The Dark Lord entered his son's room only to find him sliding out of bed and standing on frighteningly shaky legs. The two droids hovered close protectively.

"...Master Luke..." Threepio was saying nervously, "...I don't think you should..."

Just then, the young man's knees buckled and he began to fall.

Vader was beside his child in a split second, holding him up against him oh-so-gently.

"Foolish boy! Where do you think you're going?" he asked angrily.

"There are things a man has to do in private, all right?!" Luke exploded. His face was bright red, and not only in anger. "My bladder's going to burst!"

Vader cleared his throat out loud at that.

"All right. I'll walk you to the bathroom," he said. "Hold on to me."

"Fine," Luke replied drily.

Slowly, the two men started for the door.

"Your friend Dr. Senna didn't stay long," Vader commented to break the silence.

"She'd just arrived when they brought lunch," Luke nodded to his bed.

Vader turned his head and saw the tray with the almost empty plate on it.

"A carrot puree," Luke answered the unvoiced question. "And no more baby food jokes, please."

"Who, me?!" Vader asked rhetorically. "Rodent food, more like," he mumbled under his breath.

Luke's head snapped up and the boy looked at his father with a mixture of indignation and bewilderment. In the end, bewilderment won out.

"Enjoy your victory while you can... bucket head," he mumbled back. The corners of his lips began to twitch upwards.

The rumble of laughter in their chests made them shake a little as they walked, highlighted by Artoo's happy beeping sounds.

"Anyway," Luke continued when they were only a few paces away from the door, "this time, the puree was really bland and tasteless. When I mentioned it, Dr. Senna remembered an old family recipe for carrot puree, and she left to look for it."

"Very considerate of her," Vader commended.

"Yeah," Luke nodded his total agreement. "I told her it wasn't necessary, but she was adamant."

The door slid open before them. Vader released his child little by little, making sure he could stand without help. Luke leaned against the doorframe and turned to his father with an anxious look in his eyes.

"Everything's all right, my son," Vader cupped the young face in his palm and caressed the soft cheek with his thumb. "It's good news. I'll tell you when you come out." At Luke's pleading look, he spoke with emphasis. "Trust me," he smiled beneath his mask.

The change in the sweet face was immediate. The boy smiled back at him and with an eager nod, he walked into the restroom. The door closed after him.


When Luke's friends returned, the young Jedi was sitting up in bed and already looking in their direction. As soon as he saw the Princess, his eyes lit up.

"Leia," he called her softly.

"Yes?" the Princess approached him solicitously.

The instant she was within reach, Luke wrapped her in a tight, grateful hug, burying his face in her neck.

"Thank you, thank you. Thank you!" he blurted over and over. "How will I ever repay you for what you've done? You risked so much... Oh, Leia, thank you! Thank you!"

"All right, all right," Leia tried to tone down the level of emotion. She hugged him back hard. "There are no debts between us, you know it," she kissed the side of his head and moved back, grabbing him by his upper arms. "We're family. All of us!" she included them all in her glance. "We take care of each other, we protect each other. That's what it's all about."

Luke stared at her adoringly and nodded, blinking back tears.

There was a brief pause as the two youths pulled themselves together.

"So!" Han cleared his throat and spoke with apparent disinterest. "Now that your father's been pardoned by the Alliance, do you know what are his immediate plans?"

Luke paled at that. He closed his eyes for a fraction of a second and his breathing hitched. He looked down, trying to compose himself discreetly. His expression hardly changed at all, but the stab of searing pain at the Corellian's question was plain as day for all of them to see.

Vader put his hand on his child's shoulder and squeezed it, offering all the comfort he could.

"My son has known about my plans for days now. It is not about one's personal wishes, but about doing what is right. He knows I need to do this, not only for him or myself, but for all the lives that might be saved. I will be the Alliance's last line of defense in the very heart of the Empire."

Luke swallowed hard and nodded at his father's words, not daring to meet his friends' eyes.

"Is that so, Luke?" Leia stepped closer and pierced the young man's eyes with her own.

Luke bit his lips for a moment and then braved the Princess' brown depths resolutely.

"Yes," he said in a thick voice. "He told me he needed to do it this way and I respect his decision. He will always have my support."

The firmness in his voice fooled no one. The young man was bleeding inside, and his inner pain seeped through every word.

