First, was that really a cliffhanger? Wow I didn't even realize it.
A reviewer asked why doesn't anyone just go to the police about what goes on at the camp. Well it's 1989 and although a lot happened for the gay rights movement between then and say 1969, it's nowhere as progressive as it is now. Besides, besides Beca and Aubrey and the rest of them, some of these kids are being signed over to WI as young teens, still dependent upon their parents. Also, many of these kids are seen as broken and in need of a cure. Trust me. I've done a tone of research (like going to the library and checking out books) and reading research journals on this stuff. Although it may seem to be going far, it's a harsh truth that many had to face.
Looking for Eden
Beca waited until she heard the door slam before reaching over and grabbing her discarded underwear off the floor. They were here favorite pair, the ones with musical notes on them. She knew she could never look at them in the same way ever again, not after the way he violently ripped them away.
The fear that he would come back loomed heavily within her and she knew no time could be wasted. The pain between her legs made it difficult for her to move so she was forced to roll out of bed. Not bothering with trying to find pants in the dark room, she grabbed the book bag she kept by her bed and crawled out the window, using the large oak tree to help her down to ground level.
Pulling her Led Zeppelin t-shirt down farther to cover her legs, she quickly ran across the lawn and across the street to the blue house that she'd come to view as a safe haven. She loudly and quickly banged on the back door, hoping that Chloe would hear it before the sound traveled to the front of the house and alerted her parents.
A sleepy eyed Chloe opened the door, surprised to see her best friend standing in nothing but her underwear and a t-shirt.
"Beca?"
Beca swallowed the emotion in her, suppressing the urge to cry, "Chlo? Can I stay with you?"
The eight year old looked back into her house to make sure neither her mother nor father had awoken before turning back to Beca.
"Yeah, but Beca, what happened to you? Where are your clothes?"
"Please don't ask me what happened," she said softly, wiping at her eyes again. "Please," she whispered, falling into the redhead's arms.
Beca gasped loudly at the electrifying and painful feeling of more ice being poured onto her body jolting her from her involuntary slumber. She had long reached the point where her body could no longer shiver and she was forced to wait until she would pass out again. Due to the windowless room she was being kept in she had long lost track of how long she was in the tub.
All she could concentrate on was the cold…the never ending cold.
"Are you ready to tell Mrs. Westmore what happened to your neck?" Mackenzie asked, sitting the metal bucket in her hand on the side of the tub.
Beca reached up with a numb hand to push her hair out of her face, "N—No. I—I'm not telling you anything."
Mackenzie rolled her eyes and walked away, "Well then you'll be in here until you change your mind."
And once again, she was encased in darkness.
She wasn't even aware that she had passed out again until the light to the room was suddenly turned on and she was being pulled out of the tub by Caleb and Jason, another counselor. She was too weak to put up a fight and could only remain limp as they carelessly dragged her to her room.
Aubrey was awakened by loud footsteps outside her door. She stood immediately at the sound of their door to their dorm being opened and Beca being dumped onto her bed. Before she get up and check on her girlfriend, who hadn't moved out of the position she'd landed in when she was carelessly dumped, Mrs. Westmore walked in.
"Are you ready to tell us who put that mark on your neck?"
Beca forced out a strained, "Fuck You," before her eyes slipped shut again.
Looking at Beca in absolute disgust, she turned away from her, turning her nose up as she walked further into the room.
"Miss Posen," she pointed to Beca as she addressed the blonde teenager, "You are the most trusted patient here. Keep an eye on your roommate and report anything to me personally."
Aubrey looked at Mrs. Westmore, not sure how to respond. Out of the corner of her eyes, she could see Beca looking at her through bloodshot eyes, and Aubrey knew she needed to help her before irrevocable damage was done to the brunette (if it hadn't already). So, in an effort to get everyone to leave, she quickly nodded her head, agreeing to the older woman's commands. Mrs. Westmore smiled a tight lipped smile in satisfaction before casting one last look at Beca and exiting the room. Aubrey ran to the window and waited until she saw the three exit the building before quickly grabbing Beca's desk chair and lodging it under the door knob.
