Disclaimer: I do not own Castle or the recognizable characters who appear in this story. Any other names, for characters or businesses, are fictional, uncompensated, or are in the public domain.
After giving it yet another read, Beckett stuffs the letter Castle sent via Gina back into its envelope. Making sure no one's watching, she slips it back into her desk drawer where it resides with the letter delivered by her father. She looks at them when she misses Castle or when she needs to smile, both of which have happened frequently in the last few days. Gates was unimpressed by Beckett's late return after her visit with Gina, further lowering the temperature in the precinct. And then there was Castle's note. From the safety of her cruiser, Beckett had texted him after her meeting with Gina, again keeping her note brief. I guess you can talk about wisdom, Castle, since you were smart enough to be far away when you teased me. I'm looking forward to seeing you. And not just to exact my revenge for your letter.
Again, she'd invested too much time in composing her message. But she's happy with it – the text manages to straddle the line between honesty and playfulness, letting him know she read the note and returning the teasing he started there. All reinforced by another reference to speaking to him face-to-face.
Which is why his reply was disappointing. Sorry, Beckett, return to NYC delayed until next week but I'll visit ASAP. Thanks for not hurting Gina, hoping you're not saving it for me. Stay safe. At least he replied quickly this time. So it is that she's sitting at her desk on another Monday afternoon, plowing through yet another stack of administrative back-filing courtesy of Gates' reviews of last year's cases.
The sound of Esposito's head landing on his desk captures her attention.
"Would somebody please kill someone?" he begs, voice muffled with his face pressed against his blotter. "Doing paperwork once sucks enough, but now we get to do it again for the same cases? Shoot me."
"It's not so bad," Ryan replies, trying to sound cheerful. "At least we get to clock off on time."
"Says the guy with a lady waiting at home," Esposito grouses, still not lifting his head.
"You could, too," Ryan replies, watching his partner lurch back in his chair in horror at the idea of being shackled into a stable relationship. "In theory," he finishes with a laugh.
Beckett chuckles at Espo's look of indignation as he gets annoyed by Ryan's suggestion that he couldn't find an actual committed relationship even though he just said that's not what he wants. Her quiet laugh ends in a squeak as the vibration from Castle's communication device in her pocket startles her.
Pulling the device out but obscuring it from view, she takes care to type in her code carefully. She puts her elbow on her desk and rests her forehead on her hand, using the position of fatigue to mask her review of his message.
Getting hungry? There's a private table for the team at DiChiara's at 6:00. Let me know if you're working late and I can find something else. Otherwise, see you soon.
Finally, Beckett cheers. She accepts the invitation immediately, even before checking with Esposito and Ryan. Truth be told, she'd prefer a private meeting with Castle. But it sounds like he has something else in mind.
Beckett rises from her chair and wanders over to Gates' office. Seeing the captain alone, she knocks lightly in the doorframe. Gates doesn't look pleased at the interruption, but waves her approval to Beckett's request for her team to run down to the coffee shop. Her teammates had watched in surprise as she approached the captain, so it takes only a simple hand gesture to get them moving.
"You guys up for dinner?" she asks once they've cleared the precinct. She's probably being paranoid, but talking about the time and location of their dinner in the open bullpen seemed like a bad idea. "Castle's buying."
"Really?" Ryan asks, sounding excited. "He's in town? Damn, I didn't see anything in the TSA files. I'll check again."
"Later," Beckett suggests as they reach the shop. "Let's not draw too much attention to his arrival."
"Until after he's gone again?" Esposito asks as he holds the door open. "Gotta say, he's better at sneakin' around than I thought he'd be."
Beckett nods, opting not to reply with other patrons lingering nearby as they await delivery of their drinks. The boys follow her lead, leaving the commentary for the return trip.
"Listen, guys," Beckett restarts the conversation as they leave the shop with caffeine in hand. "Once you eat, would you mind clearing out early? I'd like some time with Castle."
"You gonna rough him up," Esposito asks with a raised brow, "or you gonna have a heart-to-heart," he says while cocking his head and batting his eyelashes.
