I must say that someone commented that I chose the perfect song in Chapter 10 and I will admit, it's completely by accident. Like the song that they sing at the talent show was literally discovered by me randomly clicking on a song on YouTube. The same thing happened with Guardian by Sarah Fimm. I'm going to continue accepting votes on my next story until May 9 and after that I'll announce what the story pairing is. I won't reveal the summary because I'd really like for you guys to be surprised. Also, I want to know how you guys feel about Benji's diagnosis. No one mentioned that in their reviews of last chapter. Were you guys expecting it or was it a surprise?

Revelation

Beca walked down the third floor hallway of the administration building for her private session with Jordan. She reached out and knocked on the wooden door before stepping back to wait for someone to answer.

After a few seconds and no response, she tentatively reached out and turned the knob to find that it was unlocked. She opened it further, figuring she'd just wait for Jordan in her office, but stopped short when she noticed the therapist sitting at her desk with her head down. From her body language and the way her body shook, Beca could tell she was crying and she immediately walked closer, closing the door behind her.

"Jordan?"

Jordan's head shot up immediately and she quickly grabbed a tissue to try and hide her tears.

Beca hesitantly walked further into the room. Gesturing to the door, she said, "I can come back later if you want."

Jordan shook her head, "No, take a seat." She motioned for Beca to sit in the chair in front of her desk.

"I was just—you know what it doesn't matter." She pulled out her memo pad and searched for a pen in her desk.

Beca walked over and grabbed the chair, pulling it around the desk so that she was next to Jordan. "Does it have anything to do with the lady that wrote the note?" she asked.

Jordan looked over at Beca in surprise to which she received a shrug in response.

"You really shouldn't leave your door unlocked."

Jordan laughed and wiped at her running nose with the tissue in her hand, "I—I just hate what my life has become."

"What do you mean?"

She sat back in her chair with a defeated sigh, "I used to be so different…" She looked over at Beca and said, "I shouldn't be unloading all of this on you."

"Nonsense." Beca commented. She stood up and walked over to the door, quickly locking it before returning to Jordan's side.

"I'm not here to judge you like your mother. If you want to talk I'll listen, but if you want to just spend the time crying and being human, we can do that too."

Jordan sat quiet for a few minutes before throwing away her used tissue and reaching for another one to dry her eyes. She looked at Beca again before sighing and reaching into her desk. Pushing all of her books to the side she found the picture she buried deep inside.

"That's Katlyn."

Beca, who'd been watching Jordan as she searched in her desk, smiled and took the picture. "Wow she's beautiful and you looked so young. How old were you?"

"I was 18. It was my first year at Smith."

Beca continued to study the picture. She chuckled and pointed to the therapist's younger self in the picture, "And look at that, you had a septum piercing. If I didn't know any better I would think we had some things in common."

Jordan laughed and looked at the picture, "Yeah. My brother used to say I was actually cool at one point."

"Brother? You have a brother?"

Jordan nodded and said, "Yeah, my mother got custody of him when my parents split and she sent him to boarding school in London. You've met him."

Beca frowned in confusion, "I have?"

"Yeah, it's Luke. Although he looks more like my dad."

Beca couldn't help the scowl that appeared at the mention of the blonde's name. Just the thought of him brought back the memory of Aubrey going out with him a week ago and how Aubrey didn't return until nearly two that morning. Beca remembered turning away from the door to hide the fact that she was awake when she heard Aubrey insert her key in the door. She lied in the dark listening as Aubrey stumbled into the bathroom. It took every ounce of her not to get up and check on the blonde as she cried while vomiting heavily into the toilet. With a heavy sigh, she closed her eyes and tried to block out the sound of the girl she whole heartedly loved, hurting.

Shaking her head to push those thoughts aside she turned back to Jordan, "So what happened? I don't understand how you ended up here when it's obvious you loved her."

Jordan didn't respond right away and just fumbled with her hands while Beca waited patiently for her to gather her thoughts. "I—After my dad died, my mother came back into my life and basically took over. At the time I was a little like you," she chuckled at seeing Beca put her hand up and gasp, pretending to be offended. "And I had an on and off relationship with one of my friends, Lucille. Of course when she found out she sent me here and that's where I met Katlyn."

"No shit?" She asked in surprise. "Was she a counselor?"

"No, she was my group therapist. We hit it off right away and we realized that our friendship was entering dangerous territory but neither of us cared. She didn't even believe any of the crap that she was paid to tell us. Being a licensed female therapist in 1972 was just a difficult as it is now and she needed the job." She paused and wiped at her nose again.

"At first my mother wanted me to stay in state so that she could 'keep an eye on me' but Katlyn managed to convince her to let me come to Massachusetts and attend school there at Smith. Little did my mother know, Kate was doing more than keeping an eye on me," she explained, trailing off bitterly.

