So this might have some triggering scenes in. There will be mentions of self-harm and I will mark the section to let you all know ahead of time.
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Aubrey sat up abruptly, out of breath and panting to catch her breath. The room was blanketed in a pale blue and the sun was beginning to peak out from its place behind the hills. She placed a trembling hand at her forehead to try and ease the throbbing in her head and looked over at the alarm clock on her side table. Its red numbers read that it was ten minutes until five meaning she hadn't been asleep that long. She dropped her hand to her side and it landed on something smooth and small. In the dark room she could tell it was a razor and with this realization came an awareness of the stinging in her arm. She peeked down in fear at the damage she didn't remember doing and was met with haphazard red scars running across her arms, blood dried in the paths running from the scars.
Lying back down, she looked over at Beca who was still asleep. She closed her eyes and placed her arm over her eyes as she allowed the tears to fall. She couldn't believe that she had allowed it to get as far as it had, to have allowed herself to be so weak to temptation. She didn't even remember how she had allowed the alt girl to talk her into leaving the camp site in the first place.
Flashback:
Aubrey sat on her bed reading her bible, a routine that she developed at a young age. It was the only time her father actually left her alone, and a moment of peace in the Posen household was cherished. She was so preoccupied with studying scripture that she hadn't even notice that Beca walked into the room.
She stole a glance out of her peripheral at her and quickly returned to her bible. However, she did a double take noticing that Beca had on a jacket and shoes despite it being close to 9pm.
"Where are you going? There's nothing scheduled tonight." She said, looking at the bulletin board posted next to her desk to confirm.
"I know there isn't but we're going out." Beca said and walked over to her, handing the blonde her sweater.
Aubrey sat up abruptly, shaking her head and stuttering, "That is strictly forbidden, rule 45: no one is to leave the premises unless granted permission."
Beca rolled her eyes and crossed her arms, "C'mon break a rule for once. It's your birthday."
Aubrey looked at the girl in surprise because she was certain she told no one of her birthday. That only means that the other girl was eavesdropping on her phone call with her father that morning.
"I wasn't eavesdropping." Beca chimed in as if reading her mind. "I could hear you crying from out in the hall and when I got up to check on you I heard you say that your father wouldn't make it for your birthday."
"But we can't." Aubrey said softly, and Beca smiled at her sympathetically. She walked over to the blonde and took a seat next to her on the bed.
"Look Aubrey, I respect that you like to follow the rules, I'll never understand it but I do respect it. However, what has following rules ever gotten you? Just—let's just have tonight to break the rules for once." She said, reaching down to lace her fingers with Aubrey's. Aubrey looked down at their joined hands and back up at Beca. When did their friendship reach this point where this, holding hands became second nature?
"C'mon put on you sweater. If your father won't celebrate your birthday, then we will." Beca said with a smirk.
"We? Who else is going?" Aubrey asked, a small part of her saddened at the fact that she wouldn't be spending time alone with the other girl.
"The guys: Paulie, Jane, CR, and Benji. They all agreed that you should celebrate your birthday. So," she stood up and pulled Aubrey to her feet, "we're going out, end out discussion."
Aubrey bit her bottom lip in deliberation, not sure if she should risk sneaking off campus with the group. However seeing the expectant look that Beca gave her and the thought of being with her outside of the confines of this camp, it made the idea appealing.
"Ok." She acquiesced.
"Ok? So you'll go?" Beca asked jumping up and down excitedly. Aubrey rolled her eyes at the other girl's antics and grabbed the sweater that Beca held out to her, slipping it on. After putting clothes and pillows under their respective blankets to make it appear as if they were asleep, Beca grabbed Aubrey's hand, lacing it with hers before turning off the lights in the room and exiting the room quietly.
"How are we going to get off campus?" she whispered following Beca out of the dorm. The two quietly made their way to the side of the building to hide in the shadows in case any counselors were out and about.
"We're meeting everyone by the gate and Paulie said she could pick the padlock." Beca explained, leading Aubrey out of the shadows and across campus as quickly as possible before they could be spotted. After a few minutes of walking in plain view across the campus they walked behind the dining hall to hide once again.
Aubrey bit her thumb nail nervously, "Maybe this isn't such a good idea. I think we should go back." Aubrey cried out.
Beca turned around and placed a gentle hand on Aubrey's cheek,
"Do you trust me?" she whispered. Aubrey looked into the gray eyes boring into hers and nodded silently.
Beca smiled and leaned in closer, "Good, because I would never let anything happen to you."
They eyes remained locked for a few more minutes before Beca grabbed her hand again and led her from behind the building. They walked a few more feet and made their way to the front gate neither girl had seen since their arrival at the camp a month ago.
"Paulie? Jane?" Beca whispered in the darkness. Paulie stepped from behind a bush shining a bright flashlight in Beca's face.
"Took you guys long enough." Jane whispered, adjusting the baseball cap situated on her head. She stretched her long arm that had grown stiff from being in an uncomfortable position for so long and turned towards Aubrey.
"Happy birthday, Aubrey." She said. Aubrey smiled widely at her and thanked her. Everyone else followed suit in wishing her a happy birthday.
"C'mon let's get out of here before someone sees us." Paulie said, walking over to the gate. She fished around in her pocket for a bobby pin and when she found it she held it out triumphantly.
"Are you sure you can pick the lock?" Cynthia Rose asked. Paulie looked at her with an unamused frown,
"Do you realize who you're talking to? I can pick just about any lock out there." She responded, turning towards to the lock. She reached out and picked up the pad lock. A frown made its way onto her face.
"What's wrong?" Benji asked, noticing the frown on the blonde's face.
"Nothing's wrong, but the lock—it's already unlocked." Paulie explained. Jane walked over to her roommate in confusion, "What do you mean it's unlocked?"
"I mean the padlock is already open. Someone must have left before us."
"I think you might be right about that." Cynthia Rose said, pointing and directing everyone's attention to a mysterious person making their way up the path to the gate.
Everyone stood and waited for the mysterious person to get closer and gasped when they realized who it was.
"Beca?" Jordan said with a startled gasp.
"Jordan?" Everyone said simultaneously. The therapist sighed and turned off her flashlight. She looked at the group through wide and startled eyes.
"What are you all doing out of your dorm?"
Paulie crossed her arms and frowned, "Shouldn't we be asking you the same thing?"
Jordan exhaled deeply and scratched her arm nervously, "I—I was just going for a walk. I needed fresh air."
"Plenty of fresh air on this side of the gate." Benji shot back with a grin. Jordan looked around the group realizing that she'd been caught but didn't want to give in just yet.
"Yeah and I wanted to get a work out. You know, go for a run."
"A run?" everyone said.
"Yeah, a run."
"I bet she got more than a run." Jane said under her breath. Aubrey hit her lightly on the arm and Jane nearly laughed, but bit her inner cheek to hold it in.
"I hope you know we don't believe you."
"Well it's the truth and you all can't say anything." She warned. The last thing she needed was for her mother to become curious about her personal life.
"What's in it for us?" Beca said.
"I—I won't say anything about this impromptu field trip." Jordan said, pointing an accusatory finger at everyone in the group.
"Not good enough." Beca said and Jordan frowned. Her shoulders slumped as she ran an exhausted hand through her hair,
"I don't know what else to offer."
"Make sure the gate is unlocked for us when we get back." Cynthia rose suggested. The rest of the group nodded in agreement.
Jordan looked at the group and sighed. She nodded her head and said, "Ok, I can do that. But you guys need to be back before 3:30, that's when the morning guard checks in." She pointed an accusatory finger at Beca and repeated, "I'm locking the gate at 3:30, Beca."
Beca put up her hands in defeat, "Ok, Ok. We'll be back." She said, taking Aubrey's hand and running out the gate with everyone following her.
