Opening Montage
Music: "Holiday Road" by Lindsey Buckingham
We see a passenger jet land at an airport. Cut to inside the airport and we see Quinn, Jim, Jake, Helen, Daria, Jane, Sandi, Joey, Trent and Lindy all disembark. Next, we see them in a van driving on the wrong side of a British country road. Jake corrects after narrowly avoiding a head on collision. Next, we see Jane and Daria making faces at a guard in front of Buckingham Palace. We then see Mystic Spiral on stage at a British pub. This is followed by a panoramic shot of Paris. We then see Jane at the Louve copying the Mona Lisa. Close up shows her copy depicting Mona Lisa as a zombie. Next, we see Jake and Helen having a romantic dinner under the Eiffel Tower. Cut to Sandi and Quinn going from boutique to boutique while Joey and Jim follow carrying all the designer outfits purchased so far. This is followed by a panoramic shot of the Alps. Cut to Jake on stage doing the jig in lederhosen. Cut to the audience and we see a visibly embarrassed Helen, Quinn and Daria while everyone laughs their butts off. Next, a shot of the Roman Coloseum. We see Jim, Joey and Jake as Roman gladiators fighting to the death. Finally, a group shot in front of the Vatican. Zoom in on Quinn as she smiles. A circle forms around her face while the rest of the shot fades to pink. Beneath Quinn's smiling face...
Quinn
in
"Are We There Yet?"
written
by
WildDogJJ
(A/N: This story is set immediately after "Quinn, Season 3)
It was a summer day in Lawndale in the year 2007. At the office of Morgendorffer and Daughter Consulting Quinn is seated behind her desk meeting with a client. The client is a balding but otherwise good looking middle aged man named Sullivan. His business is a travel agency: Great Escapes.
Sullivan said "Miss Morgendorffer, that suggestion to move my business online was a stroke of genius. My business is up 98% since the website launched.
Quinn is pleased with the compliment.
"I told you, Mr. Sullivan, booking trips online is the way of the future. Look at Travelocity. They do it all online."
"How can I ever repay you?"
Quinn said "Just the fees will do."
She grins slyly and her voice takes on a flirty tone.
"Of course, if you want to do more far be it for me to refuse."
Sullivan blushes, Quinn smiles.
She thought Hook, line and sinker. Quinn Morgendorffer, you've still got it.
Sullivan pulls a brochure out of his briefcase.
He said "This might interest you. It's a group travel package for ten people. It involves four weeks in Europe."
He hands Quinn the brochure. She looks it over.
Quinn reads out loud "One week in England, one week in France, one week in Germany and one week in Italy."
Sullivan said "For you and nine guests, all expenses paid."
Quinn puts the brochure down.
"This is really generous of you."
Sullivan smiled.
"Come on. When's the last time you took a vacation?"
Cafe Risque, afternoon...
Music: "Naughty Girl" by Beyonce
Sandi is one of the dancers on stage. She's only wearing high heel boots and thong panties so skimpy as to leave little to the imagination. She has nothing else on but I won't describe her breasts (Hey, I'm trying to keep it PG-13.). She dances suggestively around the pole before slowly grinding on it in time with the music. Something seems to catch her attention. That something is Tom Sloan. He's looking directly at her.
Sandi thought Great, now I have to do some damage control.
When Tom pulls out some money she sees her chance. Sandi slides off of the pole and crawls seductively toward Tom. She takes his money and moves as if to kiss him. Instead, she whispers in his ear in a menacing tone.
"My shift ends in one hour. After that, I'd like to have a little talk with you."
Sandi pulls back but continues to dance provocatively. Tom decides that he'd best stay to hear Sandi out.
The parking lot, one hour and fifteen minutes later...
Tom is waiting for Sandi when she approaches him in her regular clothes. She has that famous scowl of hers.
Tom said "You wanted to talk to me after you got off?"
"Yes" Sandi practically hissed, "It's about what I do for a living. I am not a slut or a junkie and I'll have you know that I'm going back to college in the fall to get my associates degree so I can get a good paying job that doesn't require me to dance naked for strangers."