"She thought Katlyn would be a good influence on me and help my 'conversion' go faster since I would spending time with a WI counselor all year round." She reached up and wiped away another fallen tear. She turned in her chair, folding a leg under her herself, and faced Beca completely.

She took the picture out of Beca's hand and stared at it nostalgically, "Can you believe she even let her take me to India? That's where I got the piercing."

"India? That must have been awesome. The culture, the music, it must have been an experience." Beca said, imagining being in the country rich with culture.

Jordan smiled and nodded, "Yeah, it was."

"Well what happened?"

Jordan immediately became emotional again, "After—After we were discovered the next summer when we got back to WI, my mother made a big spectacle of it in front of everyone telling Katlyn that she had to not only leave the camp immediately, but she had to cut all contact with me. Katlyn refused to do that and my mother stayed true to her word of making her pay the consequence for that refusal."

Beca rolled her eyes, "Let me guess, she pulled you out of school and fired Katlyn?"

"Worse…she did make me leave Smith and I had to come back and attend State university but worst of all she got Katlyn fired from Smith by outing her. I—I had to attend this camp every summer for the next three years and then after I got my degree and my PhD my mother made me start working here over the summers when I wasn't teaching back at GSU."

Beca scoffed at Jordan's explanation although she wasn't surprised. Westmore was extreme and she wasn't at all shocked in the slightest that Westmore went to such extremes to hurt her own daughter. "Well did you guys keep in touch?"

"At first. I kept writing her and we kept in contact that way for an entire year. It hurt so much to hear her talk about not being able to find work and having to move back in her parents. I felt like I was to blame despite her trying to reassure me that she didn't regret anything that happened between us." She stared at the picture in her hand longingly, running her thumb over Katelyn's picture.

"Eventually, it just became easier to believe that something was wrong with me. It helped mask the pain." She threw away the soiled tissue in her hand and grabbed yet another one out of the box. "Now—I've been hiding for so long I don't even know how to exist outside of the concrete closet I built for myself." She frowned and looked down at her hands again in frustration.

Beca reached out and placed a hand on Jordan's knee, "What's the problem Jordan? Something must have happened that brought about this realization?"

Jordan slowly turned towards her and frowned. After a few moments, she reached under her desk and into her purse. Beca watched as she pulled a small box out of her bag and she smiled. She didn't say anything, though, as Jordan sat the box on the desk in front of them because she didn't want to jump to conclusions. She waited for the therapist to say it was ok before reaching out and grabbing the box. She peeked inside and confirmed that it was in fact a ring before closing it and placing it back on the desk.

"Oh—well I guess that's something major. Can—can I ask you a question?"

Jordan nodded and picked up the box. She opened it and glanced at the ring for what felt like the thousandth time.

"That night that we—" Beca began not sure how she wanted to broach the topic.

"Yeah, I was with her…whenever I'm upset about something is usually when I go…" She wiped at her eyes and looked back at the ring, "and it's not fair to her. Letting her invite me into her bed only to leave before morning."

"Well Jordan, look. As someone who's had complicated relationships with not one but two people who are afraid to come out, it hurts like a bitch." She paused, trying to stop her mind from wandering to either Chloe or Aubrey. She sighed and took Jordan's hand in hers, "I'm pretty sure Katlyn loves you, otherwise she wouldn't have proposed, and I'm sure she understands how difficult this is for you. However, I don't see the problem. You're a grown woman Jordan, not a 17 year old girl still dependent on her mother. It's your life to live Jordan, not Westmore's. So do you want to spend the next 60 or so years regretting every decision you've made?"

Jordan opened her mouth to respond but was interrupted by a quiet knock at the door. Jordan looked at the clock on the wall, surprised to see that an hour had passed and Beca's session was over. She wiped at her eyes and placed the ring box back in her purse.

Beca watched her try to hide any signs that she'd been crying before glancing at the clock as well. "Well looks like I should go."

Jordan smiled at her and reached out to hug her. "Beca—thanks for this. You're a really good listener."

Beca stood up and smiled at Jordan, unable to help the cocky grin she donned. "I know, right? Maybe I should be the one with the degrees."

Jordan shook her head and chuckled as Beca walked over to the door.

"Beca?" she called out.

"Yeah?"

"I—I know after this we might be closer but I still have a job to do. I—I apologize in advance for anything I may say or do in the future."

Beca waved her hand, "Nah-don't worry about it. You should know by now I don't take any of that ex-gay bullshit seriously anyway."

Jordan smiled and pulled her memo book back out, "Ok, well thanks again."

Beca nodded and reached for the door. Before pulling it open she turned back to Jordan, "No problem Jordan and just remember, it's your life, not hers."

\***/

"I'm actually excited to hear this with all of the instruments again." Beca said as she, Benji, and Cynthia Rose walked into the main ballroom where they had set up the stage for tonight

"I know—" Benji began but was cut off by Jane quickly walking over to them.

