Hello everyone! Happy New Year! I hope everyone had good holidays and you had fun.
I am back with a new chapter of Awake and Alive. As you may have seen I did not posted last week for various reasons but I am back now with a great chapter (or so I hope). It's one that I really felt it was necessary to the whole story and one that I've been waiting to write since I first started to work on Awake and Alive.
Also, talking about working on the story. I finished working everything at it and the whole story has more than 90k words, 20 chapters and an epilogue!
I am stilll not 100% sure about the ending, but I hope you will like it.
This being said... ENJOY!
Milah watched as Emma left the ship and started to walk back to town. She saw her and Killian kissing on the deck and felt something inside her crumble to the ground. She didn't expect him to stay out of any relationship after her death, but Ruby also told her that he was alone, so she hoped that maybe they could continue where they left off. Apparently, though, Ruby was wrong and he was with Emma.
When Milah met Emma earlier, she was annoyed because Killian clinged to her, needed her support when Milah appeared in front of him. Then after everyone left, she stayed behind with him, because he wanted her to. That made Milah question how long they had been together. Emma said she was just Killian's friend, but Milah didn't believe her and apparently, she was correct in trusting her instincts. Ruby said he was single so they either weren't together when they left, or they had kept it a secret from everyone else. Still, Milah was sad to see him kiss and hug another woman, but another part of her was happy to see him happy.
Milah made sure that Emma was gone before she got out from where she had been hiding and started to walk back towards the ship. She had told Killian that she would come back later, so she hoped that now that Emma had left, he would be willing to talk to her alone. She walked up the plank and stepped onto the deck. Killian wasn't on deck anymore, so Milah though he might be back in his cabin. Without making her presence know, Milah started to climb down the stairs to his cabin. When she was in front of his door, she could hear movement coming from inside the room.
She knocked twice and waited for an answer. She heard more movement inside and then saw the doorknob starting to move.
"Did you come back, love?" the door opened, revealing a smiling Killian Jones. But his smile disappeared the moment he saw her. "Milah."
"May I?" Milah asked, hoping that he will let her in.
Killian hesitated but then opened the door more and made room for her to enter. She stepped inside and heard him closing the door behind her.
The room was just as she remembered it, with just a few changes. There were more books spread out all over the room, on the floor, on the two tables of the cabin or in bookshelves. There were also more maps than she remembered. She looked behind her at the small bed they used to share. It was carefully arranged with a red and black blanket covering it. She could see on the wall two of the paintings she had chosen for the cabin many years ago in a land far away from there whose name she didn't even remember. She missed this room and all the memories it held, both good and bad, lovely and sad. She smiled and turned to face Killian when she heard him exhaling.
"It's like nothing has changed," she said.
"Everything changed," Killian answered, none too happily, making Milah's smile fall.
"Yes, you're right," Milah said, turning her head to look again around the room.
"What are you doing here, Milah?"
"I wanted to talk. Just the two of us," Killian looked at her and nodded at her answer.
He turned around with a sigh leaving his lips and went to one of the cabinets, pulling out a bottle of rum and two glasses. He put them on the table and poured rum in each of them. Sitting down in one of the chairs, he pointed at the other chair, gesturing to Milah that she could sit as well. She walked over to the table, took a glass in her hand and sat down on the other side of the table. She studied him with his ruffled hair, his eyes fixed on the glass he held with one hand while having his other arm on the table, the hook shining in the small light of the cabin. She now understood why people called him Captain Hook.
"So… how did that happen?" Milah asked, pointing to the hook.
"You want to talk about this?" he asked, moving the hook on the table.
"I figured it would be just as good of a point as any to start with."
"I think you might be right. Especially since this happened right after your death."
Milah raised her eyebrows in wonder and opened her mouth to ask what he meant, but he was faster.
"After the Dark One killed you, he still wanted the bean so he cut off the hand in which he thought I was holding it," Killian explained.