Tom shrugged.
"Sounds like a plan. I take it you're trying to keep it a secret that you're a stripper."
Sandi nods.
Tom asked "Does Joey know?"
"He does. I told him. Other people know, but they all found out the same way you did."
"Who else knows?"
Sandi explained "My boss is one of Mr. Morgendorffer's clients? They, along with Quinn, had a business meeting at this place that coincided with my shift and found out that way. Quinn kept it a secret but her father blabbed to his wife, Jane and Daria. They've all kept it a secret, however. You, Joey, Quinn, Jake, Helen, Daria and Jane are the only people who know and I want to keep it that way."
Tom said "I understand. I won't say anything."
"Good. Don't go thinking I'm some whore because I'm not a whore."
"I never said you were. I don't know you that well. Why?"
Sandi now looks sad as she sighs and sags her shoulders.
"Not everyone is so understanding."
Tom said "Well, if you ever need someone to talk to I'm around."
Sandi actually smiled when he said that.
Tom said "You look beautiful when you smile." and thought Did I really just say that!?
Now, Sandi's blushing.
Quinn and Jim's apartment, evening...
Music: "Around The World" by Daft Punk
Quinn and Jim are snuggled up on the sofa while their dog, Storm, rests at their feet. She's showing him the brochure.
Quinn said "So, honey, are you up for this trip?"
Jim smiled.
"Sounds fun. I'm in if you are."
Quinn kisses him on the cheek.
"Jim, you're the best."
Jim blushes slightly. Two years in and they're still going strong.
"Thanks. Since it's a ten person trip who else are we inviting?"
Quinn said "I was thinking my parents, Daria and Jane, Lindy, Stacy and Chuck."
Jim does the math in his head.
"That still leaves us shy one person. Any ideas?"
"Maybe Jane's brother, Trent."
Jim asked "Why not Sandi?"
Quinn answered "Because then I'd have to invite Joey."
"Aren't he and Sandi having problems?"
Quinn said "Yes, and I don't wanna make them worse by separating the two for a whole month."
Jim sees the logic in this.
"Good point. What about Tiffany?"
Quinn gives him an "Are you serious?" look before answering.
"Because then I'd have to spend practically the whole trip babysitting her."
Jim immediately sees Quinn's point.
He said "I guess I could invite Mack if no one else is available, but I don't think John will let both of his best mechanics take a month off at the same time."
Now, Quinn's worried. Jim reassures her.
"Don't worry, I'm sure you'll come up with something."
Daria and Jane's apartment in New York City, evening...
Jane is working on her latest art piece while Daria is on the couch reading a book. The phone rings. As the phone is right next to Jane's easel she answers.
"Law Offices of Lane and Morgendorffer, we make a fortune off your misfortune."
Daria warned "Don't make that crack in front of my mom."
Quinn is on the other end of the line.
"Hi, Jane. What's up?"
"Oh, I'm just working on my latest piece while your sister is catching up on her reading. To what do I owe the call?"
"Would you and Daria like to spend a month in Europe, all expenses paid?"
Jane is very interested.
"Do go on."
Quinn said "Well, it's like this: one of our clients decided to thank us with a month long trip to Europe and cover all of the expenses. I need to bring nine other people so I thought of including you and my sister. Give us all a chance to reconnect. England, France, Germany and Italy. What do you say?"
Jane is suspicious but interested.
"Why are you telling me all of this first?"
Quinn grins slyly.
"Because I knew you'd go for it. I figure we could gang up on Daria."
Jane smirks.
"I like the way you think. You've come a long way from the vapid diva you were in high school. I'll put her on the line."
She hands the phone to Daria.
"It's Quinn. She has an interesting proposition."
"So I gathered."
Daria takes the phone.
"Hi, Quinn."
Quinn said "Hi, sis. I was wondering if you and Jane would like to spend a month in Europe with me, Mom, Dad and some more old friends. All expenses paid."
