Chapter Thirteen
New Era Craig
I didn't sleep a wink that night, any ounce of shut-eye I received was a horrific arrangement of nightmares, a guilty conscience clawing down my back and through my chest until I could breath no longer.
I'd had much better dreams than this.
When I awoke I was greeted by the dark ceiling and a cold, stagnant breeze. I was awoken by my ringtone piercing through my skull and my heart started to race. The time read 12:04am. Could it be?
"Hello!?" My voice was groggy and my brain still hadn't quite switched on, how ever the person on the other side of the line was someone I certainly wasn't expecting at this ungodly hour.
"Craig, it's Wendy, are you awake?" That was a stupid question. I licked my lips and observed my surroundings as I began to gain consciousness.
"I am now" I replied flatly.
"Can you come to Bebe's? I know it's really late but I don't know what else to do, it's really bad, he won't listen to me" she sounded worried and I could faintly make out music in the background, a crowd of voices and, was that Stan and…
"Tweek?" I mouthed it so quietly it was barely audible "is Tweek there?"
"Yes and he's really drunk. Craig I'm so worried about him, he won't let us take him home."
My throat quickly became hot and dry as I registered what she was saying, I tried to imagine the state that Tweek was in. He hadn't text me since the dance, not that I expected him to, but what I did expect was that he hated me right now and despite that all, I was worried about him; my chest was aching in anxiousness as I thought about what could be happening at that party... Tweek drunk, depressed and vulnerable.
I swallowed a lump in my throat before answering "what do you want me to do about it?"
"Can you drive down here and take him home? I know it's a lot to ask but-"
"I'll be there in ten minutes" I hung up before she had time to respond and jumped out of bed, pulling on some jeans and a jacket before I slithered downstairs into the kitchen, trying my hardest to keep quiet as the rest of the Tucker family slept soundly.
I grabbed the keys to the truck and swiftly made my way to the vehicle before jumping in, my heart pounding and my hands gyrating as I struggled to get the truck started. I was extremely nervous for a hundred different reasons, the majority of these were first being the obvious, did Tweek really want to see me? I doubt it. Why was he drunk anyway? I couldn't imagine him wanting to go to Bebe's party that was full of alcohol and people influenced by alcohol in the inevitable state that he was in. In fact, that's exactly why he'd have gone. There was the sweet irony.
As I finally started up the truck and had it on the road, it became hard not to speed when I began imagining all the stupid things Tweek could be getting himself into right now. At least Wendy was there to keep an eye on him but even she sounded pretty helpless. It must've been serious if she had to call me for help, the guy who smashed her best friend's heart.
There wasn't much of a snowfall tonight but it was still close to pitch black besides the few houses that were still awake and the flickering of streetlights. I'd been to one of Bebe's parties before and I knew the route to her house, it wasn't hard to find considering the amounts of people laughing, drinking and smoking outside either as music blared from the open windows, granting the neighbours about as good of a sleep I got. Had I not been frantically worrying about my (sort of) ex-boyfriend, I may have shirked some excitement and joined in on the fun everyone was having.
I parked the truck down the road and wasted no time in pacing towards the music. My eyes darted through the cloud of smoke around the small crowd that were huddled outside the front of the Stenvens' residence to catch a familiar face. No such luck, I'd have to conquer the drunk and horny sea of guests in Bebe's house along with the booming music and thick smell of sweat and booze.
As I was about to call Wendy and confirm her location, I noticed she'd sent me a text not long after our first phone call tonight that instructed me to meet her in the backyard. This text was sent ten minutes ago and I knew how difficult it was to keep ossified teenagers in one place for longer than a minute. So with luck, Tweek and Wendy might still be there. I hoped.
I glanced to the front door where Red was sporting a particularly tight little black dress with a lighter ready in her hand, I decided against bumping into her and quickly made my way round the back, jumping over Bebe's fence with little to no effort and avoiding the rose bushes and dog house as I hurriedly head for my destination. The task was quickly beginning to feel like a rescue mission, a video game of some sort and I was already on my last life. Things didn't get any better when I grabbed Wendy's shoulder from behind, only to realise her face was full of grave worry.
"You made it" she sighed and motioned towards the corner of the garden where two figures were leaning against each other and I couldn't tell if they were laughing or shouting at each other. One thing I knew for certain, and I could tell by the outrageous nest of blond hair, that was definitely Tweek stumbling over his own feet over there.