"Shut up," Beckett laughs, punching him on the shoulder. "I just want to talk to my partner," she clarifies when her mild assault distracts neither of the detectives. It satisfies their curiosity, but only a bit. They keep shooting her odd glances for the rest of the afternoon, the upcoming meeting with Castle clearly providing the distraction from their paperwork Esposito had craved so desperately.
And his distraction is welcome, since Esposito was starting to hit too near the mark for Beckett's comfort. The last few days, and another visit to Dr. Burke, have helped her start to come to terms with some of the developments in her life. And not just what happened to her at Montgomery's funeral or to Castle during the summer, but stretching back to before her shooting. She's been recalling the thoughts she was wrestling with on their trip to LA or the case with the dirty bomb or the many other times she and Castle came so close, only to be pushed apart again. Things had been building between them, careening toward an inevitable union, until the disaster of her mother's case reached out and killed her captain and nearly killed Beckett and her partner.
But Castle taking ownership of the case had unexpected consequences. First, while he's clearly deeply involved in the case, he still took time to protect the people in his life. The reminder itself was humbling, as was Beckett's decision to share this insight with Esposito and Ryan. Second, with Castle shouldering the weight of the case, Beckett feels free to breathe for the first time since she was nineteen. It's an incredible feeling that shocked her to her core when she finally identified what it was two nights ago while lying in bed wide awake. She must trust her partner to run the case well, at least for a while, or she wouldn't feel such relief.
She wants that feeling to persist. She wants Castle to experience it. She wants them to share it. She wants, she's come to admit to herself, her partner. She wants him safe and back at her side where they can think about the possibility of exploring something new together.
The detectives clock out at 5:15, making a point of staying late in return for the time Gates allowed for their coffee run. She notices, too, to Beckett's private delight. Perhaps, inch-by-inch, they can start to make some inroads with the new boss. Still, as soon as the elevator closes on Gates, they scurry from their desks, heading for the stairwell.
They arrive at the restaurant a few minutes early, just as Beckett starts to wonder how they'll find Castle. Walking up to the maître d' and asking by name for someone trying to keep a low profile's probably not a great idea. She's still wondering what alias he might've used as they enter the restaurant and are recognized on sight.
"Right this way," the pretty server offers, collecting the detectives and weaving through tables in the main seating area before leading them through a service hallway and up to a door marked 'Storage.' Ushering them through the door, they end up not in a storage room but in a dimly-lit back hallway. It looks like there are a series of alcoves off the hallway, but each is hidden from view by a security curtain of a different color.
"Crazy. Never had any idea there were rooms back here," Esposito murmurs as they resume their walk, articulating the thoughts of each of the detectives. The server replies with only a small smile. Pausing at the third alcove, the server knocks on the frame of the opening, waiting for a corresponding knock before pulling aside the purple curtain and gesturing for the detectives to enter.
The space behind the curtain is more spacious than they'd expected, which makes sense – there needs to be room for the wait-staff to stand without holding the curtain open and exposing the guests to view of the hallway. That looks irrelevant today, as the table is already laden with food. But while the boys focus immediately on the spread, Beckett instead turns to her errant ex-partner who's standing beside the table.
Beckett shocks all three men by stepping up to Castle and wrapping him in a hug, careful not to press her hands to his back. "Thanks for taking care of dad," she whispers in his ear, letting her cheek rub against his and giving him a gentle squeeze. She's shocked to realize how good it feels to have him in her arms. She doesn't let herself linger, though, stepping back before punching him lightly in the shoulder. "And that's for your wisdom crack."
The boys look no less confused when Castle gives a low chuckle in reply. "There's my Beckett. You had me worried with that hug. I thought the nature of this place might've gotten to you," he says with a broad gesture to the dining facilities that are clearly geared toward providing guests with unrivaled levels of privacy and discretion.
"Bro, don't talk about what might've happened on this table when the food looks so good," Esposito requests as he eyes up the steaks Castle ordered for him and his partner. "Good to see you, by the way. You haven't kidnapped anyone today, have you? We're not here to provide an alibi?"