"Guys," she whispered, "You've gotta hear this." She quietly led them into the main room of the dining hall and pointed to the stage. They all crouched down behind the chairs in the last row and directed their gaze to the stage. Paulie stood on stage with a violin in hand playing as she read music off a piece of paper perched on a music stand.

"Did you know she could play?" Beca whispered, not breaking eye contact with the stage.

"I knew her mother made her take lessons when she was younger but I had no idea she could do that." Jane said. "Wait, where are you going?" She tried to grab Beca's hand before the brunette stood up but it was too late. Beca was already running towards the stage.

"Dude, that's amazing!"

Paulie jumped back, startled by the sudden outburst. Embarrassed, she returned the violin to its stand and walked off the stage.

"Nah, it's nothing."

"No, it's not 'nothing.' You can really play." Beca complimented. The rest of the group took this as a cue to come out of their hiding spots. When Paulie spotted them, she raised her hands up in frustration.

"Dude, you guys were back there, too?"

"Don't worry about it, Paulie. That was really good. Why don't you play with us tonight?"

Paulie frowned, "Play what? You guys have guitars and stuff and all I have is a stupid violin."

Beca ignored her comment and said, "If I can write out the notes for the part do you think you can play them?"

"Uh, is a guitar in C?"

Beca looked at her in confusion, "I don't know. I could never afford those fancy music theory lessons that you've obviously had, Johann."

Paulie rolled her eyes at the nickname and explained, "When you play a note on your guitar does it sound like the matching note on a piano?"

"Yeah." Beca nodded.

"Well then I can play it. I don't see why I have to be up there. I'm going to look stupid."

"No you won't. Trust me."

"Alright, why the hell not." She said before looking at the rest of the group noticing that they all wore book bags.

"Where are you guys headed anyway?"

Beca wrapped an arm around Paulie's shoulder and led her out of the dining hall.

"We, my friend, are going out to buy our outfits for tonight."

\***/

"I don't see why you couldn't find anyone else to take you." Jordan said the moment she saw the group of teens exit the building and walk towards her car

Beca shrugged and ran around the car to claim the front seat, "Because they're all a bunch of losers and I thought the woman with unhealed septum piercing would make better company."

Once everyone managed to squeeze in the back of Jordan's sedan, Paulie sat up and peeked over Jordan's headrest. "What piercing? You had a piercing?"

Jordan looked over at Beca and rolled her eyes as she put her key into the ignition. "No, Beca just likes to make up fairytales."

As Jordan pulls out of the parking lot and onto the main road, Beca reached over and turned on the radio. Flipping through several of the stations, she sighed when she realized nothing was playing besides Bobbie Brown and Paula Abdul. Giving up on the radio, she reached inside her JanSport and pulled out the cassette tape that she packed just for this occasion.

Jordan watched the small brunette load the cassette into the tape player, "What's on the tape?"

Beca hit rewind and waited for the tape to rewind back to the beginning, "You'll find out soon enough."

After a few minutes with the steady whir of the tape player rewinding her mixtape filling the car, a loud click finally echoed throughout the car signifying she could hit play.

The moment a high hat being struck echoed throughout the car, Jane excitedly declared "Oh yeah," and began to play air drums along with the song.

Benji followed suit in excitement and began to sing the opening words to Aerosmith's "Walk This Way"

Beca, as expected, joined in imitating guitar part before picking up the next verse.

I met a cheerleader, was a real young bleeder
All the times I can reminisce
Ah the best thing lovin'

With her sister and her cousin
Started with a little kiss, like this

She stole a quick glance at Jordan and saw her trying to remain expressionless behind the steering wheel. She lightly poked the therapist's arm and said, "C'mon Lighten up."

Jordan glanced at Beca and at everyone in the backseat through her rearview mirror before sighing.

See-saw swingin' with the boys in the school
With your feet flyin' up in the air
Singin' hey diddle-diddle with the kitty in the middle
You be swingin' like you just didn't care

The moment every heard her join in on the song and begin singing they all cheered and continued to sing along to the song not caring that they were receiving weird looks from people in their cars as they drove down the highway. After the song ended and the opening bell chime of Metallica's "For Whom the Bell Tolls" sounded throughout the car, Beca reached forward to fast forward the song murmuring, "You're probably not into the heavy stuff."

Jordan reached out with her right hand and stopped Beca, "I'll have you know, I have every album by them including an autographed copy of Kill Em All from the entire band."

Beca looked at the therapist in shock before looking at everyone behind her. Paulie shrugged her shoulders and began to headband along with the song encouraging everyone else to do the same. They arrived at the boutique not long after.

Jordan put the car in park and everyone exited the car. They walked into the small boutique and separated to look around.

"So, my mother gave me fifty dollars to buy your uniforms. Have you all decided on what you're going to wear?"

Jane, who'd been skimming through a rack of shirts, said, "Probably something simple."

Paulie looked up from where she sorting through a display of pants, "Yeah. How about a black button up and slacks."

Benji nodded, "Yeah that works, that way we'll all look the same."

