AN: Apologies for not having this up sooner, something wasn't sitting right with me about this chapter, but I've moved some things around and I'm finally happy. Huge thank you to all of you who have reviewed, favourited or followed! It means the world to me. Also, shout out to HalsteadPD for making me write this and demanding it be posted!
Song wise! I listened to the following a lot in the writing of this chapter;
Leave out all the Rest - Linkin Park
The Halls of Fear - The Godfather Soundtrack
Tequila - Dan & Shay
So, please do tell me what you think!
xo
Chapter 4: Oh, what a Tangled Web we Weave.
Jay felt himself smirk as Erin passed in the car; he'd know that face -those eyes burned into his memory- anywhere. Voight was in the car and Jay felt a twist in his gut – Intelligence had been getting closer and closer to the family for a few months now, totally under the radar, but Voight and Olinsky had been pushing harder and he was finding himself constantly on the look-out. The thing was, he'd smirked because he could sense she knew it was him. She hadn't laid eyes on him in years, but still, he saw the way her eyes widened in recognition and it was fantastic to know she still knew who he was.
The gun was still nestled on his thigh as he watched the streetlights pass in a blur on the way back to his car. Carrick had begged, and it had really taken a lot of effort on Jay's part to pull the trigger. He hated when they begged and cried like that. They really should be taking that kind of punishment like the guys they proclaimed themselves to be. If it came to it; Jay knew he would go down in a hail of bullets protecting those closest to him. If he even as much as broke his loyalty to the family, he would absolutely go down like a man. He'd take it; because the code of silence was for his protection as well as everyone else's. If he didn't implicate them; they wouldn't implicate him.
He wasn't stupid though; Carrick was one in a network of people who were too weak. Jay had gotten good at spotting undercover police; they always stood out a mile – conveniently able to prove themselves, conveniently with the product or the thing you just happened to need. It wasn't hard to spot them because they didn't fit. They weren't slick enough, or too slick – tried too hard, wanted it too much. Jay reached into his inside pocket as they pulled up to his car, taking out an envelope and handing it to the other man, nodding once and getting out of the car, patting it almost affectionately, he liked the cars they bought. Shame most of them ended up on fire when the call was too close. He wasn't sure if he could trust Erin anymore, if she would have his back like she used to on the streets and she'd seen him. They could already have a BOLO out on the car. It wasn't rocket science, not really.
Tucking away his weapon at the small of his back in the belt of his dress pants, he climbed into his car and began the task of getting home. It was simple, he always paid attention for tails – cops always had stupid as shit obvious cars, the Feds were worse, and he never went the same way twice in one week. It was a drive that should take 15 minutes but was going to take him 30 and he knew it. He liked order, disliked disorder and everything that came with it and here they were, in one web of tangled lines.
He checked his watch, it was close to midnight which would give him time to grab a shower and a nap before finding out what the hell Aideen wanted to do about whatever was going on. Something else was eating at him and he couldn't quite place it; but something felt off as he made his way through the streets, the lights passing by as the rest of the world continued to go about their lives as though nothing had happened. He tapped the steering wheel to the beat of his heart – a staccato rhythm that had him antsy and on edge.
Jay would put it down to his role in the family, to having to deal with that side of the business. He was a repo-man and someone who voided contacts, permanently. His military service had taught him all about discipline and strategy and when he'd come home, Vinnie, Declan and Darragh had taken him back into the family and given him whatever he needed to help him through – whenever he needed it. It was Caoimhe, though, with her huge eyes and radiating innocence who put him back together, piece by piece, and gave him nothing but unconditional love.
When he'd returned, he didn't want to hug her, to tuck her in at night, to read her bedtime stories. He hadn't wanted to brush her hair when she asked, or to have tea parties with her. Every Friday night she'd have a 'date night' with one of the family. Before the Rangers, when Jay was home, he'd put on his nicest suit and he'd take her out for Pizza and ice cream and then they'd come home and watch a movie and he'd tuck her into her princess bed; whichever Princess was in back then. When he'd come home from the Rangers, though, he hadn't done any of that until 10-year-old Caoimhe had shown up at his apartment, with Aideen's help, dressed in her party dress with Thai Takeout and a stubbornness that she wasn't leaving until they spent Friday together because she wasn't having him blow her off anymore.
He hadn't touched Oxy since that night. When she'd shown up, he had the pills in his hand ready to crash, but she'd given him such a look of disappointment and disdain that he'd struggled to swallow. Then her eyes had filled with tears and she'd stomped her foot and told him she missed him, and she loved him and couldn't understand why he hated her so much. Jay had dropped to his knees then and pulled her into his arms, handing the pills to Aideen who stood there, tears shining in her eyes and he'd told her the rest were in his night stand. Caoimhe had gripped him tighter before pulling back and smiling at him, wiping at his tears and calling him silly, before she sniffed and held up the take-out bag, telling him she wasn't going to eat a cold dinner as well as ruin her make up.
