It was a long way down.
He peered over the precipice into the inky blackness, taking in the dizzying drop to the jagged rocks below. A breath of dust-scented air riffled urgently through his hair. Another step forward dislodged a loose stone, helplessly he watched it roll over the lip of the rock's edge..
With every bounce echoing against the rocky walls he winced and berated himself. A rookie mistake he was going to regret.
It seemed an age until the careless stone finally came to a stop as it tumbled down the sheer face of the cliff. Lavi waited with bated breath, ears straining.
Out there in the darkness, something was listening.
The burning circle of light floating above him woke Lavi with a start; instincts kicked in and he thrashed out at the light and the torturer who was holding it so close to his face.
"Hey, hey easy now detective," a familiar voice spoke into his ear while a heavy arm restrained him. It was DI Laboun.
The Inspector helped Lavi sit up in the bed, and from the paper like coverings and the mucus green gown he wore, Lavi realized he was in a hospital room. "What happened?" he managed in a hoarse croak.
Laboun let go of the distressed officer and took a step back, his face drawn tightly. A blonde nurse stood on the other of the bed clutching a silver pen light in her hands. She spoke in that annoyingly calm voice usually reserved for the mentally incapable. "There was an accident, you lost control of your car."
"No," Lavi shook his head. He was completely in control. There was a butterfly - no a girl. Purple haired and smiling. "Th – there was a girl..."
DI Laboun stood back and buried his hands in his pockets, "There were no other vehicles on the road, detective. No witnesses either. The vehicle is at the garage now getting a proper look over. The dash cam wasn't damaged so we'll find out what happened." Wrong. There was someone…
"There was a girl, Laboun! She was sitting right there in the middle of the road!" Lavi turned frantically to the nurse who only looked back puzzled. She kept looking at the distance between herself and the door. Useless. Lavi turned back to Laboun, "The girl, she was in the road. Just sitting. She had purple hair, probably maybe twelve. You have to find her Laboun."
Spotting his clothes folded into a neat pile on a chair, Lavi began to rise from the bed, he needed to get out of this ridiculous gown and find out what happened to the child. But no sooner had he put a foot on the floor that the room began to spin, his insides roiled with every turn and just in time the nurse's professional instinct won out over precaution and she brought forward a cardboard bowl to catch the sharp acid that Lavi choked out.
"God man, what a way to get out of paper work," Laboun his already mussed hair. "Take the rest of the day Bookman, doc thinks you could be concussed. Damned lucky you didn't break some bones."
As if on cue a dull throb pulsed through Lavi's abdomen, dark red tendrils creeping out from his right side and piercing every bit of soft flesh along the way. Lavi winced but said nothing. What was the point? Pain usually followed a car accident.
"Just find the girl. Please" he implored, his words coming in clipped bursts now that the initial endorphin response wore away leaving him exhausted. "She could be out there somewhere hurt."
"I'll put a call out on this girl for you. It's possible if there was a girl she probably left the scene quickly after the crash." Laboun said uncertainly. "In the meantime do you want me to call anyone? I don't think anyone called Tyki yet."
"No!" Lavi said sharply. Laboun took a step back, surprised at the vehemence. Feeling slightly guilty Lavi checked his tone with his superior and continued more calmly, "No need to worry him…"
"Good to see you awake Mr. Bookman."
Lavi looked up to see who the overly honeyed voice belonged to. A doctor, judging by the long white coat, but not one accustomed to walking up and down A&E if the four inch shiny patent heels were anything to go by. She strode over to the nurse and took the clipboard from her hands, shook her head and relieved the nurse. "Thank you, I'll take it from here Olivia." The nurse left without a backward glance.
The newcomer held out a manicured hand, which Lavi only stared at until she withdrew it without a shade of awkwardness and flashed Lavi a brilliantly white smile. "My name is Dr. Noreen Dawud, a pleasure to meet you."
"Forgive me if I can't return the sentiment. Driving into a lamp post wasn't exactly on my bucket list," Lavi said sullenly. Behind the doctor, Laboun shook his head at the blunt tone.
"So you remember the moments before the incident. That's a good sign," Dr. Dawud said, unfazed. "I can give you a few more details that you would have missed, after the vehicular incident this morning. The vehicle in question, I'm told, is not completely total-ed, information will be gleaned from the black box and the dash cam to investigate the lead up to the actual event. But that's for the police and insurance companies to figure out, my primary concern is your health. You have sustained damage to your eardrum; loss of balance and nausea are expected outcomes." Here she glanced at the cardboard bowl in his hands. "However, you've spent the last four hours unconscious, and some of our preliminary tests require that you undergo a psychological evaluation before we can discharge you today."
