "You heard master, get to work" he barks and they set out to make this disappear.
Author's notes:
Oya, oya, oya. It's been awhile. So here you go.
Points to note:
While canon events have been mentioned, I'm not going too in depth. I'm trying to avoid having to write the exact same canon episodes into this AU. Only when I've arrived at those really important fight scenes, I will do that tiresome shit. Besides this is Tsuna's side of a story where he's not involved with the Vongola nor is he Decimo. So as the story progresses and Tsuna places himself in that mafia drama, will there be more in-depth canon reenactment.
The Tsunayoshi you know and love, is not that person in this AU. He's dark AF, he's morally grey. He doesn't kill innocent people but won't hesitate to kill those he's deemed "unworthy". He's leaning on the apathetic side. In fact, he's such a traumatized boy, the negative emotions outweigh the positive. As we go forward, Tsuna will be even more dangerous and sadistic.
I've had questions about Tsuna having the Sky flames, I don't want to spoil anything yet but as we progress, we'll see how that goes. Hint: I mean, I think of the flames as an extension of the character. So even if Tsuna does has the sky flames, the question of whether or not he trains to use it, is the answer you'll have to wait and see. So, Yuki-chan, I'm not saying no, but I'm not saying yes either.
