:: Chapter Fifty ::

How does one tell a mother that her child is gone? The only child she had left, and who she didn't get to reconcile with before he was torn from this world. Eliza let out a sigh while she made her way to the Force enclave and rehearsed several ways of breaking the news but nothing sounded right. It couldn't—there just wasn't a right way to deliver these words.

At least the enclave had been cleared out of its usual students hanging around, Sana-Rae had seen to that and it left Senya sat by herself in deep meditation. Dressed in her usual armor, a remnant of her home, and with her head bowed while she communicated with an unseen entity—Scyva, the goddess of sorrow and a mother herself—praying for the safe return of her child.

Upon hearing her pleas, Eliza held her step and swallowed the lump in her throat. Her heart ached knowing the devastation she was about to bring the woman and it left her thoughts to linger on Cyara, her own child. If anyone ever took her daughter from her, there would be nowhere in the galaxy for that person to hide and she wouldn't rest until they'd been punished. Senya could very well want the same.

"Senya?" Eliza asked gently and knelt down beside her.

Blue eyes, darkened by her troubles, looked her way and Senya breathed out a sigh of relief. "Oh, Commander, thank the Gods you've returned."

Hope caught her heart in an instant and she clasped Eliza's hand. "Please say, did my son come with you?"

"I—he..."

'Damnit,' Eliza cursed. She'd wanted to get straight to the point, even if it was blunt, to avoid leaving Senya to agonize through a slow delivery of the news but she could barely get the words across her lips.

"I'm sorry, Senya, he... Arcann is gone."

"Gone?" Senya repeated, not quite understanding. "Did he leave? He let you go, right?"

"No. Gone as in, he's dead."

The hand that had been holding hers pulled away and Senya flinched. "What? No, that can't be. I saw him, with you, he was... what happened? What did he do?"

"Too many things that cannot be undone. I couldn't let him live."

"I saw the footage, the two of you together. He seemed so different, changed, and he... you killed him?"

"I did."

Senya rose to her feet and took a step back, steadying herself against the wall behind her. "Why? What happened between you both?"

Eliza dreaded this moment more than any other but she braved her fear and her own pain, relaying to Senya everything that had happened since Arcann's arrival on Nathema. Explaining to her what it was that everyone had witnessed via the spy droid and telling her about the trip from Zakuul to Odessen.

Tears burned in Senya's eyes and she gasped for air. Her heart tightened in her chest and she couldn't help but shake her head in disbelief.

"I don't understand. If he was changing, if he wanted peace, why did you kill him?"

"Because there would never be a true peace while he lived," Eliza shared the realizations she'd come to over the past weeks.

"His victims would never be able to forgive or accept him. The Empire and the Republic might have cooperated but in secret, they would have waited for an opportunity to make him pay for his crimes. He wanted to keep his throne and fleet meaning he'd remain a threat and, sooner or later, another war would have broken out in his name and this galaxy would once more suffer.

"Ending his life was the only way to avoid further bloodshed."

Her bottom lip quivered and Senya swallowed her varying reactions. Torn between her own understanding and knowledge that Arcann had already gone too far long before Eliza got to him, and her heart aching for the way he was robbed of his chance at redemption. The loss of her own chance at reuniting with her child, and feeling her love for him burn in her chest.

"Why did you bring him hope? Why did you let him get so close to coming here and play this charade to lead him on? How could you be so cruel?"

"That wasn't deliberate. I wanted my freedom but my odds of escaping the Spire by myself, without my weapons or use of the Force, were nil and I wished to free the Supreme Commander as well. I had to find another way and wait."

Senya's hand struck her within seconds, leaving a red mark on her cheek. "Don't try and excuse what you did! You're a coward, Commander, treacherous and without honor!

"You preyed on his pain, his insecurities and the feelings he had for you! Wrapped him around your finger and when his hope reached its pinnacle, you robbed him of everything!"

"I did," Eliza couldn't help but agree—she hardly felt honorable or heroic over her actions.