Han turned around, casting a fast look at Lando and Chewie. Shaking his head in irritation, he looked down.

"Stupid, self-sacrificing martyrs. Idiots!" he grumbled to himself.

If someone heard him, whatever reply they had in mind was silenced by the abrupt entrance of one of the nurses. She picked up the tray on Luke's bed and rolled away smoothly.

Once alone again, the group scattered all around the room. Han and Lando took seats, Chewie remained standing, leaning back against the wall, and Leia chose her favourite seat beside Luke's bed. Vader stood poised at his son's bedside, needing to be near him.

The young Princess made a superhuman effort to not use the Force in the Sith Lord's presence. She wanted to 'feel' as much as she could without letting it show, and it was proving to be extremely difficult. Not only because she was dealing with a masked man, but because Vader was doing everything to hide his true frame of mind from them.

That effort alone said a lot, but she still needed to know what was pushing Vader to inflict so much pain on the two of them. What was he running away from so desperately? Why did he feel it necessary to leave Luke behind? What did he fear?

She observed him inconspicuously, and the more she did the less sense everything made. Every tiny little gesture, every tilt of the helmeted head, every look he cast upon his son cried out his absolute devotion to him.

Taking into consideration the fact that he'd been pardoned and there was no need to hide his presence aboard anymore, that to all intents and purposes he was a member of the Rebel Alliance now, she could only conclude that whatever the reason, it had to do with Luke.

But that was just insane. Why would a free man choose to return to the Rancor's den? The Emperor's prowess in the Dark Side was just a convenient subterfuge. As powerful as he was, he was one single individual. He couldn't touch Luke, especially if the entire Rebellion and all those strong in he Force rallied around him. And if the Empire was defeated, Palpatine's fate would be sealed.

'Why are you doing it?' she wondered for the umpteenth time. 'Luke's the most precious thing in the Universe to you. Why are you doing this to him, and yourself? Are you afraid that some harm might come to him? If so, what kind of harm? With a new identity as Anakin Skywalker, both of you would be safe. What is it, then? What?!'

She closed her eyes and shook her head, focusing on the few things she'd learned about Vader before he became Vader. Looking for anything that explained his inexplicable behaviour.

'He was the poster boy of the Old Republic. 'The Hero With No Fear.''

'Jedi weren't allowed to marry.'

'He was wise beyond his years, but he'd paid a price for that wisdom.'

'They lived a life of seclusion and retirement.'

'...there was something behind his eyes... Something that spoke of... of a soul in pain. He was deeply scarred inside.'

Her eyes opened and she concentrated on Vader's body language, thinking about the young man he'd been once. The person Auren's words had portrayed. An unconventional Jedi Knight going against the rules and restrictions of the Jedi Order to be just a man; a man in love with a woman... And how it all had turned out.

'My goodness!' she cried out inside her head all of a sudden. 'Could it really be that simple?'

If his going against the rules had ended up badly and he'd turned to the Dark Side, which in turn had resulted in Luke's mutilation and suffering years later... Could he be leaving for fear of causing him more harm, albeit unwittingly?

'Is that it? Are you leaving because you followed your heart once and everything went wrong? Are you afraid because love only brought you conflict and pain? Because you lost your faith in yourself and in your capacity to make anyone happy? Because you're afraid that your love will destroy Luke one day?'

She'd never felt anything as strongly as the certainty that swelled deep within her. And it was equally disturbing to realize how much she sympathised with Vader's dilemma. It made him so imperfect. So vulnerable. So human.

It made him one of them. No more, no less.

How to make him understand that life is learning from your mistakes? How to convince him that not only he could make someone happy, but that just by existing he was making someone happy already? How to make him see what he wasn't allowing himself to see?

Too much horror. Too much trauma. Too much fear.

Too much.

Her eyes turned inconspicuously to the man she loved. As if on cue, Han met her gaze and just looking into those open, compassionate depths, she knew he was thinking along the same lines.

They shook their heads in unison, the message loud and clear between them.

Luke's audible sigh brought their attention back to him. The young man slid down in the bed a little, resting his head tiredly on the pillow and closing his eyes. Apparently, he'd decided that oblivion was preferable to knowing his time with his father was almost over.