It had been around 7 and a half years and Jay rarely drank more than a couple beers or a couple of whiskeys a couple of times a week. He'd never missed a Friday night, either. Even when she got older and stopped spending the same amount of time with Darragh, Declan and Fagan, she still made time for Jay and it always made his heart happy seeing her to happy.
He put the car into park in the underground parking and opted to take the stairs, keys jingling in his hand as he jogged up the steps, making it in less than a minute, just over a minute to get his key in the door and into the apartment.
Saoirse was standing by the window when he came in, with a huge smile on his face and he still wasn't sure if he was keyed up from the job or from seeing her again, and she frowned at him, her eyes moving over his body.
"You got blood on your shirt." She told him, voice devoid of all emotion as he took off his shoes and put them on the rack beside the door after inspecting them for blood, his jacket was tossed in the hamper as he made his way over to her.
"Hazard of the job, sweetheart." He shrugged, smirk firmly in place. It felt different when she looked at him; the way she regarded him somehow making him feel like a common criminal, as though he was worse than she was. She tilted her head to the side and frowned.
"sweetheart?" It sounded more like an accusation than anything as it tumbled from her lips. "It's been a long time since I heard that coming from you." Her hands rested on his chest and Jay shrugged, his hands resting on her hips.
"What would you rather I called you?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at the woman before him and she snorted out a laugh and shook her head. For all intents and purposes, they came across as a couple to the world; shared a house, a bed and were PDA enough for people to notice and pass comment. It never bothered him though, not really, he'd never really cared what people thought. Behind closed doors, however, deep down? They were one of those couples who were perfect on paper but didn't work in reality. Saoirse wanted way more than he could give and she had grown to resent him, yet here they were, time and again.
"you've been calling me princess of late," she offered, her hands smoothing over the material of his shirt, her eyes meeting his and he felt nothing. It was then he knew, seeing Erin tonight was the reason he felt a fire in his veins for the first time in a long time.
"Yeah, well, I like to switch it up, you know how it is." He shrugged and moved to step away from her, something feeling odd about having her this close to him when he was thinking of another set of eyes and wondering just how much she knew.
"You know, Jay," She started, and he could almost feel the bitterness begin to radiate from her, her red talons gripping his shirt and he tensed, the fabric being stretched almost to its limit. "I put up with a lot." Saoirse told him, shaking her eyes, "But there are many, many things I can't deal with."
"I'm not doing this," He shook his head and stepped back from her, his hands coming up to grip her wrists and pry them from his shirt. "You're upset, Caoimhe's sleeping and your dad has just died. That's a Molotov cocktail that I'm not getting mixed up in." Jay took a step back again and let her go, feeling himself tense again.
"You think I don't know about the flowers you send her?" Saoirse's words dripped with venom and Jay sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. He was exhausted and hadn't realised how much so until this moment. When it came down to it, this is where she went every so often and he'd learned just to absorb the heat and let it go.
"Everyone fucking knows about the flowers, princess, it's not a new thing." He mentally smacked himself as the words slipped from his tongue and he watched the temper rise in her causing him to sigh audibly. "Can we not do this now?" His tone was even, and he turned, taking two measured steps before she was in front of him again.
"You fucking started this, asshole." She snarled, and Jay found himself slipping into solider mode; his defences coming up and making himself numb to anything and everything she was going to do or say.
"Okay, Saoirse, I'm sorry." He stated, side stepping around her and making his way to their bedroom. He needed a shower, needed the hot water to wash everything away, to make him feel like himself again and not a pawn in someone else's game.
"I'm not fucking finished."
"Well, I am."
"Not until I say so. You don't get to come in her and sweetheart me and think you can hide the fact that you're hoping I'm someone else." She was in front of him again, shoving at his chest and Jay paused, taking a breath and letting it out slowly as she glared at him.
He couldn't exactly correct her; because she was right, she wasn't who he wanted, and it wasn't until relatively recently that they'd even started sharing a bed again. They both knew this was casual, was something they needed with someone they trusted. Vinnie wasn't pleased about it, and Jay had been at his beck and call for the past two years, only recently becoming more able to spend time at the apartment for more than a night or two a week.
"You're being ridiculous." He stated, because she was. They didn't need to have this pointless argument because she was right and she was only hurting herself when she threw those kind of words around.
"You didn't think that when I was keeping your bed warm, Jay." She sing-songed and leaned into him, her arms wrapping around his neck. "Especially didn't think so when we were younger." She bit her lip and Jay sighed.
"I was young, I was a mess. You knew then what you know now. Nothing has changed." He tried to unwrap her from him, finally succeeding and making his way into the room, Saoirse trailing behind him. He ignored the way she began to mess with the lights, putting them on a dull setting as he worked on unfastening the shirt before removing it, frowning at the blood stain at the bottom. It meant the pants would have to go, too.
"We're still young. You're still a mess." She snorted, "Leaving flowers for a fucking cop when you basically kill people for a living, that's a different kind of special, Jay." She giggled, and he turned to look at her before glaring, stepping into her personal space.
"I'm asking you this once," He told her, looking into her eyes, clenching his jaw, letting a small growl slip passed when he realised that her pupils were huge. "What the fuck have you taken?"
