Chapter Two

Guilty Memories


School the next day was pretty dull as usual. Surprisingly I hadn't bumped into Cartman yet, Kenny or Kyle. It was almost as if they'd left me to my own devices and decided to spy on how I dealt with this from afar. In spite of them, I was determined to keep as calm and detached as I usually would be.

I hung out with Token, Clyde and Jimmy for most of the day and even they hadn't brought up Tweek or anything to do with Cartman's bet despite I was sure they were all updated on the situation. Ha, maybe it was only me that was all riled up about the stupid date. That's what Cartman wanted, wasn't it? To see me burn up. Besides all that, I had a good day and football practice went great.

Once I got home I quickly made my way up to my room and flipped off anyone who distracted me until I tumbled onto my bed with legs dangling off the end and my mind somewhere up in the clouds. Now that I'd asked Tweek and he had agreed to join me, I wasn't nervous about talking to him but more curious than anything as to what he'd been up to these past couple of years. Who was he hanging out with? And more importantly, did he remember all the bad things I'd done to him and forgiven me for it? Because honestly I wasn't expecting a second glance from him when I myself remembered what I'd put him through when we were fresh teenagers.

But Kyle was right, Tweek was a forgiving guy, It would be wise to stop mulling over the idea he hated me. Not like I'd care if he did though, right?

7:00pm he said. It was only 4:30pm so I was in no rush. I remembered where Tweek lives of course; I assumed he wanted me to pick him up? Anyway where the heck would I be taking him? I'd been on a fair few dates before with girls but this was barely a similar scenario. I was worrying again. Eventually I decided I'd take Tweek to a movie for he wouldn't care what we did and it meant less talking which was great, not to mention friends saw movies together all the time so it was ideal. It was sorted, no more anxiety over the matter. I let out a long sigh.

Just as I picked up my phone it began buzzing in my hand; Eric Cartman's name flashed on the screen and sent a shiver down my spine. I wondered what he might want. I begrudgingly answered his call and held the phone to my ear.

"What do you want now?"

"Well hello to you too Craig" the emphasis was painful. "So first date today, huh? Took you long enough my friend. So where are you going?"

"And why would I tell you?"

"Because you want my money, dickface and I'm not paying you to half-ass this. So tell me where you're going and I'll be there."

"What?! No way fatass I'm not having you watch us, that's too much."

"Well seems like you don't want the money then. I was gonna maybe put in an extra twenty bucks but I guess you're not interested..."

Damn it. I cursed under my breath and tried my best to release the tension in my wrists so he couldn't hear the exasperation in my voice. What a vindictive asshole I thought.

"Thirty bucks and I'll let you tag along, just don't get in my way alright?" I hissed and practically heard him smile.

"Very well."

"I'm picking him up at seven then taking him to a movie probably around half an hour later. I don't know what's on at the movie theatre but I don't think he will mind what we watch."

"Oh, very classy then. Okay, I'll be keeping an eye on you Tucker." And with that I hung up on him and groaned.

It made sense I admit, him watching me to see if I was actually doing what I'd promised and not bailing or fobbing anyone off, I'd probably do the same if it were the other way round, but I couldn't say I was comfortable with it at all. It was already awkward and perilous being alone with Tweek, let alone with Cartman prying on us and filming us, or whatever he planned to do.

Before I knew it, seven o'clock was approaching and I started on getting ready to go out, both physically and mentally. I'd already had a shower and dressed myself in a brown jacket, some black jeans and sneakers with my usual blue and yellow chullo hat to garnish it. I wasn't going to dress too forma as I didn't want to look too eager or anything; this seemed smart and casual at the same time, so a great mix I supposed. But what did I know about fashion anyway?

I bid farewell to Stripe no.7 on my way out (The Stripes before came to their inevitable deaths) and did my best to avoid any intrusive questions from my parents or little sister. Luckily they were all out of sight and I took my dad's truck. It wasn't anything special but it was heated and would do just fine for taking Tweek out.