Jordan nodded her head and continued to look around, stopping when she came to a dark olive dress. She ran her hand down its front, feeling the fabric, before picking it up.

"Beca, I think you would look wonderful in this." She walked over to where Beca stood by the dressing room holding Paulie's clothes while she tried on her pants.

"Wonderful in what?" she turned around and when she caught sight of what the therapist held her eyes grew wide. "Oh no—I'm not wearing that. Bad enough I had to wear one for that stupid dance."

Paulie pulled back the curtain and walked out of the dressing room, adjusting her shirt, "Wear what?" She looked up and when she saw the dress she grinned widely.

"Oh Beca," she walked over and picked up the dress, adopting a fake Posh accent, "you'd look absolutely fabulous"

Jane came up behind her and echoed in a similar accent, "Fabulous"

Beca rolled her eyes and shoved Jane, "You both suck."

"How about this," Paulie said, growing serious for a second, I dare you to put on the dress."

"No!" Beca yelled.

Cynthia Rose, who'd been watching the entire exchange walked over to them and said, "Uh huh, it's a dare. You have to do it."

Beca looked at the four and when she saw the all were adamant and she wouldn't be able to get out of the dare, she snatched the dress from Paulie and walked into the dressing room. They all smiled triumphantly and took a seat on the couch near them to await her return. After a few minutes of sitting and laughing as Beca cursed at them from behind the curtain, she returned in the dress.

"I look stupid." She said staring angrily at the others. Paulie looked up from the magazine she was skimming through and was rendered speechless by the brunette's appearance.

"I know I dared you but damn you look hot in that."

"Yeah. You definitely should wear that tonight." Benji said earning several nods in agreement from everyone else.

"No. I'm not wearing this."

Jordan stood up and walked over to Beca, leading her over to the mirror so that she could see herself, "C'mon Beca. It looks really nice on you and besides you should stand out at the lead singer."

Benji stood up and walked up behind her, whispering, "Besides I'm pretty sure Aubrey won't be able to resist you once she sees you in this."

Beca quickly turned around and punched him in the arm for his comment, "Shut up."

"What? It's the truth. You like beautiful in that dress."

Beca took in what he said and looked at everyone else who all held the same sentiment, "Ok fine."

Jordan clapped her hands excitedly and ushered Beca into the dressing room to change so that she could pay for it. Nearly thirty minutes later, they were exiting the store, everyone holding a bag with their respective uniform in it. They all got in the car after five minutes of Beca and Paulie arguing over who would be in the front seat (Paulie won). Jordan turned on the car and turned towards everyone, "So we still have twenty-five dollars left and I'm not ready to go back to the camp yet. How about lunch?"

Everyone cheered and Jordan smiled as she turned back in her seat, putting the car in drive and pulling out of the parking lot. Jordan suggested a small diner not far from the boutique and everyone happily agreed.

"I want a chocolate milkshake and a hamburger." Beca said, hanging her menu back to the waitress, Jessica. Paulie waited for her to walk away before commenting, "I think she was checking you out."

Beca looked at Paulie and rolled her eyes as she glance over to the waitress. Jessica smiled at her and turned back to the customer she was tending to. "Whatever." She mumbled and turned back to everyone else, "Are you guys ready for tonight?"

"Yeah, actually. I think your song is perfect and I can't wait for everyone else to hear," Cynthia Rose said. Beca smiled at the compliment and stared out the window next to her.

"So, Jane I know you're going to Barden in September. What about the rest of you?" Jordan said, trying to pass the time as they waited for their food.

"Well I'm not even sure. I—was supposed to go to UCLA but I haven't talked to my dad since I got here and I'm not even sure if he's even willing to pay my tuition anymore." Paulie said, shrugging to appear indifferent despite how sad she actually was.

"I'm pretty sure he's still going to pay for college. You are still his daughter." Jordan said.

Paulie frowned slightly, as she pushed the salt shaker in front of her back and forth on the table. "Well I'd think otherwise. He dropped me off and didn't say a word to me. At the end of the summer last year, he simply mailed me a plane ticket back to Toronto and I left here and went back to boarding school." She stopped and looked up from the salt shaker, "You know I haven't spent Thanksgiving or Christmas with my family in six years?"

"Man that sucks," Jane said. "Well if I'm still welcomed, you can always come to my house for the holidays." Jane offered.

"Nah, I'm not up for pretending to be straight for your catholic parents." She joked and dodged the sugar packet Jane threw at her.

"Beca?"

"Oh, um well since I'm not welcomed back home I'm probably going to head out to L.A. and try to get my music heard."

"That's great." Jordan said. "Have you always wanted to make music?"

Beca shrugged, "Yeah, I guess. Ever since I can remember, it's always been there, helping me through some tough times."

"What about you Benji?"

"I'm probably gonna get a job somewhere back home."