"Who is he with?!" I suddenly felt a little bothered as I watched him cling to the other figure "you can't just leave him alone in a party like this!"
Wendy widened her eyes and shook her head as she held out her mittened hands to steady me. "No he's with Stan, I was looking for you" she explained and I took a large sigh of relief.
"Is it bad?" I asked her, I was talking so much louder than I'd have liked so as to be heard over the raging music and excited squeals. Wendy bit her lip and nod sadly before she scratched the back of her neck and met my eyes once again.
"He's been asking for you. I didn't want to call you because I think you're a real fucking asshole, Tucker, so make no mistake. I hate you and I don't want you anywhere near Tweek" she paused to take a breath before continuing to talk over the speakers in her once again amiable tone "but I don't know how to get him out of here without you. So can you convince him to go home, please?" Despite the fact she clearly didn't like me for what I did and I agree that I deserved no less than what she said, I could see the concern oozing out of her pleading eyes that her friend get home safe. I knew I must've been better at hiding emotions because I was just as concerned about him as she was, if not more.
With a quick nod I trudged towards Tweek currently held upright by Stan whom had been reassuring him by the looks of it. Each step that I got closer to the two, my heart began to race so much faster than the beat that came before it. My throat became dry yet I couldn't stop swallowing what was left of words in my mouth. The last time I'd seen Tweek's back to me was Friday night when he walked out of the emergency exit of the sports hall in his navy suit, eyes brimmed with tears.
This time when he turned around to face me, it was so much different.
I'd never seen Tweek so drunk before. The two of us had merely dabbled with alcohol together in the past and nothing could come close to the state he would get himself in after his thirteenth cup of coffee but this was different, it was scary in fact. Tweek's blue eye darted around without control while his green eye lulled in its socket. His hair was more messy than usual and the uneven buttons were no longer an issue as they were all undone and his bare chest was exposed to the harsh breeze.
"There's two Stans" Tweek slurred as his gaze switched from me to Stan and I watched the older raven clasp his nose in annoyance when Tweek began to laugh at himself. I was taken aback for words, too stunned by the sight to respond. This wasn't funny, this wasn't funny at all.
"Tweek, dude, take it easy" Stan sighed, his hand steadying Tweek by his spine. Stan's pleas were pointless as it had gone beyond taking it easy.
I needed to help him, and Stan kept shooting looks at me letting me know he didn't want to hold Tweek up much longer, that I needed to intervene and sort out what I'd no doubt caused. But there, yes, there was that guilty voice scowling at me for doing this to Tweek, giving him more than enough reasons to drink himself senseless and lose any dignity at this stupid party where negative feelings breed into a brawl, a fuck, an embarrassment or all of the above.
"Tweek" I managed to squeeze out but it left my tongue as more of a squeak and I realised just how afraid of him I was right now. He looked at me with a stone cold expression I'd only ever seen in my reflection and suddenly my resemblance to Stan Marsh wasn't hilarious to him anymore.
"Why are you here?" he spat before he struggled out of Stan's grip and stumbled towards me with piercing pinkened eyes that I couldn't take my own off. I instinctively held out my arms to catch him but he swat the help away, he leaned against the fence and frowned at me like he'd never seen something so distasteful. I'd imagined him so many times, looking at me this way.
Stan shot me a concerned look before he meandered through the other teenagers to find Wendy again and give us some privacy. I almost wished that he hadn't, for being here alone with nothing useful to do or say to Tweek as he glared at me in the way that he was, was becoming excruciatingly hard to cope with. What could I possibly explain to him when he was in this dreadful state? Not much, not much at all.
"I'm gonna take you home" I told him, I was trying my best to stay keep a straight face.
"But the fun isn't over, Craiiiigg" he was smiling again.
"No, Tweek, you need to go to bed."
"Right. Bed."
"Stop it."
"You st- oh, hang on a minute I think I'm gonna-"
Tweek fell to his knees and threw up. I watched in part horror, part annoyance as he heaved up the contents of his stomach into Mrs. Stevens' roses and moaned in agony once he felt the second round rise to his throat.
The party guests who were outside hadn't heard Tweek throw up over the music and I sighed before crouching next to him and tucking the hair away from his face. I stroked small circles into his back as he blew chunks all over the flower bed. I watched from the corner of my eye Wendy observe us and shake her head.