My mind was a little hazy but it wasn't hard to remember the route to Tweek's house though it had been so long. South Park was a small and closely-knitted town, just like shredded wheat; nearly everyone was acquaintances. The last time I'd been down these roads to Tweek's house was as a fourteen year-old kid riding my bike through the crystalized snow. I smiled fondly as I recalled those times, being here today and going the same way for the same person was oddly tranquil as well as nerve wracking at the same time.

Eventually I pulled up into Tweek's neighbourhood, greeted by the familiar plum bricks of his house now a little more crumbled and corroded than I remembered but still familiar. As if from a dream. I also caught a glimpse of his backyard, a bike leant against the shed was blanketed in a layer of rust and snow. He probably hadn't used it since we last went out together. In fact, I was the one who taught him how to ride a bike since his parents were always so busy with their coffee shop. I missed that.

I was knocked back into reality when I heard the front door creak open and there stood Tweek, hair as gravity-defying as usual. He was wearing a hoodie tonight, hands buried in his pockets. I stared at him in silence for a moment.

"Oh. Hello" I greeted him.

"Hi."

He closed his door and brought his fluttering hands to his face, his breath warmed them up. He was always cold. I would have offered him my jacket had he been a girl and if this were an actual date.

"I-it's good to see you, we need to GAH! Um, t-talk about things" he started, rather a change of tune from earlier. I paused him and lead him in the direction of the car to which he hesitantly followed me and sat himself in the passenger seat He wasted no time in quickly securing himself under the seat belt. I turned the heat on for him and waited until he'd lazed a little before I spoke. It was 7:08pm.

"What do you wanna talk to me so bad about?" I asked him. Genuinely I was puzzled; all of a sudden he seemed so dead set on getting something off his chest, it was almost disconcerting. I saw him twitch a little in the corner of my eyes as I gazed straight ahead through the window at the snow the began to settle on the windscreen.

"Um, I- Well, Craig, I don't really know but I think we need to talk about you know… These past few months. I mean, that's what people would do if someone they knew just suddenly wanted to hang out again after… so long" I felt my chest contort with guilt, I didn't want to talk about this at all. I inhaled deeply and faced him.

"Tweek, we don't have to talk about anything, look, it stresses you out" I explained and gestured to his hands which were wrestling against each other apprehensively. He glanced down to his fingers and let out an exasperated sigh.

"But Craig… We haven't talked in-" he twitched "m-months. I mean, what have you been doing all this time? I-I know I told you to stay away but… I guess I always thought you'd invite me back sooner like you always used to-"

I wondered why he had to bring it up. Why the fuck on our first 'date' he had to put something that heavy on me.

"Stop" I interrupted, my fingers gripped tightly around the wheel. I couldn't talk about this anymore, I just couldn't.

"We're gonna watch a movie in about fifteen minutes, if we leave now we'll have time to get some food first" I flipped the subject and started up the car. My hand instinctively dived into my dad's cabinet and fished out a box of cigarettes. Tweek glared at my hand as I took one of the stogys, ready to light once we were out of the car.

"I didn't know you smoke" he broke the silence. I let out a sad chuckle as I started up the car and began to pull out of Tweek's driveway.

"Now and then it takes the edge off things" I murmured and we began to drive. He didn't question it for a second time. I let Tweek choose what to put on the radio and we drove for about ten minutes in the flurry of snow listening a BBC station but I stopped listening after a while and focused on the road. At least, I tried to.

We got out in silence and Tweek lingered outside the theatre while I bought a parking ticket and lit my cigarette. I inhaled the nicotine gravely and allowed the stress to fall out in soft ringlets. Tweek paced up to me and glanced around us nervously. He seemed a lot more nervous than me in fact, but as far as he was concerned, this was just two old friends catching up. I was the only one here with the knowledge that this was a date. Just a typical Tweek Tweak thing I supposed.

I placed some notes in his frosty hands and stole a look down at him. I noted our short height difference and found it almost endearing; I hadn't compared our height since we were fourteen.

"Go get us tickets to the movie and some food, I'll be in there in a minute."

"W-what movie?" His teeth rattled in the cold.

"I don't mind, just pick whichever one you want"

"Too much- uh, what do you want to eat?"

"Again, I don't mind, just grab whatever and I'll meet you in the lobby."

