Author's note: So I've already planned out the sequel for this story which will feature many of our favorite characters including Chloe and maybe even Katlyn, and that was supposed to follow my next fic however, I'm juggling or whether or not I should make a return to the Rizzoli and Isles fandom (because we all know I can only write one story at a time **eye roll**.) It's still up for debate but the plus is that school ends in 3 weeks and I have basically 3 and a half months of nothing but free time. Would you guys be open to a sequel to this? This chapter is quite short because my other ones are pretty darn long, and not my best (I almost cut it entirely), plus not a lot happens this chapter.
Aubrey laid in Beca's arms watching the sun rise to the gentle hum of Beca's heart. After cleaning up her arm, Beca refused to leave Aubrey alone so she wedged a chair under their door and climbed into her bed, holding her until she fell asleep. After everything that happened in the last twenty four hours, Aubrey knew there wasn't any conceivable way she'd be able to go back asleep. So instead she lay in the arms of the very girl who put her in the position she was in; the same girl who tempted her when she was at her weakest and took advantage of her vulnerability.
With a sigh, Aubrey reached up and wiped away a stray tear with as few movements as possible. She didn't want to wake the brunette because the moment she did, she'd have to face what she'd done, in the light of the day with no dark shadows to hide her shame—her guilt—her sin.
"Good morning." Beca whispered, leaning down to look at the girl in her arms. Aubrey didn't look up at her and replied flatly, "Good morning."
Beca, seemingly ignorant to Aubrey's change in demeanor reached down and took hold of Aubrey's arm, pulling it up so that she could examine the remaining damage.
"You really did a number on yourself." She chuckled before leaning up to place a gentle kiss on the fresh scars.
Aubrey bit her lip, welcoming the taste of blood, as she tried to refrain from snatching her arm away from Beca. The burning touch and fluttering in her stomach were destroying her bit by bit.
"We have to get up for church." She sat up, climbing over Beca to get out of the bed.
Beca looked at her confused, but got out of bed nonetheless. Beca figured that Aubrey was probably feeling bad about breaking her promise to her about the cutting. When she woke up and saw the large quantity of blood spilling from her arm, the sight nearly made her dizzy. She hated seeing the blonde punish herself over whatever she thought she'd done wrong.
She walked over to the door and pulled the chair from under the doorknob, returning it to its place under her desk before going into the bathroom to brush her teeth. Afterwards, she washed her face and then exited the bathroom to give Aubrey time to freshen up since neither girl had enough time to shower before church. She watched out of the corner of her eye as Aubrey slipped on her clothes, wanting to say something but wasn't sure where to begin. She didn't ponder it long, however, because not long after exiting the bathroom, Aubrey grabbed her cardigan off the chair by her desk and left the room without as much as a word to Beca. With a sigh, Beca slipped on her remaining shoe, already sensing that all that happened in the last twenty four hours would push Aubrey away from her instead of drawing her closer.
Beca grabbed her room key and walked out of the room, making sure to lock it before she exited the dorm and made her way across campus to the dining hall. She was starving and wanted to get her food before the line got too long. Walking into the dining hall, Beca grabbed a food tray and quickly walked to the breakfast line. After accepting two slices of French toast and a side of scrambled eggs, Beca quickly grabbed a bottle of water and made her way over to the table where everyone was sitting.
"Hey guys." She took a seat, scooting her chair closer to the table. She looked over at Aubrey who quickly averted her gaze.
Beca sighed before picking up her fork and knife to begin eating before breakfast was over.
"Hey, Benji can you pass the salt?" she said to the boy sitting on the far end of the table. He nodded, not bothering to stop eating and just pushed the salt shaker so it could slide down to where she sat.
"Slow down Benj, your food isn't going anywhere," she joked.
Benji shrugged his shoulder and continued to stuff his face. Cynthia Rose looked at him and rolled her eyes, "He's been like that since we got here. I think that's his third plate."
Benji, slightly embarrassed, dropped his fork and looked at them with a goofy grin.
"I don't know what it is. I woke up starving and when I got here the first plate didn't fill me."
Beca smirked and nodded her head, glad to see her friend actually eating because for a moment she was worried he'd starve to death.
"Well I'm glad. It seems like it's been forever since I've seen you actually put food in your mouth."
"I know right?" he said and went back to eating. Everyone at the table continued to tiredly try and eat their food, with Beca sneaking an occasional glance at Aubrey. But after realizing that the blonde was in fact avoiding her, she tried to focus elsewhere, like the awkward silence brewing between Jane and Paulie. Every now and then, she would look up to see Paulie stealing glances at Jane before averting her eyes. On several occasions Paulie made eye contact with Beca and would look away realizing she'd been caught. Beca knew when Benji issued the dare that it would be a problem and not only because Jane had a girlfriend. A lot is shared in a kiss, even if it was just a dare, and to enter those emotions into a friendship as close as Paulie's and Jane's, Beca knew it would create tension.
