Hi I'm back! Right up top, real quick, TW for depiction of a panic attack, so if that's something that is going to be difficult for you, you may want to skip around. The counting down coping mechanism is something that really helps me when I have panic attacks and I thought it fit nicely into this so. There's that too. Also NO ONE TELL ME ANYTHING I DIDN'T GET TO SEE THE SNEAK PEEK AND I'M AVOIDING TUMBLR UNTIL FRIDAY THIS IS TORTURE. But! I'm super excited that I'm getting this chapter out and I hope you enjoy it tons! Drop me a comment if you have a sec, and tell me what you think!
Hope the world is being kind to you,
M
XXX
Chapter 7
Everyone gathered in the living room, Ruth holding Alice propped up against her bent legs with Calamity Jane sitting on the arm of the couch behind them, purring softly. Wynonna settled herself at the other end of the couch, feet propped up on the coffee table and picking away at her nail polish. Jeremy, as usual, followed Doc and hovered next to him by the door way to the kitchen and Waverly had folded herself up in the easy chair, worried eyes tracking Nicole's every movement.
She'd changed from her uniform into soft dark jeans and an oversized sweater, the maroon one she knew Waverly liked. Her face was paler than usual and she seemed to be trying to dam up her emotions, keep her face neutral. If Waverly didn't know her so well, she wouldn't have noticed, but she did and she had and all she wanted was to hold her until that look went away.
Dolls stood with Nicole in front of everyone else, the file behind his back, Bulshar's ring behind hers. He was, as ever, unreadable, completely devoid of emotion.
"What's goin' on, Haught cakes?" Wynonna quipped, but pulled herself up short, also noticing the fragile hold her friend had on control.
Nicole and Dolls looked at one another before, sighing, they revealed the items behind their backs and set them on the coffee table.
"We…I haven't been completely honest," Nicole started, staring down at the ring and closed file, "And. It's time I tell you all everything."
Wynonna's eyes narrowed and Waverly could see her physically holding herself back from jumping down both Nicole's and Dolls' throats, but put enough trust in them that she let it ride. For now.
Nicole wouldn't meet Waverly's eyes as she stooped and opened the file, carefully laying out all four of the pictures inside, some black and white, some in color. A farmland, ringed with trees, a high fence and bodies scattered as far as the pictures stretched. Men, women, children, old, young. Like they'd simply dropped dead where they stood with no warning.
Waverly gasped quietly, leaning forward in her chair, and picking up the one nearest her. Wynonna snatched one up too and she scooted over to put it in Ruth's field of vision as well. Doc and Jeremy stepped in closer to survey the pictures as well.
"This is the Cult of Bulshar or… well they were," Nicole started, staring down at the two remaining photographs as she spoke, "It's been around… I don't know how long. A long time. If I had to guess, since just after Wyatt came to Purgatory. It started in northern Alberta but it's been moving south as time has gone on.
"The followers of the cult are told that Bulshar is God's chosen angel to create His next child, a savior or… something. I can't really remember," Her voice dropped and Nicole pressed her fingers against her forehead, "He was supposed to create his own child to rule on Earth while Jesus ruled the sky. But. Well we all know that's bullshit. Bulshar tricked unsuspecting clergy people into following him, gave them power, corrupted them. They're told that they were blessed by Bulshar to…to lead people to his ways and find him the one to birth his child." Nicole was wringing her fingers and fiddling with the turquoise ring on her right hand, still not raising her gaze from the photos.
"And then, every thirty years or so, there's a mass suicide," Nicole shuddered, "Like, Jonestown-scale mass suicide. The cult leaders tell everyone that the special drink will ascend them to the next level, bring them closer to Bulshar and being blessed. But it's just… it's just dandelion tea and cyanide."
"Wait," Wynonna piped up, "Hold on, because like. Ruth is for sure his kid. And Bulshar and Clootie are one in the same so-"
"It's just some bullshit lore, Wynonna," Nicole snapped, "Something said to trick hopeless people into joining something they think is bigger than themselves. Giving them power over vulnerable people. I'm sure Ruth is very strong and all of that but, it's… he's a fucking demon, he's evil! Once they drink the tea, they all die, all of them except the top elite people. They don't drink the same tea, they just make it look like they do so everyone else thinks they've been chosen by the angels. They take the blood of those who have died, every person, and they mix it with holy water from the church where you great-granddaddy first interred the demon. 'Blood of the sinners, purified.'"
