Aquatic Teem Hungry Farce Season 1

Chapter 4. Too Hot Too Cool

XXX

Rain poured and lightning flashed over an old gothic castle in New Jersey.

"Ladies, gentlemen, and critters, behold! A new chapter of Ranma & Ukyo's Cupid!" Dr. Weird exclaimed maniacally.

"Um... Dr. Weird." Steve said. "Wrong fanfic!"

"Huh? Ah! Yes!" he said clearing his throat. "Gentlemen, behold! My plan to turn all the seas on this planet into bbq sauce!"

"Fool!" exclaimed Steve. "That will never work!"

XXX

"Shake, you're back!" exclaimed Frylock.

"Shoot." Meatwad said.

"So, did you eat nachos at the playboy bunny mansion?" Frylock asked.

"Oh yeah totally." Shake answered, neglecting to mention the marsupial scorpion.

"Well we're glad you're back." Frylock said.

"I ain't." Meatwad said. "I haven't been hit in a week."

"Now Meatwad." Frylock reprimanded softly.

Shake yawned and went to the Master Shake bedroom to take a nap. "All those girls and nachos made me exhuasted."

XXX

Meanwhile, up in space, the Plutonians were hatching a diabolical plan to take over the world.

"Soon ve shall take over ze world!" said Oglethorpe.

"Well how we gonna do that?" Emory asked.

"With this!" he answered, holding up a vial.

"Woohoo!" Emory cheered. "Wait, what is that?"

Oglethorpe smiled sinisterly. "Herr Shake's DNA."

XXX

Frylock woke up to loud sounds of laughter. "Shake, it's three in the morning." he said. "Can you please keep it down."

"Hey Frylock!" said Shake. "Come check this out, there's this fanfic called Ranma & Ukyo's Cupid, it's hilarious!"

"I don't care Shake!" Frylock said. "Just keep it down so I can sleep."

"Alright, alright. Sheesh. I'll keep it down." Shake assured him.

Frylock went back to his room, turned off the light, and closed his eyes. "Off to never never land."

"HA HA HA!" Shake exclaimed.

"Goddamnit Shake!" Frylock yelled.

"No seriously." Shake said. "You won't believe what was in Olga's backpack."

"Go the fizzity-uck to sleep Shake!" yelled Frylock.

XXX

The next day...

"Shake knock!"

"Who's there?" Meatwad asked as Frylock answered the door.

"Whoa!" he exclaimed. "Hey Shake, you better come down here man."

"What, can you ingrates do nothing by yourselves?" Shake whined. "It's always Shake this and Shake that, Shake the refrigerator is on fire..."

"Shut up and look!" Frylock told him. Standing at the door was a cute miniature Shake.

"Well, obviously I have many fans due to the fan fictions I write." Shake said.

"Daddy!" the mini-Shake cried running to him.

"Daddy!?" Frylock and Meatwad exclaimed.

"Now hold on a minute little fella." Shake said pushing him away. "I ain't your papa, I had a vasectomy."

The little Shake began to cry. "Waaaahhhh! You no love me!" Shake started to ka-smack the small Shake but two authorities showed up at the door.

"Are you Master Shake?" they asked.

"Well I am the master." he replied.

"We have proof that this child carries your dna, the mother is dead therefore you are responsible for it."

"And what if I don't?" he asked.

"This." the authorities answered, dangling handcuffs in front of him.

"Son!" he cried hugging the tiny Shake.

"Well, perhaps you'll learn some responsibility now." Frylock said.

XXX

"We sure fooled them." Emory said taking off his mask.

"Oh ja, totally dude!" replied Oglethorpe.

"So, how do we take over the world again?" Emory asked.

"Did you implant Herr Mini-Shake with the proton-nucleus gammaton bomb?" Oglethorpe asked.

"The what?" Emory asked. "You didn't say anything about that, you just said tell 'em to raise the kid."

"Scheisse!"

XXX

"So what's his name?" Meatwad asked.

"Hmm, how about Shakerooni to the Shanoony!" Shake asked.

"How about Billy?" asked Meatwad.

"No!" Shake said. "He needs a unique name."

"How about a foreign name like Nyūjājīmūn vu~anpaia?" Frylock suggested.

"No way! Makes him sound like a wuss!" Shake complained.

"How about Goku?" said Meatwad.

"I've got it!" Shake exclaimed. "Too Hot, Too Studley!"

"Really Shake?" Frylock asked. "Too Hot Too Studley? That's gonna be his name?"

"Yes! He'll be a hit with the ladies!"

"They'll make fun of him in school." Meatwad said.

"Too Hot Too Studley is too hot too cool for school!" Shake informed him.

"Then how's he gonna get a job?" Frylock inquired.

"Too Hot Too Studley is too hot too cool for employment too!" Shake replied adding, "Besides, the women will pay for everything."