"God, Beca. Are you okay?" she asked frantically, quickly removing her clothes before walking over to Beca and peeling her wet clothes away as well. Beca laid there, unable to move her limbs to assist in the process, watching Aubrey undress her. Aubrey gently helped her maneuver under the blanket before turning towards her bed.
"God, Beca. I can't believe you did that." She walked over to her bed, pulling her blanket off of it, before walking over to where Beca lied and spreading it on top of the blanket covering Beca. Going to the door, she quickly flipped off the light and scurried back over to Beca's bed, slipping in and taking the freezing girl into her arms.
Placing a gentle kiss on Beca's forehead, she smiled at the feeling of Beca wrapping her arms weakly around her, biting back a yelp at the cold hands coming to rest on her shoulder blades.
"Why would you do something like that, Beca?"
There was silence for a long while before Beca whispered, "Do what?"
"Get yourself thrown in hydrotherapy?"
"Because I love you…" she trailed off and Aubrey was glad to hear the faint sound of Beca's teeth chattering. She was finally shivering. She was warming up.
"I said I'd protect you. The other night when I glanced over to you as you slept, it hit me how in love with you I really am. I can't lose you. I'll lose my mind."
Aubrey looked down at the girl in her arms and smiled, leaning in to place a kiss on her trembling blue lips, "I love you."
Beca smiled at her, returning the sentiment before burrowing closer into Aubrey's body as the two drifted off to sleep.
Aubrey was the first to wake the next morning, which wasn't a surprise to her since she was a habitual early riser while Beca had routinely overslept every day since her arrival two months ago. Beca was still clinging to her while she slept and Aubrey reached down to wipe the few beads of sweat off the small brunette's forehead, glad that she made it through the night without complications.
Beca awoke to the feeling of Aubrey lightly brushing her hair out of her eyes and off her forehead before she softly kissed it, causing Beca to nuzzle closer to her.
Tightening her arms around Aubrey's waist, she sleepily mumbled, "Good morning," barely bothering to open her eyes. With her head against the blonde's chest and their legs tangled together, she could feel Aubrey's heart beat quicken beneath her cheek as her voice feeled the room.
Aubrey smiled, leaning down to place another kiss on Beca's warm forehead, "Good morning. How are you feeling?"
"Warm," she responded, pulling Aubrey even closer. She was awake now but still very much in that dozing, content phase of being awake. Where she could be wide awake if she needed to but was very content in letting sleep hold her and enjoying the warmth of being in the arms of the girl she loved.
"I'm glad…I was so scared of what could have happened," Aubrey says after some time. She watched Beca rest in her arms, realizing that what Beca said to her the night before was so very true for her as well. She'd lose her sanity if she had to ever wake up a morning without Beca in her arms. She barely made it out alive when Amanda died. She didn't think the frail existence of her sanity could survive something like that again.
Beca's eyes fluttered open to look up at Aubrey, "What are you thinking about?"
Aubrey looked at Beca and said, "You…us."
Aubrey doesn't miss the insecurity and uncertainty in Beca's voice when the small brunette met her eyes again to ask, "Is it something good?"
"Yeah it is. I was just thinking about how much I love you."
Beca smiled widely, tilting her head back to see her girlfriend better, responding "I love you too," before her lips gently found Aubrey's.
Beca tilted her head back to break the kiss, smiling softly and looking at Aubrey, "God you have no idea how great it feels knowing that you'll be there in the morning." She reached up and gently caressed Aubrey's cheek, running her thumb lightly over the lips that she had claimed as her own a few seconds prior. "I love knowing that you're not ashamed of being in love with me."