"3:30 Beca!" Jordan called quietly after the group although she knew they weren't paying her any attention as they ran off into the distance. She shook her head at their antics and pulled her sweater closer to her body as the wind picked up. She closed the gate making sure to adjust the lock so it appeared as if it were locked. Once she was satisfied with her manipulation of the lock and chain, she turned away and turned on her flashlight to make her way up the hill to the counselors' dorm.
The group ran until they could no longer see the camp site. Once they made it a few blocks away from the campus and could no longer see the large church bell, they slowed down. Beca was the first to stop, leaning over to rest her hands on her knees to catch her breath. Everyone was panting heavily except Jane who was used to running long distances.
"I have no idea how you do this J." Paulie said, breathing heavily and trying to gulp in as much air as her lungs would allow.
"Yeah, I feel like my lungs are going to collapse." Cynthia Rose commented. Benji stood off to the side coughing and wheezing in an attempt to catch his breath.
"Benji, you ok?" Jane said, walking over to where the boy stood. Benji waved her off and turned away from the group to spit out fluids that had collected in his mouth. He made sure to spit into the grass on the side so that the green blades hid the dark crimson of the phlegm her spit out.
After finally gaining a semblance of her breath Paulie stood up straight and looked over to Beca, "Alright, so where are we going?"
"To the train station. There's a train leaving for Atlanta in like fifteen minutes. During one of my phone calls today I got my friend Uni to look up the train times. We just gotta find the train station."
"I know where it is…I took the train here." Benji said, walking back over to the group.
"Your father didn't even have the decency to drop you off?" Beca asked with a scoff.
Benji didn't say anything and instead walked past the group, "It's this way."
Everyone followed behind him but not before giving each other a strange look about his change in demeanor. After walking a few blocks behind Benji, with him never looking back to converse with the rest of the group, they arrived at the MARTA train station.
"So we're here." Cynthia Rose said and walked over to the price chart on the nearest wall. "A fare card to Atlanta is $1.79."
Beca reached in her pocket, "I've got 10 bucks. That should cover me and Aubrey roundtrip." She said. Aubrey opened her mouth to protest, but Beca held up a hand and leaned in, "I've got it. You can pay for the next date." She said, smirking at the speechless expression Aubrey wore.
"Ok, well I got 5 bucks, Benji said he has 7, Jane's got 10 and CR has 5. I think we've got us a good collection plate going. We might even be able to get something extra out of this." Paulie said, showing Beca and Aubrey the money she collected from the group.
"Well let's get going. I'm meeting someone in the city at 9:30." Beca said, glancing down at the watch on her wrist. Everyone walked over to the ticket machine and purchased their tickets. Luckily, they managed to get their tickets just before the train arrived.
"The train's here guys." Paulie announced, running away from the ticket machine and over to the row of turnstiles. Jane, Cynthia Rose, and Benji ran after her, quickly inserting their tickets into the turnstile to gain access to the tracks.
Beca and Aubrey made their way over to the metal turnstile and inserted their tickets. Well Beca did but Aubrey was met with trouble.
Beca stopped on her pursuit to the train when she realized that Aubrey wasn't behind her.
"Bree, what's wrong?" she asked, walking back over to the blonde.
Aubrey looked up from the ticket in her hand to Beca with an embarrassed blush, "I—I don't know what to do." She whispered. Beca smiled softly, ignoring Paulie's shouts to hurry up before the train left.
"Here, all you've gotta do is," she reached out and took Aubrey's hand, directing it to insert the ticket into the small slot on the side of the turnstile. "Insert the ticket here." At the sound of the loud click and the release of the turnstile lock, Aubrey smiled and reached down to push the metal bar so that she could pass.
"C'mon, let's go." Beca said softly, reaching down to lace her fingers with the blonde. The freedom of being able to do so openly, made her smile. The two walked into the empty train cart with the rest of the group and took a seat just as the doors shut.
"What took you two so long?" Cynthia Rose asked. Beca just shrugged not wanting to answer, since she knew that Aubrey was embarrassed by the mishap.
"Miss Posen over here couldn't work the turnstile." Paulie interjected earning a glare from Beca.
"Haven't you ever ridden the train before?" Cynthia Rose asked. Aubrey looked down at her feet to hide the blush creeping up her neck and face.
"No." she admitted quietly. "My—my dad didn't like me to go anywhere he didn't take me personally."
"Damn, that must suck. Is he like a military guy or something?" Paulie asked, knowing personally what it was like growing up with a father whose life was dictated by military conduct.
"No, but he's a pastor."
"Oh that's so much worse." Paulie said with an exaggerated sigh. "I can just imagine all of the things you've been deprived of. I bet you never got to watch Saturday cartoons did you?"
"No, I was at church with my dad." Aubrey said sadly remembering the days as a young child that she spent by herself living vicariously through the tales of the other children as they enthused about the new cartoons they'd seen the day before. She made the mistake once of asking her father could she stay home. She felt the stinging in her hands from where her father hit her with his ruler for weeks after and it served as a constant reminder to never question him again.
"Dude, really? You never got up on Saturdays at like the butt crack of dawn to make a huge bowl of cereal and watch Scooby doo?" Jane asked incredulously.
Aubrey looked around the group with wide eyes before softly confessing, "No. We didn't have a television in our house," earning her a bunch of exasperated sighs.
"Then what did you do when you weren't in school? Or at church?" Beca asked.
Aubrey turned to look at her and shrugged, "I wrote. I read. I wrote and I read a lot. I did homework and when I finished my homework I started the next day's homework. You never really miss something if you never had it in the first place."
"Can you ride a bike?" Benji asked.
Aubrey's hand flew to her face and she turned to hide, burying her face in Beca's shoulder in embarrassment. They must all think she was pathetic. What eighteen year-old couldn't ride a bike? It was a rite of passage of childhood.
Beca leaned over and whispered, "Don't worry. I can teach you." She wrapped an arm around Aubrey and her other hand came down to hold on to Aubrey's hand that rested on her knee. Aubrey looked down at their joined hands and for the first time—in a long time—she didn't feel guilty about what the contact made her feel. She looked at Beca and smiled before resting her head on Beca's shoulder.
Cynthia Rose smiled at the two and looked over at Paulie, knowing she was fishing for something sarcastic to say.
In an attempt to stop Paulie from ruining their moment, she sat up straight and asked, "So did anyone notice that hickey on Jordan's neck?"
Beca looked over immediately and burst out into laughter, "Dude, I thought I was the only that saw it."
Paulie looked at the group incredulously, shoving Benji when she noticed he was nodding as well.
"She did not!" Paulie said, not even sure why she was defending the therapist.
"She sure did and I'm pretty sure it has something to do with her sneaking back onto campus so late." Benji suggested grinning when he saw the unconvinced look on Paulie's face.
"I bet she was getting laid." Beca said playfully only to be hit on the arm by the girl in her arms.
"Stop being so crude." Aubrey reprimanded.
Beca smirked at her and said, "I'm not being crude. Like she really expected us to believe she went for a run because she wanted a workout? Who goes for a workout at 9 at night?"
Jane wiggled her eye brows and quipped, "Oh I bet she got a workout but it wasn't by running."
Everyone laughed, earning them weird looks from the other passengers in the car. The rest of the train ride passed rather quickly with Paulie doing a good job of keeping them entertained.
"Alright guys, the venue is not far from here but we have to make a stop first."
"A stop? A stop where?" Jane asked, being the last to exit the revolving door of Penn station.
"Just a stop." She answered, looking at the group. "A friend of mine from back home is meeting me so c'mon." she said, pulling Aubrey's hand behind her as they walked away from the group. Eventually the others followed, not in the mood to question the alt girl's actions any further.
After a five minutes of repeated turns and cutting through alley's Cynthia Rose said, "Beca I swear, if we're lost I'm gonna kill you."
