You guys, I am so sorry for disappearing. I took a month long class and even with the material being easy (due to previous experience) it still managed to drain the life out of me. It had a theory portion and a practical portion. And I was just about ready to smack a bitch during the practical portion. Let me just say this, if you are able to, take care of your parents and grandparents when they get old. Never subject them to the mental and physical abuse of a nursing home. Sorry, I know nobody asked. But the stuff I saw while completing my class has made me reevaluate my life and appreciate my family. Well then, now that I'm done ranting... Let's get on with the story. Also I had a little trouble uploading lol. This is technically chapter 20.
When the scouts are finally are escorted out of the holding cell, Ina remains with armin. Her exhaustion finally caught up to her and she fell right asleep. No one is even considering disturbing her rest.
Levi walks next to armin, so close their shoulders are nearly touching. Jean and eren insist on walking at the head of the group while Connie, Sasha, and Mikasa walk behind armin and Levi to complete the human shield around Ina. Krista is still red in the face as she piggybacks Levi. She insisted that she could walk fine with some assistance. But it was clear to everyone there that she was drained from ignoring her injury all this time. When Levi offered, to carry her it pretty much ended the debate. She knew he wasn't asking. Just… Ordering nicely.
She wanted to thank him, but he literally glared so hard at her that she felt the hairs rise on the back of her neck. This is as close to sincerity as they will get with their captain, and honestly Krista thinks it's incredibly sweet of him.
Once on ground level they are escorted to the entrance of the large building where transportation is already waiting for them.
"Send for the physician again. The same one. Tell her where we'll be." Levi whispers to the MP commander after Ina and the younger scouts are settled in the large carriage.
"Is Ina alright?" Dok sounds concerned.
"No."
"Would you feel comfortable with my children's pediatrician? She's very good and the wait won't be as long."
"Pediatrician is fine." Levi decides.
"Of course. Her well being is certainly worth it."
The ride is uneventful and Ina sleeps through it rather peacefully. The teenage scouts are clearly trying to keep from nodding off. Levi can imagine they've probably had about as little sleep as Ina. But he understands why they would still want to remain awake and alert. After what happened, none of them wants to let the little one out of their sight.
Ina wakes when they reach the Dok estate. She panics at first, unsure where Papa is. But soon relaxes when she realizes he's right next to her, and big brother is holding her.
"Welcome back, my little sunflower." Armin whispers.
"Hi, big brother." Ina mumbles. "Can I go with Papa?"
Armin smiles lovingly before carefully letting her go from his lap to Levi's. The way the captain's arms wrap around Ina is such a touching sight to armin. They've never seen Levi become so attached to anyone before, and even then they never knew him to be so open about it. With Ina, Levi doesn't care. She's become his life. His everything.
He's glad Levi and Ina found each other, and just overjoyed that he helped bring them together.
They are greeted by a woman who is only slightly familiar to Levi. She's about as tall as Hange with auburn hair that falls over her shoulders rather gracefully. Wearing one of those stuffy, uncomfortable looking dresses you'd only find in the capital.
"Hello, soldiers. I'm Marie, the commander's wife. I'd like to welcome you to our home." She smiles kindly. Levi and the younger scouts barely acknowledge her. Not because they don't care, they're all just fucking exhausted.
"This is a house?" Jean gapes at the huge home before them. "Our base isn't even this big." He mumbles.
"Dude at least try to act civilized until we're alone." Eren rolls his eyes.
"No, he's right. This place is rather big." Marie laughs. "That's why we rent out many of the rooms to those who need putting up for a few days at a time."
"Are any of those people here now?" Krista asks this with Ina in mind.
"No, we've closed our doors tonight to welcome our guests from the survey corps." Marie smiles and turns. "Let's get going. I'm sure you guys are starving. Follow me."
They're led through a grand entrance and even Levi can't help but look around him with wonder. This place is huge.
"The dining room is just through here. I've taken the liberty of having dinner prepared. I understand none of you have eaten for some time. Please, come in, get comfortable, and enjoy."