Aubrey's smiled mirrored Beca's, also glad that she longer carried around the crippling burden of shame. She absolutely loved being in love with Beca and wanted nothing to ever come between them being together. However, there was something standing in the way.
Luke.
"Beca, I need to tell you something."
Beca, who'd closed her eyes and returned to resting peacefully in her girlfriend's arms, asked, "What is it?"
Aubrey bit her lip in hesitation, not sure how she should come clean about the mistake she made, but knowing that she needed to do it. She had to come clean for not only herself but because she owed it to Beca. "I—I had sex with Luke…"
Beca's face remained stoic at first; almost as if she didn't hear what Aubrey had just confessed, but the longer Aubrey watched the more she could see the tenseness spread throughout Beca's face, beginning with the clenching of her jaw, something she did when she was angry.
"When?" was Beca's soft reply.
Aubrey exhaled nervously before whispering, "The night we went off campus."
Beca chuckled bitterly in disbelief murmuring to herself, "You've got to be kidding me." She slowly untangled herself from the blonde's arms, turning on to her side away from Aubrey.
Aubrey watched Beca and in fear of what Beca's reaction might be, Aubrey slowly reached out a hand, placing it on Beca's back, "Please say something."
Beca shrugged off her touch, glancing over her shoulder quickly before turning back to face the door.
"What do you want me to say, huh? That I'm okay with it? Because I'm not." She wasn't yelling or screaming. In fact, her voice was irrationally calm, something that terrified Aubrey.
"It didn't mean anything to me I swear," she cried out desperately, trying to explain the situation before Beca shut her out. Beca scoffed in disgust, thinking that Aubrey could have come up with a better excuse as she moved to get up. Aubrey immediately reached out to grab her hand to keep her from walking away, climbing on to Beca and straddling her waist to stop the smaller brunette from leaving. Beca continued to push her away but Aubrey refused to give in, needing Beca to listen to her side of the story.
She forcefully grabbed Beca's arms, pinning them above the brunette's hands as she desperately pleaded for Beca to listen.
"Please, Beca." she whispered exhaustedly but stopped at the look of pure terror that reigned in Beca's eyes. Realizing exactly what she had done, she quickly released Beca's arms and climbed off of her, Beca immediately sat up in bed on the edge of the bed, holding her hands protectively against herself.
"I'm sorry…but please. Just let me explain."
Beca looked back at her through angry eyes, venomously saying, "I don't want to hear about why you fucked that loser less than twenty four hours after we made love."
Beca stood up and Aubrey tried to grab her hands again but Beca snatched her hand out of the blonde's grasp. She quickly removed the chair from the door, knowing the moment it was gone, Aubrey wouldn't risk trying to do something she wouldn't want the counselors to see. Aubrey climbed across the bed, desperately extending her hands to reveal her wrists.
"Beca, baby, please! Remember I'm yours. One hundred percent remember?" She pleaded desperately, begging Beca not to walk away. "I'm in this one hundred percent," she cried, exposing the partially healed wounds on her arms. She couldn't let Beca walk away, not after all they did to get to this point. Not after all they sacrificed.
Beca slowly turned around to look at the crying blonde, taking in the cuts on her girlfriend's wrists. It was still very difficult for her to see with the memory still being fresh in her mind. With a heavy sigh, she ran a hand through her hair and slowly approached the bed. She took a seat and reached out to wipe away the tears that were streaming steadily down Aubrey's face. With a shaky hand, she reached out and wiped away Aubrey's tears.
"Shush, don't cry. I—I'm not mad."
Aubrey looked up through watery green eyes, "Really?"
"Well, I am mad but I—I'm sure you had your reasons. If anyone should know, I understand that everyone's actions aren't skin deep."
Aubrey sat back on the balls of her feet and immediately opened her mouth to explain before Beca walked away, "I—after you came into my bed that night and –and touched me…made me feel things I haven't felt in so long, I couldn't deal with it all. Beca, you made it so hard to believe what I kept trying to convince myself of…that I was broken…damaged…sick. I—I really thought that if I had sex with him, break that minor sin to overcome this major one, I could really get better."