"I've always known there was a chance he might not survive this, that his crimes were too severe but he was my son and the way you handled this!"

Senya hit her a second time and Eliza let it happen, not moving an inch. Fighting only to suppress her tears and regret while the Knight gripped both her shoulders and the eyes of a grieving, angered mother stared into her own filled with guilt.

"I... I cannot look at you right now or be here," Senya said with great difficulty, after debating her reactions, and she let go.

Turning on her heel to escape the enclave, to leave Eliza's presence before she would lose control of herself completely. "Please stay out of my way Commander, I need time."

"Of course. I had Arcann's body brought to the medical bay, you can visit him there should you wish to do so and I have his personal belongings. I'll have someone bring them to you."

Senya paused by the door and nodded, unable to force out another word, then vanished from sight. Crossing paths with Lana on her way out.

"Limit her communication and security access, and have her monitored at all times," said Eliza when she spotted the blonde.

"Consider it taken care of."

With a few simple taps on her datapad, Lana added Senya to the priority watch list but she kept a concerned eye on Eliza while she worked.

"You overheard the full story, didn't you?" Eliza asked.

"I—yes, apologies. I was concerned about how Senya might react so I followed you down here and observed, in case you needed my help."

"Thank you."

"Why did you let her hit you?"

"Because I had it coming. You heard what I've done, Lana. In her shoes, I would have killed me."

Lana's brows knitted together. "Eliza—"

"Don't. I stand by my actions but that doesn't mean I have to be proud of them. Just leave it be."

She turned quickly to make her exit. "I need to see Doc about something. Keep an eye on Senya, support her if she will let you and we'll talk more in the morning."

There was plenty left on her to-do list before she would get to secure her solitude, the next item being her pregnancy. Before telling Theron of the news he'd either rejoice over or run away from, she wanted to be certain everything with the little pea growing inside of her was well, and she wanted Doc to confirm what she'd been told on Zakuul.

"Is this why Arcann spared you from carbonite imprisonment?" Doc asked while he slid the handheld scan device along her tummy.

"It is, yes."

"Guess that explains that..." He double checked the read-out and flashed Eliza a smile.

"Well, his physician wasn't wrong—you really are pregnant, about six weeks by now."

"And the baby?"

"Everything looks normal from what I can tell at this stage. You, however, need to be careful."

"What? Why?"

"Your blood pressure is slightly elevated and you've had a high-risk pregnancy before. I'm sure recent circumstances haven't done you any favors but you need to take it easy babe."

"Take it easy huh? Yeah, not likely."

"Try." Doc adjusted her shirt and helped her sit up. "You have a team of people working with you for a reason."

He made some notes on her chart before filing it away. "I'm sure we'll be seeing each other plenty in the meantime but I want you back down here in two weeks to take another look."

"Alright, not a problem." Eliza hopped from the exam table.

"You're, happy about this, yes?" Doc checked when she failed to do as much as smile.

"I am. I just… so much has happened. Parts of me are still playing catch up."

"I get that. Would now be a bad time to tell you about my treatment plans for Scourge?"

"No, lay it on me. Not sure it'll stick but I wanna know."

Doc nodded and retrieved his paperwork, sitting by his desk to explain his discoveries and his approach to curing Lord Scourge. Only parts of it made sense to Eliza but she listened attentively until he'd finished, once more thanking him for his efforts and then she said her goodbyes quick.

Eager to leave and get on with her day but once she made it outside, and caught a glance at the medical bay, she hesitated. She knew Theron wasn't there—Jonas had taken him for a walk—but someone else would be, and possibly awake this time.

Sure, there was so much on her to-do list that she could easily avoid visiting Lord Scourge for at least a couple of days. Out of sight, out of mind—a concept people claimed worked but she'd often found the opposite to be true. Furthermore, there was another saying—absence makes the heart grow fonder—and Eliza wondered which of those two notions applied when the subject concerned a loved one lost. Whether both had their own truth.