Eventually Tweek saw himself fit and I helped him to his feet. I didn't know what to do now that was done though. He wouldn't listen to me, he'd just been sick and clearly I wasn't his bestest of friends at the moment. When Wendy told me he was drunk, that was a major understatement; this boy was completely fucked and I'd worried what would happen if I left him here like he wanted.
"Come on Tweek, we're going home" I announced once more but far more sternly. I wrapped his arm over my shoulder and tugged him towards the backdoor. There was no way in Hell I'd get Tweek over the fence in this state and much to my dismay, I'd have to haul him through the sea of Bebe's party instead.
"But you just got here. Why don't you drink and stuff, like, party, Craig, party Craig." A child could have spoken with more elegance than Tweek.
"No. I'm taking you home" I hissed at him and continued to walk despite Tweek's jelly-like legs attempting to trip me over. He was taken aback slightly by my tone and in his drunken stupor, he used the strength that he never used to resist against me; he kicked his legs and flailed his arms in the air. He was pretty strong and I was quickly beginning to lose my patience, trying all I could to keep him still.
"Hey you! Get off him!" A girl that I recognised from my homeroom yelled and pointed her finger at me accusingly. I then realised how inapt this position looked with his shirt undone and me dragging him into the house against his will and my better judgement, this must've looked like a damn abduction. I watched as Wendy and Stan ran to hush her before I bent down and whipped Tweek's legs off the ground, carrying him bridal-style into the crowd of people inside Bebe's house.
"Out of the way!" I shouted into the crowd who scrambled out of my path and cursed at me as I held onto Tweek tightly and barged through anyone stood in my way. Tweek proceeded to wriggle and whack me over the head, he began ordering me put him down and yelled at Bebe for help. She would've complied had she not been in a compromising position with Clyde on the couch with a beer in her hand. Luckily I was strong, or this ordeal would be extremely difficult.
"Hey jock" Red smirked at me once I reached the front door before she noticed the vicious bundle in my arms and raised her brows. Instantly she must have got the message that I had no time to talk and Tweek's relentless struggles against me didn't stop even once the music became diluted into the night air and we were all the way down the road.
I frantically fished for the truck keys in my pocket and quickly unlocked the vehicle. I dropped Tweek into the passenger seat before my arms could give way to his attempts to escape. I plopped in the driver's seat myself and locked the truck completely before he attempted to pry the door open and make a run for it.
When he realised his attempts to flee were futile, he crossed his arms indignantly and leaned back into the seat, avoiding my eye contact at all costs. The truck was cold and silent besides the hum of music down the road and our out of sync breaths that transformed into mist.
"You need to sober up" I told him quietly, leaning over him to adjust his seatbelt. He glared out of the frosted window and I could hear the disdain, thick and heavy in his breath over my neck. I gazed at him sadly, the rawness of his eyes all puffed up, inflamed and void of a good night's sleep. His hair was tousled more than usual and his lips were chapped. He had dirt on his face, hands and his exposed chest from crawling around Bebe's backyard and patches of his shirt were cold and wet. He looked like a magnificent state, ignoring me, pretending he hated me. Or maybe he really did hate me. He'd clearly been crying, perhaps he hadn't stopped since the winter dance. His knuckles were beginning to scab as well, he'd been punching the wall or… Himself? I shook the thought away and bit my lip once I felt my eyes begin to well up, being so close to him, inhaling the smell of him that was lost in garden fertilizer and cheap beer. I hadn't cried since I last slept with him and I wasn't about to do it again.
"You can get off me now" Tweek said coldly, his eyes pinned onto the snow-capped pine trees outside the window. I hadn't realised I'd been leaning on him so long, deep in thought, deep in guilt. Slightly miffed by the rigid tone of his voice, I did as he told and sat up. I drummed my fingers on the steering wheel and debated whether I should start to drive, for this may be the last time I would have a quiet moment with him; it could've been the last chance I had to explain myself and apologize.
I couldn't stand to look at his expression any longer, his eyes were burning holes through the windows of the truck, his breath like an angry bull. I wasn't scared he'd attack me but it sure did feel intimidating, knowing what I'd done to elicit such an angry side of Tweek. Or maybe it was the alcohol? I couldn't be sure, all I knew was that I needed to start driving, and now.
