A/N: Bit of a time jump here...
When it rained in Seattle, it really rained. The plane from D.C had to circle three times around the airport, as the morning downpour had slowed earlier landing planes and clogged the runway. Derek was exhausted. He'd barely slept. Maybe a half hour on the plane. But most of the time he'd been awake, staring out at the blackness of the night. Worried, afraid. For his wife, for his marriage. Because of what he'd done.
A year and a half ago, he held his newborn son in his arms while his wife and daughter slept peacefully beside him. He'd been the happiest man alive. Staring into those baby-blue eyes, everything made sense, everything was right, everything clicked.
Now on the ferry boat, scrambling for shelter from the pouring rain, nothing made sense anymore.
He left her. He left Meredith for D.C.
And then he kissed another woman.
He had to get perspective. He had to fix it.
When he called from the airport, Rene had told him that Meredith called. So... it was likely Meredith knew something was up. Derek wanted to catch her before she left for work then, and beg her to stay home.
He just had to fix it.
But how had it been broken in the first place?
She wanted him to go, hadn't she?
Derek pushed a wet curly lock off his forehead, staring at the churning grey water beneath him. He recalled another rainy night arguing in front of the hospital.
"Go!" She growled. "Go now." Meredith's expression was stone, her stare, cold.
He was sure his expression mirrored hers.
Of course, later, before he'd even left Seattle, she'd called him.
"Go," she'd said again. "But in a good way. We can do this, right? People do this?"
"We can do this," he reassured.
But they hadn't.
It'd just become... a series of back and forth trips. Tension. Miscommunication. Resentment. Longing.
Why?
The NIH wanted him. The President wanted him.
Meredith didn't. Derek shook his head. No, he thought again, rubbing his stubbled chin. She did want him.
Why did she tell him to go? He would've stayed. For her, he would've stayed.
He wanted to stay.
"I did this for you. I gave up EVERYTHING," he'd yelled. "For you."
"Everything. You gave up Everything. That was Everything to you?"
Shit.
Derek blinked in the rain, staring at the bow of the Ferry as it approached the island. Home was only a few minutes away now.
As the foghorn blared to alert of disembarkment, realization burst in him.
The NIH didn't want him. The president didn't want him. They wanted his talent. His gift. His mind.
But not him, Derek Shepherd.
Meredith wanted him. Forever. Even old, and senile and smelly. She wanted his presence, his love, his trust. She wanted all of him.
And he'd been preoccupied, absent, bitter. Focused on a far-flung future that may or may not include a wife with Alzheimer's, that he didn't see her as his wife now.
God, she was everything to him! How had he missed the mark?
Sighing, Derek stepped slowly down the steep stairs to his car. And as he pulled out, he glanced at the Ferryboat through the rearview mirror.
Ferryboats always gave him perspective.
He was going to fix it.
A/N: So I'm thinking two more chapters, including an epilogue. Ending on a hopeful note, for my amazing readers...
Special thanks to Patsy, my ultimate fan! Thanks for your review on Mistletoe, it honestly meant so much to me you have no idea! Take Care Now. The next chaps are for you!