"I am made whole in the house of my enemies," Wynonna breathed.
"Yeah, it's what they use to… to anoint new members too," Nicole responded, and a shudder passed around the room, "I don't know why they didn't just dig him up or… maybe they didn't even know he was there. The story only goes that Bulshar was "imprisoned by the evil creatures of the world" because he had too much power to create the next Jesus or whatever and they didn't want that."
"Wait, wait so how do you know all of this?" Jeremy cut in, "Because like, this file is tiny and you're not even reading from it, so-" realization hit him and his eyes went wide, "Oh. Oh. Shit. Nicole." She and Jeremy shared a long look before she broke off, rubbing her palms against the tops of her jeans.
"My parents got married young," Nicole had sunk to the floor, crosslegged behind the coffee table, still refusing to meet any of their gazes, "They were high school sweethearts, married right out of high school and… There wasn't much for them in a small town. They had me pretty soon after. We didn't have a lot, from what my mother said. They were…" Nicole seemed to search for the word, "God-fearing? Devout... To say the least.
"I don't really know how we ended up there. We… they joined when I was two, so it was all I knew. I… I won't bore you with the details of…" Nicole was unsettlingly shaky, the confidence and grounded energy she usually exuded completely gone. They could see her jaw working, back teeth gnashing against one another as she continued.
"It's pretty similar to every other organized religion. Men are seen as superior, women are only for having children or doing work around the home. Everyone that wasn't a man was supposed to be seen and not heard. Punishment was-" she worked her jaw, the scar on her cheek waxing in the light and Waverly's heart felt like it was crumbling, "Anyway. I was ten when my little brother was born. And my mother started questioning things. Started to get scared. Every Sunday, the clergy would talk about how the time was coming to join Bulshar. Mom… My mother. Tried to talk to my father, tried to get him to see what was going on, to leave but my father had risen through the ranks. It was the first time he'd ever had any kind of power over others, any real control of his life and it… he wasn't the same. He thought my mother had been taken by the evil of the world, convinced himself it was all real. He locked her in the house, kept her tied by the ankle to their bed so she couldn't run. He took my little brother from her, I wasn't allowed to speak to her, only bring her food and water. I was in charge of my little brother as well. He was barely a few months old but…"
Nicole shook her head and stood up again, beginning to pace back and forth across the living room, "A couple of weeks went by and… Well I disobeyed. My mother and I would talk when I was sure my father was out of the house. She told me about her sister who lived in the city and the world where people dressed in bright colors and women were doctors and everything was different…" Nicole's voice broke but she continued to pace, still not looking anyone in the eye.
"Then, one night, a bunch of men came to our house. They were yelling about how the time had come and the wicked must go before to pave the way for the blessed. It was so loud we could hear them all the way down the road. I was in my mother's room and I was afraid so I started to hide. I wanted to get in the closet but she tore open the window and dropped me outside. She said to run."
Nicole's lips were white as she pressed them into a line, "I tried to hold onto her hand but she pulled away and shut the window. It wasn't until much later that I realized I'd taken her ring." The turquoise was barely visible between her twisting fingers.
" I couldn't move. I… We lived in the very back of the complex, right near the fence but I didn't want to leave them all. I could still hear what was going on inside, the walls were really thin.
"Someone was carrying my little brother and he was crying. My mother was forced…He barely knew our mother and they-" No air seemed to be left in the room, "They… The tea…I…in his bottle," He eyes had lost all focus, and her breath was coming in quick short bursts, hands clenching and unclenching, "The woods seemed like they went on for ages. No one… I went to-" She was shaking, knees and hands trembling violently and the room slid out of focus, just a swirl of colors and shapes swimming before her.
Waverly had heard enough. Wiping her cheeks, she was up before she even realized, catching Nicole by the waist as she turned to make another pass across the living room.
"Baby, breathe, Nicole," She caught her girlfriend's face and pulled them around, meeting eyes for the first time in what felt like hours. Nicole's dark eyes were bloodshot and dilated as she met Waverly's and a sob broke from her chest.
"Wave, I lied, I'm so sorry, I lied again, and-"
"No, no shhh. Shh…" Waverly guided them to the floor, cradling Nicole in her arms, carding her fingers through the red hair and whispering to her gently, both of them wholly unaware of the rest of their family, who watched on in heartbreak.