Beca looked over her shoulder and said, "We're not lost. C'mon it's up here."
Everyone groaned but continued nonetheless and just like Beca had said, they stopped not long after.
"Beca!" Unicycle exclaimed, rolling form out of the shadows. He stepped off his bike and reached out to hug the smaller girl.
"Hey Uni." She said, pushing him off her with a grin, both knowing that she hated hugs. "I see you got a new bike. I guess that construction job is paying off."
"Hell no." he exclaimed with a grin. "My dad went down to the station and made Sherriff Woodard buy me a new one." He explained, chuckling at the memory of his threatening to sue the sheriff department for harassment.
Paulie crossed her arms and cleared her throat. Beca looked at everyone and chuckled,
"Oh crap, I almost forgot. Unicycle, this is Cynthia Rose, Benji, Jane, Paulie and this," she pulled Aubrey, who was hiding behind her, forward. "This is Aubrey. Guys this is Unicycle."
The curly haired boy waved at everyone and turned back to Beca. He noticed that she was holding hands with this Aubrey girl, something he'd never seen her do with anyone but Chloe, and even then it was on rare occasions. He wiggled his eyebrows at Beca, his eyes motioning to her hand that was linked with Aubrey's.
She chuckled and shoved him, "Shut up." She warned with a grin before he got the chance to make a joke. "Did you get what I asked?"
"Sheesh, Pearson has changed you." He joked, feigning shock at being pushed. "Yeah I got it. I even put it in a brown paper bag just like you asked." He said, handing over the bag.
"Thanks, I owe you one."
"Yeah, Yeah." He said, checking his watch. "Well I got to get back to work, but it was awesome meeting you guys." He said, stepping back on his bike. Everyone waved at him and watched as he put his helmet back on.
"Beca." He said and extended his hand to bump his fist against hers. They all turned and watched him ride off into the distance. When he turned the corner and was no longer seen, Paulie leaned over Beca's shoulder.
"What's in the bag?"
Beca snatched it away before Paulie could look inside, "None of your damn business." She joked and walked away, with Aubrey following not long behind.
"Where are we going again?" Benji asked. Beca didn't say anything and turned the corner. Everyone nearly crashed into her when she stopped suddenly.
"We're going to the Marissa Ethers concert." She said, pointing out down the street to the outdoor concert venue.
"But how, we don't have tickets." Aubrey said looking around at everyone in the group.
Jane snorted and took off running, "We're going to sneak in."
"Hell yeah!" Paulie cheered before taking off after Jane. Cynthia Rose and Benji ran after her leaving Beca and Aubrey alone.
"Beca, you don't have to do this." Aubrey said. Beca smiled at her and placed her free hand on the blonde's cheek.
"I know I don't have to but I want to. I—I know you've never been to anything like this and I want to be the one you experience this with for the first time."
Her lips slightly parted, Aubrey looked at her, speechless. "I—I don't know what to say."
Beca grinned, "You don't have to say anything. Just have fun, okay?"
Aubrey's hand came up to cover her face to hide her blush. She shook her head with a grin and sighed, "Okay."
"Good." Beca said and pulled Aubrey along as she increased her pace to a light jog to catch up with the group. When they got to the gates on the side of the stage they saw everyone standing there with grim expressions.
"What's wrong?" she asked as they got closer.
"Paulie couldn't pick the lock." Benji said. Beca looked at the blonde for confirmation and Paulie shrugged,
"There's only so much you can do without the proper stuff."
"Well what about hopping the gate?" Beca offered.
Jane shook her head, "We thought of that but there's barbed wire at the top." She explained and pointed up above their heads to the top of the gate.
Beca looked at the top of the fence to the spiked wire and sighed. Aubrey smiled softly and turned to stand in front of the brunette.
"It's ok, Beca. The thought was nice."
Beca looked up and shook her head, placing a hand on Aubrey's cheek. "I said we were going to celebrate and I meant it."
"Well what are we going to do?" Cynthia Rose asked. Beca looked around them and smiled, "I got an idea, c'mon."
She led the group away from the gates and up the hill near them. As usual, Jane challenged Paulie to a race and they each sprinted to the top of the hill. When they got the top, Paulie shouted down to them,
"You're a genius, Beca. You can see the whole stage from up here."
Beca smiled and her hand tightened around Aubrey's. When they made it to the top, Cynthia Rose and Benji walked over to where Paulie and Jane were wrestling with each other while Aubrey and Beca walked to the edge of the hill to gauge the view.
Beca smiled when she looked over and noticed Aubrey's eyes light up with excitement.
She leaned in and whispered, "I take it you like it."
Aubrey turned towards her and nodded slowly, "I love it. It's beautiful. All the lights, the colors, the music. I've never seen anything like this before."
"Well I'm glad." Beca said, kneeling to take a seat on the grass.
She took off her jacket and placed it on the ground before beckoning Aubrey to join her. It was almost instinctual for Beca to wrap an arm around Aubrey and for Aubrey to lean her head on the other girl's shoulder. The rest of the group came over to join them not long after and they all sat enjoying the music and really just enjoying each other's company outside the confines of the Westmore Institute.
"You guys want to know what I heard." Jane said. "Her song At My Window is about a woman."
"Really?" Cynthia Rose asked with excitement. Jane nodded her head and Paulie grinned, "Who would have thought Marissa Ethers was a carpet muncher like the rest of us."
"Well she wouldn't be the first. I heard that Jean Jett from the Fugitives was also gay." Beca said.
"And what about that country singer Rachel Wright. A lot of my friends think that Brandon Paisley is just her beard." Cynthia Rose added.
"No way," Beca said. "The day a country singer comes out will be the day this country let's gay people get married."
They continued to watch and enjoy the show and the concert wrapped up an hour and a half later but none of them were ready to return to the camp yet. Besides, it was only midnight and they had another 3 hours before they needed to be back on campus. They were going to take advantage.
"So guys, I think it's time we really get this party started." Paulie said, reaching inside the pocket of her denim jacket. She pulled out a small sandwich bag and waved it out in front so that everyone could see. Benji and Cynthia Rose high fived each other in excitement and Beca smirked while Jane just shook her head at her roommate's antics.
Aubrey looked at Beca in confusion, "What is it?"
Beca looked at Aubrey and grinned, "Bree, I know you haven't been living under a rock. You don't know what weed is?"
Aubrey's eyes widened and she turned to look back at the bag in Paulie's hand. "That's what that is? Those two sticks are marijuana? Isn't that illegal?"
Beca chuckled and smiled sympathetically at her roommate, "Yeah it is but so what. The best things in life aren't legal."
"Except murder. That shit's not cool." Paulie quipped as she held a lighter to the joint resting between her lips. Once the end was lit, she returned the lighter to her breast pocket and inhaled deeply, passing it to Jane as she exhaled up into the air above them.
Jane held it between her index finger and thumb eyeing it carefully, "You know this could mess up my training." She pointed out, placing it between her lips nonetheless and taking a deep drag. She coughed a couple of times, needing to get accustomed once again to something other than air being in her lungs.
"How long it's been?" Paulie asked when Jane passed the blunt over to Cynthia Rose.
"I don't know maybe a year. You know how Maura is, 'Jane, it's illegal and it could mess up your scholarship opportunities in the future.'" She imitated, while simultaneously exhaling the smoke in her lungs.
Cynthia took her hit and passed it to Benji, who took a hit of the joint just as easily as Cynthia Rose and Paulie had. Last year, during his depression over his breakup with Tom and a desperate attempt to find comfort in the arms of older men, he became accustomed to smoking the plant since many of them did.
"So you did have another plant growing. Where is it?" he questioned, leaning over Aubrey to hand Beca the joint.