Beckett looks like she's going to let fly with another punch but Castle laughs again. "Good to see you guys, too," he welcomes with fist bumps to Ryan and Esposito, both of whom look cautiously optimistic regarding Castle's noticeably warmer demeanor. "Why don't we tuck in," he says while gesturing to the food.
They pile into the booth at his suggestion, Ryan and Esposito on one side of the table and Beckett and Castle on the other. Beckett's not sure if his gesture for her to enter the bench seat first is chivalrous or an effort to secure an outside seat for himself, but she doesn't mention anything. Besides, Castle's already dictated the seating arrangements by having each teammate's favorite meal plated and in place.
The first fifteen minutes pass with small talk, a chance to reestablish a fragile rapport over good food and lowered tensions. After it's clear Castle's in a more approachable mood than he was at the Haunt, the boys try several ploys to tease information out of him – where he's been, where he's staying, what he's been doing – but he's too adept at deflecting social enquiries to provide any information. Maybe if they pushed harder, but the boys are happily distracted by the good food and drink to be overly aggressive. Which is probably why, Beckett thinks, he arranged for them to meet here.
"So," Castle finally says after setting down his cutlery and taking a sip of water, ignoring his glass of wine as he has throughout the meal, "there was a reason I wanted to get together tonight."
"You're just buttering us up so you can come back to the team, right?" Ryan asks, sounding like he'd not mind this outcome.
"No," Castle answers with a laugh, making light of the offer in an attempt to dismiss it out of hand. "Are you wearing wires? Because I'm here to bribe three cops."
The detectives exchange looks, trying to figure out if this is one of Castle's jokes or if he's being serious. It's a little difficult to tell the difference these days.
"If they don't already," Castle continues by way of explanation, "the people behind my kidnapping – the people behind what happened to Beckett and her mother – will soon know that I'm actively involved. We need to talk about what happens then."
"How?" Beckett asks, wondering if eating her dinner was a mistake if the discussion that follows is going to make her ill.
"They sent another set of people to find me," Castle answers without inflection. "They assumed I ran and hid after what happened this summer. But when their searchers don't report back, they'll figure out that something else is going on."
"Do we want to know what happened to them?" Ryan asks, also looking queasy.
"Nothing undeserved," Castle answers, offering no more explanation. "Once they understand I'm not cowering somewhere, they'll start looking for ways to flush me out or hurt me. That'll include you, though I'm doing what I can to limit those chances."
Esposito lifts a hand while he swallows, making it clear he's going to follow up on Castle's comment. Beckett flinches, expecting another barb aimed at Castle, but she's pleasantly surprised. "'That what you were doing with Gates?"
"Partly," Castle agrees with a nod. "They believe we're on the outs," he explains with a circular gesture that takes in everyone at the table. "They know I didn't have any idea where Beckett was this summer and that you guys didn't come looking for me," he explains without accusation, though every pair of eyes at the table lower in reaction. "Resigning from the NYPD confirmed that belief."
"You resigned?" Beckett asks in surprise. She should've anticipated this development given his other moves, but a formal resignation feels even more wrong than the idea of the Castle-less loft. Gates hadn't said a word. She must've assumed the team already knew.
"What did you think I was doing with Gates?" Castle asks with a low chuckle. "She's not exactly known for her warm demeanor," he says with a smile, "though I think she's kind of sweet."
The looks on the faces around the table are enough to prompt an honest laugh from Castle.
"Anyway," he continues after stealing another quick look at his watch, "time for the bribe. I've got a million dollars for each of you."
He threw the number out so casually that it takes each of the detectives a moment to realize what he said. Then it takes a few more long moments for the enormity of the amount to sink in.
"In exchange for…," Esposito finally utters, the faraway look in his eyes showing that he's still thinking about possibilities.
"For disappearing," Castle answers. "For taking yourselves off the board. I'd say for a year, but it'll either be done faster than that or it won't end at all."
"Castle," Ryan interjects slowly, "that's crazy."