Jordan looked at him in confusion and asked, "But what about college? You're a bright boy, I'm pretty sure you'd been able to go."

"Nah, I can't afford college. I don't come from families like you all have that can send me to boarding school or take me on vacations."

Everyone looked at Benji sadly, not really sure of how to respond. Lucky for them, Jessica chose that moment to return with their food, giving Beca her plate first with a wide smile. Jordan looked around the table and tried to suppress her grin at the scene in front of her, particularly at how uncomfortable Beca seemed to be in front of the blonde waitress.

"Well let me know if you ladies need anything else." She said looking solely at Beca despite addressing the entire group. When Jessica walked away, Beca didn't even bother looking at the girl next to her as she muttered, "Shut up, Paulie."

"What, I wasn't going to say anything. But you have to admit she is kinda cute."

"No, Beca already has her eyes set on another blonde." Benji retorted earning a grin from Beca. She looked over at Jordan to gauge her reaction and the therapist just shook her head.

"We aren't at WI nor am I working as Dr. Ramsey, so don't mind me."

Beca sighed in relief and picked up a straw from the middle of the table and removed the white wrapping.

Paulie looked over at Jordan's plate and noticed she had a baked potato and a side of broccoli. "That's all you got? You didn't want a burger or something?"

Jordan cut into her baked potato and shook her head, "Oh no, I don't eat meat."

Cynthia Rose looked up from where she biting into her cheese steak, "Really? Are you a vegetarian or vegan?"

Jordan placed a hand at her mouth as she chewed the food in her mouth before responding, "A vegetarian. I love cheese and milk too much to give it up."

"Cool. How long?" Cynthia Rose asked, taking a sip of her cola.

"Since high school after I visited India." She glanced at Beca as she answered and the small brunette smiled and took another sip of her chocolate milkshake.

Jane chuckled and took a bite of her burger, "India, huh? I'm surprised Westmore would let you leave the state nonetheless the country."

Jordan smiled sadly and looked out the window as she mumbled, "Well that was a very different time."

They spent another hour sitting in the diner eating and engaging in casual conversation before Jordan noticed that they needed to head back soon so they'd have enough time to get ready for the show. They walked over to the car and Jordan quickly told them to wait before they got in the car.

"What's wrong? Did we forget something?" Jane asked.

Jordan shook her head and reached into her purse, "No we didn't forget anything. I just want to take a picture."

"I—I haven't had this much fun in a long time and I want to remember it." She put the camera on the hood of her car and timed it to take a series of pictures in fifteen seconds.

Everyone rolled their eyes but gathered around her anyway.

"Say cheese," Jordan instructed.

Cynthia Rose shook her head, "No, that's corny. Let's say something cool."

"How about 'Screw Westmore,'" Paulie suggested

Beca's smiled, "That works."

"No, we can't." Jordan protested, but it was too late. Everyone shouted "Screw Westmore" and the camera flashed. Rolling her eyes playfully at the teens, she turned to face the camera for the second and third shot, smiling brightly. On the drive back home with everyone asleep in the car, she glanced at them before facing the road once again. Yeah, the most fun I've had in years.

\***/

Beca stood back stage with everyone awaiting Caleb to introduce them before they took the stage. She watched as the girl currently on stage recited a poem which Beca found to be absolutely horrible. She kept stuttering over her words and constantly stopping and restarting. However, despite how terrible it was to listen to, it did prolong having to go stage, something that she was absolutely dreading. She never thought she'd be the one for stage fright but it was creeping up on her with a vengeance.

Benji, noticing her jittering, walked up behind her, "Are you nervous?"

Beca glanced over her shoulder and chuckled anxiously, "Yeah, actually."

"About performing or performing for Aubrey?"

Beca turned around to respond but stopped at the sound of her name being spoken into the microphone.

"I guess we should get going, huh?" Cynthia Rose said, coming up behind them.

Beca cleared her throat and walked out onto the small stage. She wiped her clammy hands on her dress and took a seat on the stool positioned in front of the microphone. Jane was already on stage, having played the drums for another performance. Benji, Cynthia Rose, and Paulie followed her onto stage, taking their positions with their instruments. Benji pulled the guitar strap around his neck and smiled at Beca, giving her a thumbs-up. Beca returned a small smile and turned in her seat to face the crowd. Honestly, she was nervous, never had sung in front of anymore, even more so one of her own songs.

"Um," she began, quickly adjusting to the sound of her voice echoing out of the speakers. "This is called I'd Love to Be Your Last." She continued. With a deep breath she made eye contact with Jane who nodded and began counting in the rest of the band. The sound of Benji's acoustic guitar filled her ears with Cynthia Rose providing the subtle but import bass part and immediately she was soothed, allowing herself to rest and find comfort in the fact that she wasn't alone on stage. That her friends were here, helping her show Aubrey just how much she loved her, in the only way she really knew how. She licked her lips before parting them and beginning the song.