Dolls cleared his throat and stepped up, trying to pull attention, "The last known sect of the Cult of Bulshar was found in 2002, about 15 miles outside the town of Faust. They were the fifth group found like this," he gestured at the pictures, "Black Badge, since its inception, has taken charge of these cases."
"Why the hell keep this from us until now?" Wynonna fired up. She'd taken her daughter back from Ruth, chest aching when Nicole had talked about her baby brother. Nicole flinched at Wynonna's tone and she shook her head, hard, trying to pull herself up, away from Waverly, defend Dolls and herself.
"Wynonna, I-" Each breath wheezed through her throat and all the fight went out of Wynonna.
"Shit," She crossed the room, Alice against her chest and crouched next to them, "No, Nicole, shit, I'm not talking about you. I… Dolls," she threw a dirty look over her shoulder, "Should have told-"
"Don't- blame him. Don't. It's… I… I didn't even know. Didn't even… know," Waverly's fingers between hers felt like all that was real and faintly, she was terrified that she was crushing the smaller hand. She wanted to let go but the idea of leaving her only tether was equally scary. You're hurting her. Stop! Nicole's hand sprang open and she tried to shake her hand away but Waverly held tight, smoothing her fingers across Nicole's palm.
"Didn't even know… Widows said Bulshar. Asked… asked asked asked," Fuck, what are the words. Her eyes burned and she squeezed them shut. Pins and needles shot through her fingers and her chest felt like it was on fire. Another hand rested on her shoulder.
"Nicole, hey, breathe," Wynonna. Waverly's fingers stroking over hers. Wynonna's palm running over her back. Oh god. Why don't they hate me? Get it together, Nicole, come on.
"Nicole asked me to look into the left over BBD files that Jeremy and I had managed to save, after you defeated the Widows," Dolls cut in gently, "It wasn't my story to tell."
"I'm so so sorry. I'm so sorry," Nicole was saying over and over again. Wynonna squeezed her shoulder and took in the rest of the room. Ruth was half out of her seat, seemingly unsure what to do but desperate to help. Doc and Jeremy were stock still, pained expressions on their faces as the watched Nicole shaking in Waverly's arms.
"Can you give us all a minute?" Wynonna asked quietly, nodding the rest of them toward the kitchen.
The rest nodded, slowly making their way out of the room and Wynonna met Dolls' eyes again. There was no blame in them. His chest expanded in relief.
"You too, Dolls," She murmured, not moving her hand from Nicole's arm, "Bring us some water, if-"
"Of course," he ducked out of the room and Nicole was left alone with the three Earps.
"You don't have to say anything, baby," Waverly whispered, letting Nicole's forehead rest on her collar bone, "Just breathe. You're okay. You're safe. I love you."
That didn't seem to be the right thing to say. Another breath almost whistled down Nicole's throat and she shook her head violently again.
"No, you shouldn't. You-"
"Hey," Wynonna cut in, trying to bring a little levity, break the cycle, "Don't tell my baby sister what to do."
Nicole's eyes went wide and she swore, "Fuck, I wasn't trying. Wave I-"
"Fuck," Wynonna grunted, "It's been a minute since I've done this. Okay, Haught, just keep breathing. It was a bad joke. Shit."
Wynonna took her free hand after shifting Alice to her shoulder and she watched as Waverly took deep, exaggerated breaths, pressing the hand of Nicole's that she held, against her ribs, letting her feel the rise and fall.
"Haught," Wynonna tried again, voice softer, "Hey. When you feel up to it. Tell me five things you can see. Just five."
"Um," Nicole's head snapped up and she tried to focus on something immediately. Wynonna squeezed her hand and Nicole took another deep breath.
"I… I can see Alice's socks," Her eyes had zeroed in on the baby, half awake on her mother's shoulder, "And… I can… can see Waverly's purple nail polish. The… the the throw, the red throw on the couch. Wy… Wynonna's necklace and … and P-peacemaker."
Wynonna nodded encouragingly, "Good, yeah. What about four things you can hear?"
In the back of her mind, Nicole felt embarrassed by Wynonna leading her through a coping exercise but on the other hand, it was so incredibly comforting to have people holding her up, after hearing all the horror, hearing her lies. Having people support her.
