I know that this is long overdue, but I was working on other stories, like my Naruto one and such. Also, the writing for this chapter didn't come easily, because of how this is turning out. I hate to say it, but this won't have too many more chapters, 3 at the most. But i'm really excited for this story, although I may save the best parts for a novel.
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"This is a dream."
The thought was simultaneous in their minds.
"I never thought this would happen"
The feeling was mutual.
"I'm screwed for life"
And in that second he had broken away from Odd, who panted and looked up at him, wanting more.
And Ulrich saw Odd's eyes go from bliss to confusion to worrisome, followed by "What's wrong?"
And the love, the pure feeling the blond boy put into those two words was his breaking point.
And he tumbled, wrenched open the door of the car that had inexplicably stopped, and he ran.
Odd stared out the door, struck dumb by what just happened. Then, ever so slowly, the darkness crept into his heart, whispering and adding to his fears. He sunk down into the seat and curled into a little ball.
No, wait…
He sat up quickly, replaying those few moments that had already been engraved into his memory. He felt Ulrich's lips on his own and knew that whatever had led to the kiss, it was not just a "heat of the moment thing."
Why did he run away?
My thoughts were an illegible mess. All I could think of was the noise made by my feet as they pounded the ground, taking me away from what I wanted, what I needed, but I couldn't need it because it was wrong and I knew it was from my lesson.
And somehow, my thoughts veered and came up to that memory, one that I had pushed out so long ago…
I remembered the cold, biting into my skin as if the heavy jacket that my mother lovingly bundled me in didn't exist. I also see her. She was a different woman back then, strong and silent; but then she became what he wanted…
"Mommy?"
"Yes dear?"
"How many more stores? You have too many bags, you want some help?"
She smiled at me then, and let me take two of them; it was all I could carry back then.
I don't remember the stores, the names and the background were an illegible mess. All I could recall was that that store was an old one, family owned. We were getting the last of the presents for my relatives.
I stopped there, drawing myself back into the modern world. I couldn't delve into the emotions of sixteen years, all pent up inside me. Besides, that was the day my father molded me, forced me into a hell of his own creation…
"NO, YOU WON"T! MY SON WILL NEVER DISOBEY ME; HE WILL KNOW THAT I AM RIGHT! I WILL MAKE YOU A SON TO BE PROUD OF! YOU WILL BE A NEW MAN!"
And I was back, gasping and crying and…
NO I couldn't cry, a man never,
But was he right?
What I can believe…
And I watched my life be consumed by flames as I was dragged back to the house.
After looking for 20 minutes, I found him down a small side road. he was sitting on the sidewalk like a homeless man, and had this wide haunted look in his eyes. , but otherwise he was unharmed. I slipped my hands around his shoulders and asked him the obvious. Any injuries, issues, what were you thinking?
He refused to respond to my questions, though. He got up when I pulled on his hand and took two shaky steps to the car, and collapsed. He tried to get up again, but was having some issues with his legs, maybe he landed on them, I don't know. At last he made his way to the vehicle, and we continued on our way.
It was all light and shadow, until the light found it's place and the shadow condensed, and then I was looking at people, events that I don't remember or had blocked out, but all control was gone as I watched myself be turned into the perfect son.
My father forcing me to watch while he ripped apart my room, getting rid of all my toys, my manga, everything. I was left with my furniture, my clothes, new plain blue bedsheets, and a baseball, basketball, football, and soccer ball. Those were my new toys.
The endless practice, attempting to pass and dribble, while my father demeaned me from the sidelines.
My first team: forcibly signed up for soccer. And when I got on that field, I knew what I had to do. So I dribbled. I passed and shuffled and kicked that ball with all my might. We won that day, but I wasn't there mentally. I had become a soccer playing automaton; How proud my father was! And as we drove home, he told me that I was finally something to be proud of. And I looked to the front seat and wished my mother was still there.
My mother was a different set of memories. I had locked each of those away in an attempt to preserve them from my fathers tarnish. She was the one who got me through the first few years. She couldn't try to stop him, and I didn't want her to try. She had been hit before, and I wouldn't let it happen again. But she still managed to let me have some fun. She would sneak me to art stores, libraries, and let me do what I wanted. She was my real parent. But soon enough, my dad managed to slice in and infect our time together. It seemed like whenever I was about to go out, he forced me to practice harder. He graded me constantly, and the outcome determined my level of freedom
I was never good enough.