Even though Dr. Dawud spoke slowly and clearly it felt as if her words were travelling through sludge to get to him. Only two words stood out to him. "Psychological evaluation? You think I'm crazy?" Lavi couldn't comprehend what he was hearing.
"No Mr. Bookman, that's not what I said," she said lightly. "I just need to ask you some questions to help give us a better picture of your health."
"I'll leave you both to it then," Laboun shrugged apologetically and left the room after assuring him that the day was his to take. Reports could be filed tomorrow.
Now alone, Dr. Dawud took Lavi through the assessment procedure. The assessment itself was longer and more rigorous than he had expected, including a number of questions about his diet, childhood allergies and sickness. He kept his gaze fixed on the tiled floors, thankful to the monotonous pattern for their stoic solidity as blood rushed to his face over some surprisingly intimate questions regarding his life style choices. But he did his best to answer, she was only doing her job after all.
Silently Dr. Dawud clicked her way over to the pile of his clothes and pulled out a small clear bag of his personal effects. Keys, badge, mobile phone and the white cylindrical bottle that held his pills. The remaining pills rattled as the doctor withdrew the bottle and placed them atop the cabinet by the bed. She looked at him inquisitorially.
"Its just caffeine," Lavi shrugged. "Got them off the shelf at Holland and Barrett's'."
"Your partner informed us that you've recently been promoted, that you're working on a difficult case, and on top of that you had both been present at a rather unpleasant crime since the early hours of this morning," she pressed on despite Lavi's discomfort. "Did you take any pills this morning?"
"I wasn't just promoted, I worked hard for it-," Lavi paused, what was the real question behind that? "I don't see what caffeine pills have to do with anything. Even students use them to get through exams and stuff…"
"Our test showed that you came in with incredibly high blood pressure, consistent with a myocardial –"
"I had a heart attack?" Lavi was on his feet. "I'm only 26!"
"No, you did not have a heart attack Mr. Bookman. But it was a close thing. If you have been self-medicating for an extended period then there can be other side effects. How have you been sleeping?"
Great now he was being accused of dosing on caffeine pills. "Fine," he said tersely.
"Really," Dr. Dawud raised a disbelieving brow, "because the dark circles under your eyes tell a different story Mr. Bookman. And you said you've been managing 4 to 5 hours of sleep each night. We can arrange for you to talk to someone -"
"I don't need to talk to anyone and I wasn't tired at the wheel!" Finding that he was on his feet, Lavi forced himself to sit down.
"Sir please, I'm obligated to ask, prior to the accident did you experience anything out of the ordinary? Perhaps a visual or auditory aberrations just before or after the incident?" The doctor fixed him in a piercing glare, and Lavi could tell that her professionalism was beginning to tire.
He narrowed his eyes, "Do you mean did I have a hallucination and then crash the car?"
"I need to know if there were other factors involved that could continue to affect you," The doctor shook her head defensively. "You have suffered a head injury, it would not be at all out of the ordinary if things don't seem quite right while you recover."
There had been a girl. There had been a monstrosity of a butterfly on her shoulder. That was out of the ordinary. But it did happen.
"Right… I did not have an episode before the crash and you have said yourself that I've been unconscious for the last four hours. Right now what I need is to go somewhere I can actually recover," At this point Lavi couldn't bring himself to care about bedside manners. Dr. Dawud had been the tactless one to begin with! He leveled a baleful tare at her, the one he reserved for particularly difficult perps, and watched as she noted down a rather long note on her board.
"Mr. Bookman please, it's not my intention to upset you. My next question may shock you, but I am required to ask you for your own safety. It is of the utmost importance that you answer truthfully."
Lavi nodded once.
"Did you turn off the road intentionally?"
The question hit him hard, like a punch in the gut. Lavi found her watery blue eyes hard to keep contact with as he turned the question over in his mind. How much of this would be reported back his superiors? Would she report his conduct to the Superintendent?
At last he nodded again, pinching his nose between his thumb and forefinger. "Yes," Dr. Dawud's eyes went wide despite her calm and collected demeanor. "Yes, I veered off the road intentionally because of the very real, very tangible little girl who would have been lying in this hospital bed instead me had I not turned in time. And its Detective Sergeant Bookman." He stood up again, much steadier this time and grabbed the bag containing his belongings none too gently.