I cranked the engine and switched the radio on before making my way smoothly down the moonlit suburban roads of South Park. I watched from the corner of my eye as street lamps cascaded over Tweek's sullen expression and Led Zeppelin played just as it always did when we were in the truck together. But there wasn't even the slightest shift in his demeanour, he was well and truly having a tantrum and did a marvelous job at making me feel bad about it.
I drove the long way to his house, I was trying to buy myself more time to think of something to say, anything to reason with the boy I so clearly hurt. But eventually his impatience forced me to drive on and park outside his house. I was inwardly trembling as soon as he clicked his seatbelt off. I didn't want him to leave just yet.
"Tweek" it almost sounded like a squeak so I coughed to repent the noise.
"Can you unlock the truck?" He hadn't softened in the slightest.
I turned the radio down and bit the inside of my cheek. I tried to simultaneously think of something to say without losing my patience with Tweek's stubbornness. "We need to talk" I announced finally although the tone came out an inch too harsh.
"You wanna talk?" Tweek scoffed, his drunken slur still quietly present as he leaned over towards me, perhaps a little too close for my liking. "I think you… have said too much" his finger chided me condescendingly and I could smell the beer, the dirt, the sour remnants of vomit and above all, an enormous sense of tipsy sarcasm.
"What do you mean?" I questioned but the aggravated look on his face told me it was obvious.
"You! And your fucking- GAH! Lies, Craig!" His finger jabbed me in the chest and I widened my eyes at him, his emotions were all over the place. I couldn't condemn him for this, nor could I deny what he was saying, even if he was just drunk. That's what made this so uncomfortable, the fact I couldn't worm my way out of this mess.
"I'm sorry" I breathed in almost a whisper. Tweek refrained from twitching and cursing and looked up at me with wide eyes. I had no way of knowing what mood he'd jump into next, or how he'd respond. It wasn't exactly the best apology in the world.
"For what?" He licked his lips.
"For everything…" I couldn't face him so I stared down at the wheel instead "for… not being honest with you." I hoped that he could see how difficult it was for me to get the words out of my mind and know that I meant what I said.
"Do you mean that? Do you really?" He didn't seem convinced.
"Yeah."
"How do I know you're not lying?"
"Tweek, come on."
"No, you come on! I don't think you're sorry at all, now open this fucking door!" He yanked the handle aggressively until he felt my hand on his shoulder and his arms dropped to his sides.
"Please, Tweekers, would you just stop?! I'm sorry, I mean it. I… there was this bet, okay? Kenny and Butters and Cartman and I lost so fatass had me… ugh, it sounds bad but I didn't mean for it to get this far" I felt beads of sweat form on my forehead and my heart began to race faster, not knowing whether I wanted to tell Tweek all this or not.
"A bet… this far?" He echoed, his words all of a sudden became heavy and drowsy.
"Yes I… had to date you for a couple of weeks and Cartman would give me money. But here's the thing, I really enjoyed being with you and I guess I got carried away." I was talking so damn fast.
"You… were paid? To date me?"
"I- yes, but believe me, it got so hard to take, I wanted to tell you so bad."
"Then why didn't you?!"
Because I was scared of coming to terms with my feelings? Because I'm love with you and I didn't want you to leave me? Because I'm an utter douchebag?
"Because… It would hurt you" I spoke under my breath and Tweek gasped in utter disbelief, his brows arched as he shook his head.
"You're unbelievable" he told me.
"That came out wrong, I'm sorry, that's not what I meant-" I ran my hand through my hair, mentally hitting myself for being so conceited.
"Stop" Tweek's eyes rolled to the back of his head in disgust.
"Listen-"
"Stop, I'm gonna-"
"I'm not lying this time."
Before I could finish pathetically explaining myself, Tweek's face turned an alarming gradient of green before he puked again, all over his shoes and my dad's truck. He was coughing and drooling in pain but without shame. I wouldn't give any fucks about my state if I was in his shoes either, his converse saturated in vomit.
There was a brief moment of silence where Tweek leaned back into his seat again, his eyes sparkling with fresh tears. I could tell he'd been crying so much already, I wondered if he could even manage to shed anymore tears, but there they were, one spilled pitifully from his green eye and he didn't even blink.