Then the day when she finally confronted him, finally told him that he was wrong, that he was eating away at my heart, he said nothing. He grabbed me, threw me in the car, and took me to the nearest hotel.
One week later, my mother was handed the divorce papers.
Naturally, he and his lawyer friends took her to the cleaners. He got full custody of me, but he also insisted on a decent sum for payment each year. Wherever she was, my real mother was not homeless, I guarantee that.
I was eight at the time.
Dad remarried in a year. "New" mom was kind but distant. But it didn't really matter, because I finally gave in, and became his robot. I've held everything in for nearly seven years, and it's going to come undone in a single moment.
You see, if... well.. into...
Everything's going fuzzy, and coherent thoughts won't form. Then I get the blast of light, and fall away again. I wake up to his voice; what now? I can't. I have to stop this, before anyone finds out about...
Passion, love, wonder, curiosity
It's too much. It has to go.
Odd decided to cancel the date, because it looked like Ulrich was too shaken up to have a good time. When asked if he wanted to get dinner, he replied:
"I want to go back to the dorms, okay? I need to think, I need to try to figure out this mess."
"Okay, if you insist." Odd replied as the car sped on. He looked at the scenery whirring by, then tried to meet Ulrich's eye. Ulrich however, refused the contact. Any attempt at a conversation was shut down in two words. After a while, Odd left him to it. He was shaken, chances are a lot of stuff had been called up; he would be lying to himself if he said this wouldn't change his life. But he was willing to tough it out, and hopefully, so was Ulrich.
Lost in his little epiphany, Odd didn't notice they were now on Kadic grounds. But someone did.
"Just let me out here"
"What?"
"You heard me"
And with that, Ulrich opened the door and jumped out. Odd cried out in alarm, but naturally the boy was fine. Odd got out of the car, payed the chauffeur, and proceeded to follow his friend upstairs.
Once he was in the room, Ulrich grabbed a few blankets, his pillow, and his stuff for the shower, and proceeded to walk out. He passed Odd in the hallway, whose brows knitted together in confusion before he realized what was going on.
"Why are you doing this?" I don't understand what went wrong tonight aside from the fact that we never got dinner, so please tell me what I did wrong! Whatever it is, we can work it out, okay? We've been friends for a lot longer than we've been-
"WHAT? A couple? Boyfriends? I don't know what I did to make you think that, but you're mistaken. We're nothing but good friends. Just good friends."
Odd stopped for a moment and thought "That last time was more for himself than me... He's really unsure right now but maybe he's just shaken up, maybe I can...
Odd came back to reality to find out Ulrich had already rounded the corner. Muttering curses under his breath, Odd ran to Ulrich and grabbed his arm. Ulrich spun around and had only a second to take in Odd moving in really close and making their lips meet.
Then Odd felt a kick in the side, and toppled over. Ulrich glared down at him, a mixture of disgust, anger, and strangely... regret. Ulrich spun around and walked about five steps down the hall before cursing and walking back to help Odd up. He was still sprawled on the floor with a stunned expression on his face. At Ulrich's helping hand, he smiled and got up. But as he was going to hug him, Ulrich pushed him away.
That was when Odd lost it. He ran towards Ulrich and was prepared to hit him, but something made him stop. At the sight of Odd's outstretched hand, Ulrich sighed and walked away. This time, Odd let him go without protest.
"Odd, listen... It's not you, it's just that I can't be... that."
And with that, he walked away.
A quiet knock on his door was all that it took to rouse Jeremie out of his figure related trance. He got up and stretched, his back making satisfying popping sounds. Then he walked over to the door.
When opened, the door revealed Ulrich with his sleeping set. Jeremie simply smiled and gestured for him to come in; after all, there had been weirder between the two friends.
Before Ulrich even opened his mouth, Jeremie said "Yes you can sleep here." I have a foam mattress in the closet, lay it out."
