Author's Note: Once again, real life gets in the way. I don't know when I'll be able to answer to your wonderful reviews, but be sure that I will (however briefly) as soon as I can. Thank you all for reading. Right now, it means the whole world to me.
Leia and Vader returned to the waiting room to find Han, Lando and Chewie there, engaged in a lively conversation.
"It was about time!" Han exclaimed, turning to her.
Leia grinned at her impatient boyfriend, grasping his outstretched hand.
"What are you all doing here?" she asked. "Is Luke alone?"
"No way," the Corellian denied dramatically. "But your droids burst in ten minutes ago, demanding to see Luke. Your Artoo unit in particular seemed prepared to set this ship on fire if we wouldn't allow them to enter," he shrugged. "You'd better get in, before they fry the poor kid's circuits."
Vader and Leia crossed gazes.
"Do you mind...?" the Dark Lord began.
"Go ahead," Leia nodded, smiling softly at him. Meanwhile, she would update her friends on their conversation.
Vader nodded back at her and strode into the room.
Luke lay propped up on two pillows, looking refreshed and alert, already hooked on saline. He oozed weakness and frailty through every pore, but his caring eyes looked everything but. They turned to his father the moment he walked in and something in them came back to life; something so indescribably beautiful that Vader felt humbled by it.
Time seemed to stand still as Father and Son lost themselves in each other's eyes.
"Goodness gracious me!" the dismayed exclamation brought them back to reality with a start.
But Threepio's petrified voice was nothing compared to the string of enraged beeping sounds that followed. Raspberries, screeching and shrilling noises, as the little droid at the foot of Luke's bed made for Vader, opening one of his compartments and sticking out his power charging arm. Sparks began to fly and the sound of electricity filled the room.
Instinctively, Vader recoiled and stepped back.
"No, Artoo! NO!" Luke cried out, reacting automatically and reaching out his hand. "Don't hurt him. Don't hurt him, please! PLEASE!"
The droid rolled to a stop and turned his domed head to Luke, then back to Vader and then back to Luke with an interrogative sound, as if he couldn't understand why his kindly master was trying to stop him.
"Trust me," Luke requested softly in a calming voice. "He won't harm me. He won't harm any of us," he assured both droids, turning his head briefly to Threepio.
With a reluctant beep, Artoo obeyed and retracted his arm. Still, he let out a warning sound to remind Vader to not try anything.
"Are you certain that's wise, master Luke?" Threepio asked nervously.
"Yes, Threepio," Luke turned his head to the golden droid. "I'm certain."
"Threepio?!" Vader straightened up and took one step forward. "See-Threepio?"
"Yes," Luke nodded, staring at his father in confusion. "Why?"
Vader's eyes darted from his child to the shining droid. Back and forth, as if he couldn't believe what he was seeing. Suddenly, the helmeted head turned to the small blue droid.
"Artoo... Detoo?" he asked with a catch in his voice.
Everyone in the room felt the spike of emotion in Vader's words. Luke studied his father's stance, anticipation eating him alive.
"Yes. What is it, Father?" he tried to sound as composed as possible.
In an almost pleading gesture, Vader reached out one hand.
"Artoo," he swallowed the lump in his throat, "it's me."
The little droid turned his head to Vader, almost tilting it with a puzzled beep.
Vader's lips quirked with an old, fond memory.
"You still don't like loose wire jokes, do you?"
Absolute silence followed the Dark Lord's obscure reference. Then, a feeble, tentative beep.
Vader nodded.
"Yes, Artoo. It is I," he confirmed.
Another deathly silence answered Vader's affirmation... Until the hatch on the cylindrical body opened again and Artoo's power charging arm emerged once more. A tiny discharge made Vader pull back his hand and stumble back.
The little droid advanced menacingly, sputtering all sorts of noises known to man. Raspberries, beeping, blipping, shrieking and everything in between. The longest tirade ever coming from him.
At some point though, Vader stopped retreating and sank to one knee, putting his hands out and stopping the droid. Bending forward, he leaned the front of his helmet against the blue dome with the softest whisper.
"Artoo..."
