:: Chapter Nineteen ::

Armed with a thermos full of caf, her datapad and a stack of files Eliza snuck out the back entrance of the base into the lush landscape that covered the planet. A gentle breeze welcomed her, whipping through her hair while she sauntered down the mossy path along the river to find a clearing.

A slanted, granite rock wedged into the dirt between grass and pebbles made do as a bench and she removed her boots to dip her toes in the cooling stream. A wandering Sleen canted its head at her presence and let a curious croak rumble up its lizard-like throat before it slithered back into seclusion. Eliza smiled and opened up the files Theron had compiled for her concerning the prisoners on Coruscant.

'Zenith, a former resistance fighter on Balmorra… Corso Riggs, a mercenary born on Ord Mantell, Andronikos Revel… huh, used to work with Nox, go figure… pirate… what brought all of you together?'

She frowned to herself going through the various profiles. 'Ashara Zavros… oh, the Jedi who returned to the Order after Nox died. I remember Markus—Ravage, mention…'

Her shoulders dropped and she closed her eyes, a loaded sigh passing her lips. Without realizing she rolled her sleeve up to her elbow and stared down at her wrist—the bruises were gone by now, three days later and yet she still felt them.

So much had happened in such little time and in quiet moments like these, she wondered how life ever got to be so crazy. In a span of just four days, everything had changed.

Ravage had assaulted her and shattered every ounce of affection and warmth she'd begun to cherish for him, throwing their trust out of the window and unveiling the truth of his nature at last. Each day since then he'd called her name, demanded she'd come see him and each day thus far she'd refused.

Asylum had opened her eyes to the full extent of Arcann's tyranny and left her to question how any ruler could subject his own people to such suffering. Questions that inevitably lead her to think about his father, the Sith Emperor, the former Emperor of Zakuul and the man wearing more than just one face. Of course there was Senya too, such a peculiar presence and Eliza still worked to try and figure her out.

Theron and Nyssa had broken up—that event puzzled her more than any other—and Nyssa had left the alliance to fly to Corellia just a mere few hours ago. It seemed so unreal, they'd appeared so happy each time Eliza had seen them together and she couldn't fathom what had happened, why they'd ended so abruptly.

She felt guilty about it which only confused her further knowing she hadn't done anything wrong she was aware of and while her feelings for Theron grew, she'd made damn sure to keep her secret.

'Cytharat wouldn't have told anyone…' she shook her head and closed the files, 'but Ravage would have… no, they broke up before he…'

Numerous thoughts quickly drowned out her surroundings and the only sound she heard was the buzzing in her own mind. So lost in her own world she hardly noticed the shadow fall over her like a shroud while footsteps crunched down the path.

"So this is where you're hiding," Theron said quietly and tried not to startle her.

He picked her boots up and set them off to the side before he sat himself down beside her.

"Hey." She smiled his way. "How are you feeling?"

"Strange, it's odd she's gone now but it's a relief too."

"Yeah?"

"There was no sense in holding on, this is better for both of us."

Small lines creased over the bridge of Eliza's nose when she frowned. "Can I ask what really happened? Her explanation sounded… vague."

Her hand covered his, resting in his lap and easily their fingers laced together as if that was the way they were meant to be—always connected and interwoven.

"It's…" He swallowed hard and met her eyes, clear blue and begging him for answers he didn't know how to give—not without putting his aching heart on the line.

"Eliza…"

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't pry."

"No, it isn't that. I just, I'm more concerned about you. With everything that's been going on and this stuff you keep claiming you can't tell me about. You have so much on your plate, you shouldn't be alone."

It was a caring and genuine statement, and a convenient deflection away from what he felt too afraid to admit.

'You can tell him now, his marriage is over. What's the worst that can happen? Even if he turns you down, at least you'll know…'

She said nothing, however, and instead sank into his embrace. His arm snaked down around her middle, her head resting just below his chin while she held his hand still and caressed her thumb over his knuckles—their body language far ahead of the confessions they hadn't made yet.

Why was it so hard to get the words across her lips? They were both single now, any obstacle had evaporated with Nyssa's departure and it was time to be honest. Then again, perhaps it was too soon.

'He's not even divorced yet…' She realized and closed her eyes. 'Sure, but in a few weeks from now? How many more excuses will you torture yourself with before finally saying those simple words?'

"Please, talk to me," she heard him whisper and plead.

Theron buried his face against the top of her head and nuzzled her hair, inhaling her scent and he held her that much closer.

"I'm still in love with you."