I felt so fucking evil, so disgusted with myself. I almost felt like being sick myself at the sheer thought of what I'd done. Explaining what I'd done to him didn't make things better either, it just reinforced how absolutely revolting I'd been towards Tweek. Tweek, this beacon of pure, unconditional love and acceptance I'd been blessed with more times than I deserved. This fucking angel. What was wrong with me?!
I reached into the glove compartment and pulled out some tissues, cautiously edging closer to Tweek in an effort of comforting him as I held the tissue against his wet cheek. My fingers came into contact with his skin and immediately I felt the cold, tranquil sensation through my arm that I always felt when I touched him. Only this time, I realised just how much it meant to me before he grabbed my wrist with a loud 'clap' and held it away from his face.
"Don't fucking touch me" he seethed. I didn't allow the bitterness to phase me and pushed my luck too far.
"Let me help you" I tried to dry his cheek and dap his mouth but then the unexpected happened.
Before I could get any closer, his fist shot up from his lap and collided with my jaw. His drunk swing wasn't quite an angry McCormick punch but regardless of that, it hurt, and as I nursed my jaw in confusion, slight anger and certainly a fair amount of pain, only one thought came to mind: I deserved that. Tweek may be, well, Tweek, but that didn't mean he couldn't punch like any less of a man and there was no denying I had that coming.
His lip was fighting against quivering and his hands were twitching, his eyes were sore. He was holding back for sure, he could cause more damage than that. Some part of me wished he'd beat me up here and now, I wouldn't fight back, I'd let him. But Tweek didn't want to hurt me because he loved me. At least… I hope that he still loved me, perhaps? Maybe not, I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't. Well, I could take a good lesson from him, that was for sure.
"Let me out" he almost whispered and I could hear the heartbreaking crack in his voice. If he didn't hate me right now, I'd wrap my arms around him, hold him tight like a good boyfriend should. Like a good boyfriend could… I observed him through hooded eyes, I felt the angst in my chest, the cold scent he'd leave once I unlocked the door. No, I'd lost that privilege.
"Okay" I told him simply and unlocked the truck. I stared at the bleak road ahead of me, the sky, the trees, anywhere that wasn't the sight of Tweek leaving. Once I heard the truck door slam shut, the emptiness came crawling back inside me, clawing out my eyes until they were bruised with fresh tears I didn't know I'd been holding back. I finally glanced out of the window to Tweek's driveway. I watched as he came to a sudden halt at his door. He always knew when I was looking at him.
As my eyes started to well, I prayed he would turn around and see just how much it killed me that he was leaving, for my stupid mouth couldn't begin to form the words I barely knew the meaning of. But he didn't turn around and as he hesitated at the door, I didn't call for him. He couldn't look at me and I didn't blame him, as much as I wanted my best friend to stop exiting my life, it took me this long to realise I was the one pushing him away.
Now in peace and quiet, the soft lull of Stairway to Heaven could be heard echoing throughout space once the front door to the Tweak household closed.
It was my fault.
I spent the following week with my phone on silent, my curtains closed and Johnny Cash on repeat. The only company I had was Stripe's little squeaks, a pack of cigarettes and a bottle of my dad's old whiskey that I snagged. If Clyde, Kyle or Token called, I ignored; when my dad knocked impatiently on my door, I dismissed him with 'a cold' and if it was Tricia, well, no words were needed, she left me in peace. Tweek didn't call or text, he was being just as stubborn as I was. But the rational part of me believed he wasn't talking because without pointing out the obvious, I'd done him wrong. Big time. I honestly couldn't recall a time in my life where I'd felt more useless and depressed than this.
Eventually I had to get back to school before coach kicked me off the football team and even though my head was not in sports at all, I knew I had to have a stiff upper lip for this one or all my team's and my own practice the last couple of months would have been for nothing. I'd already let enough people down recently to have the South Park cows on my plate too.
As players collided together in the cold fresh mountain air and the only sounds were ragged breaths and a loud whistle here and there, I'd reached some sort of nirvana where Tweek and the aching pit in my chest that followed no longer existed. I knew I could do this, get my head in the game and forget about him for a while. The big game was the next day after all, what choice did I have?
Coach had a quick chat with me after the cows had showered and changed, to which I was somewhat relieved because then at least I wouldn't have a very unimpressed-looking Kyle to deal with. Coach was surprisingly nice; he gave me a rigid pep talk before he smacked my back and laughed which was somewhat surprising considering how grumpy he usually was. I guessed he could sense that the team captain needed a bit of a break.