And just like that, the incessant invective came to an end and turned into whistling, tweeting, cooing sounds.
Moved to the bone by the totally unexpected scene, Luke blinked back tears, trying to understand what had just happened there. He cast a fast glance at Threepio, who returned it, as awestruck as he was.
"Father..." he croaked a full minute later.
Vader gave a small start.
"It is all right," he rose to his feet, keeping one hand on the little droid. He walked up to his child's bed and put his other hand on his head, caressing it tenderly. "Everything's all right," he soothed.
"Father," Luke gazed up at him wonderingly, "do you know Artoo?"
Vader let out a dry laugh.
"Know him?" he said, his voice dripping with irony. "He was my astromech droid during the Clone Wars," he turned his head to the little droid beside him. "We went through a lot together."
Artoo beeped assent.
"What?!" Luke couldn't believe his ears.
Vader turned to his sick child and with a wistful smile, he sat down carefully on the edge of his bed. He took the smaller hand in his own and squeezed it.
"These two droids," he included Threepio in his sweeping glance, "are an integral part of our history, of our family."
Luke's eyes opened like two saucers.
"How?"
Vader threw a side look at Threepio. The poor thing seemed about to short-circuit with anxiety at being in his presence.
'I built Threepio,' he turned to mind-speech, needing urgently some mind-touch with his son.
"Come again?!"
His son's tone of voice, a blending of incredulity, shock and perplexity, hit Vader's funny bone.
'I said I built Threepio,' he chuckled mentally. 'When I was nine years old. For your grandmother.'
The boy's mood changed instantly.
'Shmi Skywalker,' he said the name like a prayer.
Vader's heart missed a beat at the reverence in his son's mind-voice. Luke had never met his grandmother and yet, he said her name like only someone who'd loved her as much as he had...
His hand sought the flushed cheek and cupped it in his palm.
'She would have adored you, my son. And you would have adored her,' his mind-voice broke and he dropped his hand, overwhelmed by emotion.
'Yes,' tears swam in Luke's eyes again and he clasped his father's hand in his tightest grip yet. 'I can't believe it,' he shook his head. 'It's as if our lives were coming full circle. It almost seems... Fated.'
'Yes,' Vader nodded, leaning down naturally - before he realized what he was about to do and halted halfway.
Luke read his intentions and just as starved for his father's touch, he met Vader's helmet with his own forehead.
'We're a family now. All of us!' he poured himself into those words.
Sweet, innocent child! If only it was that easy...
'I'm proud of you for finding your own family,' he had to say it. 'You were wise enough to choose the best people to call friends. They will take care of you and protect you better than anyone else out there,' he broke into a faraway smile. 'I'm proud of you for everything you are, for everything you've become. I will always be proud of you, no matter what.'
The boy flinched mentally at that, as though he'd caught the ultimate interpretation of his words that his father tried to hide from him. He moved his head back and studied the black mask, struggling to read it.
"Father..." he breathed, almost afraid to ask the question, to even think about it.
Right then, the door opened and Luke's friends walked in one by one. Pulling themselves together as best as they could, the two men felt the change in the gang's demeanour right away. They had their eyes set on Vader in a quiet, respectful silence.
The Dark Lord knew it wasn't his place to tell Luke about his defection from the Empire. It was his friends' job to do, so he slowly rose to his feet, releasing the warm hand.
Luke's eyes followed him, disconcerted.
"I am leaving you with your friends now. I'm sure you have much to talk about," he threw a fast, knowing look at the others.
"But..." Luke reached out, not understanding what was going on.
Vader grasped it momentarily.
"I will be close by," he promised. "Always."
And with a fast nod, he left the room.
More relaxed and calm than he'd felt in many, many years, Vader stirred himself from his deep state of meditation.
His path was clearer than ever, but several questions still remained unanswered. The biggest one being, would he be strong enough to take that path?
For once, losing his gaze in the stars didn't provide the peace of mind he craved right now. Every time he thought he'd achieved it, a pair of loving, beseeching eyes appeared in his mind's eye, rendering his resolve useless.