Most of them don't need to be told twice. The teenage scouts all rush toward the table. Some with more haste than others.
"Sasha there's enough for all of us, slow down." Connie laughs.
The girl in question doesn't even respond. She just takes her seat and starts to fill her plate. Soon everyone is seated and digging in, except for Levi and Ina. She looks to have fallen back asleep and she rests her head on his shoulder. A look that promises murder is shining in Levi's eyes. No one dares to ask him why he's still standing.
"Ackerman." He calls Mikasa over.
Mikasa takes a quick drink of water before moving stand at attention in front of Levi.
"Relax." He rolls his eyes. "I need a favor."
Mikasa doesn't say anything, just waits for Levi to continue.
"Ina has one more… I guess you could call it an appointment with the physician. I don't know if she'll want me in the room or not, but I want her there with someone else she trusts."
Originally he was going to ask Krista. He knew Ina told her something. He saw the look in her eye. Ultimately, he decided against it. The injured scout is practically dead on her feet. She needs food and rest right now.
"Of course, sir."
Together they approach Marie, who already seems to know what Levi is going to say.
"Right this way, captain."
She leads them out of the dining room and up a spiral staircase. What a grand home this is. Levi can't help but think of all the homeless underground children that could live here and would be perfectly content with a spot on these floors. He knows he would have been the happiest little boy around if he could have slept underneath that giant staircase, eating the table scraps after just one of the meals. Levi would have considered that a life of luxury. A part of him still thinks that way. It's because of this that he knows Ina's life in poverty will never truly be forgotten. Almost two decades later and Levi still finds himself worried over warmth and meals when there truly is no reason for it.
He's occupied by his thoughts long enough for them to reach a hallway with several doors on both sides. Marie leads them to the door furthest down the hall to the right.
"I tried to make it so she'd be as comfortable as possible. Please let me know if she needs anything at all." There is sadness in Marie's eyes as she glances at the sleeping girl in Levi's arms. It's difficult seeing any child in pain realizing it could just as easily be your own.
"Thank you." Mikasa speaks up. Levi doesn't even realize that he hasn't said a word.
"Her name is Josephine, she's seen all three of my children and she's just wonderful. She'll take great care of your baby."
Marie reaches out a gentle hand to rub Ina's back. "I'm so sorry she's hurting, Levi." The emotion in her voice is very real. "I hope they all pay." Her tone grows dark and for a split second Levi notices a very familiar fire in her hazel colored eyes. It disappears just as quickly as it appeared.
"Send Josephine if you need anything." Marie promptly walks away.
The room is dimly lit. A large bed adorned with a sheer white canopy sits in the center. The bedspread matches the walls and furniture- all a deep pinkish color. There's an open door to his right where some light pours through which Levi can only assume is a bathroom. He also spots a dresser on the opposite end of the room with fruit, cheese, bread, water, and ice. Ice. That's considered a luxury on base. When is the last time he had an ice cold anything? Levi doesn't even know.
This room is perfect.
Marie, you're a fucking angel.
Levi was so busy taking in the room he didn't notice the physician setting up her equipment on a small folding table next to the bed.
"Oh, perfect timing. Hi, I'm Josephine." She smiles and walks over to them with her hand extended.
"Levi."
"Mikasa."
"And who might this beautiful goddess be?" Josephine is mindful of the sleeping child and keeps her voice quiet.
"Ina."
"Ina. What a pretty name." Josephine smiles. "Do you mind waking her, or would you rather she rested a bit longer? I know she's had a stressful day."
"I'll wake her." Levi says quietly.
Soon enough Levi is sitting on the bed with an awake but rather confused Ina in his lap. Mikasa still remains standing beside them, her hand in Ina's.
"Ina, this is Josephine. She's here to help you." Levi whispers his introduction. "Can you say hello?"
"Hi…" Ina hides her face in Levi's shirt.
"Hi, sweetie. I'm your doctor today. You have such a pretty name, Ina." Josephine's voice is cheerful, but still quiet so as not to bother Ina.
"Um… Thank you."