Beca rolled her eyes, asking sarcastically, "Well did it work?"
Aubrey ignored her snide remark and answered anyway, "No, Beca, it didn't work because I didn't love him. When I was with him…in his arms, I felt so violated and exposed. When I'm with you I'm comfortable and safe and…in love."
Beca was silent, studying Aubrey's face firmly, taking in everything that the blonde had said. If she was being honest with herself, she knew that Aubrey had slept with him. The sounds of Aubrey crying as she vomited heavily in the bathroom the night she returned told her one of two things happened, either Luke wanted to take it further than just making out and Aubrey agreed or she refused and he forced her. The way she was under him, kissing him in the dining hall the next day told her exactly which scenario had occurred. She felt so betrayed thinking about the idea that she wasn't good enough for Aubrey and it had nothing to do with ego, just the idea that Aubrey felt what they shared that night meant nothing. Beca feared that the other girl thought she wasn't worthy enough to love.
But now, hearing Aubrey tell her the truth when she didn't have to, it told her all she needed to know. That Aubrey meant everything she said, that she was in love with her.
"Beca—" Aubrey began but was cut off by the sudden feeling of Beca's lips against hers, capturing her in a kiss.
Aubrey smiled against the kiss wasting no time in reaching up to run her fingers though Beca's hair to pull her closer and deepen the kiss, slowly feeding the heat between them. Beca's hand slid from Aubrey's neck down to her shoulders, Aubrey loving the light touch of Beca's hands exploring and caressing her innocently. Aubrey's light grey t-shirt rode up as the small brunette's hand explored further, coming down to her rib cage to rest just beneath her breast. Still soft and gentle in her exploration, Beca nudged Aubrey onto her back, their lips still locked in a passionate dance as she pulled her free arm from behind Aubrey where it had been holding the blonde against her body.
Beca pushed the extra blankets aside, regarding them as useless in the Georgia heat, as she propped herself up slightly and looked down at Aubrey. Leaning in slowly, she laid a gentle kiss on Aubrey's pulse point, resisting the urge to bite down and mark the blonde in the way she'd been branded. The thin shirt that Aubrey wore still covered her breasts although it did nothing to hide the hardening of her nipples. Beca's thumb traced across the underside of Aubrey's left breast, Aubrey biting her bottom lip as she looked up into her girlfriend's eyes. Her heart quickening as both of Beca's hands go down to her side, pushing her t-shirt up over her breasts, not taking it off, just leaving it bunched up and Aubrey exposed.
Beca looked down at Aubrey, capturing her lips in another kiss as she softly cupped each breast, gently squeezing and stroking them, making Aubrey moan softly as she caught each nipple between her fingers, pinching, not hard enough to hurt the blonde but enough to be noticed. Aubrey's back arched off the bed slightly, her breath catching in her throat.
"Please…" she whimpered and Beca smiled before lowering her head to descend down her girlfriend's body.
"Hey Bec—" Jesse stopped immediately and stared at the sight in front of him. Beca immediately grabbed the blanket off the floor and threw it on top of her and Aubrey, looking at the boy in the door unsure what to say. She couldn't really tell him 'it's not what it looks like' because it was indeed exactly what he saw. Immediately reaching down to pick up the clothes that Aubrey had peeled off of her the night before, and although they were still damp, she needed to talk to the other boy. She tried to get dressed so that she could explain to Jesse but before she could get her foot through one leg of her jeans he had taken off.
Abandoning the damp clothes in her hand, she jumped up, uttering "Dammit," as she walked over to her closet to grab clean, and dry, clothes.
"I gotta go find him."
Aubrey, who'd remained silent, wrapped the blanket tighter around her body, drawing her knees to her chest and she stoically mumbled, "They're going to find out."