'I know you will be all right, my child. I can *feel* it! So why can't I bring myself to be content with that? Why does the thought of saying goodbye hurt so much?' he sighed despondently. 'I can't have it all. No one can! So, if it's a fruitless endeavour to want it all, then why is it in our nature to long for it?'
He looked down with a defeated sigh and stared helplessly at his fisted hands.
The door opened behind him and the confident steps of a man walked into the room.
"Solo," he acknowledged gravely.
He received a grunt for a reply. The younger man walked up to him and joined him in his contemplation of the stars.
That action alone earned him another notch of the Sith Lord's admiration. There was far more to that unlikely group of people than appeared on the surface.
Finally, the brown-haired head turned to look at him with laser eyes.
"I took you for many things in the past, but never for a coward."
The blunt words succeeded in snapping Vader out of his musings faster than anyone else had ever managed to. Taken aback, he cast a swift look at the Corellian to his left.
"I didn't think I should be the one to tell..."
Han stopped him by raising his hand.
"I'm not talking about that," he ignored Vader's justification. "I understand you didn't want to win your son over by telling him, 'Hey, I just defected from the Empire; see how good I am!' You won him over the moment you went to his deathbed as a father, not an enemy," there was a dark, heavy pause after that. "I'm talking about what you're doing now."
Vader's eyes fell closed, beginning to see what was coming.
"And what am I doing?" he asked patiently.
"All right, I'll spell it out for you," Han conceded, irritation tinging his voice. "You're taking the easiest way out. Now that you know he's out of danger you're running away from your duty to him, from your responsibility to him!"
Vader turned and faced the infuriated Captain head on.
"I don't think you believe that for a moment."
Han held his gaze for a minute and then relented, just a little.
"No, but that's the impression you're giving. And I should know. I also ran away from my share of commitments in the past. Women, potential good friends, the Alliance..." he shook his head dolefully. "Even after I admitted to myself I cared about these people and their cause, I still tried to find a way to get myself off the hook," his gaze intensified. "Some things are worth fighting for, and the sick kid twenty metres down this corridor is worth everything! Every effort, every sacrifice! He's your flesh and blood, for blasted's sake!" he exploded.
"That's precisely the reason why I must leave," Vader's frigid composure was unnerving. "To ensure his safety."
"That's a bunch of bantha crap and you know it!" Han sneered disdainfully. "And don't give me that spooky Dark Side of the Force-thing excuse cause it won't wash. Luke's chances of being safe rise exponentially just being near you."
Temporarily flattered by the Corellian's involuntary praise, Vader tried to make himself understood, even though he knew it was a vain attempt. Trying to explain the Force to a non-Force sensitive was like trying to explain the colours to a born blind person.
"For how long could I keep him safe, Solo?" he asked with disarming sincerity. "For my child to be truly safe, the threat to him must be eliminated. And that threat also happens to be the main objective of the Rebel Alliance. Destroy Palpatine and the Empire will crumble like a house of cards. You can't possibly imagine to what point he controls everything. And by everything I do mean *everything*," he stressed every syllable of the word for emphasis. "He's a spider and the galaxy is his web."
"More reason for you to not embark on this one-man crusade," Han shrugged triumphantly. "It all sounds like a death wish to me."
Startled, Vader wondered if there wasn't some truth to the smuggler's words. He did a quick soul search and came to the staggering conclusion that he honestly didn't know.
The green-brown eyes regarded him with a touch of kindness that was gone in a split second.
"Look, no one wants to see this tyrannical, ruthless system biting the dust more than I do," Han declared. "But not at the price of having Luke lose his father again. He's suffered more traumatic losses in his young life than anyone should ever experience," he made a painful grimace. "I don't think you'll ever begin to understand what getting you back means to him," he turned fully to the giant cyborg, eyes spitting fire once more. "He needs you desperately and you can't deny him now; you can't!"
The passionate speech hit the Sith Lord like a shockwave, physically throwing him back. Flashback after flashback filled his mind with unspeakable images.
'You are beaten. It is useless to resist!'
'Obi-Wan never told you what happened to your father.'
'He told me enough! He told me you killed him!'
'No. I am your father.'