"In the last place they'd ever think to check. Outside Aubrey's window."
Beca, who was in the middle of taking a puff, nearly choked at the revelation. She coughed, expelling all of the smoke in her lungs before it even got the chance to take effect. She quickly caught her breath and took another hit, this time feeling the THC take effect on her brain immediately. She held it in her lungs for a few seconds longer before looking up and exhaling the smoke into the night sky.
She held the joint out and looked at Aubrey, "You want to try?"
Aubrey looked at the small white stick and held out her hands in protest. She shook her head and stuttered,
"No I couldn't."
"Bree, it's meant to relax you." She leaned in closer, "I would never purposely harm you." Beca said softly, so that only Aubrey could here.
Aubrey looked at the rest of the group who was all too preoccupied with the second joint that Paulie lit to pay them any attention. It made her feel slightly better that she wasn't the center of attention.
"I—I don't know what to do." She admitted, turning so that the two were now facing each other, mirroring Beca's Indian style sitting position.
"Well I'll show you." Beca said, offering the joint once again. Aubrey stared at it for a few more seconds before finally giving in and taking the joint from Beca and placing it at her lips. Beca reached over and took Paulie's lighter out of her hands since she was too busy staring out into the distance to notice anything.
"Ok, so you're just going to inhale as deep as you can okay? And try to hold it in for as long as you can, it makes the high better." Beca instructed, lighting the end of the joint.
Aubrey did as instructed and her eyes widened as she inhaled, but the instant it reached her lungs she pushed the joint away and coughed loudly, expelling smoke. Aubrey hid her eyes in the crook of her arm as she coughed, trying to block out the sounds of Paulie laughing in the background and catch her breath simultaneously.
"That's okay. Not bad for a first try." Beca said as she patted Aubrey on the back. Beca looked back over to Paulie, "Do you guys want this back?"
Paulie shook her head and accepted the second joint from Jane, "No, you guys keep it. Maybe it'll force Posen to lighten up."
Aubrey turned her head to glare at Paulie and Beca rolled her eyes, turning her attention back to the girl in front of her.
"C'mon, let's try again." Beca said, lighting the end of the joint once again. Aubrey's eyes never left the gray ones in front of her as she followed Beca's instruction, inhaling deeply. She'd never done anything like this before so she wasn't sure if she was feeling the right thing when she expelled the smoke in her lungs.
"How do you feel?" Beca asked, taking her own hit of the joint. Aubrey didn't say anything and Beca took that as a good sign as she handed her back the joint. Aubrey accepted and took a drag, feeling more comfortable this time around.
"I feel funny." Aubrey whispered before bursting out into laughter. Beca laughed with her and took another hit of the joint while Aubrey laid down on the grass, staring and giggling at Beca. Her eyes were becoming redder and redder by the second as she allowed the drug to consume her.
Paulie ran back over to the group from where she'd wondered off and yelled loudly, "Guys we should play a game."
Beca rolled her eyes and looked down at Aubrey who was looking back through half lidded eyes.
"What type of game?"
"The game every teenager should play at least once and if what Posen divulged is of any consequence then I doubt she's ever played truth or dare.
Aubrey struggled to sit up straight in protest, "Hey I've played truth or dare before. It was at church camp but it still counts."
Beca looked at her roommate in amusement, loving how relaxed she looked. Like she was actually allowing herself to loosen up like Paulie had suggested.
"I'm up for it." Jane said and Benji and Cynthia Rose agreed.
"Cool. So what about 21 dares since we don't have a bottle or anything?" Paulie suggested. Aubrey agreed, cheering that she knew how to play the game.
She whispered to Beca with childlike innocence, "I know how to play that game."
Beca smirked at her and said, "See I knew you were a rebel."
Aubrey smiled widely at her before positioning herself between Beca's legs so that she could comfortably rest against the brunette. Beca smiled and wrapped her arms around her while Benji announced he wanted to start.
"Ok I'll go first. Um 1, 2."
Aubrey who'd been tracing patterns on the back of the hands resting on her stomach continued with, "3, 4, 5."
Beca was next, "6, 7"
Jane smirked, eyeing the group mischievously before saying the numbers, "8, 9, 10"
Paulie scanned the circle before simply stating the next number, "11
Cynthia Rose chose 12 and 13 while Benji said the next 3 and Aubrey said 17.
Knowing they were getting down to the wire, Beca thought carefully about her next choice before deciding on 18 and 19. Jane smiled widely as she raised her hands in the air and triumphantly declared, "20."
Paulie frowned and sighed, accepting her defeat. "21. Damn. Ok Truth."
Benji, since he was the first to start of the counting, thought of a question to ask. "Who was your first love?"
Paulie looked at him through unreadable eyes before casting them downwards to the grass below where she picked at the green blades. "Um—her name was Tori. We went to the same boarding school."
"What happened?" Aubrey asked.
Paulie looked at the blonde and smiled sadly before chuckling bitterly, "She broke my fucking heart, that's what happened. Her—her sister caught us in bed together and Tori told her that I forced her into having sex with me which was complete bullshit." She could hear gasps of shock from the others in the group but she continued with the story nonetheless.
"And when it got around the school she didn't even try and deny it or say it was all a lie. She just let them treat me like shit and she did nothing…she said nothing."
After her answer there was silence for a few minutes with no one sure how to respond. Benji realizing that Paulie didn't like to ponder on things of this nature suggested Aubrey start the game up again. She began with the number one and the counting went around the circle until it got back to Benji, who proudly said 20, leaving Aubrey with 21. She frowned and decided on the safer option of truth.
Paulie smirked and squinted her eyes devilishly at the blonde.
"Are you a virgin?
Aubrey's eyes widened and she shook her head immediately in refusal, "I'm not answering that!"
Jane shrugged her shoulders and shook her head. "You have to. It's the rules," she said plainly
Aubrey looked up at Beca for help and the brunette grinned, "It's the rules."
Aubrey sighed and mumbled, "No."
Aubrey placed a hand at her ear and mockingly asked, "What was that?"
"I said no, okay? I'm not a virgin." Aubrey said with an exasperated sigh.
Paulie widely grinned and high fived Cynthia Rose, "I knew it!"
Beca felt Aubrey tremble in her arms and decided to take the attention away from the blonde. They were just beginning to have fun and she didn't want to ruin the night for the blonde.
"My turn. 1."
Jane went next saying the next two numbers in line and the counting began once again. Unfortunately, Cynthia Rose was left with the dreadful 21 and, too, decided on truth.
"Have you ever had sex in a public place?" Beca asked. Cynthia Rose grinned and didn't hesitate to answer. It wasn't like she kept it secret anyway, not with a girlfriend like hers.
"Yes. Stacey is insatiable. Her sex drive is ridiculous and we aren't always in the comfort of our rooms when her urge hits. So, we sometimes end up having sex in public places."
This brought several rounds of laughter and Cynthia Rose joined in, not embarrassed at all by her and her girlfriend's exhibitionism.
Jane started this time with the first two consecutive and this time Benji was the one to say 21.
"No fair, you guys set me up," He huffed. However, knowing he had to make a choice and feeling like the game needed some excitement he boldly said, "I choose dare."
"I dare you to tell us one of your deepest secrets." Jane said, not wanting to force him to do something outlandish that would embarrass him.
"I guess being gay doesn't count," he replied sarcastically.
Jane rolled her eyes and said, "No it doesn't, asshole."
Benji laughed and put his hands up in surrender, "Okay... I gave a teacher a blowjob for a grade."
Beca's head whipped around quickly to look at him. "No way. Really? What teacher?"
Benji shrugged and stretched his arms out because of sudden stiffness in his arms.
"It was my junior year and it was calculus. I'd been failing that whole year and I knew my dad would kick my ass if I brought home another F so I offered to blow him and he accepted."