Saoirse giggled again and shrugged, "Dunno, Fagan gave me them to take the edge off." She blinked up at him, her hands coming up to his chest, running over his skin as she bit her lip. "Shoulda just told you to take your shirt off."
Jay took her wrists in his hand. "Caoimhe is here, in her room, and you're popping pills. What kind of irresponsible pa—"
"I was here for my kid," Saoirse glared at him, snatching her hands from his grasp. "Where were you? Just another dead beat dad."
Jay felt his stomach drop and he fought to ignore her words, placing his hands on his hips and returning her glare. "I'm here for my kid every day, Seer. Every day. I was the one who had to break the news. I was the one who held her. I've been the one picking up after her her whole life." He could hear himself defending his actions and he let out a humourless laugh. "Yet she thinks her dad is in the city morgue and her mom is in the ground."
"You think that won't happen, the way we're going?" Saoirse spat, and Jay ran his tongue along the edge of his teeth to keep him from saying anything. "You're a gun for hire, I launder money and she has no fucking clue who she actually is."
"We need to tell her." Jay stated, and Saoirse shook her head in the negative.
"It's better she doesn't know."
"She's gonna find out." Jay told her, looking at the woman in disbelief. "I get we used a fake birth certificate to get her into school, but at some point, she's gonna find out and then what? Surprise! Fuck that, no." he shook his head, "Besides, this is a murder investigation, she can't be questioned without parental approval and that's gonna look awkward."
"Aideen made the guardianship papers for her, I've signed them, you just need to ink them and we're good to go." Saoirse made to move toward him, but he stepped back, and she stopped.
"I want her out of this." Jay stated as he felt the fight begin to drain from him. "I'll pull whatever strings I need to, but I need her out of this life, out of this city and somewhere new to start again." His voice was quiet.
"You know we can't do that right, not without one of us taking a fall. Aideen won't let an heir leave town without the promise of coming back and if you want her gone, well." Saoirse shrugged, and moved to lean against the doorframe, a smile on her face and that was something else Jay wasn't interested in, either.
"Wouldn't be the first time I've taken a fall." He mumbled as he turned away from her, walking into the bathroom.
"What was that?" She snapped and Jay cursed under his breath.
"Get some water and get some sleep, you're gonna need it. Tomorrow is gonna be busy." Jay stated, dropping the conversation as he reached in to turn the water of the shower on, cranking the heat up as he slipped out of his pants and socks, chucking them in the direction of his shirt.
He leaned on the counter top, the spacious bathroom having his and hers sinks as well as lightened mirrors. He hated how pale he looked in the room; facial hair and freckles standing out against the contrast of his skin, worse in the summer when all his freckles were on show. Caoimhe had freckles, too, in the summer, and she loved them. He shook his head and ran a hand down his face, he couldn't stand there and see himself looking back, see the depths of his eyes.
When he lifted his hand from the sink there was blood on it and he checked to see if he was cut as he cleaned his hand off before grabbing a cloth and wiping the sink down, chucking the cloth with his clothes to be burned tomorrow. Jay figured that there must have been more blood on his pants than he realised as he climbed into the shower and let the water run over him, the warm water making rivers down his body before he began to wash himself.
"I gotta admit, I was surprised to hear from you." Voight stated as he looked at Jay, a raised eyebrow as Jay wrapped his chilled hands around the coffee up as they sat at the formica dining table in the poorly lit diner.
"She wants out but she won't call." Jay shrugged, "I found your card. I know you'll help." He wasn't usually one to spill to a stranger, but Erin had talked about this dude a bit and she trusted him, and if Erin trusted a cop, then he must be solid.
"Okay, I'm all for that." Voight nodded.
"I mean, you can't just turn her out into a snitch." Jay told him, sitting back, "You gotta get her off the streets, out of this life and help her really make it in this world."
"You care about her, don't you?"
"Yes, sir." He didn't even hesitate. It was like answering to his name.
"Why did you come to me, you could have made the call and taken her spot." Voight took a drink of coffee and Jay shook his head on a laugh.
"No, sir." He stated, "I'm gonna have to take the fall for her to get out and I'm willing to do it in a heartbeat."
"That's noble."
"Its stupid, but I'm in a little deeper than she is and I can't get her free myself. I sure as shit ain't pulling her down with me."
"What have you got in mind?"
Jay sighed and let the water run over him for a couple more minutes before he shut the shower off and climbed out, wrapping the towel around his waist, making his way into the bedroom where Saoirse was sitting on the bed looking like she'd seen a ghost.
"Seer?" Jay stated as he approached her slowly, stopping in front of her, waiting for her eyes to meet his. "What is it?"
She shook her head and then took his hand, her bottom lip trembling.
"Saoirse." He demanded softly, gripping her chin in his thumb and pointer finger, holding her there under the scrutiny of his gaze. "Is it Caoimhe, is she okay?"
Saoirse nodded and Jay let out a breath he didn't know he was holding, before his eyes widened at her next statement.
"Fagan's Dead."
A/N: EEEEEEK! Next time on, Mobster!Jay...