Daria is, of course, dismissive.
"Quinn, I just finished grad school. I need to get a job. Jane can't pay all of the rent forever you know."
Jane immediately puts the pressure on Daria.
"Come on, Daria. One last hurrah before you become just another cog in the machine."
Daria deadpanned "Traitor."
Jane shrugged.
"Hey, what are friends for?"
Quinn said "Daria, it'll be fun."
"I don't do fun, Quinn."
Quinn sweetens the deal.
"Look, it's Europe. You can find some interesting literature there. I thought brains were interested in broadening their horizons."
"I prefer to do so from the comfort of my apartment."
Daria gives Jane a pleading look.
"Sorry, but I'm with Quinn on this."
Daria sighs.
"I hate it when you two work together," to Quinn "Fine, we're in."
Quinn said "Great, invite Trent. I need all the guests I can get."
Daria frowns.
The Morgendorffer House, evening...
In the kitchen Quinn and Jim are having Sunday dinner with her parents. Quinn and Jake have just pitched the trip to Helen.
Helen said "It sounds lovely, but I have to work."
No one buys it. They all know her well enough to know that she's such a workaholic that she'd rather work than take a vacation.
Jake whined "Come on, Helen. When's the last time we took a vacation?"
Helen looks guilty because the answer is never.
"I guess I can pull an Eric and dump my caseload on my associates."
The bitterness in her voice indicates that she's grown disillusioned since making partner.
Helen said "All right, I'm in."
Jake looks at the brochure. His face lights up.
"Hey, the hotel for the German segment of the trip is in Munich. That's just a half hour drive from Morgendorf."
Jim asked "Morgendorf?"
Beaming, Jake said "That's where my ancestors came from. When my great-great grandfather came to America his name was Hans Schmidt. The immigration officer mistook his hometown for his last name so he became Hans Morgendorffer," to Quinn he added "I can't wait to show you and Daria that piece of your heritage!"
"Sounds fun, Dad."
Helen asked "Who else is coming?"
Quinn said "I've already invited Daria, Jane, Trent and Lindy. Jim's coming along as well. I just have to invite Chuck and Stacy."
Chuck and Stacy's house, evening...
In the dinning room Quinn and Jim are over for dinner. Quinn has just told Stacy and Chuck about the trip.
Apologetic, Stacy said "Quinn, I'm afraid I can't get off of work that long."
Quinn looks disappointed.
Chuck said "We're sorry."
Quinn gets over her disappointment.
"I understand. I wish you guys could come, but I understand."
Stacy suggested "How about we make it up to you by dog sitting Storm."
Jim said "I don't have a problem with that. Do you, Quinn?"
"No, it'll save us the cost of putting him in a kennel for the month."
Jim asked "Since Stacy and Chuck can't come, who do you wanna invite instead?"
Quinn looks uncertain.
Sandi's apartment building, evening...
Joey's parks his car in front of the building. Inside, Sandi is in the passenger seat looking angry. He is dropping Sandi off after a date that didn't go well.
Joey said "Sandi, I'm sorry I got jealous. You just seemed a little too animated when talking about your run in with my boss the other day."
Trying to remain calm, Sandi explained "Joey, I'm just glad he's willing to keep my secret. I'm not interested in him."
Joey doesn't buy it, which Sandi notices.
She said "You don't seriously think I'd dump you for him, do you?"
Joey said "Well, he does have a lot of money."
Sandi is ready to tell Joey off for his insinuation that she's a gold digger when her cell phone rings. She answers.
"Hello...Hey, Quinn...that sounds fun...all expenses paid...he's right here...I'll talk to him and then call you back...bye."
She hangs up.
"Quinn wants to know if we'd like to spend a month in Europe with her, her family and her other friends. All expenses paid. I can get Mr. Vorchevsky to give me the time off."
Joey is reluctant.
"Well, I do have some vacation time saved up but I'm not sure."
Sandi goes into seduction mode.
"You know, a month in Europe would be romantic."