"No, that's about ten years' pay," Castle answers softly, encouraging them to think about the possibilities. "Ten years pay for one year that we can explain retroactively. I can't have Bob or other friends reassign you to a special project now without tipping my hand. But we can do that retroactively once this is done," he promises, further setting the hook. "You'd get a year's vacation in private WITSEC and laurels at the end. And you'd be safe."
Both boys cast Beckett a glance to let her reply first, but she's looking very troubled by this offer, wrestling with the potential implications. While she remains quiet, Ryan tries again for a deeper explanation.
"Why, Castle?" Ryan asks earnestly. "What do you get out of this?"
"A clear field," he answers directly with a sweeping arm gesture over the table. "No losses of friends or family, no logistical challenges from organizing your protective details, no chances of friendly fire," he says while casting a raised brow at Esposito, "and the possibility of friendly support for Alexis if I… if she needs help once this is over."
"Why don't we just…," Ryan starts to ask before Beckett raises her palm in a silent request to let her deal with this in a private conversation. Ryan capitulates, but Esposito takes a different tack.
"'Protective details?'" Esposito asks. "What, you gonna have us tailed?"
Castle doesn't rise to the bait, though he offers a secret smile in return. The detectives greet this reaction with anxious looks, wondering if they're already being watched.
"The offer's open," Castle finally says. "Think about it. As Gates slowly crushes the life out of the precinct, as the hours get longer and the bullets get closer, let the thought of a well-funded, tropical sabbatical roll around in your heads," he entices. "But, while the offer's open for any of you – and Lanie and Jenny, too, obviously – you should be thinking like musketeers right now. 'All for one and one for all.' Because if one of you disappears, it'll draw attention to whoever remains. And if you all disappear, well, that would stir the pot nicely."
Ryan moves to speak again but swallows his words after a quick look at Beckett. The interaction finally prompts her to enter the conversation.
"Guys, why don't you take off?" she requests, glad she set this up in advance as they now look reluctant to leave. "I'd like to talk to Castle alone, please."
Ryan and Esposito comply with her request, though they don't look especially comfortable with leaving at this point. Castle rises to shake hands as they depart, encouraging them once again to give serious thought to his offer. Clearly pondering the possibilities, the boys make their exit. Once they've left, Castle sits on the other side of the table and moves the empty dishes to the side so he and Beckett can talk to each other face-to-face.
"I take it that was set up in advance," Castle says with a nod of his head toward the curtain through which Esposito and Ryan departed. "Should I be worried about my safety, now that we're alone, or my virtue?"
Beckett huffs a laugh, thankful for his playful start to their conversation. It's a good reminder of how things used to be.
"I think you'll be okay on both fronts," she allows with a smile.
"Damn," he complains with a smile of his own. "You know the money talk was mostly for their benefit, right?" he confides, migrating away from humor to get back on topic. "I set aside more for you and your dad."
"I'm thankful you're thinking of us," Beckett begins carefully. "It's more than I managed when I was running the case." Castle looks surprised, both at her free admission and her comment that seems to suggest she's accepted his oversight of the investigation. "But we don't… *I* don't want to run, Castle," she admits. "I don't want to be off the board. I want to help."
Castle's already shaking his head before she even finishes talking. "Beckett, we've already talked about this."
"I get it," Beckett interjects before he gets rolling. "You were right about my tunnel vision. You can lead. I…," she gulps, screwing up her courage for this point, "I want you to lead. Just let me help."
"I can't get pulled in again, Kate," he answers in a low voice. "I won't let things go back to how they were, not when Alexis' safety hangs in the balance. I don't have the time or energy to be derided, second-guessed, ignored, or subverted."
"Castle, that's not…"
"That's exactly what would happen," he speaks over her. "We could start with the best of intentions but you know what would happen. Even if you could let me lead, which I doubt," he says without malice, "can you honestly tell me I wouldn't have to fight Espo every step of the way?"
"No," Beckett admits, "but Ryan's on board and he could keep Espo in check."
"Maybe," Castle allows, "but it still costs time and energy even if he can. It's a distraction I can't afford."
"But we could help, too," she argues, an alternate play already starting to form in her mind.
"I've got help," Castle reminds her, harkening back to their conversation at the Haunt. She's no more assured now than she was then.