"I gather it wasn't the right hand," she said with a small smile, knowing very well how tricky he could be.
"No, it wasn't," he said, the corners of his lips raising a little.
After that, neither of them said anything else, silence falling over them like a curtain. Milah continued to study Killian as he drank his rum, but he wasn't looking at her. Milah could see that he was too lost in his thoughts. The silence between them was so deep that it started to feel awkward. And yet, Milah didn't know what to say and it looked like Killian didn't want to talk to her too much.
"Killian?" Milah finally said, not being able to stay in silence for another minute.
He lifted his head and Milah could see in his eyes that he had many questions but didn't know how to let them out.
"Ask me?" she said, knowing very well what he wanted to ask.
"How long have you been alive?" was the first thing he asked.
It didn't surprise her that he asked that particular question because that was one of the questions she was expecting from him. What truly surprised her was the soft tone of his voice when he asked. It was almost vulnerable, different from the tone he used earlier when Emma was still on the ship, and even softer than when he explained why he had the hook.
"For twenty-eight years," Milah answered his question. "But I also have these foggy memories that I was awake before that. Although they might be dreams to be honest. I don't know, they only started once I came here," Milah explained, thinking about the different dreams she had since she came to Storybrooke.
She knew the difference between a normal dream and a memory and she was almost sure that those were memories she couldn't fully see yet.
"How?" Killian asked with a grave voice this time.
"I told you, I don't know."
"Then tell me what you do know!" he snapped at her.
With that, Milah started to tell him what had happened in the twenty-eight years since she "woke up". How she woke up in Hong Kong (Milah needed to make a break and explain to him that Hong Kong was a city in this world), how she lived with the Dragon, how he told her everything about this city and the people in it. Milah told him about the many times she and the Dragon tried to find a way to explain why or how she was alive, but there was nothing to help them since real magic couldn't be used in the real world. So Milah decided to travel around the world, to explore. Killian smiled at her, telling her that that was what she had always wanted to do and that he was glad that she had already discovered so much of this world.
"I had twenty-eight years to explore. I've seen a lot, good and bad things. This world is amazing outside of this city, Killian. You would love it out there," Milah said, knowing that Killian had the same love for travelling and adventure that she did.
Killian look at her the whole time, not talking and letting her tell her story. She could see different emotions on his face during this time, happiness, sadness, and amazement when she told him about some of the places she had visited. But now, he was looking at her with something that looked a lot like regret.
"I can't believe that I tried to find a way to avenge you all this time, and yet here you are, alive and well," Killian said, drinking the rest of the rum he had in the glass.
"You did what?" Milah asked, shocked at his response.
"I spent the last three hundred years trying to find a way to avenge your death and kill the Dark One. It became my goal and I didn't care if it destroyed me in the meantime," he said simply.
"Oh, Killian!"
Milah didn't know what else to say. She couldn't believe that he spent so many years trying to avenge her death. The question was, how did he stay alive for so long and not change one bit?
"How did you do it?" the question was out before Milah could think twice.
"What?"
"How did you live so long. I mean, three hundred years is a lot! And you look exactly the same as you looked like when I died. And you don't have magic, not that I'm aware of anyway. So how did you do it?" Milah asked, this time clarifying herself.
"Neverland," Killian said simply, taking the bottle again and pouring some rum in the glasses. "I went to Neverland after your death, using the bean Smee had, and there I tried to find a way to kill him."
It all made sense now. She remembered, vaguely, a time when Killian told her about his brother and their trip to Neverland. She was curious about the place so she started to read more about it, and in one of the books there was information about the way time passed there. Killian swore to her that he would never go back to the place that killed his brother. And yet he did, right after her death and he spent year there trying to avenge her.
"Did you find a way?" Milah asked, curious if he succeeded in finding a way to kill Rumplestiltskin.
"I did," he admitted.
"And what happened? He's still alive," Milah said, thinking back to the way Rumplestiltskin talked to her earlier.
"So are you," he said with a smirk.
