Valentine's Day
That morning, the Joker had completely forgotten it was anything but another day for a crime. But Harley hadn't. She woke up beaming, but tried to pretend to still be asleep as she heard the Joker climb out of bed – he was probably off to go make her breakfast in bed, or prepare some other kind of romantic surprise. She lay in bed with her eyes shut for about half an hour, before she finally sat up, confused as to why he hadn't returned.
She pulled on her bathrobe and headed into the kitchen, but Joker wasn't there, and breakfast clearly hadn't been made, as the place was still clean. She found him in his study, hunched over his plans, as usual.
"Morning, puddin'," she purred, sliding up behind him and putting her arms around him as she kissed his cheek.
He grunted in response. "What have we got planned for today?" she breathed, nibbling on his earlobe.
"Stop pawing me, would ya?" he snapped. "We don't got anything planned for today until this evening!"
"Oh," said Harley, surprised. Her Valentine's Day plans usually lasted most of the twenty-four hours that made up the day, but if Mr. J was confining his surprise to the evening, that was fine too. She couldn't imagine anything more perfect than a romantic evening that ended with a bang. "Sounds good, puddin'," she said. "So where are we going this evening?"
"Dini Towers," retorted Joker, turning his attention back on his plans.
"Dini Towers?" repeated Harley, trying not to shriek with excitement. "You mean the most expensive, most exclusive restaurant in all of Gotham City?"
"That's what I mean," said Joker, nodding. "Being the most expensive and most exclusive is kinda the point, doncha think?"
"I sure do, puddin'," breathed Harley, her eyes shining. "Oh, I love you so much!" she said, kissing him repeatedly all over his face.
Joker sighed irritably. Harley was clearly in a frisky mood today for some reason, and if he didn't want to keep being interrupted in putting the finishing touches on his plan for tonight, where he and the gang were going to stage a robbery of the most expensive restaurant in Gotham and fleece some rich snobs, he knew he had to keep Harley away from him somehow.
"Look, why don't you go out and buy yourself something nice, huh?" he asked. "We should both look stunning for this thing tonight – go get a fancy dress or something. Here's some cash – steal it if it's more than that," he said, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a few dollar bills.
"I will, puddin'," said Harley, hugging and kissing him again. "I'll look like a knockout, I promise! I'm gonna get my hair done someplace fancy, and my makeup…"
"I don't know why you'd bother with that – nobody usually sees your hair in your jester hat, and your makeup looks fine the way you do it," said Joker. "I don't think professional makeup artists are trained in the clown look anyway."
"Oh…ok," said Harley, slowly. "I thought you wanted me to doll up…"
"Yeah, but there's no need to go overboard," said Joker, shrugging. "I want you to be recognizable, and the jester hat and clown makeup is kinda your trademark. It looks fine."
"Well, I kinda wanna look more than fine tonight," said Harley. "I mean…I wanna look really beautiful for you, so the night will end…with a bang."
"Don't you worry about that, toots!" chuckled Joker. "Whatever happens, this night is definitely gonna end with a bang! Maybe even a few!"
"A…few?" stammered Harley, elated. "Oh…oh, puddin'! Are you sure you're up to that? I mean, I don't wanna pressure you…"
"You're not pressuring me into anything – I'd be happy to do it multiple times," said Joker, presuming they were talking about killing people.
Harley, presuming they were talking about sex, beamed, and then hugged Joker tightly, smothering him with kisses again. "I can't wait, puddin'!" she giggled. "I'm sure it'll be a performance for the ages!"
"You'd better believe it will," said Joker, nodding. "Now I got few things to pick up beforehand, toys and stuff, so why don't you go out shopping, and I'll meet you at the restaurant at 7 PM sharp. Don't be late – I don't wanna ruin the surprise before you get there."
"Ok, puddin'," said Harley. "See you tonight, my cuddly, sexy love bear!" she cooed, kissing him again and skipping off.
"What is with her today?" muttered Joker, turning his attention back to his plans. He sighed, pulling out his phone. "Better call the guys and have them meet us at the restaurant – this plan ain't gonna work unless we all show up at the same time ready to hold up the place."
He had just finished making individual calls to his henchmen when his phone rang. "Hello?" asked Joker, answering it.
"J, you two-faced, under-handed son of a bitch!" roared an angry voice on the other end.
"Now Harvey, should you really be calling other people that?" asked Joker.
"These explosives you gave me don't work!" yelled Two-Face. "I'm here trying to detonate a bridge, and something is wrong with this detonator, because there's no kaboom!"
"You do know how to use a detonator, right?" asked Joker. "You press the big, red button…"
"Don't patronize me, you cheating clown!" snapped Two-Face. "How dare you sell me faulty explosives?!"
"They're not faulty – you're just an idiot," retorted Joker. "You must have hooked 'em up wrong, or done something to the wiring while you were moving 'em…"
"Ok, well if you're so smart, come over and fix them!" snapped Two-Face.
"Ok, I will!" snapped Joker. "Nobody calls the Joker a cheater when he's not actually cheating anyone! I mean, I have cheated people before, when there was a good joke involved, but this is not one of those times, and I won't let you slander my good name like that! I'll see you in five," he said, hanging up his phone and putting it back in the pocket of his robe. He then went to go get dressed in his usual purple suit, and in his haste forgot to transfer the phone from his bathrobe into his suit pocket, causing him to leave his phone behind in the hideout. That was the first mistake he would make today, but it was far from the last.