"Where you going?" Frylock asked as Shake and Too Hot Too Studley headed toward the thing commonly known as a door.

"Out." Shake refried beans. "To pick up some chicks."

"Fat chance!" Frylock told him.

Two hours, twenty-two minutes, two seconds and twenty-two nano-seconds later, Shake Master and Too Hot Too Studley both re-returned with two tall busty blondes.

"We're baaaaaack!" Shake called arrogantly.

"Hey! How did you find these girls?" Frylock asked.

"I told ya, chicks dig fan fiction writers. It makes them horny." Shake replied adding, "Why don't you try uploading a story to sour cream and chives of our own to find out!"

Shake and Too Hot Too Studley both took the girls up to Shake's room.

"What they gonna do up in there?" Meatwad asked.

"Ummm, play checkers!" Frylock answered.

"I wanna play!" Meatwad shouted.

"Not those kind of checkers, the bad kind of checkers." Frylock told him.

"The bad kind?"

"The kind that makes babies." Frylock added.

"You mean to tell me playin' checkers is what makes babies?" Meatwad asked in astonishment.

"Well, it's a special alchemical type of checkers known only to initiates." Frylock said. "You can't get pregnant playing regular checkers."

"So all that bullshmagus about the stork was a lie all along?" Meatwad asked for clarification.

"I'm sorry Meatwad, but the stork is a myth, just like Charlemagne." Frylock answered.

Loud banging could be heard upstairs and the girls screamed, "Oh ja Milch Schütteln pfund meine muschi!"

Frylock plugged Meatwad's ears. "You don't need to hear this."

"I'm gettin' on google translate later hehehe!" Meatwad giggled.

"Don't you even dare!" Frylock warned him.

"I'm gonna!" he said.

Frylock knocked on the ceiling with his fry. "Hey Shake! You mind keeping it down up there? There's children around."

XXX

The next day or whatever...

"Alright Too Hot Too Studley, let's go pick up chicks."

"Okay daddy." Too Hot Too Studley replied and together they went searching for chicks.

"Damnit, yesterday just had to be a fluke." said Frylock. "Come on Meatwad, let's go see what he's up to."

Downtown clown frown at the local bookstore...

"Hey ladies!" exclaimed Shake. "So ya like to read do ya? Yeah, I'm an author myself, post some fanfics on anchovies of our own."

"The women are ignoring him, just as I thought." Frylock whispered.

"Daddy, why don't I have a mommy?" Too Hot Too Studley asked on cue.

"Cause mommy wanted to bang someone other than daddy." Shake answered.

"They're still ignoring him." Frylock said putting down the binoculars. Too Hot Too Studley zapped the women with his sex beam supreme.

"Why don't you come back to our place?" the Raquel Welch look-a-like asked.

"Hey! Did you just see that!?" Frylock asked.

"Yeah, Bigfoot Big Pan Pizza on sale for $10!" Meatwad said.

"No, not that!" said Fryman. "Too Hot Too Studley used some kind of mind control ray on those women to make them sleep with Shake."

"Yeah well, as Francis Bacon would say... pizza time!" Meatwad exclaimed running toward the pizza place.

"Damnit Meatwad, no!" Frylock said going after him.

"Pizza time, pizza time, pizza time!" Meatwad sang all the way to the cash register. "Yeah, I want one Bigfoot Big Pan Pizza with pineapple, jalapeños, baby portabella mushrooms, anchovies, and marshmallows."

Meanwhile...

"Have you ever been with a milkshake baby?" Shake asked.

She giggled. "No, it'll be like losing my virginity all over again."

As Shake mounted her, Too Hot Too Studley again zapped her with his sex beam bean burrito supreme, thus making it seem like the greatest 'you know what' she'd ever had.

"That was amazing!" she exclaimed.

"Yeah, it was good for me too babe." Shake replied confidently.

Later...

"This is some good pizza." Meatwad said gnawing on the crust. "I love the guacamole stuffed crust."

"That's not guacamole." Frylock said. "It's molded cheese, cause that damn pizza is over a week old!"

"Hey, no harm no foul." Meatwad said and continued eating.

"And Shake is still bringing home a babe every night!" Frylock complained.

"Jealous?" Shake asked as he came from his room.

"No!" Frylock said.

Shake sighed. "Not everyone can be the accomplished writer that I am."

"My fanfic has twice the kudos that yours does despite being a less popular fandom and a less popular pairing!" Frylock said adding, "And the only reason women sleep with you is 'cause Too Hot Too Whatever keeps zapping them with a mind control beam!"

Shake gasped. "I can't believe you would bring an innocent child into this! All because you are jealous of my virility."

"Yeah, whatever." Frylock grumblemumbled, which is grumbling and mumbling at the same time.