'No. That's not true. That's impossible!'
And then, the image of Luke letting himself go with a final defiant look, effectively committing suicide before joining him.
The bond between the boy and his friends ran deep, deep enough for them to be clearly ready to face the consequences of their actions for Luke's sake. But was he ready to let his son and his friends face what undoubtedly would be coming once all the facts were brought to light?
"Tell me, Captain," he fixed his gaze on the shorter man, "have you stopped to consider what would happen if you contacted your High Command and told them you commited a deliberate act of treason abandoning your post, acting on no one's authority but your own, to meet me in the outskirts of the galaxy? And in the unlikely case that they disregarded your inexcusable behaviour and condoned your actions, how do you think they would react to the news that I am coincidentally Luke Skywalker's father? In what situation would it leave my child? And all of you?"
It was Han's turn now to flinch back and think about the ramifications of their actions. Namely Leia's actions, as she'd been the one to commit the act of treason Vader was referring to. Even if they showed the Alliance the treasure trove of information Vader had given them, the furtive way they had conducted themselves would arise suspicion.
All of a sudden, everything became more complicated than it had seemed at first. He could be fearless and cunning in battle, but he could also be an impulsive fool evaluating a situation... as just now.
Vader was thinking like a true strategist, pondering everything and making the right decision, not the one he would like to make. And with this decision he was protecting both Luke and Leia.
He ground his teeth angrily, seeing why this decision had to be made but hating it at the same time, for all the pain and heartache it was going to cause.
His eyes roamed the expressionless mask and for a moment, it almost seemed to him that he could read the sorrow behind it. Vader was suffering for his impending separation from his child.
He swallowed with great effort and looked away to pull himself together.
"I heard someone say once that you're not truly a parent until you act like one," he nodded to himself and turned to the Dark Lord. "You just acted like a father, thinking about your son first," he took a harsh breath. "It's going to be hard, very hard, but I hope it turns out for the best, for all."
Vader returned Han's stare and his bearing softened.
"Thank you, Captain Solo. So do I."
It was already early evening when Vader entered his child's room. The boy appeared to be dozing, still propped up on the two pillows. He looked better, but Vader could tell he was having a restless sleep.
Placing himself by the headboard, he looked down at the precious life he'd sired, glorying in the fact that it existed and amazed that someone like him had created something this beautiful and perfect.
'Little one,' he reached out warily and slid his fingertips through the silken strands, lost in thought. 'You took after your mother in everything that counts. You're stronger and wiser than I ever was and one day, you'll become the greatest Jedi ever. You'll be everything I could never be. But I succeeded in one thing. The most important one of all.' He smiled lovingly. 'You. And I hope that one day, somehow, I will make you proud.'
'You already make me proud.'
Vader's senses turned to the sleeping angel in the bed. The long lashes fluttered open and the big, breathtaking eyes gazed up at him.
Pain, loneliness, need, affection... Force, how was he ever going to deny this child what he was crying for? What he was desperate to give?
Please, don't make it harder than it is, I beg of you.
"I wish I had learned master Yoda's lessons better," the boy bemoaned bitterly, sitting up a little.
The Sith Lord held back the imprecation that almost exploded from him on hearing that name.
"Why do you say that?" he asked instead, sitting down next to his son.
"If I was an advanced Jedi student, as I considered myself to be when I left..." he looked down and bit his lower lip in shame.
Vader put his hand under the quivering chin and raised it to meet his eyes.
"Yes?" he prompted.
The reddened eyes skittered all over his mask, as if imprinting it into the child's memory forever.
"...Then I could be all stoic about the situation. I'd accept what is and not wish for what I cannot have."
No pain could be worse than what lanced through Vader's spirit at that very moment. He had to wait for it to dissipate before he could speak again.
"My child," his thumb caressed the dimple on the boy's chin soothingly, "I'm the last person who should be giving any lessons, but there's something I've come to understand after all these years. There is no such thing as a Jedi master. Life is a constant learning process. You don't learn to cope with situations, you just do it when they happen. Poorly or wisely. A Jedi mentor gives you the tools, but when you're dealing with a crisis you're pretty much on your own," he snorted self-deprecatingly. "And most of the time you never react the way you thought you would."