"Was it worth it?" Jane asked.
Benji bit his lip and solemnly answered, "No, my dad still kicked my ass anyway."
Paulie went next and the counting started up again, ending on Beca who cursed under her breath.
"Shit. Ok, dare."
Paulie with a scary grin rubbed her hands together mischievously. "I dare you to shot gun Aubrey."
Aubrey looked up at Beca and saw the stunned look on the brunette's face. She turned back to Paulie and asked, "What's that?"
Paulie's face lit up in amusement and she simply said, "Beca knows."
Beca rolled her eyes and mumbled, "I hate you so much right now."
She scooted back from Aubrey and took her hand. "Bree, um. Basically what you have to—um, ok," she looked around at the group who urged her to continue. Beca turned back to the confused girl staring at her and gestured to the ground.
"Here, lay down."
"Um, ok." Aubrey said, following her instructions although not without confusion. She lied down on the ground and watched as Beca put the joint Paulie handed her between her lips and lit it quickly. Aubrey opened her mouth to protest but before she could even get a word out Beca was placing a knee in between her thighs and leaning over. She held herself over Aubrey with a hand palm the grass below them.
Aubrey visibly gulped at she took that Beca's face was only a few terrible inches from hers. She could see the frown lines on Beca's forehead and smell her body wash as it was mixed with sweat from the hot night and smoke. From this distance her lips looked even softer than she'd ever thought they could possibly be and she could feel herself getting aroused just from their proximity. She could practically taste her.
"Just, inhale when I exhale." Beca whispered and waited for Aubrey to open her mouth in reply before letting smoke stream from her mouth to Aubrey's. Aubrey could only react, her eyes slipping shut, inhaling. She could really taste the weed now that it was seeping into her throat. It was mellow and warm, the time it spent in Beca's lungs stealing most of its kick. Aubrey closed her mouth and swallowed, watching triumphantly as Beca's eyes followed the movement of her throat with barely hidden interest. Aubrey let the small stream of smoke release through her nose, holding Beca's gaze again as she wet her own lips.
Before it could go any further, Paulie cleared her throat, completely ruining the moment with, "Um wow. Ok CR you're next.
The two didn't move at first and just continued to stare at each other before Beca finally pulled away, extending her hand to help Aubrey back up. Aubrey didn't take it right away, still floating in the ambience of what just happened. But, after a few seconds she grabbed the brunette's hand and sat up.
Surprisingly, there wasn't awkwardness between them and Aubrey welcomed the calming peace between them as she settled back between Beca's legs, sighing contently when Beca wrapped her arms back around her. With a soft smile, she reached down and laced her fingers with Beca's. No guilt, no shame, just peace…and happiness.
Cynthia Rose started the counting and once again, after circling the group twice, the counting ended with Beca who angrily declared, "Fuck. What is this, screw over Beca day? God, um truth." She said with an eye roll.
CR thought for a few moments before asking, "Would you get back with Chloe if you had the chance?"
Beca's breath hitched at the question, completely caught off guard by the inquiry. The moment the question left the other girl's mouth Beca could feel Aubrey stiffen in her arms and the blonde immediately tried to disengage her fingers from hers. Beca exhaled deeply and tightened her hand around Aubrey's, not giving the blonde the chance to retreat or ruin the comfort they'd built between them.
"Um—no, I wouldn't," she said, not ignorant to girl relaxing in her arms. "I—I don't trust easy and I trusted her. She shattered that trust and I don't think it could ever exist again." She said. In an attempt to avoid the awkward silence that always followed someone's revelation, she looked around the group and asked, "What about you guys? Would you get back with your ex if given the chance?"
Cynthia Rose plainly answered, "Nope."
And Jane shared her sentiment answering, "Hell no! It was that loser Casey and he wouldn't know intimacy if it bit him in the ass."
Aubrey bit at her bottom lip and softly murmured with a soft gulp, "Yes."
Beca looked down at the girl in her arms who was staring at their joined hands and smiled sympathetically. She, in no way, blamed the blonde for her answer. She didn't break up with Amanda; she was taken from her in the worst possible way. That's not something you just forget, no matter how much time passed.
"Sometimes I'm torn between hating his guts and wanting nothing more to be with him again." Benji answered with a bitter smile. He turned to the Paulie, who had yet to answer and posed the question to her. "What about you Paulie?"
Paulie shrugged and said, "Even though she basically sold me out, I would take her back if she wanted me. "
Aubrey looked over at the blonde and said, "You must have really loved her."
Paulie looked at Aubrey and smirked, "You know what I did... It was like…like when you feel that kind of all-consuming need to be with that person, someone you'd do just about anything for no matter what." She began, moving her hands animatedly to illustrate her point. "She was in my fucking skin and in my soul and the essence of her is still imprinted in me so fully that even the air I breathe and every fiber of who I am is tangled together with wanting her. I—I loved her like that."
Cynthia Rose exhaled and said, "Damn that's deep."
Jane chuckled and shoved her roommate playfully, "Yeah. We got our very own Shakespeare over here."
Beca smiled and leaned down to whisper in Aubrey's ear, "I'm pretty sure they'd think the same thing about you if you told them one of your poems."
Aubrey shook her head and softly said, "No. I can't. No one's ever read my poetry except Amanda."
"Would you two stop making out so that I can have my turn." Benji joked, earning him a glare from both girls.
"1, 2."
Aubrey said 3 and Beca continued with the next three numbers. Jane, Paulie and Cynthia Rose continued up to 14 while Benji and Aubrey made it to 18.
Beca thought before continuing with, "19, 20"
Jane slapped the ground and said, "Dammit. Ok dare."
Benji bit the inside of his cheek to contain his grin. "Ok. And remember you have to do it. That's the rules." He warned.
Jane rolled her eyes and yelled, "Just spit it out already."
"I dare you to kiss one of the girls in this circle with blonde hair for twenty seconds."
Jane looked at Benji with wide eyes and yelled, "What!"
Benji just shook his head with a defiant grin, "Nope, you have to do it."
Jane sighed and looked across the circle to Aubrey who stared back at her with equally wide eyes. Jane looked at Paulie who didn't look the least bit concerned, as if she knew she wouldn't be chosen and she was right. Jane did not want to kiss Paulie, they were too close for that and it would be like kissing one of her brothers: weird and just wrong. She looked back at Aubrey and her eyes met those of the brunette that held her. The look Beca gave her clearly read that she shouldn't even think about choosing Aubrey and although she knew she didn't want to kiss Paulie, she also knew how much Beca liked Aubrey. She wasn't going to be the one to get in the way of whatever could come of their relationship.
So with a sigh, she grabbed Paulie by the strings of her sweatshirt and pulled the blonde to her. What was initially supposed to be an innocent kiss became quite intense pretty fast and the others watched through amazed eyes at how comfortably they seemed to be in the other's arms.
Cynthia Rose's laughter filled the air as she joked, "Damn Paulie, give Jane her face back."
The two separated bashfully and Jane wiped at her mouth, turning at Paulie, "Never mention that to anyone." Jane warned with a serious glare at her roommate.
Paulie nodded immediately and looked away from the Bostonian. Beca furrowed her brow at the skillfully hidden expression Paulie fostered as she agree to her roommate's request and after a few seconds, Paulie turned back to look at the group and her eyes met Beca's. The magnitude of what wasn't said weighed heavily in the air.
This time around, Aubrey started the counting; only saying one number while Beca said the next two and once again as the counting continued the fateful 21 was uttered by Beca—again.
"I'm starting to think you guys rigged this game." She said with a sigh. "Ok dare. I know Aubrey won't make me do something crazy"
Aubrey smiled widely and said, "I dare you to sing a song."
Beca's smile dropped immediately and with an exaggerated gasp she placed a hand at her heart, "I feel betrayed."