"The fire crackling. Um… Um," There was a far off clink, "Doc finding the whiskey."
Waverly laughed and nodded, "Good, baby, what else?"
"Your voice," Nicole's tone softened, trying to map out the sound waves of Waverly's voice in her head.
Quiet snuffles, little huffs, "And… and Alice. Um. I. can hear. Alice. Breathing."
"What about three things you can feel?" Waverly jumped in, fingers tracing against her palm lazily again.
"You," Nicole gasped, "You and… and the floor the floor and. Wynonna's hand."
"Smell? Two things you smell?" Wynonna could feel the tension slowly draining from the officer as she was forced to push her awareness elsewhere.
"Smoke from the fire. Perfume."
"And one thing you can taste?" Waverly finished.
Nicole turned her focus to her mouth and wrinkled her nose, "Ashy. Dry."
Dolls had come and gone with the water without her noticing until Waverly was pressing the cool glass into her hand. Mouth parched, Nicole wanted to try to down the whole thing in one. But that wouldn't help the roiling in her stomach. Instead, she took small, measured sips, still trying to find a more stable breathing pattern.
"We need to do it again?" Wynonna asked, "We can do it as many times as we need to."
"Just one more?" Nicole breathed, "One more time?"
The second round went much more smoothly. Slowly, Nicole came back to herself. The tingling in her hands faded, breaths came easier and the world steadied. Waverly's fingers against her palm were almost hypnotic and even having Wynonna near was a strange comfort.
Slowly, Nicole pulled herself fully vertical again, feeling embarrassed at her break down, as happened every time. She'd never been around anyone when it happened though. Their comfort almost made it bearable.
"I'm so sor-"
"Dude, no more apologizing. We get it. You're talking to the queens of family trauma repression and unexpected freak outs. You're in good company," Wynonna squeezed her shoulder once more and then sat back on her heels all the way. Waverly still hadn't spoken, just pressed a kiss against her shoulder.
"I've… I've never had to tell anyone any of this, not even…"
"No one's ever heard this part of your life?" Waverly asked softly, sounding a little horrified.
Nicole shook her head, "I say I don't talk to my family and most people just leave it at that. I mean, I'm a lesbian. It wouldn't the most uncommon story."
Waverly dropped her head against Nicole's arm, skating her fingers up and down.
"So you… you left?" Wynonna prodded gently, ignoring the hard look Waverly turned on her but Nicole shook her head. This was good. She needed to talk this through, out loud. At least once in her life.
"I crawled under the fence once my mother stopped crying… Knowing they weren't there anymore…" She cleared her throat, taking a deep breath to dispel some of the lingering anxiety.
"Wandered around the woods for a night, maybe two, not really… I mean I'd never been outside the compound that I could remember. Police picked me up a couple mornings later, walking along the road. They thought I was a run away or some kid that got left behind when their family went camping. But then they couldn't find my father's last name in the data base when I told them his name. Haught was my mother's last name so I decided to use it. Figured, they'd find my aunt who lived in the city. I stayed with her until I was 17. Kinda reminds me of Gus, actually," Nicole chuckled, knocking her head against Waverly's.
"But… well she died. There was a break in at the store she owned. And… Well that's why I wanted to be a cop. It was only a month before my 18th birthday so I didn't have to wait long to join the academy. Really nice, old lady fostered me for that month, actually. She baked me a cake when I graduated the academy."
Wynonna seemed to bristle slightly at the mention of 'fostering' and Nicole didn't miss Waverly's free hand sliding over to rest on her sister's ankle, just above her sock. What an interesting group they were.
"What about the ring?" Wynonna asked, a little sharper than she normally would have been, "Does it-"
"Have a meaning, yeah. I don't remember what exactly but from the stories I remember, only Bulshar was 'worthy' of wearing the ring. They said 'the Lord's blessing wasn't meant for mortals. Such power would only corrupt us.' One of the major jobs of people in the cult, usually the kids was to take little trowels of dirt and sifting through them. To find where the 'evil' in the world had disposed of it."
"Jesus Christ," Wynonna muttered, "These loonies were completely brainwashed."
