The New York rain hammered into his cold cheeks, but he didn't care. The wind left him shivering, but he didn't care. He shuddered. He was cold. But not from the rain. Not from the wind. He was cold from the ache in his heart.
His Wife.
His Best Friend.
Tangled together in HIS bed. HIS sheets.
In the throes.
The long blast from the foghorn of the Ferryboat caused him to look up, and he sputtered into the rain.
"If you leave now-" Addison clutched at him, even as he fought her off. "If you leave- We won't be Derek and Addison."
He had thrown her out. In a sudden terrifying rage that had consumed him before he'd even known what he'd done. He remembered her pounding on the thick door of the brownstone. Begging, pleading. Until common decency gripped him and he pulled her back inside.
He left instead.
Now he was here, on the ferryboat. He stared out at the dark outline of the city in the distance. The lights blinked back at him, but he couldn't stop himself from seeing...
It was cruel.
His best friend. They'd just chatted this morning. Made plans for a Yankees game.
His wife. She'd made him coffee, said, 'I love you,' as he darted out the door on his way to work. Derek stopped. Swallowed. Did he say it back? Did he thank her for coffee?
Of course he did. Didn't he?
He just remembered thinking about a glioma he had scheduled. And he'd lost that patient. Only to come home to... that.
The sigh that escaped his lips was long and angry. He'd failed that patient. Now... his marriage?
He hadn't seen it coming. He'd been blindsided. Betrayed. Mark? His best friend. The best man at his wedding, had betrayed three decades of friendship and eleven years of marriage.
He hadn't seen it coming. He should've seen it, should've... could've...
He wanted a drink. He scoffed. There was no one to drink with.
There was no one to go home to. Correction, there was no home to go to. So he remained on the Ferryboat, wet with rain. Even through his leather gloves his hands were cold. He pulled the gloves off and rubbed his hands together, feebly trying to warm them with his breath. It was no use. He felt so, so cold.
As he rubbed his hands together he felt the cold metal of the wedding ring. The ring she'd slipped on his finger after saying 'I do.' The ring that bore a simple inscription Derek and Addison Forever. XOXO on the inside. That was who they'd been for so long. In med school, 'Derek and Addison.' In residency, 'Derek and Addison.' In their fellowships and now in private practice, always 'Derek and Addison.'
Never one without the other.
Now he was just Derek.
In one seriously fucked up day, he lost his best friend and his wife.
A bitter chuckle escaped his lips. Fucked up was right.
He hadn't felt like this... since...
Derek swallowed again. Since his father died.
He gripped the ring and yanked it off with a gasp. For a brief second he stared at it. The exquisite yet simple 24 karat gold finish stared back at him. Derek and Addison were no more. She said it herself. With angry grunt he threw it into the muddy waters of the Hudson.
And then he sobbed.
Addison may have ripped his heart out, but it was Mark who broke it.
Now he had no where to go. Nothing. It didn't matter that he had a house in the Hamptons or a Brownstone, or a Porsche. It didn't matter that he ran one of the most successful private practices in New York. Because all of that was with Addison.
And there was no more Addison.
He didn't want any of it. He wondered if he ever did.
He just... he was drowning.
Derek tottered inside, finally realizing he needed a break from the deluge. He ran his fingers through his soaking wet hair and pulled out his phone. It'd been buzzing on and off since he'd boarded the Ferryboat and he ignored it because he knew it was Addison.
He sighed. Six missed calls. He had nothing to say to her.
Derek was about to put the phone away when it buzzed again. He grimaced, thinking it was her again. But it wasn't.
It was Helen Crawford.