Luke absorbed every word, taking it in and making it a part of him.
"And why do I think I'm going to deal with this poorly?" his voice broke.
The big gloved hands cupped the flushed face adoringly.
"It is all right," Vader smiled with infinite compassion. "You'll do better next time. That's called practice."
The young man's ragged breath brought Vader closer.
"Shhhh," he hushed, putting the beloved head on his shoulder plate. "Calm down, my son. You mustn't compromise your recovery."
"I don't want to lose you," Luke pleaded, reaching out and clinging to the edge of his father's cape for dear life.
"And you won't!" Vader vowed vehemently. "You just found me, as I found you. But I need to do this, Luke. For myself as much as for you. I helped create the Empire. I helped Palpatine to become a global threat. I need to play a part in bringing him down."
"You already did, with all the information you gave Leia!" Luke argued. "There's no reason for you to take any unnecessary risks. You already proved you're on our side. You already proved you've changed," he brought his trembling hand to his bony chest. "I know it here. I can feel it just as I can feel my own heartbeat."
Vader looked skywards for a moment, begging the Universe for help.
"Luke," he met the imploring eyes, praying to be strong enough to resist them, "you're a soldier, a highly respected Commander of the Rebellion. You do see the advantages of having someone like me on the other side. All the additional information I can give you. And not only that. Think about all the damage I can do, paving the way for the Alliance to strike the final blow," he shook his head earnestly. "Only when this horror is over, only when this galaxy has found peace again, I will be free to return to you with a semblance of honour and dignity."
Something moved behind Luke's eyes. He didn't want to listen to his father's reasoning, he didn't want to admit he was right. But Vader could see the boy knew that he was.
Steeling his heart against the act of cruelty he was going to inflict upon that tender soul, the Dark Lord spoke unflinchingly.
"This is not the time to be selfish, my son. We must find the courage to face our responsibilities and think of the greater good," he tipped his head sideways to soften the sting of his words. "That's what you did when you went to Cloud City to save your friends. You knew there was danger, that it was probably a trap, and you still came."
The young man's face had gone through a wide myriad of emotions in the blink of an eye. Hurt, realization, acceptance, resignation... And Vader hated himself for every single one of them.
"Master Yoda wouldn't agree with you," his voice sounded older and tired all of a sudden. "He believed that completing my training had to take precedence over..." he swallowed hard. "...But I just couldn't do it. I was reckless and impulsive."
Vader fell silent, examining his child's decision.
"Destiny works in convoluted ways sometimes," he said at last. "Yes, you were reckless and impulsive, and made a rash decision that could have cost you dearly. But look at the way it all turned out."
Their eyes sought and locked upon each other.
"I didn't know it at the time - at least not consciously - but the moment I had you in front of me, the instant I looked upon your face for the first time... Something in me changed forever. You were real, you were flesh and blood. MY flesh and blood. And since that day, your eyes haunted me wherever I went, in everything I did. I saw them on the bridge, in the stars, in my dreams... A siren call, the sweetest promise..." his hand moved of its own volition and held the back of the long neck, cradling it in his palm like a fragile little bird. "I knew there was something wrong with you. I could feel it in my veins. And when that transmission was intercepted, my fate was sealed."
He brought his son closer, ever closer.
"I will never forgive myself for putting you in this state; but never doubt that it was you, you, Luke, who brought some meaning back into my life. If it means anything to you, my beautiful child, everything you went through was not in vain. Every tear you have shed, every beat of your fading heart, was bringing me closer to you, and bringing me closer to the person I should have been all along. Your pain was NOT for nothing."
"Oh, Father!" the boy exclaimed, burying his face in his shoulder with a muffled cry. "Father, Father!" he pressed himself up to the leathered body, as if wanting to fuse himself with it.
"I need you to be strong for me," Vader entreated. "Please, Luke! Please try! Help me be the man I need to be!"
The blond head nodded weakly on his shoulder and Vader knew he had never loved so much.
TO BE CONTINUED...