"You know what I mean."
"My priorities… changed," Killian said with a sigh, closing his eyes.
"Is this about Emma?"
Milah watched his reaction as she said Emma's name. She needed to know what was there, even if she knew this conversation probably needed more rum. Something in Killian's eyes shined when she spoke Emma's name, but then it was quickly covered by confusion.
"How did you know?" Killian asked confused.
"I saw you. Kissing on the deck," Milah admitted.
"Milah," he said, letting out a sigh and Milah could understand that she was not supposed to see or know about that kiss.
"It's okay," she said with a small voice. She didn't know what was okay, the fact that he didn't know what to say or the fact that he was kissing someone else.
"You're not happy," Killian said, looking intensly at her and studying her.
"I had hoped you still loved me," Milah said, realizing for the first time how much hurt was in her voice.
"I still love you, Milah," Killian said, raising her head to look at him with his hook. "I have loved you all my life and I will always love you."
Something in her head whispered "just not the same way" at Killian's words and she felt the need to slap herself. Milah just smiled at him, not trusting her own voice. She could see that he was being honest with her. He still loved her, but she also could see in his eyes that it wasn't the same love he once had for her.
Wanting to change the subject, Milah decided to ask him something else.
"So," she started, taking a deep breath. "What happened? How did you end up here, in Storybrooke?" she asked.
"That's a long story," Killian said with a smile, probably thankful that she changed the subject.
"I have time," Milah said, smiling at him and taking the rum to pour herself some more.
"Do you know anything about the Dark Curse that hit us in the Enchanted Forest?"
Milah nodded. "Ruby told me some things."
"The Evil Queen wanted me to kill her mother to prove I would do anything to get my revenge. But her mother, Cora, offered me a better deal," he started the story. "So I took it, not knowing at that time that I was going to stay frozen in time for twenty-eight years in the Enchanted Forest while everyone else came here. After twenty-eight years of doing nothing, time started to work again and we knew that the curse here had been broken. Shortly after time started up again, Emma appeared in the Enchanted Forest. Cora had a plan to use a portal to get us both here to Storybrooke, but after a short fight, Emma offered me a better deal."
He took a sip of rum and then continued.
"Long story short, I had the opportunity to come here with Emma, but in the end, I chose poorly and I came with Cora. Emma and I were enemies at that time."
"What happened after?"
"I came here, ready to kill Rumplestiltskin and everyone who stood in my way. I shot his new love, was beaten by him with his cane, been hit by one of the bloody things people in this city call cars, which resulted in broken ribs," Killian started.
Milah wanted to laugh at the way he described a car, but then she realized he mentioned Belle and remembered her story of how he shot her.
"About that," Milah said. "You have to say sorry to Belle. She didn't deserve that." Milah demanded.
"How do you know about that?"
"Belle is my friend. I do not approve of what you did to her, Killian," Milah scolded him, just like she used to do when they were together.
"I'm just going to continue my story," Killian said while rolling his eyes.
"Always the stubborn one, Killian," Milah said to herself.
"After a few days in the hospital, I went after Rumplestiltskin again but I found out he was out of town," Killian continued his story.
"Where?"
"Turns out that Emma took him out of town to go and find... someone," Killian said hesitantly. Milah narrowed her eyes at him, but Killian didn't elaborate. "I went after them, stabbed Rumplestiltskin with my hook covered in dreamshade because he just had to die. But Emma took him back here and he found a way to cure himself."
"How did you end up back in Neverland? Ruby told me you were there when I arrived in town."
"You won't like this part of the story."
"Humor me."
"The person Emma and the Crocodile went after outside of Storybrooke? It was Baelfire."
"Ruby told me that he was the father of Emma's child. Is that true?" Milah said with a small voice, her heart beating hard in her chest.
"It is. Bae, Neal, as he was named in this world, is Henry's father."
"Is he dead?" Milah asked, hoping that maybe Ruby and Belle were wrong and Killian knew what happened to her son.