Years ago, she'd blocked Theron from her heart and mind best she could and she'd believed that approach to be effective until she'd seen him again and realized just how deep her love for him ran. On the other hand, she'd kept Lord Scourge alive in her memory and daily thoughts but over time, she'd noticed a change in the way she felt about him. Loving him still, she always would, but her love for him had taken on a different shape. Found itself a new role and place in her heart and she had no idea what that meant.

Perhaps it was her heart's way of protecting itself from the inevitable pain headed her way. Deep down knowing that, whether Lord Scourge lived or perished, their love would never be the same again, nor would their relationship and while that knowledge should break her, it left her on the cusp of numbness instead.

Her idle musings pushed her feet until she found herself stood in the recovery room of the medical bay. Thinking hadn't exactly led to a decision on which task to tackle next but it appeared her subconscious had done so for her.

Just as well—maybe it was best to get those things she dreaded most out of the way first and face the husband she'd believed to be dead, leaving her a false widow.

One deep breath and three cautious steps brought her closer to the man sat upright in his bed. Catching his dark crimson eyes staring her way. Under different circumstances, this moment should lead to the cliche run-and-catch embrace between long lost lovers but such things weren't in the cards for either of them.

"You're back, and alive," Lord Scourge stated the obvious and Eliza shrugged.

"So are you."

"You were a fool to remain behind and face him alone."

"Yeah, well, foolish is what I do, you should know that by now. Besides, I got the job done."

Inquisitive eyes narrowed at her. "At what cost?"

"Doesn't matter. How are you feeling?"

"Nothing. You?"

"Too much." She sat herself down on the foot end of his bed. "Are you still pissed I came for you?"

"I should have known you would eventually. I'd just thought to be long gone by then."

Eliza rolled her eyes. "Cut the morbid crap."

"I'm just stating facts."

"Lies. You've given up and you're afraid to hold out hope, and that's fine, but I haven't."

"Because foolish is what you do," he repeated her words back to her and they stung.

Another shrug rolled along her shoulders while she picked at his bedding with her nails. "You turned me into a widow. At least officially. I didn't even get a say in it—Acina decided for me while I was too weak, forced on bed rest, to fight."

"Too weak?"

"Complications with my pregnancy."

"Ah."

He should care. Burn with concern and ache to hear how she'd gotten through it, what the delivery of their daughter had been like but he couldn't feel it.

"And now you're pregnant again," he observed instead.

So coolly, and unexpectedly, Eliza's head snapped up to gape at him in surprise. "What?"

"I can see his Force signature woven into yours."

"His?"

"Your son's. It's quite remarkable, powerful and strong. Different from when you were pregnant with your daughter."

"Our daughter!"

"It would seem the Force has returned to the Shan dynasty. Interesting."

"Scourge, what the hell?!"

The stoic and calm fashion in which he worded his conclusions left her vexed. She knew of his affliction—Doc had informed her into great detail moments ago—but his behavior still caught her off guard to such a degree it ignited her frustration.

"What?"

"How do you... what... Why aren't you bothered by this?! I'm carrying someone else's child!"

"Yes, you are, and you did precisely what I told you to do if something were to ever happen to me—moved on—and it's not as if I could feel the jealousy if there was any."

He watched the thundering expression on her face when she flew up from where she'd sat. "I cheated on you! And not just with Theron either!"

"It wasn't cheating. Who else?"

"Ravage!"

That name gave him pause—he couldn't feel surprise or shock but it was an odd choice in his mind. "Really? Him?"

"Yep!" Eliza folded her arms and, taunting for a genuine reaction, blew into further revelation, "It wasn't really a relationship though, just sex. A lot of great, lustful sex. I even let him do that one thing I never allowed you to do!"

"And was it quite as unpleasant as you'd feared?"

A scream of utter annoyance pushed past her gritted teeth and she threw her hands up. "Seven Sith hells! Feel something, please!"

"Eliza, I cannot. I want to but it is simply impossible and you won't succeed in angering or hurting me."