"How will you recognize me if there's a lot of AGH- people around though?"

"How wouldn't I? You stick out like a boner in speedos, just get in there I don't want you to watch me smoke."

He nod his head obediently and turned towards the entrance muttering "pressure" under his breath. I felt a little bad yet I couldn't help but shake my head in amusement. It was kind of fun to pull his leg, it reminded me of old times. I'd kept that to myself and continued to blare smoke into the alpine air of Colorado.

"Well hey buttface" an all too familiar tone tore through my thoughts, so sudden that I choked.

"Save that for the sleepover" Cartman smirked and I frowned at him before leaning my head back and gazing up at the sky as it got darker. I noticed both Kenny and Butters were huddled behind him, waving to me in their mittens. I nod my head to greet them and placed the stogy back between my chapped lips.

"You need better insults" I told Cartman and he laughed.

"Alright faggot." I glared at him.

"Ah, um fellas, where's Tweek?" Butters asked, his hands brushing together for warmth.

"Well, Tweek doesn't know we're watching them" Kenny informed him "their date, I mean."

"That's right" Cartman chimed in "Butters you better not blow our cover with any more questions. I'm guessing the spaz is inside?" he then turned to me and I nod my head. "Great then, we'll follow you into whatever lame movie you guys are watching and claim some seats at the back. Don't be a fucking pussy Craig or you'll get no money. Remember this has to look legit to Tweek."

That didn't make sense. There was nothing clear about me having to convince Tweek I had some kind of crush on him or something. Why did I have to make it look legitimate? Cartman was truly weird and fucked up but I decided not to question it than to be hit with his 'respect my authority' bull crap and so I crushed my cigarette in the snow before I head inside. The others followed close behind but lay low behind the small crowd of people. I really wish I could've had privacy with Tweek because now I knew I'd have to perform something convincingly homosexual for the other guys and I was a terrible actor.

Like a sore thumb indeed, Tweek's bright blond hair stood to attention in the lobby. I neared him and noticed his trembling shoulders calm down as he spotted something humble in my face. He ever so slightly smiled and began to speak.

"I got the tickets to this movie in screen three and some popcorn and-"

"That's great Tweek let's just go" I found our way to screen three and sheepishly glanced behind me for the boys before we entered the dark room and crept to our seats which were located somewhere in the middle. It wasn't very swamped with people in there yet.

When we sat down he passed me some sweet popcorn and a can of Mountain Dew, not a hint of a smile in either of us as I realised he'd remembered a few of the things I used to enjoy the most in the movie theatre. Just an odd pang of that same thing that had been troubling me the last couple of days. His popcorn was salted and he had coffee.

I pat his shoulder amiably and gave him a reassuring nod "thanks" I told him and he smiled gently back at me. The movie he picked was some kind of sci-fi thriller which I didn't mind at all, at least it kept his eyes glued to the screen and his mind off wanting to talk to me. As I was beginning to immerse myself into the plot I felt my phone buzz in my pocket and discreetly hooked it out to see a message from Cartman.

Fat bastard: It's been 20 minutes dude, Kenny would have gotten to second base and then some by now if it were him.

I grimaced at the text and gingerly glanced behind me. All three of them were sat in the back corner like they had told me, they were surveying me like a hawk although Butters seemed pretty preoccupied by the movie. I flipped them off before returning to the alien adventure which Tweek was still absorbed in. I observed his face and his hair for a while in thought of what to do. I had to do something to keep the audience satisfied.

His mouth was slightly agape and his eyes followed the movement on the screen. He twitched a little, something he seemed to do involuntarily if I was staring at him for too long so I stopped and sighed to myself.

I'm not gay I thought.

Even though second base was a ghost of a joke, I wasn't sure if I could bring myself to do anything with Tweek that involved touching. He didn't like to be touched by most people for starters and secondly, I didn't feel the need to touch a guy for goodness sake. This was all so messy, but I could feel Cartman's eyes burning into the back of my neck and I knew I had to keep my cool.

Eventually I went for a classic yawn and stretch, reluctantly ribboning my arm out around Tweek's shoulders. He threw his gaze into my direction but I was watching the movie and pretending I had no clue to what I was doing; acting as chilled out as I could.