She took a sip of her water and looked to the front when the sound of someone repeatedly hitting a mic echoed throughout the room. Everyone turned to the front of the room just as Mrs. Westmore was making her way to the podium.
"Good morning Ladies and Gentlemen." She said into the microphone and of course, like usual, no one responded.
"I'm glad to see that we've made it through another week of wonderful activities that I'm sure you've all enjoyed."
"Nope!" Paulie yelled out flatly causing everyone in the quiet room to burst into laughter. Caleb, the counselor standing by their table turned to Paulie to say something but when he noticed the solemn mood she was in and that she wasn't being her usual snarky self, he turned back around.
"Thank you for that Miss Reid," she responded, her voice laced with irritation. "Like I was saying, today you all will take your Unification tests. They will be held after breakfast in this room. So after everything is cleaned up, you will be given your tests."
Everyone groaned loudly, groans which Mrs. Westmore ignored as she stepped down from the podium and made her way out the dining hall to return to her office.
Everyone at the table turned back in their seats to continue eating. Jane, who'd been picking at a bagel, looked over to Aubrey.
"Hey, Aubrey, are you alright? You're pretty quiet today." Jane said noticing that the blonde was staring off into the distance, her eyes not focusing on anything in particular.
Paulie snorted and said, "That's a stupid question. She's always quiet."
Jane looked over at her roommate, annoyed with the attitude she had this morning and turned back to Aubrey who sat on the other side of the table.
Aubrey nodded her head and turned to look at the group, "Yeah, I'm fine. I—I just have a lot on my mind," she said, fumbling with the cross around her neck.
Benji, who'd finally finished eating, pushed his plate to the side of him and looked around the room to ask a counselor if he could go to the bathroom. His hunger had made way for nausea suddenly. This was becoming a common occurrence, one that caused him to stop eating in the first place. In his scan of the room, he noticed a certain blonde counselor making her way into the dining hall.
"Is that Jordan?" he asked, bringing the table's attention to the breakfast line where the therapist was standing with a breakfast tray.
"Yeah that is. Hey Jordan!" Cynthia Rose called as Benji excused himself to the bathroom, clutching his stomach and quickly exiting the room.
Jordan looked around the room in confusion before spotting the pink haired girl waving her over. She smiled and made her way over to their table.
"Hey Cynthia Rose. Hey you all." She said smiling brightly at everyone, only receiving a bunch of grumbled replies. She looked around at everyone and couldn't help the chuckle that slipped from her mouth. "You all look exhausted."
Everyone looked up in irritation at Jordan who stood holding her breakfast tray. She chuckled and took the empty seat offered by Cynthia Rose.
"You don't have to rub it in." Jane grumbled, allowing her head to fall back down onto her folded arms resting on the table.
"I'm not rubbing it in, but I did try and warn you all not to go out." Jordan said softly, looking around to make sure no counselors overheard their conversation.
"No you didn't try to warn us. You were too busy trying to sneak back in from your late night booty call." Paulie retorted earning a light chuckle from the group. "Oh I'm sorry, I mean your workout."
Jordan looked at the group through squinted eyes before sighing, "Ok, touché. I'm just saying that you all have no one to blame but yourselves." She responded.
"Did you all have fun?" she asked, taking a bite of the sliced mango on her plate.
Beca looked up from where her face was resting in her hands and smiled softly, "Yeah. I think Bree enjoyed her birthday." She looked over at the blonde who sat across from her. Aubrey didn't look up.
"Oh it was your birthday. Well happy birthday Aubrey." Jordan smiled, placing a friendly hand on Aubrey's arm. Aubrey thanked her quietly before casting her eyes back down to the floor while her hand fumbled with the cross around her neck.
Beca watched the other girl and couldn't help but notice how quickly she retreated back into herself after all the progress they made in the past weeks. She really thought she was doing the right thing when she kissed her last night. It wasn't like the other girl didn't respond—she enjoyed it, that much Beca could tell.
"So what are you doing here at breakfast on Sunday?" Beca asked trying to change the subject.
Jordan cut into her pancakes and turned towards Paulie, "Well I'm here every weekend. I live on campus in the counselor's dorm." She paused to chew the food in her mouth before continuing, "We have a separate dining hall there but I'm not a fan of the terrible stuff they serve there. So, I decided why not see what they're trying to kill you with over here." She joked. Everyone at the table laughed lightly and agreed on her assessment of the food.
"Why don't you have your own house?" Paulie asked.
"Oh I do, actually. But I enjoy staying on campus and it takes away the hassle of getting here every morning. Plus it beats going home to an empty house."