Beca stopped looking for a shirt immediately and walked over to Aubrey, leaning over to place a light kiss on Aubrey's forehead,
"I'll protect you. No matter what, I won't let those bastards hurt you." She stood up to grab her shoes by her closet but Aubrey grabbed her arm to stop her from moving.
"Don't go." she whispered lightly.
Beca looked at her girlfriend in confusion, gesturing to the door, "I need to find Jesse before he runs his mouth."
Aubrey sighed exhaustedly, wiping at her eyes as she shook her head, "I—I don't care. He's probably already said something. Just—I want to be near you while I still can."
"Are you sure?"
Aubrey didn't respond right away, her head turning to look away from Beca. She knew she should let Beca go after Jesse but by now it was too late. She wasn't ignorant to the crush the boy had on her girlfriend and knew he probably told someone in anger. That meant their time together was numbered before Mrs. Westmore arrived and worst, called her father.
"Yeah I'm sure….just hold me—please."
Beca smiled sadly at Aubrey before climbing into bed, taking her girlfriend into her arms.
"Don't leave me," Aubrey whispered as she felt Beca's arms around her, pulling her closer. God, how she wished she could just vanish into her girlfriend's arms, forgetting everything for a moment except the love and warmth from Beca, her Beca. One of Beca's arms went around her back, and the other one caressed her neck slowly, comforting her with every stroke. Saying that no matter what happened, she wouldn't leave Aubrey.
"Don't worry, Bree. It's going to be alright, we'll make it out of here together," Beca whispered and tightened her hold on her girlfriend.
Aubrey tilted her head back slightly to look into the grey eyes above her, "Can you tell me a story?"
"About what?"
"About anything. Tell me how you learned to ride a bike," Aubrey suggested, feeling Beca pull away slowly before pulling her back in, tighter this time.
"Ha…well that's an interesting story. Let's just say I learned to ride on a unicycle."
They both sighed contently, not wanting to let go of each other, as Beca relayed the story. This embrace between them was so much more than just an act of comfort. It was a lover's embrace, a hold between soul mates who knew exactly what the other needed and for how long. It was a promise that they could do this.
That they could survive this together.
That they'd find Eden together. Singed and hurt, but together.
They remained in bed until noon, having dozed off not long after as they awaited their inevitable punishment. It was Beca that suggested they go to lunch and that maybe Jesse hadn't said anything after all since no one had come for them. Aubrey smiled at her girlfriend, murmuring that she was probably right despite doubting that it was true.
Beca finished getting dressed while Aubrey took a shower and got dressed as well. In the hour that it took them to get ready, Aubrey began to believe more and more that maybe Jesse hadn't said anything because it had been nearly five hours without any counselors coming to escort them to Mrs. Westmore. Maybe she had more time with Beca after all.
They made their way to the dining hall resisting the desire to hold the other's hand on the walk there. Walking over to the food line, they each grabbed one of the premade lunch trays that held a salad and a tuna sandwich before making their way over to the table Cynthia Rose sat at.
"Wassup guys." Cynthia Rose said calmly. Both girls sighed in relief glad that Cynthia rose wasn't acting strange, meaning Jesse hadn't said anything. However, before Beca could return a greeting, Paulie walked over to the table, quickly taking a seat.
"Dude, what did you guys do?"
Beca furrowed her brow and looked up at the blonde teen across the table, "What are you talking about?"
Paulie shook her head, still not believing what Jane said her uni-partner told her. "Apparently, Jesse walked in on you two and said something to that douchebag Jareau—"
Cynthia Rose cut Paulie off, pointing behind them, "Guys, look who it is." Beca and Aubrey turned around to see Jesse frantically walking over to them. He approached the table, taking a seat next to Beca.
"Beca, Aubrey. I swear I didn't mean to say anything. I—I was just upset and I told Barb. She must have told."