The minutes stretched on in complete silence. Luke's almost instant sleep revealed that there was still a trace of weakness in him. What kind of weakness though, from the body or the spirit, was anyone's guess.

Totally lost in his son's essence and forgetting that anything else existed around him, Vader reached out and sank his fingers in the luminous blond hair. He massaged the warm scalp lovingly, comfortingly.

'I'd happily spend the rest of my life like this, angel,' he admitted to himself. 'So many wasted years! Years that won't return. What would I give for just one minute of your time as a newborn, as a toddler, as an inquiring small child. What would I give for one spontaneous, joyful hug from my little one. Oh, Luke,' he exclaimed feverishly, 'what would I give to grant you your heart's desire! But I'm afraid of yielding to my needs. Every time I clung to an earthly love, I lost it. My mother. Your mother. I lost yet another piece of myself until there was nothing left. I can't allow myself to need you because sooner or later, it'll cost you dearly. I know it will.'

His fingers moved again and cupped the top of the adored head in a mute blessing.

'Force, help me! Help me! Help me!'

The door opened startlingly and a sweet-faced, enthusiastic woman burst in, carrying a small datapad in her hand.

"Sorry it's taken me forev-" she stopped dead in her tracks at the sight of the crowded room. Her bulging eyes looked around, taking in the humans, the droids and the Wookiee. And standing at Luke Skywalker's bedside like a menacing black angel... She gasped aloud.

"I... I-I... I-I'm..."

"It's all right, Auren," Leia recovered swiftly from the unexpected surprise, and rose from her seat with a soft smile.

Swallowing soundly, Dr. Senna found her voice.

"I-I brought the recipe for c-carrot puree," she explained clumsily. "I forgot where I put it and it took me ages to find it..." she looked behind her at the door. "N-No one stopped me when I entered the waiting room, so I just..."

Leia put her hand on her friend's shoulder, calming her.

"It *is* all right," she repeated, taking the datapad from her grasp, and following her gaze to the giant cyborg standing guard beside his son in the most unthreatening way. "He defected from the Empire and he's been granted asylum by the Headquarters."

Mesmerized by the unthinkable image before her, Auren's eyes were inevitably drawn to the gloved fingers buried in the fluffy light hair. Immediately, the flash of a never forgotten memory twisted her insides. The image of another gloved hand on top of a little boy's head, caressing it in exactly the same manner.

With a kind, knowing smile, Leia nodded at the Sith Lord.

"This is Dr. Auren Senna. She was my friend and my rock when I had no one to turn to."

Reaching out his free hand, Vader nodded courtly at the newcomer.

"It is good to meet you, Dr. Senna," he greeted her. "I appreciate all your efforts and your help."

Auren's features softened. She stepped forward unhesitatingly and shook the proffered hand, noticing how the other hand on top of the sleeping young man's head stayed in place, as if it couldn't let go.

And right then, everything clicked.

Two and a half decades later.

"I am very pleased to meet you again... Anakin Skywalker," she replied, staring at him with the same feeling of wonder despite... everything.

The impact of that name, spoken loudly for the first time since Vader's arrival, dealt a brutal blow to the last psychological barrier in everybody's minds.

Curiously, it was the Dark Lord who appeared unfazed by being addressed like that.

"Have we met before?" Vader tipped his head to one side curiously.

Auren rolled her eyes and shook her head self-mockingly, releasing his hand.

"Once, in the streets of Coruscant 25 years ago. A bunch of kids and teenagers with a bad case of hero-worshipping."

Vader focused all his senses on her and out of the blue, it was there, in his mind's eye.

"Outside the Art Museum?" he asked.

"Yes," Auren breathed in utter awe.

Vader smiled poignantly.

"An eternity ago. Another life. A different person."

Auren shook her head, experiencing an infinite compassion for the human being trapped inside that suit... and his own feelings of unworthiness.

"The same person," she dropped her gaze to the hand on top of the sleeping youth's head. "Beaten down by life and the weight of his unspeakable actions. Older and wiser. Deeply scarred and yet hopeful. With a heart brimming with love, aching for a place to put it," reaching out, she laid her hand on top of his. "And now that you found it," she squeezed hard, "never let it go." She slowly moved her hand back and smiled at him benevolently. "It healed him already. Let it heal you too."

Vader looked at her, tired and soul-weary.