Suddenly my chest grew tight again once I felt Tweek's head lean comfortably against my shoulder as he carried on watching the movie in peace. What the hell, he, he didn't mind? I swallowed quietly and tried to focus on the movie rather than the thumping in my chest that began to accelerate. It wasn't that I felt flustered or anything I was just shocked and… I didn't know what it was but I needed to just relax, that was all.

We stayed pretty much in the same balmy position until the movie ended. Cartman, Kenny and Butters left before we decided to get up and that's when I realised Tweek had gotten a little sleepy despite his caffeine intake during the film. I carefully helped him to his feet and gathered our trash as he yawned.

"What time is it?" He asked me.

"I think it's about nine-thirty" I told him. He woke up a little more and wiped the sleep from his glossy eyes. We walked out, Tweek ahead of me and I took the opportunity to feel my chest. My heartbeat was finally backing down to normal, what a relief.

Once we were outside the cold hit us like bricks and I could hear Tweek's teeth chatter away like grinded ice and then I spotted the three watchful figures stood by the trash cans.

"Go warm the truck up, I'll meet you in a minute" I told Tweek before chucking him the keys. He nod his head and hurried to my dad's truck. Once he was out of sight I turned towards Cartman.

"That was alright Craig, you're lucky Tweek's such an idiot for you or you wouldn't be getting this" he placed sixty bucks in my hands and I scowled at him.

"You promised me more than this" I grouched.

"Yeah, not for one date loser. Keep this consistent and you might even get a raise… What do you want to spend my birthday money on anyway?"

I put the roll of notes in my pocket and adjusted my hat. "My own car, I've been saving up for a while now. But that's not really any of your business."

"Whatever, just keep it coming and you'll be able to drive your own car. I stand by my word."

Once again I overlooked him and jogged back to the truck where Tweek was settled, already in his seat belt. I hopped in next to him and clipped on my own before I started up the car again.

"That movie was great, huh?" He remarked happily.

"Yeah, not bad Tweek" I agreed. I began to drive him back to his house and fortuitously it had stopped snowing so we both felt a little safer on the road but this time I chose what we listened to on the radio which was of course the rock station. I don't think Tweek minded and he didn't twitch at all on the way back which was always a positive sign.

We came to a halt outside Tweek's magenta-brick house and he turned to face me.

"Thank you" he began "I had fun, we haven't hung out in a while so yeah, thanks." Something about his voice didn't sound genuine, it sounded quiet and melancholy.

"It's okay. You looked pretty tired earlier, you gonna go straight to bed?" I questioned and wondered if he was still the same insomniac I knew from a while ago.

"Ha, probably not I still have trouble sleeping I guess. I just get so tired and relaxed around you though, Craig."

"Funny. Am I that boring?" We both shared a chortle.

There was a moment of silence between us, an old Led Zeppelin song filling the car with ambience as Tweek stared down into his lap.

"Hey Craig..."

"Yeah?"

"Do you um… Does this mean we're friends again and stuff?" My heart dropped once I realised I didn't know how to answer that. I'm sure his did too.

"Something like that."

"Well… I hope we hang out a bit more, you know I never meant to scare you away forever. I missed you and- well…"

"I know, Tweek. It's okay, I don't hold anything against you. Now come on, I'll see you in school tomorrow."

I watched his smile widen as he got out of the truck and closed the door. He made his way up to the front door and rigidly turned around to wave at me. I had to admit it was sweet. But the amount of guilt I felt once he got out of my space was overwhelming and knowing there was dirty money from Cartman in my pocket made the feeling even worse.

Tweek obviously felt like it was his fault that we weren't friends anymore, I could tell that much and he was okay with taking on all the blame for that. I wasn't okay with it, the truth was that I gave up on our friendship without a reason and abandoned him with no justification. The truth was that I found something out about myself on the day I walked away from our friendship. Frightened, I got caught up in denial. If it wasn't for Cartman's money, I wouldn't have even spoken to Tweek again and that was sad, truly sad. My chest had never felt so heavy with infamy in my whole life. I pulled out a new cigarette and began to drive home.