Beca wanted to punch him for that sorry excuse but Aubrey grabbed her hand under the table, whispering into her ear to keep calm. So instead, of tattooing an imprint of her fists on his face, she simply rolled her eyes and turned back to Paulie, mumbling, "Yeah, whatever."
Paulie opened her mouth to continue telling them what she'd heard but before she could she spotted Mrs. Westmore making her way to their table. Gesturing to their right with a head nod, she whispered, "Westmore, two o'clock."
Everyone turned to see Mrs. Westmore walking towards them with Caleb and Jason following behind her. She approached the table, scowling at them.
"Miss Posen, Miss Mitchell, come with me this instant." Both girls eyed each other before standing and following Mrs. Westmore. Jesse grabbed Beca's arm, frantically crying, "Beca, I'm sorry."
Beca looked back at him in anger, pulling her arm out of his grasp. She looked behind her to make sure Aubrey couldn't hear before whispering angrily, "If something happens to her, I swear, Jesse. You'll live to regret it."
Everyone in the cafeteria watched Mrs. Westmore lead them out of the dining hall, all of them aware of what happened.
\***/
"So Miss Mitchell, Miss Waters has brought to my attention that your unification partner walked in on you and Miss Posen in a bed together."
Beca shrugged her shoulders, meeting Mrs. Westmore's stern glare confidently. "I don't know what you want me to say."
Slamming her hand down harshly on the table, Mrs. Westmore stood from behind her desk, "The truth! I want the truth! Tell me why Mr. Swanson opened your door to see the two of you in Miss Posen's bed?"
Beca didn't say anything, instead opting to watch Mrs. Westmore as she paced angrily back and forth, trying to suppress a smile. Did she really think she was just going to come clean? For Christ's sake, she didn't even know what bed they were in, meaning she didn't truly know what happened, which was fortunate for her since it made the lie she was about to tell all the more convincing. She had to protect Aubrey, even if it meant sacrificing herself.
With a deep breath, she looked up at Mrs. Westmore and mumbled, "It's not Aubrey's fault."
"What was that?"
Beca sighed and sat up in her chair straighter, "It wasn't Aubrey's fault. I-I forced her."
Mrs. Westmore looked at Beca in shock, repeating what she'd just heard. "You forced her? What do you mean?"
Beca bit the inside of her cheek to refrain from responding sarcastically, knowing it would be detrimental to all she was trying to accomplish. "I mean…You said so yourself, Aubrey is one of the few people here trying to get better. I—I couldn't stand it so I—so I got into her bed in the middle of the night and forced her to have sex with me. When Jesse came in—Aubrey had just woken up and was pushing me off of her. That's what he saw, Aubrey trying to fight me off of her."
Mrs. Westmore opened her mouth before closing it, trying to wrap her head around what the teen had just confessed. "Is—Is that the truth?" she asked trying to bite back her anger, now that Beca was finally being honest.
"Why would I lie about forcing sex on someone? Doesn't that constitute as rape?"
Mrs. Westmore crossed her arms in front of her, nodding, "Yes it does, Miss Mitchell and because of your actions I'm ordering that you immediately be punished for your selfishness."
She walked around her desk, hitting the call button on the intercom situated on her desk, "Caleb, please come inside."
She took a seat in her chair waiting for the counselor to come inside. While they waited, she stared at Beca in disgust, upset that she hadn't done what Jordan had suggested. A soft knock at the door caused her to look up and when Caleb walked inside with Jason, she said, "Escort Mrs. Mitchell to room 101."
Beca turned back around from where she'd been looking at Caleb to Mrs. Westmore and asked, "What the hell is room 101?"
Mrs. Westmore frowned at Beca, folding her hands in front of her on her desk. "Miss Mitchell you have been defiant since your arrival in June. You leave me no choice but to order that you be given electroconvulsive therapy."
Caleb walked over to Beca, grabbing her arm to lift her out of the chair, but Beca refused to allow Mrs. Westmore to let them probe and shock her like she was a guinea pig. At her fight and attempt to get away, Jason walked over to assist the male counselor.