If I had it my way,
this would be the first time that I made love

And I would be the first girl that your hands touched
But we've both done our share of livin'
Taking chances we've been given
I've never been too big on looking back
I don't care if I'm your first love,
But I'd love to be your last

She took a deep breath growing more comfortable with her voice on stage and she opened her eyes to look out into the crowd. Her eyes landed immediately on Aubrey who sat in the third row with Luke. As she began the next verse, she never broke eye contact with the blonde. She wanted—no needed Aubrey to see what was in her heart. When she wrote this song, it was after they first kissed and she was still hurt over Aubrey rejecting her. These were all the words that she couldn't verbalize properly, all the things she wanted to say to and confess to Aubrey. Unfortunately, Aubrey wouldn't look up and although it hurt, she knew she had to persevere on so that Aubrey could hear everything—could know everything.

If i could do it over
I'd have waited for this moment

So I could give my heart to you unbroken
But if our mistakes brought us together
Does it really matter whether
We were saints or sinners in the past?
I don't care if I'm your first love,
I'd just love to be your last

She listened as Paulie joined in with her violin melody and she couldn't help the big smile that crossed her face at finally hearing her music the way she heard it in her head.

All I know is what I see when I look at you
And all i see is what I'm feeling down inside
And all I'm feeling is this feeling
That I've finally got it right

Beca kept look over at Aubrey in the third row where she sat in the arms of Luke. As she finished the third verse, Aubrey, whose eyes had remained locked at the floor, finally looked up and met Beca's eye. The brunette smiled at her before trailing off as Benji led everyone into the song's interlude with a small guitar solo. All of it was way too much for Aubrey to take. It was as if, piece by piece, Beca was breaking all of her resolve. Never had she fallen so hard for someone before except Amanda. Here was this girl she met a matter of weeks ago and it felt like Beca could see right to her soul. It was frightening but also…arousing? Liberating? Whatever it was, it had her lungs and ribs in a vice grip and she felt the acidic bile making its way up into her throat.

"I need some air." She choked out, not even waiting for Luke's reply. She jumped up from her seat and quickly made her way outside into the cold night air. She looked out into the distance sighing heavily at the heavy downpour of rain. Pulling her cardigan closer to her body, she walked behind the main building, running to where the church was. She really needed to pray.

Beca watched as Aubrey nearly ran out of the room and she wanted, desperately, to chase after her but she knew it would look absolutely crazy to walk off stage and chase after her. So, she finished up the last verse.

When I wake up tomorrow I'm gonna wrap my arms around you
And thank my lucky stars I found you
Cause I know your heart has so much more than anyone has
Touched before, and nothing matter more to me than that
I don't care if I'm your first love,
But I'd love to be your last

As she sang the last note of the song, she looked at Benji who nodded in understanding. He led the group into an extended outro that they worked on and she walked off stage, making her way out of the same door she saw Aubrey exit out of a few moments before. In the distance she could see Aubrey quickly making her way to the church across campus to get out of the rain and she quickly followed in that direction, not wanting to get soaked in the downpour.

Trying to even her breathing from running across campus, Aubrey pulled open the church door, quickly ascending the stairs to the second floor where the confessionals were. Despite the fact that she knew Farther Peterson wasn't there and she'd be confessing to no one, the act of confessing still brought her comfort. She took a seat on the small wooden stool and reached out to close the curtain.

Clasping her hands together tightly in front of her remembering the prayer she used to recite routinely and only stopped when she started dating Amanda. "Dear God, please don't let me be gay. I promise to be a good person. I promise not to lie. I promise not to steal. I promise to always worship and believe in you." The tears burned as she squeezed her eyes shut and wept, "Please… Please, Please, PLEASE take this curse away. I—don't know if I'll be able to resist temptation anymore. In your name I pray, Amen." She sat with her head resting on her hands when the sound of the curtain being pulled back startled her. She stood up just as the curtain was completely opened and she came face to face with the one girl she was trying to get away from. Beca stood there, soaked from head to toe.

"Beca what,—" she was silenced by a cold finger being placed at her lips, effectively quieting her. Beca stepped closer. She slowly inched closer, Aubrey unconsciously taking a step backwards until both women were shadowed in the dark of the confessional.

Beca looked at Aubrey and could see the nervousness written across her face. She gently reached out and gently touched the side of Aubrey's face with her fingertips, her skin feeling flush and warm. Aubrey trembled but she didn't shy away from the brunette's touch. Beca traced Aubrey's jaw line with her fingers and she smiled slightly at feeling Aubrey lean in slightly towards her touch. Beca leaned in, ghosting her lips over Aubrey's giving her the chance to walk away, if she really didn't want it, she was giving the opportunity for Aubrey to leave.

Aubrey stared at Beca, her body involuntarily leaning towards Beca. She had no more words. She was overwhelmed with the connection she felt with Beca and it compelled her to lean into Beca. She finally looked up and her eyes met Beca's. The closer she got the more she could see the uncertainty in Beca's eyes that matched the fear in her heart. Beca reached behind herself and pulled the curtain closed, blanketing them in darkness.