"You don't have a boyfriend?" Cynthia Rose asked. Jordan, who was in the middle of chewing her food, nearly choked on the half eaten pancake in her mouth.
"No I don't have a boyfriend." She said, taking sips of her water to stop the coughing.
Paulie smiled mischievously and followed up her previous question with, "Do you have a girlfriend?"
Jordan furrowed her brow and turned to look at Paulie, "Why would you ask that?"
Paulie shrugged and answered, "Because you said you don't have a boyfriend and someone as hot as you couldn't be single."
Jordan rubbed her forehead nervously and frowned, "You shouldn't ask people questions like that." She said tensely, pausing to hide the quivering in her voice.
Paulie shrugged, "I thought I'd ask."
Beca looked over at the older woman and raised an eyebrow. Jordan discreetly looked across the table and met her eye and Beca just shrugged. Beca knew the counselor was hiding something; what it was exactly she didn't know but she knew she was hiding something.
"Would you date a younger person?" Paulie continued. Everyone at the table glared at the blonde trying to discreetly tell her to back off but Paulie ignored every look thrown her way.
Jordan looked away from Paulie to the rest of the table for help but everyone turned away with a smirk, pretending to be busy with something else. As soon as she turned back to answer Paulie's question they returned to watching the two, amused with the Q&A.
"I don't see why not. My first relationship was when I was 17 and they were 29."
"What happened? Why aren't you still with him?" Paulie asked.
"Dude, stop being so damn nosey." Jane said, throwing a piece of ice at her roommate who effectively dodged it.
"No it's ok. I don't mind. We—my mother didn't really approve of the relationship since they were a professor at the college I went to."
"Wow. I knew Westmore was a bitch to us, but I didn't think she was like that with you." Beca said and Cynthia Rose slapped her arm lightly telling her to behave.
"Hey, that is my mother you're talking about," Jordan said with a chuckle, looking down at the watch on her arm.
"Well guys, although I enjoyed this interview, I really should get going. I need to help prepare for the test." She stood up from the table and collected her tray.
"Do you think you could rig the results so I end up paired with Cynthia Rose?" Benji asked retaking his seat at the table.
Jordan smiled at him and said, "I can't make any promises." She turned to walk away before turning back around, "I'll see what I can do." She said with a coy smile before walking away for good. Benji and Cynthia Rose high-fived each other happily.
\***/
"The booklet you're being handed holds a compatibility test." Mrs. Westmore explained from behind the podium. "This test will serve as 85% of the criteria on which we choose your unification mate while the other 15% is based upon trigger questions that were asked this past week in therapy. Now remember, the purpose of this test is to match you with your ideal partner. Therefore, your ideal partner's answers won't match yours but are compatible to yours. With that being said, do not try and rig the test to alter the results."
"This is so stupid." Paulie mumbled, earning several nods from the others in the group. She accepted the pile of orange booklets that Mackenzie handed her, taking one and passing on the rest.
"I agree." Cynthia Rose said, reaching into the center of the table to grab a pencil. "They match us to someone that hates being here as much as you do and they think it'll magically make you straight."
"Hey, it worked for Tom." Benji said bitterly.
The counselors went around the room quieting everyone while Mackenzie stood in front instructing everyone that they had one hour to complete the test.
Beca rolled her eyes and looked over to Aubrey who was still ignoring her. With a sigh she opened her booklet and looked over the first question.
'Question 1: Name one thing you value most in life? (ie. Health, Family etc.)' Beca tapped the eraser end of the pencil against the table as she thought about her answer. It didn't take her long to come up with an answer because it was the one thing she valued above everything else. Trust. When there's trust everything else comes later including love and honesty.
Aubrey clutched at her cross as she read over the next question she had to answer. The answer to the first question didn't take her long to answer and she quickly scribbled 'trust' on the blank line. The next question after that was simple as well.
Question 2: Would you compromise your happiness for the success of the relationship? Her answer was no. It didn't take long for her to write the two letter word. The third question, however, wasn't as simple.
Question 3: Would you lie to make your partner happy? She knew the correct answer was no. You should always be honest with your spouse/girlfriend etc. But honesty does come with a price sometimes. With a hesitant sigh, she quickly scribbled in yes although she was still conflicted about it.
The rest of the test went on like this with many more questions varying in degrees including, "In a relationship, what would make you feel happier, sharing or sacrificing?" or "Do you think past relationship secrets should always be kept hidden?"
An hour later, everyone stood in line handing in their booklets. Beca stood on her toes to look over the shoulder of the boy in front of her to see Aubrey who stood a few feet ahead of her. She impatiently tapped her foot trying to find a way to get to the blonde before she had a chance to run off in an attempt to avoid her. She watched as Aubrey handed Mackenzie her test booklet and quickly ran to the front of the line, ignoring the groans of the others, to hand Mackenzie her booklet. She jogged to catch up with Aubrey who quickly made her way across campus. Reaching out, she grabbed Aubrey's arm to try and stop her but Aubrey just pulled away from her.
