Aquatic Teem Hungry Farce Season 1
Chapter 3. Chaos of the Saturnites
XXX
Rain poured and lightning flashed over an old gothic castle in New Jersey.
"Gentlemen, behold!" Dr. Weird exclaimed as a giant black monolith lowered down.
"What is it?" Steve asked as a light shone and revealed the new Butt Master Yoga Special Training Super Fitness Program.
"Butt Master Yoga! Ha ha ha!" Weird laughed.
"Oh great!" Steve said. "I really need to tone my buns!"
Dr. Weird's expression became serious. "No Steve, I have a much more grandiose purpose in mind." he smiled strangely. "With this yoga fitness program, I will attain to Mankind's true destiny and purpose in the world. I will rise to the summit of power and become co-creator with God!"
"What will you do once you attain godhood?" Steve asked.
Dr. Weird smiled. "Create a universe in my own image." Steve shuddered with terror as the doctor laughed maniacally.
XXX
Carl banged on the Aqua Teen's door. "Pissed off knock!"
"Just ignore him, he'll go away eventually." Shake said.
Frylock opened the door. "Hey Carl!"
"Look at my car!" Carl yelled. Upon hiss car it was written "Saturn rules! # 666."
"Shidamn Carl, sorry to hear about your car." Frylock replied.
"Every time something funny happens around here it's somehow connected to you people." Carl said.
Suddenly, a spacecraft landed outside and out came two little men, square-shaped and two-dimensional like Atari game graphics. One was large and black, the other was small and orange.
"I think we know what happened to your car Carl." said Frylock.
"Hey, you the ones who wrote that crap on my car?" asked Carl.
"Yes." the large black square replied. "We're the Saturnites and we come from the planet Saturn. I am Hyperion and this is Paaliaq."
"We rule!" the little orange one, Paaliaq, added.
"Let's see how much you rule when I kick your asses!" Carl said charging at them.
The Saturnites reformcombobulatified into the hexagon glacier, a form of the dodeca laser, and fired a super beam at Carl which transported him exactly six-hundred and sixty-six miles away.
"Where am I?" Carl asked looking around.
"Welcome to the playboy bunny mansion." a cute blonde said. "You must be our special guest!"
"Jackpot!" he exclaimed.
XXX
Meanwhile, back in Jersey.
"Hey! What did you do to our neighbor?" Frylock asked.
"Wouldn't you like to know?" Hyperion said mockingly.
"That is why he asked." Paaliaq said.
"You'll find your friend Fry-person, in due time!" Hyperion stated drawing laughter from Paaliaq.
"Hey, y'all wanna come play Atari with me?" Meatwad asked.
"Hell yeah!" Paaliaq exclaimed.
"Okay, this here game is called E.T." Meatwad said turning on the system.
"Hate it." said Paaliaq.
"What!?" Meatwad exclaimed. "But you only played it for one second!"
"Worst second of my life."
"Why don't you have an Xbox One?" Hyperion inquired.
"Well we can't afford nothin' like that." Meatwad answered so Hyperion materialized an Xbox One out of thin air.
"Alright!" Meatwad said happily.
"Hey!" exclaimed Shake. "Can you materialize me a Camaro?"
"One and done milkshake." Hyperion said with the snap of his finger, manifesting a green Camaro on the front lawn.
"How on earth are you able to do that?" Frylock asked in amazement.
"Not on earth Fry creature, but on Saturn." he replied.
"Yeah man, Saturn is the demiurge!" Paaliaq added.
"You mean the ancient gnostics were right?" Frylock asked.
"The ancient whostics?" the Saturnites asked.
"Nevermind, just some old scriptures." Frylock said. "So does everyone from planet Saturn have this ability?"
"Only the Lords of Saturn can do such things." Hyperion replied.
"What is Saturn?"
"Saturn is the Lord of Darkness, the Prince of this world, Santa Claus." Hyperion answered.
"Santa!" exclaimed Meatwad. "Did he bring me presents?"
"It's July Meatwad." Frylock said turning back to the Saturnites. "You can't be serious, Santa?"
"Yes Fry being, I am serious." Hyperion replied. "Santa Claus is the Grim Reaper, Death, Father Time, which is to say the black father at the end of time. Santa is the lord of karma keeping a list of who is naughty or nice and delivering gifts or pieces of coal depending upon that person's deeds."
"So I'm not getting a pony?" Meatwad asked.
"Shut up and play your Xbox!" Paaliaq told him.
"Hmm okay." he said picking up the controller.
"I will tell you a secret Fry being, rearrange the letters of Santa to find a clue to life." Hyperion said.
Frylock gasped. "I can't believe it!"
"Believing is being." Hyperion stated.
"Yeah dude, you heard 'em." Paaliaq added.
XXX
"This is the best thing that has ever happened to me." Carl said to the playboy bunny girl as she fed him a plate of nachos.
"Glad to have another satisfied customer!" she said.
XXX
"But this still doesn't explain what happened to Carl." Frylock said.
"Well if you want him back I can arrange that." Hyperion replied.
"Yeah sure." he answered.
"Okay baby." said the playboy model. "Think you're ready for round two?"
"I was born ready!" Carl answered, but just as the playboy bunny girl took off her bra, he was zapped back to the Aqua Teen's place.
"Carl! You're back!" Frylock exclaimed.
"Who the hell wished me back!?"
"Well I did." Frylock answered.
"Come here Fry man! Let me give you hug!" he said running toward him.
"Now calm down Carl, we were just worried about you!" Frylock said floating away.
"I had playboy bunny girls feeding me nachos! You ruined it!" Carl screamed.
"Really? They zapped you to a playboy bunny mansion!?" Shake asked.
"Yes, it was the best thing that ever happened to me." Carl said sorrowfully.
"Zap me! Zap me!" Shake told the Saturnites, so they re-reformcombobulatified again and zapped him.
"Alright, here come the playboy bunny girls!" Shake said with great anticipation. There was a sound rustling in the bushes. "Oh, that must be the girl!" he thought, but suddenly, a giant marsupial scorpion grabbed Shake and ate him!
XXX
Back in Jersey again...
"Bored." said Hyperion.
"Bored. Bored." said Paaliaq.
"So bored." Hyperion resaid. "Very bored."
"So totally bored dude." Paaliaq added.
"Let's play Dragon Ball Xenoverse!" Meatwad said.
"I find that an acceptable proposition." said Hyperion.
"Yeah dude, me too." Paaliaq added.
"Alright!" Meatwad exclaimed after he defeated Hyperion for the tenth time.
Hyperion got mad and threw down the controller which exploded. "Alright, that's it! We're leaving!" he said angrily.
"See ya later alligator!" Paaliaq said as they got into their spacecraft and left. After they left, the Xbox and Camaro disappeared.
"Bummer." said Meatwad. "Oh well, back to Atari. Maybe Saturn Claus will bring me a Nintendo for Christmas."