Beca kissed Aubrey on the cheek. When Aubrey didn't shy away she kissed her again on the side of the mouth and cupped the side of the face with her hand, softly turning Aubrey's mouth towards hers. Aubrey placed a hesitant hand on Beca's shoulder. She clenched her eyes shut and leaned in tentatively to meet Beca's lips.

Her kiss was passive at first as if unsure but she put her other hand gently on Beca's waist and Beca knew Aubrey wanted this too. Beca pulled back and looked in Aubrey's eyes, gauging how the blonde felt after the kiss. "I love you Aubrey." she whispered. Aubrey stared at her in the dark space and nodded, whispering, "I know." Beca tried not to show the hurt from Aubrey not returning the sentiment and she kissed Aubrey again softly. She pulled Beca closer to her, encouraging her to return the kiss. Less timid, Aubrey kissed Beca, tightening her grip around Beca's waist to pull her closer.

As the thunder rumbled, Aubrey deepened the kiss and had no choice but to admit what she'd always known. There was a fire, a heat, and a passion that poured into her, seared through her whenever Beca touched her, something that just wasn't there when Luke touched her. She was simply kissing Beca and she was aroused levels beyond what she felt when she was with Luke that night they had sex. The way she seemed to melt in the brunette's arms, it never felt more right than it did in that moment. As if they were meant to be exactly where they were, doing exactly what it was they were doing. Aubrey moaned into Beca's mouth, giving up willingly. Besides, who was there to know, to care, but the two of them in the dark and the storm?

Her blood pounded in her veins nearly as hard as the rain on the tin roof above them as Beca reached up and ran her hands though Aubrey's hair. She devoured Aubrey's mouth and was pleased to find Aubrey as hungry for her as she was for the blonde. Her hands drove into all of that lush corn silk hair, grabbed handfuls of it and crushed Aubrey's mouth to hers as Aubrey's nimble fingers slid into her hair to pull Beca's mouth against hers.

Aubrey's body seemed to melt against hers and she couldn't suppress the moan from feeling the blonde, the fullness of her, and the supple length of her against herself. Blindly, she stepped forward and drove Aubrey's back against the wall, she needed Aubrey's limber body hard against hers, needed to feel the press of those firm, full breasts against her chest as she wedged a thigh between hers. The need to touch, be touched, to take and give, it nearly overwhelmed her. It had been so long since she'd been touched. So long since she'd wanted to be. It felt as if she couldn't get close enough to Aubrey that she strained against her body, against the press of her soft breasts.

Hunger surged inside of Aubrey. A demand for more. Aubrey arched her back to get closer to Beca. The touch of her hands so warm on her bare skin sent another burst of heat straight to her core and made it ache as a small sound escaped her.

Beca needed to feel Aubrey's warm skin beneath her hands. It had been too long since she'd last felt her. Tugging at Aubrey's shirt, she drew it up just enough to slide her hands beneath it. She closed her hands around her waist, her skin soft and silk to the touch and sought out the cure of her waist, the arch of her ribs. She tightened her hands, pulled Aubrey closer as her mouth cover the blonde's again. It was a delicious torment that she wanted to savor.

When Beca's lips met hers, she couldn't stop the trembling that shimmered through her body. She hung on tightly as she nibbled at her mouth, barely registering her fingers at the waistband of her jeans. Beca let her hands slide down over her stomach, her fingers mapping the planes of her abdomen all the way to the valley of her breasts. Beca's hands traveled down to the clasp of her pants. She opened them, nipping along Aubrey's neckline as she reached inside. Aubrey groaned loudly, her eyes slipping shut again as Beca slid two fingers inside of her and lifted her up so she could wrap her legs around Beca's waist.

Aubrey's head dropped back, her body thrumming with the intensity of unexpected emotion. She felt Beca's lips on her chest, moving up her collarbone over her neck and on the top of her chin. She lifted her head, eyes closed as she waited to feel Beca's mouth against hers once more.

"Open your eyes, Aubrey," she breathed, and she did, slowly, afraid of what she would see.

"You're mine, Aubrey. I don't care what you say and how much you want to push me away…" she thrust harder into Aubrey and began to sing the last verse of the song that Aubrey never got to hear.

When I wake up tomorrow I'm gonna wrap my arms around you
And thank my lucky stars I found you
Cause I know your heart has so much more than anyone has
Touched before, and nothing matter more to me than that
I don't care if I'm your first love,
But I'd love to be your last

"Say it Aubrey. Say you're mine because I'm yours Aubrey…" Beca didn't care if Aubrey could see or hear the emotion in her voice. She let a tear fall as she wept, "Please say it Aubrey. Please…"

Aubrey felt tears spill slowly down her cheeks as Beca stilled, waiting. The request was so raw and vulnerable and yet so strong and demanding. Beca was claiming her, marking her for herself, and instead of being insulted by it she found herself longing to belong to Beca. She wanted to believe that she wanted her, would still want her after all was said and done. After how much she betrayed her.

