Note: I'm trying to update once a week and I've been doing well so far! I hope everyone is enjoying it! If you wait for the end, I'll leave some spoilers from IT to help understand this fic for those who haven't finished the full canon yet. I worked really hard to get the same kind of unsure-suspenseful-terrifying vibe from the book. Hope you enjoy!

Rich had a sinking suspicion he was losing time. He wondered vaguely if it was sleep deprivation, but his subconscious must have picked up on something-if the wave of baseless panic infecting all aspects of his life was any sign.

He would wake up at odd hours-at work (a song still playing out), during his rare times at home (the phone ringing-whistling breath on the other end). He would wonder how he had suddenly gotten on the floor, why he was checking the fridge, where he was, before he would continue on with his daily life.

Rich knew something was wrong, that maybe he was going crazy since his sabbatical-as Steve liked to call it. He showed up for work fine though and only a couple of interns seemed to suspect anything was wrong with him-only asking if he was feeling alright.

There wasn't really anyone else to care enough he figured. The notion didn't come with sadness or anything like that-it was more a fact than anything-but what followed managed to bring tears to his eyes.

I care about you, Richie. Something else had starting to talk in his head-a recent development he tried not to think about. Rarely, occasionally, the voice of the child, the man, the person he had loved filled his brain.

At one time, he would be momentarily sad before the voice would fade and he would forget. Now, the words seemed to stick as if tattooed on the inside of his eyelids.

Whether it was out of grief or fear, Rich was unsure, but he cried himself to sleep for the first time in years.

When he awoke, Rich found he'd been startled awake from a dream, perhaps a nightmare. It was already dying away and his alarm was now going off as well, so he lifted himself from the bed, tiredly.

He hadn't bothered to break open a new set of contacts (and besides his eyes were irritated enough as it was from the hours he was working) so he was stuck with glasses for the time. He wandered into the kitchen for some breakfast, turning on the news as he went.

Rich found himself having to force food down on more than one occasion these days and briefly he wondered if he should be concerned about these new symptoms. Loss of appetite, restless nights… lost time.

Rich sat down on the couch with his oatmeal and glanced around his home as he forced bites down. What was happening to him? Was it stress from being overworked? Or was it…

Something was pulling his attention away from his own internal monologue.

His eyes lighted on the TV before him. It was of course still blaring, just background noise really. Sometimes he couldn't stand to be alone in the quiet-it always had a way of contributing to his paranoia-but something was off-putting and distracting about the noise today. Maybe the show? Wasn't it set on the news?

He tuned back in momentarily.

"This just in, the hole that was once downtown Derry has doubled," the newscaster was saying. Rich's heart froze in his chest. No, no, no, no…

"Has it swallowed the Memorial Park yet?" the other asked.

"Not yet, Cheryl! Not yet!"

"What about the Clubhouse?" Cheryl grinned at the camera.

"Well, of course! Wouldn't you think we would've flooded that shithole first?"

"Oh! I totally forgot, Don!" The two shared a laugh, before Rich cut the power.

His hands were shaking. He put them to his head in an attempt to still himself. It was a moment before a flicker of movement caught his eye from between his fingers. Exhausted, he gazed up at the TV.

It was a vague shape that materialized in the reflection of the glass, slowly as if it was oozing out of the wall. He watched it warily, doubtfully as it grew. Was he losing his mind? Was this just another hallucination? Should he even be scared if it wasn't even real?

Its edges began to clear and Rich was not surprised to see the clown forming out of the wall. Something was mildly off about its image, but his memory was so wrecked he couldn't put his finger on it.

His eyes did not move from the reflection until he heard a thump behind the couch, which startled him from his spot. He fell to the floor, finding his legs would not hold him up.

Rich heard a rhythmic bumping around the edges of his couch and he whipped around to face the wall, but froze. The clown was still forming, clarifying from its place on the wall, even while whatever was moving around his couch was approaching from behind him.

"Why, Richie?" It was a distant whine. Rich's heart fell. "Why did you leave me in the dark?"

"I'm sorry… I'm so sorry." Richie stayed slumped on the floor, dimly wondering if he was dreaming or not. He could never be sure anymore.

"I thought you loved me, Richie."

"I-I still do." An arm settled around his collarbone, loosely around his neck, from behind. This time there was only one and he felt the grind in the fracture as it pulled around him.

"Like Bill and Bev… like Ben and Bev?" The whispers were next to Richie's ear as he felt a body move against his back. He breathed in a shuddering breath.

"M-more, you kno-knew that." Richie had to accept what had happened, had to somehow. The hold on him tightened.

"And yet, yet you let them leave me."

"They-we couldn't—" Richie leaned forward, trying to turn his head. The hold tightened farther, preventing him from turning.

"You managed to get that woman out! That woman who wasn't even there anymore. That woman who was never even a part of us." Its voice was deeper, suddenly more terrifying.

Richie slumped again, deflated. "I know."

"You saw her. If I wasn't coming back, she sure as hell wasn't."

"I know." It was exactly what he had thought at the time. He just knew he couldn't voice those thoughts then-not to Bill, he deserved some shot at happiness after everything they'd put him through.

As if reading his mind, the thing that was once his closest friend, his childhood crush, spoke softly, "You deserve to be happy too."

Tears fell unbidden from Richie's eyes. Why did it have to sound so much like he was really here?

"Eddie…" He couldn't help it, wasn't it easier to imagine that Eddie was here and alive and…

"We deserve to be happy." Something in the voice made Richie's stomach sink. The arm shifted again and a hand cupped the side of Richie's face. "If they didn't get in the way, we would be."

Richie shivered as he felt Eddie's face rub against his own, unable to pull away from the grip of his only hand and were those claws digging into his cheek?

"But don't worry, my love." The following chuckle brought fresh tears to Richie's eyes. "They won't matter anymore, will they? We'll all be together, we'll be happy real soon."

Note WITH SPOILERS: So for those of you who haven't finished the story and haven't had parts spoiled, when the Losers are called back by Mike after 27 years to finish It off, Stan commits suicide before making the trip (they never really explain why in the book, but I have my theories which I explore a little in this fic and a companion comic I may never post). Side note, Bill's wife, Audra, follows Bill and is also taken by It and her mind is basically broken-still alive, but brain-dead. The Losers somehow make it to It and try to fight again, but it's a little different this time. Richie has to help Bill in a place called the Outside where It truly exists as some eldritch monstrosity. They still get overpowered and Eddie helps them in the real world after hearing Richie call for help. Unfortunately, after attacking It, It manages to bite off Eddie's arm-causing him to die of blood loss in the sewers. After the rest of the Losers kill It, they are forced to leave Eddie's corpse because Audra is still alive and they have to pass her around to get out. I was so bitter about how It ended that I started writing this as a fix-it-fic and then it got kind of darker than I wanted. But I'm much more content with where I plan to leave it off on.

ANYWAY, tl;dr, Stan and Eddie die when they're adults fighting It and no me gusta. Also, would 10/10 recommend reading the book if you have time. It's a monster of a book, but tons of Losers loving each other and lots of Reddie moments (honestly think they would've ended up together if It hadn't been published during the AIDS scare) and just TONS of info. TONS. It's great.