"Ina, I have a question for you. Would you be more comfortable with just girls in the room? Or would you like your daddy to stay with you?"
"I… I don't know. Papa?" Ina looks to Levi with confusion and fear. "Why would you leave?
"It's alright, Ina." Levi comforts her. "This is up to you. Josephine has to ask you some personal questions. I know it might be a little uncomfortable with me here. That's why I asked Mikasa to come."
"But… Why? Papa I don't want you to go." Ina whines and grabs little fistfuls of his shirt. "Stay… Please. Don't go."
"I'll stay, Ina. We didn't mean to upset you." Levi hugs her close. When it comes time to talk about what happened, Levi will ask Ina again. For now, he'll stay by her side.
"That's perfectly fine, Ina." Josephine points out. She reaches into her bag for something and pulls out a child sized gown.
"Can I have you change into this, my darling?"
Ina shakes her head and grabs the front of Levi's shirt once again.
"Ina," Mikasa takes the gown from Josephine. "Let's go to the bathroom. You can change in private."
The young child reluctantly agrees. Mikasa carries Ina into the bathroom and shuts the door behind her.
"How much did they tell you?" Levi turns to Josephine.
"Just that your daughter was severely injured and needed to be examined." Josephine places her stethoscope around her neck.
"The other doctor already did that. I called you because… Because she said there were signs of sexual assault. She didn't want to examine Ina while we were still at that place." Levi explains.
"I just need to know that she'll be okay." He doesn't expect his voice to drop to a whisper.
"Thank you for filling me in." Josephine nods, her expression solemn.
When the two girls return, Ina is wearing the gown… With Mikasa's jacket over it. Ina attaches herself to Levi once they reunite.
"Alright, Ina. Is it okay if I listen to your heart?" Josephine asks.
"Okay." Ina mumbles.
Josephine checks Ina's vitals and makes sure everything is in good shape before moving on. She's careful and gentle and Levi notices Ina growing more comfortable with her.
"Is it okay if I ask you a question or two?" Josephine pulls up a chair to sit in front of Ina and Levi. The little girl nods.
"Can you tell me where they hurt you, Ina?"
"No." Ina shakes her head and cowers in Levi's arms once again. "No. No. No. No." She starts to cry.
He comforts her, but let's Josephine do all the talking.
"Sweetheart, I know this is hard. I know. But if you tell me where you were hurt, I can help make it better. I just need to know so I can help you." Josephine explains.
Ina turns to face the kind doctor. She looks like she wants to say something, but simply can't.
"Take your time, Ina." Mikasa reminds her.
"The first monster…" Ina shuts her eyes. "He hit me all over. My face and belly. My… My legs and back. Everywhere. He yelled at me." She whimpers.
"He said I was being too loud. But I hurt all over... I couldn't help it." Ina covers her face and begins to sob in her Papa's arms.
Levi speaks up after a few minutes have passed, his voice low and attempting to be devoid of emotion. "Ina."
"What did the second monster do?"
Again, the little girl shakes her head.
"No. No. No. No." She's begun to tremble. "It was bad. Very... Very bad."
"Can you tell us where the second monster hurt you?" Josephine leans in closer. Her voice even more soft and gentle.
"Papa… I was going to tell you but…" She shakes her head. "I couldn't. I don't know why."
He just kisses her forehead once again and runs a hand through her tangled brown hair. Ina brings her knees to her chest and holds herself. Balancing precariously on Levi's lap.
"It was bad. It was very bad." Ina whispers.
They wait patiently.
"The monster was… Was inside me. He... he hurt me in the private place." Ina confesses.
"It was... It… hurt so much. It burned like fire." Ina covers her ears. "Bad. Bad. Bad." She rocks herself.
It burned like fire.
That's what William said to him.
That's what he said when he was ten.
Those exact words.
He feels like someone has run a blade right through his chest. Levi already knew what had happened. The doctor told him so. How could it still hurt this much? How could he possibly feel worse? Levi wants to scream. He feels like he's going to explode. There's so much running through his mind. He can't keep track of it all.