"You can't do that!"
"I can and I will. You're dismissed."
Aubrey stood from where she was sitting on the bench outside Mrs. Westmore's office the moment the door opened and she saw Beca being escorted out by Caleb and Jason.
"What happened?" she asked but was ignored by both men as they carried Beca past her. Beca turned to look at Aubrey, mouthing
"I said I'd protect you."
Aubrey looked at the three retreating forms, confused by what Beca said. Not so much about what she said but what it meant. What had she said to Mrs. Westmore?
She didn't have to wait very long to find out either. As soon as Beca was taken out the building Mrs. Westmore beckoned to Aubrey from her desk in the office. Aubrey walked inside, trying to face the older woman as if she had nothing to be ashamed of or to hide but she didn't even need to bother, because Mrs. Westmore didn't even look at her.
"Take a seat Miss Posen."
Aubrey didn't move right away from where she stood by the door. The sullen tone from the older woman wasn't what she expected. She had expected anger, not what she found when she walked into her ugly brown office. She was slumped down in her chair—a complete departure from how she usually carried herself, rigid, sitting or standing. Beca used to always joke that she fell on a yard stick when she was younger. But that day, however, her shoulders were hunched and her head was buried in her hands, and she didn't look up when Aubrey came inside.
Aubrey walked over to the desk, taking a seat in one of the chairs to wait for Mrs. Westmore to address her. Her shoulders had a little quiver, as if she were sighing from someplace deep within, and at last she looked up.
"When I was informed that one of the year's most dedicated teens was found in bed with her female roommate, I was disappointed. Irate and irritated even because it really pains me to see all the hard work go to waste." Her eyes were red around the edges, as if she'd been crying or not sleeping, and every wrinkle in her forehead was deeper than before, as if someone had gone over each one in bold sharpie marker.
"Mrs. Westmore—" Aubrey stammered stupidly, but was cut off by Mrs. Westmore raising a hand to stop her.
"Let me finish Aubrey. In circumstances like this I'd be extremely disappointed but after Miss Mitchell revealed what actually happened and that she forced you into that horrible situation, I want to express my sincerest apologies." She sighed again, audibly this time and shook her head.
"Dr. Ramsey suggested weeks ago that I separate you two and I refused and now I have to live with the consequence of that refusal. I really thought you would be a good influence on Miss Mitchell, but now I know that people like her can't be saved and that sometimes this sickness can't be overcome in people as defiant as her."
Aubrey sat watching Mrs. Westmore as she spoke, trying to take in what she'd said. Beca had said she'd forced her? Did she have any idea how much trouble she's caused for herself? She could possibly go to jail for that. Just thinking about it and the fact that Beca had confidently told her in the hallway that she'd always protect her made her realize how selfish she'd been to this point. Beca has sacrificed so much for her and she'd failed to do the same in return. Looking down at her arms, she ran her thumb lightly over the raised red skin, tracing the three numbers repeatedly. She promised Beca she was in this 100 percent and that she wouldn't allow Beca to suffer for loving her. Especially when she was guilty of the exact same crime.
Looking at Mrs. Westmore, she confidently declared, "Beca didn't force me."
Mrs. Westmore frowned at her and said, "I'm sorry, I don't understand."
Aubrey looked at the other woman and continued to trace the numbers on her arm, softly saying, "I—I don't expect you to understand, I-I love her."
Mrs. Westmore narrowed her eyes at Aubrey, asking eerily, "Are you sure about that?"
Aubrey didn't respond right away, instead thinking about the consequences of what she'd said. It possibly meant her father coming to get her and taking her home and even never seeing Beca again. But whether she told the truth or let Mrs. Westmore continue to believe Beca's lie, she knew she'd never see Beca again if it were up to them. She wasn't going to let them force her to deny her girlfriend any longer. So with a firm nod, she looked up at Mrs. Westmore and repeated, "Yes. I love her. I'm in love with her."