A soft exhale of disbelief and a signature later, Lavi was told that he was free to go after he signed his discharge papers and strongly advised that he should make an appointment at the desk for a follow up check. Advice that Lavi was going to wholeheartedly ignore.
Once alone Lavi dressed quickly, happy that he was free to go at last. He sent a message to Laboun to let him know that he would be heading straight home. At last Lavi picked up the clipboard of discharge papers the less than pleased doctor had left atop a cabinet. She must also have been in a hurry to leave the damned room. With only a cursory glance at the prescriptive bullet pointed advice, Lavi signed the little pink box at the bottom of the sheet and threw the board back down.
The clipboard landed with a clatter and much more force than intended; Lavi winced as the whole frame rattled and the door swung open revealing stacks of boxes and other medical supplies. As he went to shut the door again the name on the top of the box caught his eye.
Klonopin 2mg.
Lavi knelt down for a better look. Prescription drugs that should have been nowhere near public access were well stocked right here within his grasp. There was an assortment of drugs; pills for sleeping disorder, anxiety as well as anti-depressants and pain glanced over shoulder warily before reaching in.
Twenty minutes later, Lavi was discharged.
Wood rattled overhead as a chair rolled across the loft. Lavi strained his ears to track the movement as he packed the neat white boxes, seven all told, into zip seal bags and taped them securely against the back of the bathtub panel. It was always he who ended up scrubbing down the bathroom, so there was no danger of anybody else reaching for the bleach. Happy that the contraband was safely hidden, Lavi held one arm close over his bruised side, pushed himself up from the floor and dusted off his knees.
Gripping the cold edge of the sink, Lavi examined his reflection in the unforgiving mirror. Lavi's already pale complexion stood out starkly against the bright red of his hair and the beginnings of a droop started to develop at the corners of his eyes. Stitches ran close to his hairline, spanning from the top of his left temple down to his ear. Lavi traced the laceration with a finger, grimacing at the tenderness. All told the lines of exhaustion aged him years beyond his youthful twenty six.
Slowly Lavi bent over the basin to splash himself with water, ignoring the angry pulses of pain coming from his inflamed middle. The cool water felt like heaven against his skin, a chilled caress that soothed the heated lines that emanated from the various cuts and scratches where the shattered fragments of glass had bit into his flesh. Although all that was merely noise in the background compared to the dull ache in his head that he had been carrying for far too long now.
The room dimmed and brightened again as Lavi pulled himself upright, the pressure inside his skull making it feel like his head would implode if the blood flow didn't catch up with itself in time. Just in time Lavi gripped the cistern and emptied his stomach, a mouthful of sticky bile, into the toilet. One eye on the bath paneling Lavi sat up, much slower this time and flushed the toilet. Just two of those tablets would be enough to give him respite. Blissful, dreamless sleep.
Two sharp raps on the door and Lavi shook his head to find himself on his knees, with a white box in one hand and small translucent brown bottle in the other, the latter dropped from his hand with a guilty clatter.
"Lavi are you okay in there?" The door knob rattled.
"One minute," Lavi called through the door, hastily shoving the box and bottle back under the bathtub and rush to his feet. He pushed through the dizziness to open the door. Tyki stood in the hallway, an expression of confusion and concern mingled on his face.
"What the hell happened to you?" Tyki pushed Lavi by the shoulders, firmly but gently, until he was perched upon the edge of the bathtub. "You look like you've had the shit kicked out of you…"
"You should see the other guy," Lavi tried to quip but quickly retracted the comment when Tyki froze. "Relax, it was just a car crash. Minor."
Tyki let out his breath slowly, "Just a car crash? And tsunami is just a wave… Jesus, Lavi why didn't you call me?"
Guiltily, Lavi watched the wall behind his boyfriend rather than make eye contact. There were many things he could have said to Tyki to explain away why he hadn't called but informing Tyki that he was out cold for half the morning wasn't one of them. Neither was admitting that he had given Laboun explicit instructions never to call home for anything less than life or death.
"Would you have come if I did?" Also not a good choice.
Lavi closed his eyes to avoid the stricken look on Tyki's face or the barely masked hurt that sparked behind his eyes. But it didn't protect Lavi from hearing the sharp intake of breath or the regretful sigh. He wasn't able to evade the loss of Tyki's touch in his hair when the man stepped back and the knowing that he had caused that. Lavi gripped the cold edge of the tub to anchor himself.