Josephine and Mikasa are both watching Levi closely when they notice him hyperventilating.
To shut himself up, Levi bites his hand so hard it draws blood and shakes his head. His heart is pounding, beating so fast he doesn't feel the sting of the bite or the blood running down his wrist.
Shut up. Knock it off. Stop it. Stop it! Stop it!
"Ina, honey, is it okay if I talk to your daddy for one second? Can you lay down on the bed for me?" Josephine asks the girl, who despite having her ears covered, nods. She slowly scurries off Levi's lap and onto the bed, curling up into a little ball.
"We'll be right here." Josephine reassures Ina before taking a few steps away from the bed with both Levi and Mikasa.
"Captain?"
Mikasa's typically emotionless voice is anything but right now. She recognized the signs of a panic attack as soon as his pupils began to dilate. Aside from Ina, Armin was the only other person she knew who behaved like this.
"Captain Levi, sir?"
He damn near punches Mikasa in the face.
"Don't touch me." He attempts to remain quiet.
"Sir are you alright?" Josephine is almost as concerned for him as she is his daughter.
"No, dammit. Just," in through the nose, out through the mouth, "just give me a minute. You." He points at Mikasa. "Don't take your eyes off her and you, don't lay a finger on her until I come back." He orders Josephine.
He storms off in the direction of the bathroom and once he's inside, slams the door. Levi falls to his knees and grabs a towel, shoving it into his mouth so when he screams it's practically muted. He leaves it there when it's clear the screaming won't stop. Levi has never felt this powerless. He can't control any part of his body. His lungs only want him to scream. His eyes only want him to cry. His hands want to shake and his skin wants to sweat. Stop. Make it stop. Please, make it stop.
Everything is cold. Sweaty. Dirty. Burning.
Help. Please. Don't let this happen. Not again.
Hange. Please help.
He thinks of her. Her thick ass glasses. That insanely dirty hair that she insists makes her think better. Her kind words of encouragement. Her helpful tips.
Breathe, Levi.
Remember where you are, and where you aren't.
He can no longer hurt you.
They can no longer hurt her.
You're both safe.
Stop this. Ina needs you more. She needs you to be strong for her.
Agonizingly slow minutes pass before his breathing evens out. He doesn't remove the towel from his mouth until he feels like it will stay shut. All this damn crying is exhausting. Levi didn't even know he was capable of feeling emotions so overwhelming. Had no idea that he could feel them on such a physical level. What he'd give for a goddamn off switch or something. For an ounce of control when he feels like he's on the brink of losing his mind.
Levi realizes that if he's falling apart like this, there's no way Ina could be doing any better. As a matter of fact, she has to be doing a lot worse than him. That thought kicks him into gear. Ina needs him right now. She's afraid and in pain and she needs for Levi to keep it together. She needs him to be strong so for once in her life she can fall apart and not have to pay for it.
She needs him to be her father.
Levi rinses the since dried blood on his hand and splashes cool water on his face, drying it with a fresh towel. He breathes deeply once again and leaves the bathroom.
Neither woman questions him when he returns. Josephine just continues to explain her care plan for Ina.
"So I'll be performing a pelvic exam just to make sure there's no internal damage." Josephine starts off with a clarification.
"Levi, sir? I know she expressed a desire for you to be here, but if you would rather step out at this point I think that would be fine."
"It's up to her." Levi reminds Josephine, thankful that nobody acknowledges the tremor in his voice.
"I'll only leave if she asks me to."
"Okay. I just wanted to walk you both through this very quickly. Pelvic exams in general are not very comfortable but due to her age and what she's been through, it'll be even less so for Ina. I'll tell you now that she'll probably cry, but there will be no immediate danger. She'll be afraid, but she shouldn't be in too much pain. I may need your help in talking her through this, Mikasa. And I'll need both of you to help keep her calm and still so she's not injured further."
Levi and Mikasa nod their understanding.