She runs a finger down his chest and speaks in a breathy tone.
"We could re-ignite the spark."
Joey is still unsure.
"I don't know, Sandi."
Sandi folds her arms and pouts.
"I guess you're not as invested in the relationship as I am."
Now, Joey's a little taken aback.
"Hey, that's not fair!"
Sandi said "Joey, we have clearly hit a rough patch and Quinn just offered us a golden opportunity to get the spark back and you aren't sure."
Her eyes go wide as one possibility occurs to her.
"Are you breaking up with me?"
Now Joey is shocked.
" What!? No!"
Sandi said "Then let's do this. It's just what we need to get that spark back."
Joey thinks it over for a minute.
"Okay."
Sandi whips out her cell phone and dials a number.
"Quinn, it's Sandi. We're in."
Kennedy International Airport in New York, day...
Inside one of the airplanes Trent, Jane and Daria are tightly packed together in coach. Trent has the aisle seat, Jane sits in the middle while Daria has the window. Only Trent has elbow room because he's in the aisle seat. Daria and Jane are smushed together like sardines in a can.
Daria groaned "I can't believe we have to spend the next seven hours like this. I hate flying coach."
Trent said "Tell me about it. I wish we still had the Tank so we could drive to London."
Jane explained "Trent, I don't think the Tank can drive on water."
Daria added "Even if it could the last time it went three thousand miles without breaking down was during Reagan's first term."
Trent looks thoughtful.
"Hmm, Yeah, I kinda forgot about that."
Jane said "So, we meet up with your family and Quinn's friends at Heathrow?"
Daria deadpanned "Unless one plane goes down in a fiery crash, but we're not that lucky."
Jane asked "You think they're just as uncomfortable as us?"
Meanwhile, at Philadelphia International Airport...
In one airplane Lindy is in the aisle seat, Quinn is in the middle and Jim is in the window seat. The seats have leather cushions and are very comfortable. There's also lots of leg and elbow room.
Lindy said "Quinn, that was really cool how you got the guy at check in to give us a free upgrade to first class."
Jim commented "One of the perks of having a hottie girlfriend. One bat of the eyes and he had no chance."
Quinn smiled at the compliments.
"What can I say? My looks won't last forever so I might as well use 'em while I've got 'em."
In another row Helen sitting next to a very nervous Jake. He's already gripping the armrests so tight that his knuckles are turning white.
Shaking, Jake said "We're gonna die, aren't we?"
Helen rolled her eyes.
"Don't be ridiculous, Jake."
The plane starts to taxi toward the runway.
"EEP!"
Irritated, Helen said "Jake, you're going to give yourself another heart attack."
"GAH!"
Helen groans in frustration.
The airplane that Jane, Daria and Trent are on, a few hours later...
Trent, Jane and Daria are all taking a nap.
Jane's Dream...
Music: "I Ran" by A Flock Of Seagulls
Jane is at the Louve with her easel painting in front of the Mona Lisa. She's copying the Mona Lisa, but her version depicts Mona Lisa as a zomdie surrounded by fire and brimstone. The curator, whom Jane imagines as a handsome French man with a beret, ponytail and goatee, approches and looks at Jane's version.
"Mon Dieu! Zuch a mazterpiece!"
Jane smirks.
"Thanks."
"Truly a work uf art. In fact, zis is superior to ze original."
The curator takes down DaVinci's Mona Lisa and puts it in the trash. He hangs Jane's version in it's place. Everyone gasps in awe. Jane grins triumphantly.
Daria is sleeping on the plane.
Daria's Dream...
Daria is at the Vatican debating with the pope.
She said "If the church doesn't ever make mistakes then how do you explain the condoning of the slave trade?"
The pope is flustered.
"Um...Well...You see...um...Next question, please."
Daria said "All right, then. Why does the church continue to condemn birth control when the world is already severely over-populated? Is "Thou Shall Destroy The Planet" one of the ten comandments?"
The Pope said "We consider birth control a form of abortion and sex for any purpose other than procreation a sin."