Aubrey sat up on her knees and turned to face Beca. "You have a beautiful voice. Just one song. It could even be one you wrote." She pleaded.
Beca looked at the blonde, who she thought looked adorable pleading like a little kid, and finally acquiesced.
"Ok, Ok. I'll do it."
Aubrey clapped happily and moved from in front of Beca, taking a seat next to the brunette.
"Ok. Um Jane, you played drums back home in church right?" Beca asked.
Jane nodded and said "Yup. Bona fide percussionist over here."
"Ok. I need you to keep this drum beat." Beca instructed and proceeded to demonstrate the sound using her hands and her thigh for Jane to replicate. Once she was sure that Jane was comfortable with the rhythm she cleared her throat and began to sing.
You know you're not the only one
When they all come crashing down- midflight
You know you're not the only one
When they're so alone they find a back door out of life
You know you're not the only one
We're all grieving
Lost and bleeding
All our lives
We've been waiting
For someone to call our leader
All your lies
I'm not believing
Heaven shine a light down on me
Everyone in the group sat mesmerized as Beca's voice filled the night air around them. Even Aubrey, who'd heard Beca's voice before had no idea of the great range the brunette possessed. How she belted the notes, reaching the higher notes with great ease and precision, it amazed her.
Beca had closed her eyes when she had begun and didn't notice the looks of admiration she was receiving from her friends. Instead, she just continued to sing, lost in the lyrics of the song.
So afraid to open your eyes- hypnotized
You know you're not the only one
Never understood this life
And you're right I don't deserve but you know I'm not the only one
We're all grieving
Lost and bleeding
All our lives
We've been waiting
For someone to call our leader
All your lies
I'm not believing
Heaven shine a light down on me
Don't look down
Don't look into the eyes of the world beneath you
Don't look down, you'll fall down,
You'll become their sacrifice
Right or wrong
Can't hold onto the fear that I'm lost without you
If I can't feel, I'm not mine,
I'm not real
All our lives
We've been waiting
For someone to call our leader
All your lies
I'm not believing
Heaven shine a light down on me
As she held the last note of the song, complete entranced by the song she slowly opened her eyes and met those of the others around her. Long after the song ended, there was silence and Beca looked at the group in confusion. She looked to Aubrey for answers but the blonde was just as speechless as the others and was staring at her though clouded eyes.
"Damn." Jane breathed out, finally breaking the silence.
Paulie breathed with an airy chuckle and commented, "Got that right. And you wrote that?
Beca nodded her head and waved off the comment, "Yeah. It's not that good though. I wrote it so long ago." She said, never one for comments. It was something Chloe had always said she'd need to get over if she was going to produce music. 'How could others think you're great if you don't believe it first?'
Benji laughed incredulously, "This humility is ridiculous. That song was awesome." He declared. Beca just shook her head and began counting to get the attention away from her.
"Ok, enough about me. 1, 2, 3"
Jane got the hint and continued to count, "4, 5."
When Aubrey said the final number Beca nearly jumped up. She had been secretly hoping it would land on the blonde so that she could enact her revenge on the girl for making her sing.
"I dare you to sing a song."
Aubrey looked at her and shook her head in protest quickly, "I didn't even say which one I wanted."
Beca crossed her arms defiantly, "I don't care. I already dared you."
"But I don't even sing."
Beca knew that was a lie. She'd heard the blonde sing before, not an entire song but bits and pieces here and there during the morning when the blonde thought she was asleep.
"Well then you got say a poem. One or the other." Beca offered.
Aubrey looked at her roommate and sighed. "Ok. I'll say a poem but please don't comment on it, ok?" She said. The group agreed that they wouldn't say anything afterwards and once she was certain they would keep their word she inhaled deeply and closed her eyes as she began to recite the poem.
You looked at me
from the passenger seat
with so much love in your eyes
you started to speak
but my tears of sorrow
washed away your words
I knew you wanted to tell me then...
how much you loved me
and give your formal goodbye
until we meet again
in another space and time
but no words needed to be spoken
I just knew, I just knew...
remember when I called you up
and then couldn't talk
the only sound between us
the fatal ticking of the clock
I wanted to tell you then...
how sorry I was for all I had done
how badly I wanted a do over
but the words didn't come
I'll never forget the night
that changed our lives forever
darkness descended
the well ran dry
no more tears
no more tears left to cry
I wanted to tell you then...
I know you are hurting
I'm hurting too
please don't do this
we'll make it through
but no words came
and I lost you
tell me where did you go
I lost you...
when I'm dead and gone
will these words be
all that are left of me
a written legacy
my final ministry
I will tell you then
I will tell you then...
Beca looked around the group and saw man of them biting their tongues to keep from commenting and she had to admit she was too. It was obvious who the poem was about and what it was about but she'd promised that she wouldn't comment and she was going to keep her word. She looked over at Aubrey who was looking at her though glassy eyes and she wanted nothing more than to do something, anything to make them go away; to make her pain go away.
She knew that Aubrey was about to cry, being around the girl as long as she had had taught her to recognize the signs. So in an attempt to lighten the mood she turned to the group and smiled,
"Let's all sing a song."
Cynthia Rose turned from where she'd been watching Aubrey and asked, "What song?"
Benji perked up and said, "Oh, I got an idea. CR, didn't you used to sing in an acapella church choir?"
Cynthia Rose rolled her eyes just at the mention of the choir. "Yeah. I had the wonderful job of singing all of the piano parts." She responded sarcastically.
"Why?"
"You'll see." Benji said and looked around the group. He licked his lips and cleared his throat, hoping that the group was familiar with the song he was about to begin.
Is this the real life?
Is this just fantasy?
Caught in a landslide,
No escape from reality.
Beca listened as Cynthia Rose began to add the piano parts, singing the instrumental part perfectly. She smiled widely, pleased with his song choice. She looked around the group and saw everyone else wearing smiles that mirrored hers. As the next verse came in, she decided to join him, their voices blending perfectly.
Open your eyes,
Look up to the skies and see,
The rest of the group, sans Aubrey, decided to join in, harmonizing in the background as Benji took the lead in singing Freddy Mercury's parts.
I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy,
Because I'm easy come, easy go,
Little high, little low,
Anyway the wind blows doesn't really matter to me, to me.
As he sung the last note, he looked over to Beca, and she nodded her head, taking the cue to sing the next verse.
Mama, just killed a man,
Put a gun against his head,
Pulled my trigger, now he's dead.
Mama, life had just begun,
But now I've gone and thrown it all away.
Benji took over the next verse and Beca harmonized lightly in the background with Cynthia Rose perfectly maintaining the piano accompaniment.
Mama, ooh,
Didn't mean to make you cry,
If I'm not back again this time tomorrow,
Carry on, carry on as if nothing really matters.
Too late, my time has come,
Sends shivers down my spine,
Body's aching all the time.
Goodbye, everybody, I've got to go,
Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth.
I see a little silhouetto of a man,
Scaramouche, Scaramouche, will you do the Fandango?
Thunderbolt and lightning,
Very, very frightening me.
(Galileo) Galileo.
(Galileo) Galileo,
Galileo Figaro
Magnifico.
Beca, knowing this song by heart since she was little girl, was able to imitate the guitar solo and Benji smiled as she played on her air guitar, fully remembering her say she was the queen of air guitar. On the next verse, the group joined in again behind Benji's lead vocals and Beca looked over to Aubrey, taking her hand in an attempt to get her to join in with the rest of the group. The blonde just laughed and shook her head.
I see a little silhouetto of a man,
Scaramouche, Scaramouche, will you do the Fandango?
Thunderbolt and lightning,
Very, very frightening me.
(Galileo) Galileo.
(Galileo) Galileo,
Galileo Figaro
Magnifico.
I'm just a poor boy and nobody loves me.