"Leave me alone, Beca!" she seethed, yanking open the door of the dorm. She didn't bother to hold it open for the other girl because she wanted to put as much distance as possible between her and the other girl.
"No Aubrey, I'm not leaving you alone until you talk to me."
"There's nothing to talk about." She turned down the hallway that led to their dorm.
"Yes there is. You've been avoiding me ever since we kissed."
Aubrey stopped suddenly and looked back at her through wide eyes, "I am not talking about this here."
"Why not? Everyone's in the other building." She reached out a grabbed Aubrey's hands in an attempt to try and establish some semblance of contact but Aubrey just snatched it away once again. With a sigh she looked up at her roommate, "Why are you avoiding me?"
Aubrey angrily glared at Beca, "You want to talk about this fine. What happened last night was a mistake and we can never be weak like that again."
Beca looked at her though blank eyes, trying to mask the pain written in them.
"Do you mean that?"
Aubrey sighed, "Yes I do, Beca. I—I let you force me do things I wasn't comfortable—"
Beca stomped her foot indignantly, "I did not force you to kiss me."
"No you didn't," she acquiesced, "but the drugs, they made me weak." She crossed her arms and tried to maintain her composure in the face of Beca's defeated expression. "Now if you'll excuse me, I need to wash away this awful smell that drug left behind."
Beca watched her walk into their room slamming the door behind her before she angrily kicked the wall in front of her.
"Fuck!" she screamed loudly as she continued to kick the wall. A few minutes and one hole in the wall later Beca walked into the room.
She sat on her bed, frustration boiling to the surface. The thought of what Aubrey had just said to her, with a serious face nonetheless, was disheartening and she was having a hard time processing the rejection. Her hands dropped into her face, the sound of shower water running pooling out of the bathroom and echoing throughout the silent room.
With a fervent head nod, she stood up, wiping her clammy hands on her jeans. She walked the short distance to the bathroom and pulled the door open. Across the room she can make out Aubrey's silhouette behind the opaque shower door and for a moment she reconsidered what she planned to do.
With a shaky hand, she slid back the shower door watching as Aubrey turned around immediately with wide eyes.
Aubrey's chest burned, "Beca, what are you doing?" she watched as Beca stepped closer, allowing the water to stream down over her, soaking her clothes without a second thought.
Beca's eyes caught hers, her voice so light it felt more like a breath, whispered deep in her chest. "You didn't mean that Bree. You can't mean it."
And then, as Aubrey wanted to yell and scream, push her, or do anything to calm the whir of panic building inside, Beca reached out and wrapped her hand around Aubrey's neck, pulling the blonde to herself, and kissed her. Aubrey's hands reached out to push the brunette back but stilled between them the moments their lips touched.
It wasn't a gentle, tentative kiss either, like it had been the night before in Atlanta. No, this kiss was bathed in desperation and sorrow, of needing her, and Beca pulled her tighter, Aubrey needed her right back. Her lips were sweet orange and spicy cinnamon, tasting of everything she'd remembered from the night before and so much more. And for a second, she did nothing. She didn't move, she didn't breathe. Just tried to wrap her mind around what was happening, what she was allowing to happen.
Then, it didn't matter. Bea wrapped her arms around her, Aubrey curled hers around Beca's shoulders and she let herself kiss her with everything she wanted and craved, deepening the kiss and forgetting how wrong and sinful it was—if only for a second. It didn't take long for the regret, sorrow, and shame to come burrowing down, driving her to forcefully push Beca away from her. The sudden movement from the blonde startled Beca. She lost her footing and stumble backwards, hitting her head on the linoleum tile behind her, the sickening sound of bone crunching against a solid mass, filling the shower. Beca groaned as she gained her balance, a hand reaching up to the site of impact. Scanning the crimson liquid coating her hand, she looked up at Aubrey with great betrayal written in her eyes. That betrayal soon made way for anger and determination.
"I know that you think you can just pray this away but I don't. I lov—I'm falling in love with you. And—and you don't have to love me back but I think I'm giving you my heart whether I want to or not."
Aubrey turned away from the brunette, fighting the urge to check on the injury she'd caused. She didn't say anything and only when she heard the shower door open and close followed by the bathroom door did exhale the breath she was holding. She turned back to the shower stream and allowed the burning water to encase her as she tried to control her labored breathing. She wasn't going to cry, she didn't need to. There was nothing between them, no matter what Beca said.
Pushing her away was the right thing to do. God said so, the bible said so, and her father said so.
If only she could convince herself, as well.