Daria deadpanned "How enlightened of you."
The pontiff is not amused by her sarcasm.
Daria said "Why has the church gone out of it's way to cover up mass pedophilia among the clergy? Is it just to keep the child sex culture intact?"
The pope now looks very angry. Daria smirks. Next thing anyone knows Daria is in a town square, about to be burned at the stake.
"Why is it that even in my dreams life sucks?"
On the other plane and we see that everyone is napping there as well. Close up of Sandi.
Sandi's Dream
Sandi is in a German chocolate factory. One of the workers, a fat man, offers her a piece.
"Vould you like some chocolate?"
Sandi is hesitant.
"I'd better not. I don't want to get fat."
The worker pleads "Come on, just vun."
Sandi shrugs.
"Very well."
She eats the piece of chocolate. No sooner does she swallow it when her arms, legs and torso start to seriously bloat out. She gasps.
"What's happening to me!?"
She gets fatter and fatter until she's morbidly obese.
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Everyone laugh at her. The fat man grins in triumph.
"You are vun uf us now, ja!"
He grabs and kisses her. She's can't fight him off because she's too fat to move.
Sandi wakes up in a cold sweat. She looks around and is soon very relieved to find that it was just a dream. Joey is sleeping next to her.
Joey's Dream
Music: "Bringing Sexy Back" by Justin Timberlake
Joey is in a dance club called "Discoteca". He's dressed like a pimp and surrounded by impossibly sexy women who all want him.
Girl #1: Oh, Joey, I want you.
Girl #2: Take me, Joey. I need you to sleep with me.
Girl #3: Joey, I want you inside me so badly I can feel it.
Joey grins lecherously.
"All right!"
Sandi approaches. She has a look of heartache and desperation on her face.
"Joey, I'll always love you!"
Joey nods toward two bouncers. The two men grab Sandi.
"What the hell!?"
Grinning, Joey said "Sorry, Sandi, you just don't rate anymore. Take her away."
The bouncers drag Sandi off.
Girl #1: You don't need that tramp.
Girl #2: We'll make all your fantasies come true.
Girl #3: Ready to get it on with us, stud.
Joey: (lecherous tone) Oh, yeah!
Joey wakes up and looks distressed at the fact that he just dreamed about leaving Sandi to become a player. Meanwhile, Quinn and Jim are also sleeping.
Quinn's Dream
Music: "Dress You Up" by Madonna
Quinn is modeling a Versache dress on the catwalk in Paris. The crowd all admire he. She focuses on one person in the crowd. That person is Jim. She smiles suggestively at him and he immediately jumps on stage. He gets on one knee and hands her a very expensive ring with a large diamond.
"Quinn, will you marry me?"
"Yes."
He gives Quinn the ring, which she can't stop admiring.
Jim said "You're the best thing that ever happened to me."
With that, they kiss.
Quinn wakes up and is disappointed that it was just a dream. Meanwhile, Jake is sleeping while Helen kills time by going over legal documents.
Jake's Dream
Music: "The Sound of Music" by ?
Jake is happily frolicking in the Alps wearing lederhosen. He's so happy that he sings.
"The hills are alive
With the sound of music"
Just then, one of the mountains explodes. In it's place is a giant devil who looks like with Jake with red skin, horns and a beard. Jake is immediately terrified.
"GAH! MAD DOG!"
With a thunderous growl Mad Dog said "I'm here to take you to hell with me, son. HA, HA, HA, HA!"
The devil version of Jake's father reaches for him. Jake turns and tries to run but his path is blocked by...
"GAH! ELLENBOGEN!"
"TAKE YOUR PUNISHMENT LIKE A MAN, SISSY ASS! DROP AND GIVE ME A HUNDRED! HA, HA, HA, HA!"
Jake wakes up and screams.
"GAHHHHH! DON'T HURT ME!"
This gets everyones attention. Jake calms down and becomes very embarrassed. Out of embarrassment and frustration, Helen buries her face in her hands.