Her voice barely broke the silence, timid and vulnerable while the gentle breeze carried her words off but at last, she'd said it, the one thing she'd been so scared to admit.

"You…" He wasn't certain he'd heard right and tipped her chin up to meet her eyes.

A tear sparkled in the corner of her eye before it trickled down her cheek and he caught it, quite incapable of wrapping his mind around her revelation.

"You're in love with me?" he asked and just prayed he hadn't misunderstood, "how do you mean still?"

She bit down on her bottom lip and fought not to look away, her emotions rising so high suddenly they engaged her instincts to flee. "I never stopped loving you, Theron."

His heart threatened to explode with revived hope and joy but he needed to understand first—the truth was so vastly different from anything he thought he knew.

"How is that possible? You said, years ago on Nar Shaddaa—"

"I lied to you," she admitted in shame and confirmed what Jonas had been saying all along, "It was enough, more than enough but I saw the look in your eyes when you heard what I'd done, when you realized how I'd changed."

Needing to feel closer to him, especially if this would be the last time she'd ever sit with him like this, her arms wrapped around his waist firmly while her tears darkened his shirt.

"I believed we wouldn't have worked and there was Scourge, who I loved as much as I loved you—that's what I couldn't tell you a couple of days ago in the cantina.

"But the truth is… I am still so unequivocally in love you. I don't know how to stop, I have never known. You could take out your blaster and shoot me, betray me, do your absolute worst and with my last dying breath I'd still—"

His lips, tender and inviting, brushed down over hers and stole away the last few words of her confession. He'd heard all he needed to realize how wrong he'd been, how he'd misread every signal and now it was up to him to calm the panic he'd begun hearing in her voice.

In a single fluid gesture he cradled her in his lap and while one hand soothed down the small of her back, the other cupped her cheek and he deepened the kiss. There weren't any words he could offer her now, his mind a tempest where syllables and sentences refused to string together into a coherent admission of his own.

'She does love me,' was the only thought that rang clear as day and caused his heart to swell. He gingerly teased her bottom lip and let his tongue caress along the small curve, hoping to invite her but Eliza gasped for air and tore herself from his hungering mouth.

"Theron…" With widened eyes she stared at him, confused, flustered and desperate for answers—anxious to know what his kiss meant and the thoughts he held in his mind.

"I never stopped either." He found his voice at last and let his hand stroke her hair.

"You didn't…?"

"No. That's the true reason Nyssa and I agreed to a divorce. Because I am still so completely in love with you even she noticed and knew—no one else would ever come close to how I feel about you. It had to end."

It took a moment for his words to register in her mind. For so long she'd dreamed of hearing them that it now felt so unreal like she was stuck in her own imagination hearing what she wanted rather than the truth but then she caught the look in his eyes—there was nothing but sincerity and promise.

"You never told me…"

"You never told me either," he reminded her with a tender and warm smile.

"I couldn't. That day we almost kissed… you were married, I had to walk away. I sent you to Odessen because it was so hard being near you without being with you. I… I kept it all inside and tried to distance myself because…"

Everything finally dawned on him, the quite logical reason she'd turned away from him so often, dismissed him and kept her secrets. The respect she'd tried to show his marriage. "I know, I understand now."

Eliza laced her fingers with his other hand once more and brought it up, planting a tender kiss against his knuckles and then looked at the band around his ring finger, a shade lighter than the rest of his skin, where his wedding ring used to sit.

"Are you sure? About… I mean, does this mean you want to be with me?" she asked.

"I do and I am sure, I have been from the second I fell for you," he promised, "you've always been the only one even when I tried all I could to move on and forget."

"I have a daughter now."

"I know, and she's every bit as wonderful as her mother."

"You don't mind?"

"No, not for a second."

Finally, the corners of her mouth curled up into a smile. "What do we do now?"

"Hm, are you ready for this, a relationship? Do you want to take it easy or… I don't know, try to date in between this whole endeavor to bring the Eternal Empire down?"

She debated, her arms wrapped around him while she breathed him in and for the first time in forever there was a clear absence of guilt about enjoying his presence and touch in this way.

"It doesn't really matter to me, as long as we're in it together… I don't want to lose you ever again."

He drowned in her eyes as the weight of the world finally left his shoulders. "I'm not letting you go this time, Eliza, no matter what you say and do."

"Theron?"

"Yes?"

"I love you," she felt such deep relief in finally saying it out loud, again, but this time without any sense of dread, guilt or worry.

"I love you too."

"Say it again."

He laughed and obliged, gladly, feeling much freer now that he could openly tell her. "I love you too, you beautiful and complicated woman."

