Dimitri POV

I've lost control again.

Belikov, you need to keep it together. Do whatever you have to because this… this can't happen. Regain control. Push away any and all thoughts and feelings. Most importantly, keep your guard up, both mentally and physically.

Don't let her in. Don't get attached. Don't do something stupid like fall for her.

She's a student. She's your student. Not to mention the fact she's going to be the Princess' other Guardian. You need to stay focused on your charge, not your guarding partner! You need to be able to throw yourself in front of the Princess if something were to ever happen. Can you honestly say you'd be able to do that if you fell in love with Rose?

Rose.

Roza.

My beautiful Roza.

She's so beautiful it hurts.

Damn it, Belikov, get a grip! She is off limits! Stop thinking of her. Maybe just stop thinking in general.

Regain control. That is key. Maybe if I treat her with the respect I would give any colleague my brain will start to see her in such a light instead of as a roma-

Stop it right there, Belikov! We just talked about this!

Treat Rose like a Guardian. I can do that.

Can't I?

I have to. I don't really have a choice.

She will only be thought of as Guardian Hathaway from now on.

Guardian Hathaway.

Janine is going to kill me.

Belikov, focus!

I can't exactly sever all ties, but I can limit the time we spend together. Our training sessions will be completely textbook. I will be professional. I will be polite. I will also be on guard at all times. Rose can be a bit of a wild card when she wants to be, but I cannot let her get to me.

I'm going to miss it. Her. Spending time getting to know her. Making jokes. Seeing her smile. And I know she's going to miss it, too. Miss me. But this is for the best. It's what's best for her and the Princess.

She's going to hate it.

She's going to rebel and will probably try to get me to see reason. To do anything to get it back to how it was. I'll have to stop her from doing something stupid or something even worse… but it'll be worth whatever she has in store if it means she'll be safe. As long as I can avoid her Rose logic I will be able regain control.

But what if I don't want to regain control?

They come first.

Not me.

I don't get to have wants. I don't get to fall in love, especially with someone as forbidden as Rose.

I don't matter.

But Rose does.

She will always matter, and that's why I have to do this.

I have to regain control.