He's just a poor boy from a poor family,
Spare him his life from this monstrosity.
Aubrey watched on with a smile and began to loosen up once again. Everyone was having a good time and she knew no one was there to judge her. So, with a deep breath, she decided to join in behind everyone on the next verse, singing the high notes that Benji couldn't hit, even in falsetto.
Easy come, easy go, will you let me go?
Bismillah! No, we will not let you go. (Let him go!)
Bismillah! We will not let you go. (Let him go!)
Bismillah! We will not let you go. (Let me go!)
Will not let you go. (Let me go!)
Never, never let you go
Never let me go, oh.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Oh, mama mia, mama mia (Mama mia, let me go.)
Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me, for me, for me.
The moment they heard the blonde join in with "Let him go" in the background they all cheered and smiled at the blonde, lessoning the stress building in her that they would ridicule her.
Beca looked at Benji in the corner of her eye as she sung the mini guitar riff. She knew what was coming and wasn't surprised when Benji jumped up and began to sing the next verse. He stood in a Freddy Merceury-esque pose and belted out the next few lyrics.
So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye?
So you think you can love me and leave me to die?
Oh, baby, can't do this to me, baby,
Just gotta get out, just gotta get right outta here.
Jane joined in with an impromptu drum fill playing imaginary drums animatedly. Beca picked up with the final guitar solo and eased into the final verse of the song. She took Aubrey's hand in hers and motioned for her to join her.
Nothing really matters,
Anyone can see,
Nothing really matters,
Nothing really matters to me.
Aubrey eyed the brunette and finally joined in, their eyes never leaving the other's as they sang the last line together.
Anyway the wind blows.
Beca smiled at Aubrey and leaned over, whispering directly in Aubrey's ear, "Come walk with me."
Aubrey silently nodded and Beca stood up, offering her hand for Aubrey to take. Aubrey took her hand without hesitation and stood up lacing her fingers with Beca, who leaned over to grab the paper bag that had remained neglected until then as well as the her jacket that Aubrey had been sitting on.
None of the others even bothered to question their impromptu exit, realizing—as well as feeling—what had finally boiled to the surface between them. Both girls walked away from the group, their arms touching in their close proximity.
Aubrey looked out into the distance at the city below them and smiled.
"All though we'll probably be put in isolation, this was the best birthday I've had in a long time." She admitted.
"I'm glad. That's what I wanted more than anything." Beca smiled and stopped walking. She took a seat on the grass and motioned for Aubrey to join her. The blonde looked back. Once she saw that they were a considerable distance from the rest of the group and took a seat. Beca reached out and nervously took Aubrey's hand.
"I—I would have gotten you something better but it was the only thing I could do on such short notice. Speaking of which, why didn't you tell me it was your birthday." She reprimanded, a grin betraying her serious tone.
Aubrey laughed, "We never celebrate birthdays in my house anymore." She looked off sadly and continued with, "My father says it's just an excuse that gives failures a reason to celebrate. "
"Well that's stupid." Beca quipped before taking on a neutral expression. "Happy Birthday, Bree." She stated, handing the paper bag to her. Aubrey looked at the bag in confusion, never thinking that the mysterious bag she'd gotten from Unicycle was actually for her.
She opened the bag and pulled out its contents. She frowned at the book in her hand.
"Beca, I already have a bible." She said, trying not to sound ungrateful.
Beca rolled her eyes and said, "Just open it."
Aubrey eyebrows furrowed in skepticism as she opened the leather bound book, her eyes widening as she took in its contents—or rather its lack of. It was a journal, an empty journal that appeared as a bible from the outside.
She looked back at Beca, speechless.
"I know how much it hurt when they took your journal and probably read all of that stuff that's personal to you. This one can be for all your poetry and stuff and they'll never know since it looks like a bible and stuff." Beca explained. Aubrey immediately launched herself into the other girl's arms, hugging her tightly.
"Thank you so much Beca. I'll cherish it." She whispered, her voice slightly muffled in the crook of Beca's neck. After a few minutes, they separated, but only to disengage from the hug. They still remained close, unable to draw themselves away.
Beca parted her lips and whispered softly, "I called Chloe today."
Aubrey, the spell seemingly broken, backed away at the news. She wasn't upset—no, she wasn't upset that Beca was still thinking about her ex. No, not at all. They were just friends after all.
"Why? I thought your last phone call didn't go well." She asked trying to hide the shakiness in her voice. She looked down at her hands and began to fiddle with her fingers in an attempt to distract herself from the jealousy brewing inside.
Beca noticed the change in the blonde's demeanor and quickly went to elaborate on her previous statement.
"I just needed confirmation that we were actually over and there was no chance of us getting back together." She explained.
Aubrey looked up slowly and whispered, "Confirmation for what?"
Beca didn't respond and leaned a little closer, moving slowly enough to give Aubrey time to back away if she wanted to. But Aubrey was transfixed in place and her heart seemed to be pummeling between her ears as Beca inched her fingers towards Aubrey's mouth. She traced her thumb over Aubrey's lower lip before resting at her hand at her jaw, "So I can do this." She answered before bringing her lips to Aubrey's.
Her fingers slid through Aubrey's silk soft hair; with her other hand resting at Aubrey's waist as the blonde's hands relaxed and held Beca as close as possible. Her lips parted and she felt Beca's tongue slide briefly between them, giving Aubrey the option of furthering the kiss.
After an initial hesitance Aubrey opened her mouth further, allowing Beca to take control, and their lips locked, solidifying the intimate bond. Beca leaned over, Aubrey reclining backwards until she was fully on her back with Beca leaning partially over her and they deepened the kiss.
The two separated a few minutes later but only for a split second before Aubrey looked up into Beca's eyes and moved her arms around Beca's neck. She leaned up and initiated the kiss this time, moving slowly to figure out what she was comfortable with.
Paulie looked over to where the two were and felt bad for what she was about to do but she needed to if they were going to make it back to campus in time.
"Beca!" she shouted and felt guilty when she saw Beca angrily hit the grass on as she separated from Aubrey and responded, "What!"
"You said to let you know when it was 10 minutes to 3. Benji boy over there forgot so good thing I didn't." she looked down at her watch and said, "Its 2:50 now and the last train leave in 15 minutes."
Beca looked at the girl below her and kissed her once again, "Happy birthday, Bree." She whispered and stood up, offering her hand to Aubrey. The blonde didn't take it and stood up on her own. The two walked back over to the group and Beca questioned where Benji had gone off to. Paulie just gestured behind her and Beca looked over the blonde's shoulder to where Benji was bent over, vomiting heavily. Beca closed her eyes and turned away from the scene.
After a few more seconds of dry heaving, Benji wiped his mouth with the collar of his shirt and joined the group. He swallowed thickly, trying to mask the pain shooting through his throat.
They all quickly made their way down the hill and jogged the few blocks back to Penn station just as the train was arriving. They all quickly got their tickets and managed to make it onto the train, Aubrey and Beca being the last ones to get in the crowded train car before the doors slid shut. They all took a seat with sighs of relief, glad they managed to make the train. The next one didn't arrive for another four hours and by then the gate of the campus would surely be locked and guarded by a security guard. Beca took a seat an empty between Paulie and Jane while Aubrey sat next to Benji who was still out breath from the run to the station. He coughed erratically and Cynthia Rose patted him on the back, eyeing her friend with concern. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a handkerchief and tried to spit into it discreetly but everyone noticed not only the rusty red spots on the cloth but also the very bright liquid spilling from his mouth. Before anyone could say anything, he put a hand up silencing them all.
"I'll get it checked out on Monday." This satisfied everyone.