When the majority of South Park High students departed to go home, the football team were dressed and gone and the afternoon began to bleed into a peaceful evening. I took the opportunity to go back out to the football field that was empty, quiet and dusted in snow.
As I neared the wall at the side of the field, I examined the sky in deep thought as the cotton candy clouds descended over the lazy sun. My mind was scattered all over the place and yet it could only make sense of one thing, which ironically is the one thing I was so unsure of until now. Sighing to myself, I reached deep into my pocket and fished out a fresh pack of smokes, mindlessly twirling one between my fingers as I rummaged for a light. It was perfect smoking weather; at least, it would've been if I hadn't left my lighter in the truck.
"Need a light?" A very distinctive voice interjected me as I began to furiously curse at myself and I peaked up through my fringe to see two blazing blue eyes staring at me. Kenny McCormick made himself at home next to me on the wall and rubbed his hands together to warm up. He still had bruises from our brawl although they were doing a good job at healing. But had he forgotten we'd fallen out and I'd done such horrible shit to him?
"I'll give you a matchstick for a stogy" he told me as he fished into his pocket where I heard him retrieve a loose match and hold it out to me. I stared at him for a long while before I managed to reach out and take it, striking it against the stone and lighting two cigarettes for us.
Kenny smiled that lopsided grin of his and gazed up at the peachy sky, inhaling smoke deep into his lungs and releasing it out from his nostrils. I wondered that perhaps he was just here to grab a smoke, no further questions needed. However, he did look pretty thoughtful, I supposed it may be a good idea to ask.
"You look like shit" he said suddenly, though not punitively.
"I feel like shit" I told him and he edged closer to examine me better. "I've been crying a lot" I add. I figured there wasn't much point in denying the obvious there. "I'm also a little bit drunk."
"Tweek fucked off didn't he?" Kenny stated although no doubt he a hundred percent knew and didn't need to ask. I nod in response and took the longest inhale of my smoke today.
"Pretty boys will break your heart" the blond hummed as if it were a song.
"I don't think that's true… I think this is karma" I sighed. We continued to smoke together in silence with Kenny swinging his legs over the wall and the breeze blowing softly against our faces. Why did he care? Why was he here? I was sure that he too hated me more than anyone at that point in time.
"Cartman tried to get me to tell Tweek about the bet last week during the dance" Kenny began as he tapped off his ash "I told him to fuck himself, tried to warn Kyle about it but the fatass went and did it himself. I'm sorry man." Now he was apologizing to me?
"It's not your fault. It was going to happen sooner or later" I sniffed. My nose seemed to be still recovering from days of sobbing alone in my room. A thought suddenly occurred to me; if Kenny refused Cartman then didn't that mean…?
"Hey, didn't you have a deal with Cartman about Butters?" I asked. He flicked his cigarette over the wall and took a long sigh of relief as he looked up at the sunset again.
"I came clean before Cartman got there. Leo said he wants a break and I guess that's okay with me, I'm just glad I'm not keeping anything from him anymore" he explained.
"Yeah but don't you love him? You don't look that upset about this."
"I do love him, and that's why I know we'll get back together."
I scoffed and stubbed out my own cigarette, I couldn't help but shake my head at his blind optimism. If only my life could've been seen through the eyes of an underprivileged cocky little delinquent like Kenny.
"What makes you so sure?" I quizzed and Kenny seemed more than happy to answer.
"Because I know he loves me too. I'm not going to make the same mistake that tore us apart and until he trusts me again I'm just going to have to prove that I've changed."
"And have you changed?"
"Yes, of course, but my offer still stands if you're up for a quickie, Craig."
I held my middle finger out to him and shook my head as he chortled in laughter. The guy never changed. However, I admired his confidence in the belief he could and would get the love of his life back. That at least was pretty bold of him when arguably cheating was worse than the secret I kept from Tweek. Then again, Butters wasn't exactly known for his brains.
"You know, you can get Tweek back if you wanted. He's always had it bad for you" he broke through the silence.
"I know he has" I sighed "I think this was the last time though."
Kenny eyed me before suddenly his hands flew out at my chest and the next thing I knew, I was tumbling backwards off the other side of the wall into a thick mound of snow.