"I'm afraid so, yes," Killian said with regret in his voice.
"How did that happen?"
"I am not sure about the details because I wasn't there," Killian admitted but then continued. "All I know is that he had a fiancee and he brought her here. Apparently, she wasn't who she said she was and she really wanted to destroy the town."
"Tamara?" Milah asked, remembering her name from the first time she and Ruby talked.
"Yes, that was her name," Killian confirmed.
"Ruby told me about her. Please continue."
"Tamara and her partner kidnapped Regina and Emma, her father and Bae went to look for her. They found her and from what Emma told me, there was a fight. Tamara had a magic bean and she opened up a portal with it, trying to throw Emma in. But Neal has been shot trying to save Emma and he fell into the portal instead."
"And my son is dead," Milah concluded.
"That's what everyone has said since he was shot and then fell into the portal."
"How was he? Did you know him?"
"I'm afraid not. I didn't get to interact with him here in Storybrooke," Killian said regretfully. "But I knew him back when he was a child. He was in Neverland and for a short time, he stayed with me on the Jolly."
"Can you tell me about him?" Milah asked hopefully.
"Of course."
Killian spent the next few hours telling Milah stories about Baelfire from the time they were together on the Jolly. He told her about the night when Killian saved him from Neverland's waters, about the many nights they spent together on the deck in the middle of the night, Killian teaching Milah's son about stars and constellations and how to sail. Milah listened to his stories carefully. She laughed when Killian told her some of the moments when Bae tried to prove that he was just as good as Killian's crew at sword fighting, and was sad when he told her about Bae's talents, some of which he inherited from her like drawing or singing. Milah also started to cry when Killian told her about how Bae found out that he was the pirate his mother ran away with and how he thought Killian was the one that killed her because that was what his father told him. Killian always regretted the fact that Milah would never see Bae again, would never hug him, and would never tell him that she loved him more that anything in the world.
"Thank you for taking care of him, Killian," Milah said after he finished another story about her son's adventures in Neverland.
"I would have done it for much longer if he would not have left me," Killian told her.
It was the truth. Killian had wanted to be Bae's father figure both before and after Milah died. And if the boy had let him do it, Killian would have been willing to give his life for him. It was one of the things Killian had always regretted.
"I've missed you so much, Killian," Milah told him, finishing another glass of rum.
"I've missed you, too. There were times when I wished you were still with me, when I had nothing, no one."
"You do now. I am here. And so is Emma," Milah said. Killian could tell that by bringing her up, Milah wanted to start discussing Emma again.
"Are you ready to talk about Emma?" he asked her, to make sure of her intentions.
"The question is, are you, my dear?"
"What do you want to hear?"
"Are you together?"
"What we are… well it's a bit complicated," Killian said, not being sure of what he should tell her.
"Why?"
"We… um…," Killian started, but wasn't sure how to continue. "Emma still needs to get comfortable with everything and we are both scared and …"
"Everything? Why are you scared?" Milah asked with narrowed eyes.
Killian let out a sigh, knowing very well that now he wouldn't have any chance to lie to Milah about what was really going on between he and Emma.
"Promise me you won't tell anyone."
"I swear. Killian you know you can trust me."
"Tamara and Greg kidnapped Henry, Emma's and Bae's son, and took him to Neverland. Peter Pan wanted his heart because he was dying and Henry has the Heart of the Truest Believer. We went after him and we had to fight with the Lost Boys. I had been hurt by one of their arrows poisoned with dreamshade." Killian stopped as he watched for Milah's reaction. She knew what the plant was and its powers. "And as you well know, the plant is deadly and the only cure is Neverland's water."
"But you are still here. How?" Milah asked shocked.
"Emma. She has magic."
"She healed you with her magic?"
That was it. The moment of truth was coming and if he was being honest with himself, he wasn't ready to say it out loud. But Milah deserved the truth and that's what he was going to give her.