"I don't think I can. I don't think I ever will."

Auren shook her head again, this time in disappointment.

"It would be a pity. You overcame so much. Giving up would be inconceivable to the Anakin Skywalker I met once."

Vader shook his head at that.

"There's nothing left of that man anymore. Just ashes... And death."

"Are you sure about that?" Auren's understanding smile brought Vader's attention back to the one who'd started everything, just as she intended. "Look at him... And say it again."

Vader couldn't take his eyes away from the sleeping form. So powerless, so innocent, so heartbreakingly perfect... It made him want to die.

"Think about it before giving up. The only thing standing in your way is yourself."

The Sith Lord just stared... and stared. Motionless like a statue.

Auren suddenly turned her gaze to Leia.

The Princess smiled through clouded eyes, feeling that her friend had given voice to all the words that wouldn't come as easily to her. Auren's moment with Vader had been a profoundly enlightening experience. She had touched the core of Vader's misgivings, and how his deep-seated feelings of self-loathing kept him from embracing the chance at redemption that Luke embodied.

As a psychiatrist and as someone very much in touch with her own emotions, she was the perfect person to have this conversation with. Maybe she would succeed where all of them, Luke included, had failed.

Feeling she had overstepped her boundaries and somewhat self-conscious, Auren shared a passing glance with the others. Their looks of quiet respect and admiration made her drop her gaze.

"I'll give you back your privacy now. Excuse the intrusion."

She braved a final look at the exhausted but still radiant young man in the bed, noticing that even in his sleep his head was turned towards... his father.

"He suffered so much. He deserves all the happiness he can get." She sighed and nodded her leave before exiting the room.

A deferential, humble silence followed her departure. Everyone's thoughts turned inward, slowly digesting what had just happened there.

Auren's brief visit had been an eye opener in many ways. It was incredible how big a difference a single word – or two - spoken at the right moment, could make.

Sensing everyone's eyes on him like daggers, Vader's hand withdrew bit by excruciating bit. When it lost all contact with his son's flesh, it hung loosely at his side like a broken puppet, turning into a fist. His whole body tensed and he stepped back from the bed. He turned to look at the wall, as if his mask couldn't hide him enough from the others' prying eyes.

'Force, what can I do now?!'

"What am I going to do?"

Realizing that he'd spoken out loud and uncovered his most secret weakness was the last straw. His breathing started coming in increasingly rapid gasps, more and more, until he was hyperventilating. Finally, exploding in a short, inhuman cry, he kneeled at his child's bedside, holding the beloved head between his hands with a raw, frantic plea.

'Say the word! Say the word and I-... I'll...'

"No!" he exclaimed, releasing his son as if his very touch burned him, which woke up the boy with a start. "NO! NO!" he shouted, bolting from the room.

On the verge of a heart attack, Luke could only watch his father leave at breakneck speed.

"Father! Father, wait!" he yelled instinctively. When the door closed after him, he turned uncomprehending, scared eyes to his friends.

Snapping, Leia rushed for the door.

"Stay here!" she told the others, dashing after Vader.


Once out in he corridor, she didn't see the Dark Lord anywhere. Blast it, he was fast in that suit!

But she knew just where to find him. At a slow, sedate pace, she headed for the observation room. Right before stepping in though, she paused and braced herself for the upcoming confrontation.

Vader stood framed against the backdrop of stars, palms flat on the glass window and head bent down.

She approached him noiselessly and stopped a couple paces behind him, wondering how to start.

"There's no need to do what you're doing and you know it," she finally said in a kind but admonishing tone. "You're punishing yourself, and what's worse, you're punishing Luke too," she frowned sadly. "You're hurting him and I know it's killing you."

Vader stood still, not moving one millimetre.

"You want to stay with him," she stated unwaveringly. "You..." she looked up at the ceiling, opening her heart to the words. "...You can't envision life without him, and yet..."

"You know nothing about me," Vader cut her short. "You know nothing about my life," he growled from his depths. "You can't possibly have the slightest idea..."

"Fear," Leia summed up, shrugging nonchalantly. "You're terrified of harming him in any way. You're terrified of love, of loving someone, because when you gave yourself to that emotion, something went horribly wrong... Maybe love turned you to the Dark Side?" she cocked her head to one side, twisting the knife unknowingly.