Nicole felt a weird surge through her, like a need to defend the cult members. They hadn't all been just crazies who didn't understand that they were being manipulated. They were the kind old woman who always gave Nicole a handful of blueberries when she brought the milk bottles from the houses in their area. The teenager who stopped the other little kids from picking on Nicole about how red her hair was. The sweet little old guy with the grandson a couple of years older than her, who brought her books as the boy outgrew them.
"Some of them just had nothing else to believe in," She heard herself saying, harsher than she meant, "I… Some people just needed something."
Wynonna sighed and ran her fingers through her hair, "God, how does this keep getting more and more fucked?" She glanced down at Alice, "Sorry."
"Did they ever say what would happen when Bulshar came back?" Waverly asked, still fiddling with Nicole's fingers. They slipped around to touch the ring and it felt like an electric shock.
"I…" Nicole closed her eyes and furrowed her brow in concntration, "I… don't remember. I'm sorry. It… I tried to block it all out. My aunt… she never wanted to talk about it. Told everyone my parents died in a car wreck. I almost believed it for a while. I'm trying-"
"No, it's fine, we know you are, baby," Waverly whispered, "You-"
"Nicole," Wynonna cut in again, worrying her lip between her teeth, "I…" She looked conflicted. Trauma trying to respect trauma battling mothering instincts. Nicole made the choice for her. She'd do anything to keep Alice safe, to make Waverly's life easier, to free them all of this bullshit.
"What do you need?"
Wynonna swallowed hard but got out, "When we got Willa back, Dolls… Dolls kind of hypnotized her. Tried to pull up some repressed memories. I know it's a lot to ask-"
"Wynonna!" Waverly snapped, "Is that a good idea? The last time Dolls hypnotized someone, she turned evil and shot Nicole."
"I know, baby girl, but we know Nicole is made of stronger stuff. She has what… what Willa didn't. Us."
Nicole was touched by… damn, by all of it. Waverly's protectiveness, Wynonna's confidence in her, saying that she had them.
"But what if-"
"Waves," Nicole hummed, sliding her fingers around Waverly's wrist gently, "It's okay," She turned to Wynonna, trying to convey her gratitude through her eyes, "I'll do it. Name the time."
"Tomorrow." She responded quickly, "You've… you've done enough tonight, Haught. Rest up. 'Cause tomorrow's gonna be another long day."
Nicole nodded and Wynonna gave her one last (dare she say it) sisterly look, before unfolding herself and rising, nodding toward the kitchen, "I'm gonna-"
She and Waverly nodded and Wynonna took a step away before Nicole's voice stopped her.
"Hey, can…" Wynonna turned, brushing her hand gently over Alice's head and Nicole faltered. She watched as Alice slowly lifted her head against her mother's hand, wobbling slightly and swallowed past the new, weird lump in her throat.
Not a word passed between them. Wynonna smiled sadly and turned back to crouch in front of them, slowly shifting Alice into Nicole's arms.
"Can you hold her for a sec? Need a stretch and while baby muscles are a thing, so is baby sweat."
Nicole cuddled the baby in close, grateful that Wynonna hadn't made her say it out loud, "Yeah, sure. Whatever you need."
Wynonna shot them both one last smile then wandered back into the kitchen, ruffling Nicole's hair as she passed.
"Alright," they heard her call out, "Anyone else got tragic backstory they want to get out today? Because two in a day is just about my limit so I'll need either a shit ton of liquor or a night to recharge."
Waverly snorted softly leaning against Nicole's side and smiling down at Alice who was patting her little hand against Nicole's sternum. She pressed her face to Alice's dark hair and inhaled the baby scent again, sighing at Alice's little noises.
Waverly watched her girlfriend in silence, heart swelling and breaking all at once. Everything Nicole had told them seemed so… impossible. Logically, she knew that people survived cults, people lived in cults. But Nicole? Her Nicole? Vibrant, kind, rational, steady, affectionate Nicole.
"I can't believe…" she trailed off, running a nail over the bottom of Alice's foot.
Nicole sighed again, heavier than before, "I know baby. And I'm… I can't tell you how sorry I am that I lied to you. Again. I swore no more secrets but I kept another one and-"
"No, no. Nicole," Waverly's stomach dropped and she pressed her fingers under Nicole's chin until finally, finally, their eyes met, "No, I… This is different. This… this was your life, it's completely different than…I wasn't trying to say anything like… Nicole, I just… No one's heard about all of the… And I just wish I could fix it or take the pain away or…"
"Babe, now you know how I've felt for the last year and however long. Hearing about all… and then Willa and your mom and…"
Neither of them knew where to go from there. Their sides were pressed together, backs propped on the coffee table. Together, they watched Alice snuggle closer to Nicole, yawning widely.