Mikasa and Josephine help get Ina situated on the bed while Levi stands a few feet away with his back turned, trying to collect himself and remain calm. He doesn't feel sad or angry right now. He's afraid. Straight up terrified. Each slam of his heart against his chest makes him nauseous.
This is too real. It's too much.
The same awful thing that happened to him is happening to her and Levi doesn't know if he can do this.
"Papa. Don't go."
Her voice pulls him out of the darkness. Reels back his sheer panic. Breathes air back into his lungs.
"Stay. Please." She says to him. "Stay with me."
"I'll be right here, Ina." Levi makes his way onto the bed and situates himself so he can rest Ina's head on his knees. He gives her an upside down kiss on her forehead and rubs small circle on her temples.
"I'm right here, baby mine." He whispers.
The small girl does cry. She screams and kicks and begs for it to be over. Pleading that no one else will touch her. The exam takes a full hour and a half instead of the typical 5-10 minutes. There was a lot of coaxing and encouragement and reminders. A lot of watching and waiting. A lot of tears. A lot of I'm okay. Several repeated verses of Baby Mine.
But she did it.
It took longer, it still hurt, but she did it.
What an extraordinary little girl.
Aside from some tearing and minimal scarring, Josephine determines that the damage to Ina's body won't require further intervention. She'll be quite sore for a bit. And the trauma will stay with her much longer. But she will heal.
The gentle Doctor packs up her supplies and leaves to make a run to the pharmacy. She still wants Ina on broad spectrum antibiotics. Just in case.
"I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay." Ina repeats to herself over and over. "Papa is here. Mika is here. I'm okay."
"You did it Ina." Levi wraps her up in one of the many soft pink blankets. "It's over, you did it." He cradles her small form and starts to rock her.
"I'm so proud of you, Ina. You incredibly brave human being."
"Papa. It hurts." Ina whimpers. "It still hurts."
"I know, baby, I know it hurts. It'll go bye bye. Trust me. It's not forever." Levi whispers.
"From your head, down to your toes
You're so sweet, goodness knows
You are so precious to me
Sweet as can be
Baby of mine."
She's calm by the end, her brown eyes locked on Levi's.
"Mikasa, get yourself some food."
"Sir."
"Thank you."
"I'm glad I could help her."
"Mikasa, not a word to the others. Them knowing about this wouldn't solve anything." Levi decides.
"Yes, sir. Ina, I'll see you later." Mikasa cracks a smile, just for Ina's sake.
"Bye, Mika. Thank you."
With Mikasa's departure, the father and daughter are alone. The last of Ina's tension seems to evaporate with her next deep breath.
"Are you hungry?" Levi asks, remembering that Marie left food in the room for them.
Ina just shakes her head.
"Do you want to sleep for a little while?"
Another shake of her head. She looks away from him.
"I… Can I wash? I still feel… I feel… Not clean." He notices Ina try to hide her face.
"Of course, baby mine."
Levi unwraps her from the blanket and carries her to the bathroom. Once there he sits her on the sink. Ina crosses her arms and looks anywhere but at Levi. He notices her clutching at her gown with trembling hands.
"Do you want me to leave?" Levi is sure to keep some distance between them. She's beginning to close herself off. He can tell something isn't quite right with her when she doesn't give him an immediate answer. She just looks to her side and keeps her arms crossed. Keeps that tight hold on her gown.
"Baby mine, you've been so brave today. I know I already said it, but I'm just so proud of you." He tries in vain to meet her eyes.
"I… I don't want- I can't…." Ina's deep breath is shaky. "Somethings wrong with me. I don't want you to leave, Papa. But… I'm scared."
"Of what, Ina?"
"I don't know what's wrong with me."
"Nothing is wrong with you. You're hurt. That's all."
She just looks down. Clearly doubting Levi's statement.
"Is it your clothes?" Levi knows he's on to something when Ina fails to stifle her reaction.
She should have known Papa could figure it out. Now Ina just feels guilty. How could she think about Papa that way?
"I'm sorry, Papa. I don't know why- I'm so confused." Ina still can't look at him.
"It's just… I don't get it. I was fine with Mika and the doctor but now… this makes no sense." She pouts.