"My unhealthy need to not lose it did," Vader ground his teeth in barely suppressed fury, straightening up at last and lowering his arms in surrender. Antagonizing this woman was useless. She would push relentlessly until she brought you to your knees. "The Emperor told me it was possible to cheat death... through the Dark Side."

"And you fell for it?!" Leia spluttered. If Vader's turn hadn't caused an Empire to rise and a genocide in the long run, the mere notion would be hilarious. "I considered you smarter than that."

"You'd be surprised at the things one would be willing to believe... if they're desperate enough," self-disgust filled his voice.

An immense melancholy overtook the Princess.

"Was she dying? Luke's mother?" she asked with a lump in her throat, getting a glimpse of the larger picture at last. Her understanding of Vader's situation and deep-seated pain was nothing short of... haunting.

Vader shook his head, unwilling to remember, fighting the images flashing before his eyes.

"I dreamed she would... in childbirth," he choked the words out and turned away from her. "And I ended up being the one who..." he squeezed his eyes shut with a strangled sound, "...who brought about her death. My hatred, my anger... Me."

Tears clouded Leia's eyes.

"And you're afraid you'll do the same to Luke."

Vader shook his head again, ferociously.

"I'll kill myself first. But something will happen eventually if I stay. It always does." He looked away, lost in thought. "Happiness has always been an evanescent, gossamer dream that never stayed for long. I could barely brush it with my fingertips before it was taken away from me," a heavy, dark shadow descended on him. "I'm cursed," he stated in a distant voice, "I'm destined to lose the ones I love."

...At last!

As if he'd read her thoughts, Vader turned to her, bitterness impregnating every small movement of the huge body.

"Yes, your highness. I love my son. Is that what you wanted to hear?"

Leia smiled wistfully.

"Not for my sake, but yours. And Luke's. He deserves to hear it, he deserves to have his father in his life, at his side. He deserves to know he'll always come first."

"He'll always come first!" Vader said passionately. "That's why I'm leaving. Is it so difficult for you to understand? Even after what I told you?"

"The only thing I understand, is that you're afraid," Leia spoke softly. "And until you can bring yourself to shake off your fear and believe that he's your greatest strength, your salvation, talking to you will be like hitting a brick wall."

She took a bold step forward.

"You need to stop living in the past, clinging to all the horrifying moments in your life, and embrace the future and the lessons you've learned. Let Luke be your guide in your journey, and shelter him in your heart as he's sheltering you in his."

A profound shudder ran through Vader's frame at her fervent words. He turned his head to the stars.

"Can you guarantee that he will be safe?" he asked.

Leia raised her eyes skywards.

"There are no guarantees in life," she shrugged half-heartedly. "Only goodwill and best intentions. You said you'd rather die than cause him harm. If that's enough for me, why isn't it enough for you?"

"The answer to that is self-evident," Vader's voice sounded strained. "Best intentions led me to the Dark Side. At this point, it's not enough for me. Not anymore."

Leia risked another step closer.

"Because you turned to the wrong person for help. You took a gamble with your soul, and lost it. But look at me," she asked.

Gradually, Vader met the persuasive dark eyes.

"I also took a gamble when I sent that transmission," she reminded him as she looked at him knowingly. "The biggest gamble of my life." Fearlessly, she reached out and took hold of the gloved hand.

In utter shock, Vader stared down at the tiny hand holding on to his. Unthinkingly, his fingers closed around it as he experienced a sudden, strikingly powerful bond forming between them. He looked up at her open face just as it turned to his.

"And I don't regret it," she let out a bashful, heartfelt smile. "Not for a moment."

She squeezed his hand once and then released it.

Vader looked at his now empty hand in dismay, feeling as if a chasm opened before him.

"But I won't push you anymore," Leia's voice had an edge of finality. "Pushing you – pushing anyone – is a mistake. They must come to the truth by themselves, and no one and nothing can force them to see what they can't or won't allow themselves to see. I know you'll understand when the time is right," she sighed out loud. "I can only hope it'll happen before it's too late."

Just before she looked away, Vader saw the gleam of tears in her eyes. Tears of frustration and disenchantment.

Tears of resignation.


"He... He's not gone, is he, Han?" Luke asked his friend after noticing his thousandth surreptitious look at the door.