"I don't trust your help," she admits frankly. "Even if they know what's at stake, they don't know you like I do. It should be me," she states boldly, skating up to the edge of a new rash decision. "Take me with you."
Aside from eyebrows that shoot upward, Castle's too shocked by her offer to reply for several long moments. When he does, though, it's with another shake of his head. "A beautiful distraction's probably more lethal than a bickering one," he replies with a flirty smile to lessen the sting of rejecting her offer. "You, more than anyone save Alexis, need to come out the other end of this in one piece. I need to know that some semblance of life will go back to normal when this is done. I've made my deals," he admits vaguely, ratcheting Beckett's concerns even higher. "But it'll be easier to know that if I'm not around later, Alexis will have someone to whom she can turn if she needs help in the future."
"You can't wrap me in swaddling clothes and tuck me away to keep me safe," Beckett argues, frustration and fear starting to coalesce into anger. "What am I supposed to do, Rick? I can't stop, I won't stop. These people killed my mother and nearly killed me. They stole my future, my dreams, and half a decade with my father. And now they're threatening someone I care for," she offers weakly, locking up on any deeper declaration, though he seems shocked she offered even that much. "I'll work it the right way, I'll avoid drawing attention, and I'll send you anything I find," she promises while patting the communication device in her pocket, "But I won't stop."
"I know," Castle offers quietly. "You wouldn't be the woman I love if you did."
"Castle," she replies in a low tone of her own, thrown again by his openness, "you've got to stop saying that."
"Why?" he asks with a crooked smile. "Nothing left to lose, right? All the circumspection and subtext, all the worry about how admitting my feelings might affect our working relationship, that's all gone now."
"It hurts," Beckett confesses, lowering her head at the admission. "Because you're acting like it could never happen, like it's just some daydream you enjoy because you're not coming back regardless of what happens," she admits, raising her eyes to connect with him for her big declaration. "Just when I realize I should stop fighting against us, it seems like you're done fighting for us."
If he was surprised before, Castle looks dumbfounded now. After several long moments, he lowers his head to focus his attention on his left hand, watching it slowly reach across the table as if we wasn't in control of the movement. His head cocks to the side when she takes his hand in both of hers, stuck by the novelty of their connection. It's probably the most innocent form of communion that's taken place in these secret alcoves and obviously the most pure.
"I'm still angry. I'm still hurt," he offers in voice that's surprisingly calm. "And I'm damaged."
"You should be," she allows. "And so am I."
"We'd have to talk," he warns. "For real."
"I'm figuring out how to do that," she replies. "I've got a good counselor. It'll take some time, but I'm working on it."
"I'm going to need some time, too," Castle acknowledges. "To figure out this case and to figure out this," he says while raising their linked hands.
"You gave me the time I said I needed," Beckett reminds them both. "I can return the favor."
With every objection addressed, Castle lapses into silence to think about where he's found himself. Beckett sits quietly, an early preview of the time she promised.
"When they had me," he says slowly, tentatively, "and they were threatening my daughter, I knew I'd do anything to protect her. It was ridiculous. I was beaten, bleeding, fading in and out from pain and blood loss, but I was absolutely certain I'd survive to protect her. And the things I've done, Beckett…'" he trails off, studying their connected hands. "I would die for Alexis," he promises with certainty before raising his head and looking into her eyes. "But I could live for you."
Beckett chokes back a quiet sob at his vow. He might not be writing but he still has a way with words.
"Thank you," he says quietly. "You've given me hope. It's something I think I'd forgotten. Maybe there could be an 'after' to all this."
"Which is why I'm going to help," Beckett repeats, risking their careful détente but reinforcing her commitment.
"You can try," he replies with a shrug. "I'm not going to change my plans, or share them. I'm not going to make it easy for you."
"When have you ever?" she asks with a brave smile, coaxing a chuckle out of him before she surprises him one more time. With his eyes watching, she turns his hand over before holding it in one of hers while using her other hand to undo his watch band.
"Undressing me already? These private alcoves are amazing!" he teases. If she weren't so glad to have him playing she'd tug his ear. Instead, she removes his watch and holds it up in front of them.