Lord Scourge snapped his sheets back and flung his legs over the side. His upturned palm inviting her closer—the best he could manage to at least appear caring—but she slapped his hand away.

"You need to realize I am a lost cause. You rescued an empty vessel past its expiration date and while I have agreed to indulge that mustached, sorry excuse for a doctor, it won't make a difference. Once his trials are over, I am finished."

"No, I don't accept that."

"You must."

"Like hell I do! I mean, fine if you don't want to live for me or yourself but what about daughter?!"

"She doesn't even know me and she can't lose what she never had."

That callous comment was a step too far and Eliza lunged forward to slap him. "You have no idea what you're talking about!

"Cyara feels your absence every single day! She adopts everyone she meets as family, turning them to aunts and uncles, just to fill the void you left behind!"

"What do you suppose I do about that? I can't feel. I can't love her. I can't be the father she'd want and need, and all I'd do is hurt her the way all of this is hurting you right now!"

"Then don't be a father to her! Just honor your vow to me!" She was desperately reaching for anything that would compel him to try and hold on.

"What vow?"

"The one you made years ago, to train my children. Do you remember?"

"Of course I do, but—"

"Teach and guide her! Be her master and train her!"

Finally she sat back down and took the hand he'd offered her earlier. "Please. Live for her. Be a mentor to her if you cannot be her father."

"Eliza, I—"

"Please."

"I will consider it."

She'd never relent otherwise and empty as he felt, or didn't feel, his solemn promises still meant a great deal to him so he would honor his vow. Permitted Doc's treatment would start taking effect and he'd live long enough to meet his daughter.

"Thank you."

He nodded. "But you're still angry with me."

"I am. I know that this isn't your fault but, Scourge, you drugged me and shipped me off back home. There was no goodbye, I couldn't be there when they took you and..."

Scooting back further up the bed, Lord Scourge straightened up his pillow and invited Eliza to join at his side. He remembered well the things that comforted her in the past and while he'd get no joy out of it himself, he would try to help her now that she seemed to need it.

"I didn't want you and our daughter to die in that battle," he explained.

"I know you didn't and I'm grateful to be alive but a part of me keeps arguing that I could have made a difference. Even though Marr told me everything that went down and—"

"Marr? I thought he had perished."

"Oh, right. Well, yes he did but... I guess there's a lot I need to tell you."

"Yes. Four years is a long time. Tell me first of your arrival back on Dromund Kaas."

She flashed him a faint smile and stretched out down the length of his body. He felt cold and fragile under her touch, her fingers gently tracing the thinning skin of his arm, and Eliza released a deep sigh before delving into all those things he had missed out on in their years apart. Eventually landing her on the subject of Theron.

"I really love him. I'm in love with him."

"I know, you always have been. I'm only surprised it took you so long to find your way back to him after I was gone."

"It's so odd to hear you say that without a hint of upset…" Eliza furrowed her brows. "But, I wasn't ready. I held out hope, each day and it wasn't until Ravage's deception that I felt forced to move on."

A long overdue yawn shuddered through her entire body before it found its release. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to betray you."

"I would never want you to be alone and you didn't betray me."

"It still feels weird."

"Being with him?"

"No. Everything about him feels right but it's being here like this with you. While you're so…"

Lord Scourge held her to him. Memories of the scent of her hair, the warmth of her skin probed his mind but that's all he got too. "You need to get used to that if you want me to stay."

"Can't you just pretend to at least be a little annoyed?"

"Would it help?"

"Maybe." She stifled another yawn.

"Mm, well. Get some sleep and perhaps I will berate you in the morning."

"Kay…"

It was about all the encouragement she needed to surrender to the aching exhaustion inside of her and she was gone within seconds. Leaving Lord Scourge alone with his thoughts and a curious newfound desire to feel something. Find the man he used to be and if not with his emotions in tact then at the very least, he wished to be who she'd met on Quesh—a stalwart guardian who could care for her and guide her, and perhaps that way he could be there for his child too.