"Have you ever heard of True Love's Kiss, Milah?" he asked, not wanting to drop the bomb on her just yet.
"Yeah, it's when-" As realization hit her, Milah's eyes grew larger and larger. "Oh my God," she said putting her hands over her mouth and looking at him.
"Yes," Killian confirmed what Milah already had been thinking.
"Are you two?"
"Yes," he said again.
"Wow," was all Milah could reply.
"Aye. Do you see now why it's complicated?"
"Yes, I see," she said not looking at him.
But even if Milah avoided looking at him, he was looking at her and her reactions. She was frozen in place, her eyes stuck on a crack in the middle of the table.
"Milah?" Killian said, trying to make her look at him.
"I'm just surprised," she said, finally looking at him. "And shocked."
"We are too. Emma more than myself."
Milah had something in her eyes that Killian couldn't read. He had a feeling that she was going to say something that he wouldn't like.
"Do you love her?" Milah asked.
Killian swallowed hard after he heard Milah's question. He knew the answer to that question, he had known it for some time, ever since before his kiss with Emma. But how could he tell Milah the truth? Milah clearly still loved him and he didn't want to break her heart. He never wished to do that.
"Milah," Killian said, trying to take her mind away from the question.
"No. I'm serious. I can take it," Milah demanded from him. "Do you love her?" she asked again, this time more firmly and Killian knew that there was no other way around it. He had to tell her the truth.
"Aye. I do."
And with that, he admitted in front of someone, for the first time, that he loved Emma Swan. And not to just anyone. He admitted it in front of the woman he had loved and cared about for more than three hundred years.
"I'm glad to hear that," Milah said in a lower voice.
"Are you? Really?" Killian asked, knowing very well that Milah was lying.
"I don't know," she said letting out a sigh. "I need time to think about it."
Without another word, Milah rose from the table and started to walk towards the door. Killian jumped after her, putting a hand on her elbow and stopping her.
"Milah, I still want you in my life. You will always be important to me," Killian said. He couldn't let her go after he had found her again.
He cared about her and he hadn't lied when he said he wanted her in his life. He wanted her here, at least as his friend.
"Emma is your True Love. I don't want to fight with her or anything," Milah said with a hint of regret.
"We can be friends, Milah. I want that. And I'm sure Emma would understand." Milah looked at him as if she didn't believe him. "I know that. You don't know her."
Silence fell between them. Milah shook her arm to get Killian to release her elbow. They weren't looking at each other and the tension in the room started to mount. Fortunately, Milah opened her mouth and started to speak.
"No," she said, looking at him. "I don't know her. But I want to. She's your True Love and the mother of my grandson," she continued.
"That she is," Killian nodded with a small smile on his face, grateful that Milah at least considered the idea of getting to know Emma.
"It's starting to get dark," Milah said looking outside. "Maybe I should leave."
There was nothing else they could talk about, at least not tonight, so Killian nodded at her.
"Okay."
"Do you think I can talk to Emma tomorrow?" Milah asked before she moved towards the door.
"I don't know. I can ask her."
"Okay. Thank you Killian."
With that, Milah left without another word to him. After Milah was gone, Killian didn't know what to do. It felt good to talk to her those last few hours, but he felt like everything crumbled when he told her about his relationship with Emma. Still, Killian didn't have it in him to lie to her and a part of him was happy that he told her and that she knew the truth now.
Killian wanted to talk to Emma and tell her what he talked to Milah about. He also wanted to let her know that he told Milah the truth about them, so he left his room and went outside, ready to go after Emma. But when he got on the deck of the ship, he realized just how late in the night it actually was and he thought to himself that Emma was, most certainly, asleep. So Killian decided to leave the talking for tomorrow and went back to his cabin, getting himself ready for the night. When he put his head on the pillow, he realized that the sheets still smelled like Emma from the night they shared. He closed his eyes, getting drunk on the smell of her perfume and hoped to have a good sleep surrounded by Emma, even if she wasn't there in person.