"You're one to talk," she teased in return and then yelped out, chuckling when he swept her up in his arms completely and carried her across the field behind them, "Theron!"

"I'm going to make a suggestion that might sound shocking but…"

He stopped by the base of a large, overshadowing pine tree and sunk down, sitting her between his legs and folding her back into his arms. "Let's forget about work for the rest of the day and stay here, just you and me."

"Mm, Theron Shan saying no to work, that is shocking but I like it."

She tilted her head and found his lips again, fervently and soon lost in a dream that had now become reality at last. Right now the world was their oyster and free of distractions, interruptions and the daily humdrum at their alliance base.

"You know my dream you asked about?" she said after a while when she caught her breath, "It was about you. I was standing somewhere, alone and staring out across the ocean when out of nowhere I heard you say you love me."

"So you do remember?"

She smiled softly.

"Curious thing is," he began to elaborate on the strange coincidence, "I didn't say it but I was thinking it while I held you, as you slept and when you said 'I love you too' it was almost as if you were answering me."

"Maybe I was, subconsciously."

Her eyes closed while she lingered in his embrace and let her mind wander. "Jenna's been acting kinda odd towards me, do you think she knows?"

"Possibly. I assume Nyssa told her my part in all this, not sure why she'd take it out on you."

"Hrm. Loyalty to her friend I guess. You know people are gonna start talking if they see us together?"

"Do you want to keep this quiet for now?" He rested his cheek down against hers and nuzzled her affectionately.

"No… it doesn't bother me as long as it doesn't affect our work and responsibilities here… and as long as we have each other, I can handle it."

"Am I really the only other man you've ever…?"

"You are, and it's been such a struggle to realize that especially while mourning him. I've felt so guilt-ridden."

Theron glanced down at the ring that hung from her necklace. "You know, I would never try and replace him, not for you and not for Cyara… I understand he'll always be a part of you both."

She half turned in his embrace and looked up at him, her lips seeking his. "Thank you… that means more than I can say."

He smiled, his fingers reaching for the ring and he inspected it up close, feeling the piece of jewelry draw his attention for reasons he didn't understand.

"It's beautiful, right?" Eliza mused, "One of a kind although I've considered having a replica made, for Cyara."

'A replica…' her words sparked something in Theron's mind but he struggled to grasp the full picture.

"What do you think?"

He nodded, shaking himself from his thoughts and let go of the ring to caress her cheek with the back of his fingers. "I think that's a lovely idea."

"Theron?"

"Mm?"

"When did it start? Your feelings for me, originally."

"The first night I saw you on Tython. This stunning young woman, shining under the moonlight, fierce and passionate and—"

Eliza recalled what she'd been doing that night and snorted. "A little crazy?"

"Well, that too," he teased with a wicked grin, "but you caught my attention. I liked the fact that for once, someone didn't immediately fawn over me, not even upon learning my name. You remained quite stubborn and unimpressed—it was refreshing and then you finally smiled at me and my whole world changed."

"Really? That early on?"

"Mm, yes, and leaving you behind time after time… Dromund Kaas, after the defense of Tython, at the Fleet, Rakata Prime, Manaan, it became so difficult and that's when I fully realized just how deep in my heart you were."

He teased her neck with affectionate and light kisses, just right behind her ear. "What about you? Was it Yavin?"

"No… strangely enough, it was before Yavin. I just don't think I fully realized then or perhaps I wasn't willing to face it. Love, relationships, everything was so new and in a way I was convinced if you loved one person then there'd be no way you could ever love another, not in that way."

"I can understand that I think… so when was it?"

"On Rishi after you'd been kidnapped. Or at least, it feels like that was the moment something changed, even if I didn't know it then.

"I lost it completely and nearly killed Lana. Tore through the Revanite camp in blind fury… Looking back on it now, I recall Scourge felt suspicious of my reaction, perhaps he had a reason to be and the relief I felt when you came rushing through the doors, to see you alive…"

The memories were so vivid for them both, a journey back in time and Theron confessed, "I wanted to kiss you right then and there."

"We've lost each other so many times, said goodbye so often… had so much standing in the way…" she reflected, "Could now really be our time to make it?"

"It can and it will be, I promise."

Their lips melted together while twilight drew a tangerine veil over the planet and they remained entangled in each other's embrace until the skies filled with stars and the night air grew cold. The base was quiet making it easy for the both of them to sneak back in undetected and after getting a brief bite to eat from the cantina, they turned to bed where they spent hours more retracing every single moment they'd ever shared together, delighting in each other's affectionate touches until sleep took them.