"She'll have it better than all of us did," Waverly whispered, thinking back about the death of Doc's mother, Jeremy's car crash, Dolls'… whatever had happened to him as a child had clearly not been good, the murder of Ruth's best friend, right in front of her, at the hands of her father, Nicole's survival, of her's and Wynonna's, "She and her cousins and siblings and all of their kids."
Nicole's heart kicked at cousins and she blinked down at Waverly, "C…cousins?"
Waverly's cheeks went red, "Well… one day?" and it took everything in Nicole not to burst into tears as Waverly brought her eyes up to meet Nicole's. She still wants… She still wants a future? With me?
"One day, with me?" She found herself whispering, afraid to break the spell.
"Who else?" Waverly laughed quietly.
Nicole was pretty sure she'd be able to fly if she wanted to, "Oh… Oh Waverly. One day. Absolutely."
Waverly's smile was brighter than sunlight on snow.
XXX
Wynonna bundled Alice off to bed once Nicole and Waverly joined the rest of them in the kitchen, letting Nicole get in one more quick kiss on the baby's head before taking her to say good night to everyone else. Doc held her close for a moment longer than usual and Dolls gave her the gentlest tickle on the tummy. Everyone else slowly wandered off to bed after that. Jeremy tried to be sweet and gallant (mostly to impress Doc if he was honest with himself) and give up his bed to Ruth and take the couch but she, just as gallantly, refused.
"Jeremy," she laughed as he babbled at her, "I'm half demon. Demon constitution trumps skinny, little scientist. No matter how sweet you're trying to be."
He didn't fight her much longer after that, just enough to show he wasn't impressed by the "skinny, little scientist" bit. She really was an Earp.
Everyone traipsed away to bed pretty quickly afterward. Doc stole away upstairs instead of wandering out to the barn, slipping into Wynonna's room when he thought no one would notice (being away from Alice made him antsy after the day's events and even laying on the floor next to her bassinet and listening to her breathe would ease his heart.) Of course, Dolls did. His door was shut with a bit more force than usual. Ruth took up residence on the couch and Waverly and Nicole holed up in their room, Calamity Jane, following close on Nicole's heels.
The room was cool and dark, Waverly under an extra three blankets besides the duvet she and Nicole shared, her ear pressed over the steady thrum of Nicole's heart. It was still pounding faster than the usual.
"Nicole?"
"Hmm?"
"Are… are you okay? I know it wasn't easy to talk about…"
Nicole didn't answer for a moment and Waverly snuck her hand under the hem of her t-shirt, drawing slow patterns over her smooth skin. Finally, Nicole sighed and pressed a kiss to her hair.
"Yeah. I'm… I feel like I'm forgetting them."
"I'm sorry baby," Waverly whispered back, burrowing closer and sliding her fingers up to trip over Nicole's ribs.
"No, I… it was bound to happen. Fifteen years of trying to forget. Now I really am."
They were quiet for another few minutes, Nicole combing out non-existent knots in Waverly's hair.
"What was your brother's name?" It felt like it had been hours, but probably only minutes had passed.
"Noah," Nicole whispered, reverently, "His name was Noah." But her chest expanded in a deeper breath and Waverly pushed a little further.
"What color was your mother's hair?"
"I… I think it was lighter than mine. More strawberry blonde. Curly. I was always jealous of that."
"Did your mother sing songs to you when you were little?"
"Wave, you don't have to-"
"One piece at a time. That's how we lose people," Waverly parroted Wynonna's words from what felt like eons ago, "And… and if I can help you keep them… even a little bit."
Nicole huffed into Waverly's hair, "What did I ever do to deserve you, Waverly Earp?"
Waverly scoffed and dug her chin against Nicole's chest, "Hush. Just… I love you, okay? And… you-"
"Here Comes The Sun," Nicole stopped her gently, not sure she could handle whatever Waverly was going to say next, "The…The Beatles song." She hummed the first few lines quietly.
"I love that one."
The questions continued until they both fell asleep, more solid than they'd felt all day.