"What I meant was that I didn't want to worry you," Lavi said through gritted teeth, "and I didn't want to make you feel bad for not coming to the hospital. I know you can't."
Across the room, Tyki sat down on the closed lid of the toilet. "I don't know Lavi… I would've tried for you. Might've even made it to the car park."
"Well that would be pointless seeing as you don't drive, and I'm not allowed to for the foreseeable," Lavi softened the gravel in his tone.
"I'll have you know, I have a bus pass," Tyki said indignantly, successfully breaking the tension as they both started laughing. "Yeah, I would have been useless there. But I'm not here, so stand up and let me know have a look," he ordered Lavi.
Lavi pulled himself up right, grimacing through the pain. "Your bedside manner leaves much to be desired Dr. Mikk." Nonetheless he allowed Tyki to remove his shirt and peel back the bandages. "Should you be doing that?" he asked nervously.
"Trust me, I used to be a doctor," Tyki shushed him lightly and let out a low whistle. "At least you're not torn up here too, probably a bruised rib or two, but you'll survive."
Lavi looked down nervously and then quickly looked away with a grimace focusing on the tiles behind Tyki's head instead of the mass of purple and green spread across his torso. He held his arms out wide and breathed through his nose while Tyki rewrapped the bandages firmly. The practiced doctor's hands were gentle but the process was not without pain. Tyki tied off the end of the bandage and pressed his lips against Lavi's brow.
That soft warm was the final blow to Lavi's bravado; like a dam bursting, silent tears began to fall, fat and heavy, rolling in unstoppably down his cheeks. The realization that he could have died hit him afresh and Dr. Sanchez's accusation of attempted suicide rang painfully inside his skull. What would Tyki have thought of him? How could he ever do that to him? He screwed up his eyes, as if that could stop the flow of salt water and buried his face into Tyki's shoulder while gripping the back of his shirt in tight bunches in each fist. Each of Tyki's arms came up to wrap around his shoulder's holding him, grounding him in a sheltering embrace.
"Lavi, babe, you're home. It's okay," Tyki said soothingly. "I'm here. I'm here."
At length, Lavi pushed back and Tyki released him tentatively. Lavi smiled weakly back at him and wiped at his face with the palm of his hands. "I'm okay now," he sniffed. "Must've been delayed shock or something right?"
"Yeah must have been." Tyki did not look convinced. "I'll go make us something to eat and an ice pack. I'll see you downstairs?"
Lavi nodded and half hiccoughed a response so with a dubious glance backwards Tyki left the bathroom. The stairs creaked loudly, and as the sound of Tyki's footsteps faded away, Lavi dropped to his knees and safely tucked the boxes of pill further back into the dark space.
After washing his face once more, he gather up his work clothes and shoved them into the laundry basket and entered the bedroom to change. He put on a dark pair of shabby but comfortable jogging bottoms and a large t-shirt. Knowing that Tyki would not approve of such clothing in the middle of December, he searched for his favourite green hoodie without avail.
"Tyki have you seen my hoodie? The green one," Lavi called out from the top of the stairs.
"In the loft," came the reply.
The loft was mostly Tyki's space and Lavi rarely ever went up there. After the incident last year they had converted the loft to make a study for Tyki. When he gave up his post at the hospital he needed a place to focus on the art therapy, which tapped a reserve of unknown talent. Now Tyki worked from home as a graphic novelist.
It was cold in the loft, but the white winter sunlight was warm on his skin. Tyki's desk was set before a window that looked out on to Wood Street Park, as vast an expanse of green as you could get in the city limits. It was a cozy little space and it did not take long for Lavi to locate his hoodie where it lay draped over the back of the desk chair. As he pulled the hoodie on, a pile of papers drew his attention.
On the first sheet there was the outline of a quaint village, industrial period, and on another a heavy lidded woman lamented at the base of an old grandfather clock. Lavi lifted the sheets for a closer look at the clock, it looked familiar, almost exactly like the one that stood in the hallway downstairs… But the black and white parquet patterned corner of another sheet caught his eye. Lavi slid the sheet out carefully.
The paper fell from his fingers, drifting gracefully back to the desk.
It was her.
Shades of purple assaulted his memory as he picked out the slight frame of a girl in a white dress standing in a galaxy coloured splash, a knowing grin and a single finger at her lips. Lavi's pounding heart was in his throat as bright gold eyes stared back at him. Taunting.
"Lavi?" Tyki's anxious voice called to him from far away.
With a concerted effort Lavi tore his eyes away from the girl and pulled the door shut behind him.