"Papa… papa won't hurt me. Why do I get scared? You make the hurts go bye bye. You sing the lullaby until I feel better. This isn't right, Papa. Something is wrong with me."
Levi wishes he could take her in his arms right now. Wishes that he could hold her until she was no longer afraid. But he knows that wouldn't be the right thing to do in this situation. In fact it's the one thing he knows he shouldn't do.
The last time a man touched her clothes, he tore them from her body. Tossed them aside and did unspeakable things to her while she lay there helpless and afraid. Lay there while he stabbed her over and over and over.
Levi can recall that feeling without even really trying. Remembers seeing his clothes land in a heap next to his head. Remembers wondering why the man would do such a thing to a brand new set of clothes.
"When I was 10, and… and that man hurt me. It took a long time before I felt comfortable around people again. Before it happened, I never cared if anyone saw my arms, or my stomach. But after, I never wanted anyone to see any part of my body. I never had a reason. That's just how I felt at the time. It would only take someone brushing up against me to make me feel like I was back in that house. Like someone was hurting me again. I wouldn't be able to breathe, I couldn't see, I couldn't move. This… this took me years to move past, Ina. Years."
"But… but why? I trust you. Papa... You helped me when I had the accident."
She's finally looking at him. Just that little action feels like progress in Levi's eyes. It's her ability to do things like this that leaves Levi without a doubt in his mind that she is stronger than he ever was at her age, and even now. He never fully learned how to trust anyone. Never allowed himself to even consider that as a possibility. The very thought still scares him shitless.
How he wishes that he possessed even an inkling of Ina's strength.
"Because you-" don't be a fucking coward. "We were forced to go through something that no child should ever have to experience. We've been hurt in a way that others can't even imagine. It makes sense, then, that because of what happened to us, we never feel safe again. We never want to experience that horrible feeling again. So we protect ourselves in any and every way we possibly can."
"But Papa, I trust you. Only you. Why can't-"
"This doesn't mean you love me any less, Ina. Never forget that."
She just nods. Clearly Ina has more to say. Has more confusion and questions. But for now, she'll just try to focus on one thing at a time. One moment at a time.
"I'll run the water, and then give you some privacy. Does that sound alright?"
Ina panics at the thought of him leaving her. She doesn't want Papa to help with her clothes, but still she feels like if he goes away then something bad will happen.
"Look at me. You're safe here, Ina. If you want I'll sit right outside the door and wait for you to finish. You can talk to me as much as you like, so you know I'm there."
She nods. Ina cannot begin to express how grateful she is to have Levi in her life. He's so understanding and thoughtful. Such a good Papa.
"Why, thank you. But you're an amazing daughter. I think that's the only reason I seem like a good father."
Ina didn't realize she'd spoken that last part aloud. This keeps happening! And it's starting to annoy her. She bites her lip and ignores the honeyglow in her cheeks. Papa just smiles at her before going to start the bath.
Soon enough, the bathroom is filled with steam and the scent of flowery soap. The aroma alone has Ina dropping her shoulders. The tenseness just melting away.
"Need help getting down?"
Levi knows better than anyone how important it is to ask permission. No matter how small or trivial. It's never too early for a child to learn that they can always say no to something. That they have a choice.
Ina nods and holds her arms out. Levi can't help but hold Ina for a few seconds before setting her down.
"I'll be right outside this door."
"Don't close it all the way, Papa." Ina calls out to him, and the alarm in her voice makes him want to turn around and comfort her. But he knows that won't help Ina. So he doesn't turn back. Instead opting to wait until he is on the other side of the door, leaving it cracked like she requested.
"I'm right here, Ina." Levi holds back a groan as he sits down on a ground and leans on the wall next to the bathroom door.
Again, sorry for the late update. When I wasn't busy with class or religious stuff I was trying to get some sleep and keep up with my sanity. Thanks again for reading everyone. And now that my schedule has cleared up, I'll go back to updating regularly. The story is winding down for real this time. Few more chapters to go!