Aubrey turned away from Benji and wrapped her arms around herself. She chewed at her bottom lip as she thought about what had transpired between her and her roommate. She just didn't understand how it got to that point and more so why it felt so right then and just so wrong now. The guilt and shame were seeping into her, consuming her and now she couldn't even stand to look across the car at the brunette she felt staring at her.
Eventually Benji stopped coughing, his breathing evening out and when Aubrey looked over to make sure he was actually okay she saw that he was sleeping peacefully with his head resting on Cynthia Rose's shoulder. She looked at the others on the opposite side of the train car and saw Jane, Paulie and Beca asleep, Jane's and Paulie's heads resting on Beca's shoulders who in turn rested her head on Paulie's. Luckily, Aubrey had managed to stay awake and was able to let the others know that their stop was coming up. Everyone opened their eyes reluctantly and stood up, stretching their arms and legs; everyone except Benji that is. He was still asleep on Cynthia Rose's shoulder and no amount of prodding was successful in rousing him from his sleep.
"We're gonna have to carry him off or we're going to miss our stop." Jane said and went over to the boy and placed one of his arms around her shoulders. Beca nodded her head and walked to the other side, placing his other arm around her shoulder. The brunettes looked at each other before nodding and simultaneously lifting him up just as the train came to a stop.
As they carried him out of the train station he began to stir. "Guys I'm so tired…and my knees...it feels like there's weights on my knees." He mumbled, deliriously.
"Don't worry Benj, we got you." Beca said. "Besides you aren't even that heavy." She looked over at Jane and smirked, "You probably weigh less that Jane who's probably like 105 soaking wet." Everyone laughed at her joke.
Jane snorted, adjusting her hold on Benji before responding, "Hey, Maura likes my body just fine so you all can go to hell."
Everyone laughed at this as they continued to walk, Aubrey dragging behind as she withdrew into her mind. The events of the night continued to replay in her mind and the more she thought about the more ashamed she felt. When a tear escaped, she quickly reached up to wipe it away, glad that the darkness of the night could hide the turmoil written on her face.
Beca sighed in relief as the gates of the campus came into sight and when she looked down at her watch she announced that it was 3:25. When they got to the gate they could see Jordan standing there with a flashlight, quickly ushering them inside the gate so that she could lock it.
"You all were cutting it very close." She whispered, as she wrapped the chain around the steel bars.
"We know but we're here." Paulie said.
Jordan closed the padlock and turned to them. She shinned her flash light in their faces and sighed, "Are you guys high?"
Beca scoffed, chuckling nervously, "No. We're just tired."
Jordan rolled her eyes, not believing her. "And Benji. What's wrong with him?"
"He's sick. We're going to take him to his room and call it a night." Jane said. Jordan nodded and looked back at Benji surveying his appearance, something telling her there was more to the story but she decided to drop it.
"Ok, well you all hurry up and get him to his dorm and then go back to your rooms." she instructed. She turned off her flashlight and turned on her heels to head back to her own room.
"Good night." She called over her shoulder. They all returned the statement and watched her walk off before turning their attention back to the passed out boy in their arms.
"How are we going to get him back to the boy's dorm?"
"Paulie and I can handle it. Eli from therapy lives on the first floor of their building and he can help us sneak him back in. You guys just go on to bed." Jane said. Beca looked over at Paulie who nodded and took her place in holding Benji up.
"Are you sure?" She questioned. The two girls didn't say anything and just started walking, doing their best not to drag Benji.
"See you at breakfast." Jane called out. Cynthia Rose waved despite the fact that they couldn't see it. The remaining three girls walked across campus not bothering to be discreet since they knew everyone was asleep as opposed to when they had left. All three were exhausted and wanted to get into their respective beds as quickly as possible. When they got to the dorm Cynthia Rose bid them all goodnight and they parted ways with the pink haired girl making her way to the stairwell to go to her room. Beca and Aubrey made their way back to their room and Beca immediately striped out of her clothes and fell into bed, exhausted. She called out good night to Aubrey and Aubrey returned the statement as she quietly reached into her drawer to pull out her metal bookmark knowing that she wasn't going to go to sleep anytime soon.
*-End of Flashback-*
Triggering. Skip the next paragraph if you don't want to read. Otherwise, proceed with caution.
She didn't feel anything at first; no relief, no comfort, nothing. Just the panic that burned inside, vibrating in her chest. Through glassy eyes, she slashed again and again as the memories of the previous night invaded her memory. The memories of feeling so aroused at the feeling of Beca on top of her, touching her, kissing her. She continued to cut again and again, her flesh opening to expose white bubbles of fat until dark blood welled up to cover them before spilling over her arm in wide, curling arcs. She could barely feel the pain—just the air that rushed into her lungs and the racing thoughts of guilt and shame slowing down. As the panic finally drained away, she dropped the bookmark and sagged in relief. It was the same thing last night. With her mind clear she remembers quite clearly cutting and cutting until the love in her heart bled out of her and down on her arms. Now she was cutting to cope with the guilt and shame that consumed her. However, now her mind was clear and she could process everything. She could pray, she could ask for forgiveness. Her situation wasn't as grim as it appeared. She would repent in the morning and it would be better. Well not better because she did sin and they can't be forgottenbut the severity will be lessened. She prayed that God would take pity on her.
She wiped at her eyes with her non-bloody hand then reached over then grabbed a handful of Kleenex from the box resting on her side table. She pressed them hard against her arm to slow the bleeding.
When she felt a hand rest on top of hers she had to stop herself from screaming out in fear. The girl moved with covert like precision and she hadn't even noticed that the other girl had gotten out of her bed until she was sitting on the bed next to her. Beca took the tissues out her hand and proceeded to clean the blood herself.
All of sudden Aubrey was consumed by that guilt once again. Guilt brought on by Beca seeing her like this. She was so open, figuratively and literally, and there was no way what Beca saw tonight could be unseen. She had promised the brunette that she wouldn't cut anymore and yet she'd been caught in the act once again.
Before she realized she was doing it, Aubrey found herself trying to come up with an excuse.
"Beca—the cutting helps me. It really does." She whispered.
Beca's hand faltered for a second before continued to wipe at the blood. "I know," she said with a sad smile. "I know."
She placed the soiled tissues to the side and leaned down, never breaking eye contact with Aubrey as she kissed the open wounds. She didn't care that blood coated her lips as she whispered, "And even with you scars, you're still beautiful."
Aubrey's held her breath as she watched the brunette reach over to grab her first aid kit to bandage her arm, taking tender care with her arm, treating her like a wounded lover. Aubrey cried softly knowing that no matter how much she wanted to indulge in this feeling with Beca, she knew what happened last night would never happen again. It was a sin, an abomination in God's eyes and she shed the blood as a result.
"Indeed, under the law almost everything is purified with blood, and without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness of sins." (Hebrews 9:22)So I'll start this by saying I don't smoke marijuana. I never have and probably never will. None of my friends smoke and because of that I don't know the ins and outs of marijuana smoking. So, for that, please forgive me if there was any awkwardness in the terminology during that scene. Anyway, this chapter was something. Honestly, I'd been excited to write this chapter since I first started the story and I'm glad that it's finally here. Um what else? Oh, I decided to incorporate some impromptu group singing since this is Pitch Perfect after all. You can't have a PP fic without some acapella. The songs used were The Only One by Evanescence (one of my favorite songs), and Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen (another of my favorite songs). As for the poem that Aubrey recited it's called, I Will Tell You Then by Kendall Palmer. It can be found on allpoetry dot com. So it's obvious that Benji is sick, and what he's sick with will be revealed in the coming chapters. However, I'm interested on you guys' theories on what it might be. Am I leaving anything out? Jordan sneaking back onto campus and Truth or dare. What'd you all think about that? Don't hesitate to send me reviews because I actually really like reading them when I'm not paying attention in class. SO this note is getting way too long so I'm going to stop. Thanks for reading.