"I hate this thing," she offers bluntly. "Every time you look at it means some other nasty surprise is on the way. So, I'm taking it," she says baldly, slipping it into the same pocket that holds the communication device. Then, she quickly removes her own watch and transfers it to Castle's wrist.
He's about to object when she freezes him with a look.
"Now, every time you check the time, you'll remember why you're doing this," she explains quietly, turning his hand back over so she can rest her hand atop the face of the watch. "Why you need to come back."
"Kate, no," he finally replies, shaking his head but leaving his hand in place. "I can't," he says as if trying to convince himself more than her. "I know what this means to you…"
"Which is why you'd better protect it," she offers with a fierce stare that loses none of its effect for the tear that escapes. "Do whatever you can to keep it out of harm's way."
"I promise," he pledges with watery eyes.
Knowing their time together is coming to an end, they sit together quietly for several minutes, holding hands and gathering strength for what's ahead. Finally, Castle takes a deep breath and releases a long sigh.
"Time to go?" Beckett picks up on the cue.
Castle nods. "I should've already left," he admits with an unapologetic shrug.
"Don't suppose you'll tell me where you're going?" she tests, giving his hand a quick squeeze.
"Sure," he offers with a wink and a smile. "I need to go see my attorney. My attorney, not your father," he clarifies, earning a more vigorous hand squeeze.
"Henry or Stan?" she asks, showing off what she learned from Gina.
"So you heard about Stan?" Castle asks with a laugh as he rises from his seat. "Don't let Gina fool you. Stan's alright. He and Gina just didn't get along very well."
"Really?" Beckett asks facetiously. "I hadn't noticed. So," she asks again, letting him know she won't be distracted, "Henry or Stan?"
"Neither," he laughs, shaking his head at her determination. "I'm heading over to Samuelson's firm. I'll pass along your regards," he offers with another wink.
Blushing at the reminder of her completely ineffectual efforts to extract Castle's whereabouts from Jacob Samuelson, Beckett offers a rueful nod. "Fine," she huffs as he chuckles. "Just be careful."
"Be safe," he replies in kind, before tugging on her hand to pull her in. This time he's the one to initiate the hug, and Beckett realizes it feels even better now than it did before.
The flickering warmth from her parting moment with Castle still lingers days later. It's another paperwork day, the reward for closing Tuesday morning's case after only two long days. Paperwork today, and perhaps tomorrow, and then the weekend spreads out before her with two full days in which to focus on her case. She's mid-way through the banking records and has the feeling she's getting close to sifting out something of use. She's looking forward to making headway and sending Castle a text letting him know she's on the trail…
In good spirits, Beckett walks to the breakroom. The espresso machine, finicky since Castle's departure, works like a dream for her this morning, leaving her with both caffeine and a smile. Clearly, things are looking up.
She wanders back to her desk, noticing the watchful eyes from Esposito and Ryan. They've been well-behaved since Monday night's dinner, keeping their comments to a minimum. Even the realization that she's wearing Castle's watch didn't spur the amount of teasing she'd expected. It was almost disappointing. Then again, she keeps overhearing their daydreams of what they'd do with a million dollars. Castle planted that seed deep, damn him.
Smiling at the recollection of their conversation, Beckett turns to yet another booking form before she hears Captain Gates open her door and call out in something more emotional than her usual tone of control.
"Detective Beckett," Gates calls out. "There's a ten-thirty at the New Amsterdam Bank and Trust on Lex. Take your team and report to Captain Peterson on site."
"Ten-thirty?" Ryan asks from his desk. "Since when are we handling bank robbery calls?"
"Since the perpetrators recognized Mr. Castle among the hostages and demanded to talk to his partner."
A/N: I have a big work deadline on Friday, but I managed to finish these chapters while waiting for feedback. I'm not sure when the next update will arrive; with luck, I'll made some headway over the weekend. But I check out for medical stuff next week, so I'm hoping to post before then. Fair warning: sacrilege follows. I can't believe I'm about to write an alternate take on what I consider to be the best-written Castle episode. Apologies in advance.