"Thanks." Ulrich replied, and proceeded to lay out the sleeping mat. Jeremie returned to his computer and started typing, while Ulrich laid on his back and looked at the ceiling. "We got into a fight. I feel guilty, but at the same time, I know it had to be done. I'm sorry that you live in your little fantasy world Odd, but this is life and it really does suck. You can never be who you really are."
"That's awfully harsh," but Jeremie paused as there was another knock on the door. He moved to open it, and Aelita walked in the room. She smiled at the both of them and said "what's harsh?"
"Life." Ulrich replied.
"Elaborate."
So Ulrich proceeded to tell Aelita the same thing Jeremie just heard. A moment passed before Aelita sighed and sat down on the bed.
"Sometimes," she began, moving around to get more comfortable. "There are expectations in life. They can be harsh, and they can be nearly impossible, but you have to go for them anyways."
"That's what I mean-" Ulrich started, but then:
"Shut up." Ulrich couldn't believe that timid Aelita had said that to him, so he listened.
"Now, there are some people who confuse expectations with dreams. Dreams are a little bit different, because they are set by yourself, and are usually very difficult to obtain. Sometimes though, people set dreams for other people. These are forced upon the person, and become expectations. The person becomes a puppet then, with no control over their future."
Ulrich stared up at the ceiling, memories of everything coming back full force. His fake childhood after his mother left. The first time he met Odd, and he learned to have fun, that it was possible to break the rules! Excitement and danger, their adventures on Lyoko replayed in detail, glory and fighting, all a secret, happiness.
"Ulrich," Aelita continued, smiling at him and Jeremie, who was a little bit confused. "You have a way out. Your father isn't here, he has let go of the strings. Now rip them out. Show the world that you're a person, not a puppet. Break free of your father because you're not him. You're you... and no one except yourself can tell you how to act, what to do, who to love or anything else you can think of."
Ulrich's eyes shot open and he sat up, gawking at Aelita. She just smiled and said "It was kind of obvious, no offense. But I don't anyone else realized it."
They both turned toward Jeremie, who wore a confused expression on his face. He said "I think I missed something here..."
Aelita quickly stood up, gave him a kiss on the cheek, and sat back down again. Jeremie blushed and muttered something about girls, and then got back to his work. Aelita then moved toward Ulrich and put a hand on his shoulder.
"If you choose right, it's going to be pretty tough. There aren't a lot of open minded people here, so I think their minds need to be coaxed into taking in a little more of the world, don't you think?"
"Aelita, I don't think-"
"Then don't think, just listen. I know you'll make the right choice."
and with that, she stood up, said goodnight, and walked out to get ready for bed.
Jeremie smiled at Ulrich. "You better do what she said. I know it may not look like it, but she hits just as hard as Yumi."
Ulrich stood up and closed his eyes. He thought of Odd, and he thought of what happened in the car, how it was almost second nature.
And then he decided.
He pulled open the door and ran out into the hall, where he proceeded to make a beeline for his room.
As he ran, he could almost feel little tensions in his arms and legs. But one by one they strings snapped, until none were left and he felt free at last.
The darkness was soothing on his aching head. Looking forward, he didn't recognize any of the trees that he was passing. He stopped and looked back towards Kadic. At the very top of the treeline, The highest point on the roof of the hermitage could just be seen.
Not far enough.
So he adjusted his heavy pack and began to run, keeping an eye out for roots along the ground.
And throughout it all, three thoughts played in his head.
I messed up. I have to fix it. Please be happy Ulrich.
And so he went on, hoping that his pain brought happiness to the one he loved.
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That was one of the hardest things I have ever written. This took so much effort, and I am really happy that I was able t get back on this story.
You may notice that the writing style kind of changes, and that's because I didn't touch this for the entirety of my senior year. After 15 months since the last chapter, i'm glad that it's done.
I predict one or two more chapters to this; don't worry though. I'm really miserable right now, so plenty of ideas are flowing. College is a bitch, and I have actually considered dropping out after 5 days. But I don't think I will. We shall see.
P.S. To my readers, please PM me with tips to survive your first year at college! Anything would be greatly appreciated.
Also, my current fix is ROtG x-overs w/ HTTYD. Hiccup and Jack are so cute together...
Until next time, Domo arigato for reading.