"Of course not!" the Corellian reassured the young Jedi a bit too vehemently. "Leia wouldn't let him anyway," he added as an afterthought.

The mental image Han's words conveyed, made everyone in the room smile to themselves.

But Luke's heartache soon wiped the little smile off his face. He looked down at his lap and started pulling at the sheet covering his legs in a nervous attempt to calm his misery.

"Maybe... Maybe it's better this way. Just the thought of saying goodbye..." he looked away, closing his eyes against the shattering pain.

"No, it's not better this way!" Han exploded. "Blast it, this situation is ridiculous! He wants to stay, you want him to stay, we all want him to stay; so what's the bloody problem?!" he stomped his foot on the floor.

Chewie growled his earnest reply that Han translated reluctantly after giving his Wookiee friend a chagrined look.

"He says that he won't allow himself to find peace. He just doesn't believe in his right to love and be happy."

Luke's eyes dropped closed on hearing that. If that was true, and he could feel in the deepest part of him that it was... Then there was no hope for either his father or himself.

A warm hand on his shoulder drove the chill from his bones. Shuddering, he looked up at his... brother. Yes. Han Solo was the brother of his soul.

"Make no mistake about it, kid," the look in the Corellian's eyes was soft and steadfast, "he loves you. He loves you so much that he's absolutely terrified."

"Terrified of what?" Luke begged for an answer that made sense.

"He's terrified that you might love him back. He's terrified of hurting you again," his expression betrayed real and true compassion. "He's desperate to stay, but he won't consider himself worthy of getting what he wants," he sighed in regret. "When you've caused so much horror and destruction..." he looked up, totally at a loss for words, "...how to picture yourself living a plentiful, fulfilling life? How to expect to be loved by anyone, or even deserve it?" he shrugged, hoping his clumsily put together words transmitted a fraction of what he wanted to say.

Luke's eyes began to glitter with tears.

"There's truly no hope," he uttered to himself in the weirdest tone of voice. Forcing himself to accept the inevitable, unchangeable fact.

"No, Luke," Lando's voice coming from the other side of the bed made the two friends' heads turn in his direction.

The dark-skinned man stood close, looking down at the young Jedi with disarming openness.

"Your father knows that you love him, but admitting that truth would mean embracing the happiness that your love would bring to his life. And he's not ready for that." Something about his last words didn't sound right. "No, scratch that; he thinks he's not ready for that."

Chewie stepped forward and messed Lando's hair proudly with a few growls of his own.

"He says that you must insist, you must keep trying to convince him," Han translated. "He doesn't need to risk his life trying to meet some impossible standards of self-sacrifice. It's a futile endeavour and if he ended up getting killed, his redemption would be useless."

"But how?" Luke asked in despair. "How can I convince him when he's made up his mind?"

The Corellian smiled softly as a powerful wave of affection swelled inside him at the young Jedi's innocence.

"You underestimate your influence on him, Luke. He would do anything for you. Even stay. All you have to do is ask."

Luke flinched as if he'd been struck.

"I can't do it! I can't do that to him when he... begged me to let him go. He begged me to not ask."

Han reached out and took hold of the young man's shoulders, shaking them once gently for emphasis.

"Luke, think! What purpose does it serve for your father to go? He won't find the peace he's looking for. His peace is right here, with you! Yes, you're gonna have to play dirty. So what? You might be actually saving his life."

Luke looked down with a self-depreciating smile and shook his head.

"It would be selfish of me."

"Since when saving a life is considered selfish?" Han stared at Luke as if he didn't recognize him anymore. "What is it with you Jedi? Do they kill all instinct for self-preservation when they train you? We're not talking about hurting someone to save another, we're talking about doing what's best for everyone. Think about all the good things your father could do. As a born leader, as an advisor; hell, even as a pilot; saving lives right here!" he threw his hands up in sheer exasperation. "You are really two of a kind. A royal pain in the butt!"

He rose to his feet with a snarl and met his friends' eyes. Lando tilted his head to one side a little, indicating he thought he'd gone a bit too far in his recriminations, but Han just gazed at him with his patented lopsided grin and a wink.

Lando covered his mouth with his hand discreetly to hide his incipient smile. Han's 'tough-love' tactics seemed to have worked because Luke's faraway look showed he was giving the matter some serious thought.

TO BE CONTINUED...