"I'm yours," she whispered against her lips.

Beca smiled and lunged forward, rewarding Aubrey with a crushing kiss. She began to move within her, sending spirals of pleasure rushing though her body. Aubrey let her eyes close again, giving herself over completely to the feel of Beca's lips moving down her neck, her body locked tightly to Aubrey's.

She felt whole, as some part of her she hadn't even known was missing had been restored. Moving with Beca, she matched her movements as she gave herself over to passion.

Her body tightened as Beca's thrusts came faster, more insistent. The tension wound stronger, exploding out from her core with a shocking intensity. Then she was floating, all of the tension draining away as she collapsed in Beca's arms. Beca hugged her against her chest, kissed her neck and then set her on her feet, supporting her as she came down from her orgasm. Beca smiled at her and leaned in to kiss Aubrey again, but Aubrey, having recovered enough to stand up on her own, stopped her.

"We—we need to get back to the talent show," and she walked out of the confessional without another word. Beca turned around to look at Aubrey but the blonde had already left. She angrily kicked the stool in front of her.

"Fuck!" she screamed out in anger, frustrated tears falling freely. She walked out of the church and walked back over to the main hall where the talent show was winding down. She entered the room just as Caleb was on stage announcing the second place winner. She walked further into the room and saw Aubrey sitting with Luke's arms around her.

Benji walked over to her and placed a hand on her shoulder. "Where did you go? You were gone for like an hour."

Beca looked at Benji and he frowned, sighing in frustration at the tears still flowing from her face.

"What did she say?" he asked, wrapping a comforting arm around Beca's shoulder.

"It's what she didn't say." She whispered angrily, turning back to the stage.

"And first place goes to Rebecca Mitchell, Benjamin Applebaum, Cynthia Rose Adams, Pauline Reed, and Jane Rizzoli."

Everyone stood up and clapped for them as Paulie, Jane, and Cynthia Rose made their way to the stage. Benji turned towards her, "You can stay back here if you want and we can just go up there."

Beca wiped at her eyes and shook her head, "No, it's alright. C'mon." She grabbed Benji's hand and walked beside him up to the stage where Caleb congratulated her. Jordan stood on the side of the stage smiling brightly at her and when she noticed the puffiness of Beca's eyes she mouthed, "What's wrong?" Beca didn't say anything and turned towards the group putting on a smile for the cameras in front of them. As the several cameras flashed in her face she looked out into the crowd at Aubrey who looked at her before getting up and leading Luke out of the room.

After the talent show, there was a celebratory reception that Beca wasn't in the mood to stay around for. After staying for a few minutes, she bid her friends good night and sadly walked across campus to the dorms. She walked into her room and found Aubrey already in her bed asleep. With a sigh, she slipped out of her dress, dropping it by the door and climbing into bed in just her underwear. This was it, she was defeated, absolutely defeated and she refused to chase Aubrey any longer. However, it didn't make it hurt any less. She felt like she was drowning but her body wouldn't do her the courtesy of dying. Instead she was left with the terrible ache of suffocating in the darkness. She closed her eyes and tried to block out the memories of what transpired between her and Aubrey earlier, trying to forget how beautiful Aubrey's moans were and how great it felt to finally have Aubrey in her arms, wanting her in the same manner she wanted the blonde. She punched the mattress at her sides in frustration, biting her lip to keep from screaming out when she felt a dip in her bed. Opening her eyes, she turned her head and saw Aubrey sitting on her bed crying into her hands.

Beca sat and watched patiently as Aubrey sobbed quietly into her hands and after ten minutes of watching Aubrey shake and weep, the blonde looked up and turned to Beca.

"Can you hold me?"

Beca hesitated and thought about refusing when Aubrey's soft, "Please," changed her mind. She pulled her cover back and allowed Aubrey to climb in. She adjusted her body so that Aubrey could lie comfortably in her arms. She wrapped an arm around Aubrey's back so that the blonde could rest against her chest. She held her tightly afraid that if she didn't, Aubrey would change her mind and leave again. Aubrey tightened her grip on Beca's waist and exhaled deeply.

"Beca, I—I'm yours."

Finally. You know when you write a story or come up with an idea there's that scene that you can't wait to reach. Well this was it. The song I used is I'd Love to Be Your Last by Gretchen Wilson. For this chapter I used her lyrics but I really like the musical arrangement in Clay Walker's rendition. So I recommend you really go out and listen to both versions because it is a really great song. At first I thought it would be a bit much for them all to play in the talent show but then I realized that this was a different time when music education was far more common and that it wasn't uncommon for a group of kids such as this all being musically inclined. Like I said, I'm still taking votes on the pairing for my next story and so far Mitchsen is in the lead followed behind by Steca.