"Tell ya what Frylock." spoke Shake. "Since I'm such a nice guy, why don't you come along babe huntin' with me and the Stud tonight."

Taken back by Shake's generous offer, Frylock answered, "Thank you Shake, I think I will."

"What about me?" asked Meatwad.

"Eat your guacamole stuffed crust." Frylock told him.

"Mmkay."

XXX

"Chrr-pfüüh, chrr-pfüüh, chrr-pfüüh!" Oglethorpe snored.

"Hey man, we like, gonna do anything?" Emory asked.

"Why have you awakened me from my dreams of world domination!?" Oglethorpe asked angrily.

"Well, I found the remote to the Mini-Shake you made." Emory said. "I figured you'd wanna know about it."

"Ah yes, very good Emory." a happy Oglethorpe said. "Now initiate phase two of our world domination scheme!"

Emory became puzzled. "What is phase two?"

"Damnit!" Oglethorpe shouted as he threw himself against the wall in a fit of rage.

"Just calm down man." Emory told him. "We'll figure somethin' out."

XXX

Frylock, Too Hot Too Studley, and Master Shake approached three busty babes at the mall.

"Hey baby, wanna see my reviews?" Shake asked the busty brunette.

She started to tell him to get lost, but Too Hot Too you know the rest intervened and she instead replied, "I wanna see more than your reviews milkypoo."

"Hot mama!" Shake exclaimed.

"Hey sexy, guess how many kudos my fanfic got?" Frylock asked the busty violette, that's someone with purple hair in case you didn't know. Too Hot Too Studley didn't even have to intervene, the crazy girl wanted him for real.

"I hope you wrote one for Star Trek!" she exclaimed.

"As a matter of fact, I did!" Frylock replied. "It's a crossover with Star Wars where Han Solo and Spock..."

"Sorry! It can never work between us!" she said running off.

"Damnit!" Frylock growled, turning to Too Hot You Know His Name, "You were supposed to zap her!"

"You're not my daddy!" Too Hot Too Studley complained.

"What a bunch of bullfrog." Frylock yelled slamming his fries on the table.

"See ya later tonight Fryloser." Shake said walking off with the busty brunette.

XXX

That evening, the Plutonians landed on the Aqua Teen's lawn. "Prepare to meet your doom Aqua Teens!" Oglethorpe shouted.

"Excuse me!" Frylock said lighting up his eyes. "You wanna run that by me again?"

"Hey man, it's all him, I just wanted to play hacky sack." spoke Emory, backing away.

"Where is Herr Mini-Shake?" Oglethorpe demanded to know.

"Mini-Shake?" Frylock asked. "You mean Too Hot Too Studley don't you?"

"Oh look, a geniustein!" Oglethorpe sneered. "Ja! We created the mini-shake and we were the ones who masqueraded as the authorities!"

Emory smiled. "I looked pretty good in a wig."

"What are you fiends up to?" Frylock asked.

"Wouldn't you like to know!?" Oglethorpe spokified.

"That is why he asked." Emory said.

"We've already heard that crap!" Frylock said. "Now answer the question or I'll zap you!"

"You don't have to go that far!" Oglethorpe protested.

"Yeah man, chillax." Emory said.

"Answers!" Frylock demanded.

Oglethorpe sighed and said, "Ve made ze mini-shake in order to... TAKE OVER THE WORLD HA HA HA!"

"How exactly do you plan to do that?" Frylock pressed him.

"Um... vell ve hadn't gotten that far yet." Oglethorpe stated.

"You guys are complete morons."

"See, I told you it was a bad plan dude!" Emory said.

"Oh, there you go again!" Oglethorpe complained. "I don't hear you making any plans!"

"Whatever." Frylock said slamming the door. The Plutonians continued to argue until Shake arrived home with Too Hot Too Studley in tow.

"Oh look, it's Herr Mini-Shake!" Oglethorpe exclaimed.

"I am Too Hot Too Studley." he corrected them.

"Push ze button!" Oglethorpe told Emory and he pushed the button as hard as he could causing Too Hot Too Studley to explode!

"Nooooo!" Shake cried.

"Now Emory, initiate phase three of our world domination scheme!" Oglethorpe commanded.

"Phase three?" he asked. "You never told me about phase three, you just said push the button man."

"Damnit Emory! How will we ever take over the world now!?"

"I don't know man, it was your plan!" he replied.

Shake picked up a two by four wrapped in barbed wire and lit it on fire. "You bastards are about to pay!"

"Chillax dude!" Emory told him. Master Shake began swinging at the Plutonians who became afraid and ran to their spaceship taking off.

"Holy crap!" Meatwad exclaimed.

"Yeah Shake, that was pretty badass of you." Frylock told him.

Shake smiled, "Yeah, I guess it was, wasn't it?"

Next week, a funeral was held for Too Hot Too Studley. Then the chapter ended because it had gone on long enough.