Mrs. Westmore frowned, "That is truly unfortunate. It pains me to see that you allowed yourself to be corrupted by her." She shook her head, still unable to believe that someone like Aubrey, who was so dedicated to her recovery just a month before could go astray.
Aubrey sat up in her chair, indignantly shouting, "She didn't corrupt me. All she did was love me."
Mrs. Westmore ignored Aubrey as she reached over to hit the button on the intercom next to her.
Aubrey could hear the door open behind her but she didn't bother to turn around, instead watching as Mrs. Westmore's hand massaged her forehead in an attempt to remedy her pending headache. She closed her eyes and spoke quickly, as if she were reciting out words she'd written for this very moment. "Please take Miss Posen to room 101 B and notify the standing doctor that I sign off on electroconvulsive therapy for Miss. Posen."
She opened her eyes and looked back at Aubrey, "Miss Mitchell can't be saved but you, Aubrey, are better than this. You can overcome this sickness."
Aubrey angrily cried out "But I'm not sick!"
Mrs. Westmore sighed deeply, "We'll see if you're still singing that tune when your father is informed of your relapse," she said mechanically, without any anger showing.
"We are trying to help you, Aubrey."
Aubrey looked at Mrs. Westmore though betrayed eyes, bewildered at the woman's declaration that they were trying to help her. Did they really think they were helping? Mrs. Westmore probably did, in her own twisted way.
Aubrey allowed Mackenzie to lead her out of the room and down the stairs to the basement of the administration building. She had no idea what was headed her way but she knew if it meant going to hell and back for Beca, she'd gladly burn.
So this was supposed to be a lot longer but looking at my timeline and all that I had planned for this chapter, it would have been way too long if I didn't cut it in half. So, the next half of this will be posted as a separate chapter. Also, if you haven't seen it already, I posted the preview/summary for my next story "Dreaming of Mercy" on tumblr. My url is just my penname (darkwriterxx94) dot tumblr and all that jazz.
Update: I right my author notes before I upload and I'm adding this before I post it because I think you all really deserve to know what's been going on with me. One of my friends (let's call her Monica) has always been hassling me to let her read one of my stories and I've never agreed to it because I like the anonymity of posting online as opposed to face to face interaction. Well a week ago, we were sitting in her room with a mutual friend (let's call her Amber) and Monica was complaining about having to read for our English class saying she doesn't like to read pointless crap. Amber (whom I've known longer than Monica) responds with the comment of if that's the case then why does she want to read my work. Monica knew right away what Amber said was completely out of line and Amber tried to make it seem like she didn't mean it that way but when I pretended I was unfazed and that I didn't care Amber made it seem like she was glad I wasn't upset signifying to me that she meant the comment exactly as I had heard it.
Honestly, writing here and receiving your reviews as well as your messages on Tumblr has really been a confidence booster for me. Like you have no idea, but hearing that, from someone who's supposed to be my friend, it hit me hard. And I'm not really sure I'll ever really get over it. To have someone who knows me personally and knows my passion and dedication to my writing basically spit on it with disrespect, I'm having a really hard time dealing with it and not because of what she said, although that was part of it. It just really made me realize that I hang around a bunch of superficial people and I have no one in real life that I feel really understands me. I know it sounds like cliché bullshit but it's the truth and for the past week I've been in a mental state I haven't experienced since before I started getting treated for depression.
I know many of you might hate this but I think after I finish this, I'm really going to take some time off. Hopefully not long, hopefully it's a few days but I don't know, it might turn into a month…maybe two. I cried today for like three hours, something I haven't done in months and honestly, I'm really afraid I'm retreating back to that point in my life where I felt like absolute shit every single day and not even writing makes me feel better.
Don't worry, I'll finish this story because quitting would be a really shitty thing to do but "Dreaming of Mercy" won't be up for a while.