"What the fuck was that for?!" I growled as I emerged from the snow cold and damp. But Kenny wasn't laughing. He rolled his eyes at me and stood up tall on the wall to look down on me like a king with his subject.
"You're gonna give up, just like that?" He asked. I bit my tongue and tried to stop myself from launching at him for pushing me off the damn wall.
"What else is there to do? He's gone, I hurt him, I've had my chances. There's no logical way around this. I told him the truth, I was trying to show him I could change but he doesn't believe me so I'm not as fucking lucky as you in that respect."
"That's your problem, you're thinking about things logically. The heart doesn't run on logic."
"Well what am I meant to do? I told him about the bet and he's mad."
"This isn't about the bet really though is it?"
"What do you mean?"
"Stop using the bet as an excuse to hide from the real reason you and Tweek aren't together right now. You might not be lying to him anymore but what about yourself? I don't think you're very honest with yourself, Craig Tucker, and Tweek can sense that. You already know what he wants you to say."
I glared at the boy, cogs churning and grinding in my head as I tried to figure out what exactly Kenny was getting at.
"What is it?" I finally asked.
"Last time I said it, you beat me up" he scoffed "I'll let you figure it out."
I'm gay? Did Tweek really want to hear that?
"I'm not…" my voice trailed off and Kenny looked like he was about lose his mind, I didn't blame him considering how many people had heard me protest against being gay. I considered what to say and thought deeply about Tweek, about myself. My dad's words would always cloud my mind when I really questioned my sexuality, which recently I'd been doing a lot. In fact, I questioned it ever since I was fourteen but yet I'd been so scared to explore it. Now after having experienced the… 'other side' for want of a better word, I couldn't imagine myself going back, at least not often. I'd had a taste of the greener grass and I liked it. Was that okay? Was that sinful? More importantly, did I care?
These past few weeks had only taught me that as much as someone runs away from who they really are, they'll never get far enough. Who was I fooling? I loved Tweek and he wasn't a girl and after all this time, I think I was finally okay with that.
"I'm not… straight" I finished and Kenny's eyes widened before a mile wide smile followed suit and he jumped off the wall into the snow, dancing around me ecstatically.
"Hallefuckinglujah!" He cried as he punched his fists into the air and grinned at me. At this point I couldn't help but return a small smile at his stupidity.
"How does it feel?" He asked, his hands gripped onto my shoulders excitedly.
"How does what feel?" I asked.
"How does it feel to say it out loud?!"
I had a thought. It didn't leave a bad taste in my mouth, in fact it sounded pretty fitting for me actually. Saying that aloud was like putting on a sweater that fit almost perfectly.
"It feels… comfortable?" I told him and then to my utter bewilderment, Kenny wrapped his arms tightly around me and squeezed me until my lungs were about to give way. I pat him on the back stiffly, willing the idiot to get off me and give me some air. If it wasn't clear to me ten minutes ago, it was clear to me now that Kenny had definitely forgiven me. Nothing like sharing a smoke in the cold to clear the bad air I supposed.
"I knew you'd come around" he pulled away and flashed a crooked smile "I'm proud of you" his tone changed and he gazed at me very sincerely. I never in a million years thought I'd say this, but Kenny's last words instantly spread warmly across my chest. I was flattered that he was proud? Of me?
"Thank you" I said gratefully. "Also, I am sorry for beating you up."
"Pft, no big deal. I like to get a bit rough now and then" he smirked. Nothing could phase the classic Kenny McCormick charm. Despite the lewdness, I owed at least a little respect to him for I believed he was the first soul I'd ever openly admit to about liking guys, without any hidden doubts I may add.
This was a new era for me. No more Closeted Craig and I stood by my words in saying that I'd get Tweek back. I would go to any means to prove, as Kenny suggested, that I'd changed and that I was willing to improve as well because I cared Tweek Tweak, I wanted him and I wanted it to work out. It started right then, with me, and to anyone who cared to know.
I am gay.
A/N: So I decided to give you all a break from the angst and let him finally come out. I love how when I started writing this, I was inspired by '10 Things I Hate About You' to write a romantic comedy and then I put my own sad twist on it and the humour element completely flopped. Regardless, thank you so much to everyone who has read, reviewed and bookmarked this, I never thought I'd get this big of an audience to be honest. I'm very grateful. I say this now because there are actually only two chapters left and an epilogue, you my reader, are very close to revealing the last puzzle piece of this story.
