"Have I told you that you look beautiful today?" said Bruce Wayne, smiling at Selina Kyle, who was seated across from him at Dini Towers.
"A few times, but once more couldn't hurt," said Selina, smiling back as she sipped a glass of champagne. "I'm really glad you suggested this Valentine's Day brunch, Bruce. And I can't believe I have you all to myself for once. If you haven't got some gala to attend, you're busy with one of your…hobbies," she finished.
"Well, not today," said Bruce, taking her hand. "I've cleared my social calendar completely, and as for my hobby…I have some friends overseeing that. I am keeping the entire day free for just you and me. Anything you want to do, Selina, just let me know, and I'll make it happen. What else are billionaire boyfriends for?"
"Yeah, I knew there was some reason I was dating you in spite of your busy schedule," said Selina, nodding. "So if I wanted dinner on your private jet to Hawaii tonight, you could arrange that?"
"Just let me text Alfred," said Bruce, taking out his phone. To his surprise, it suddenly rang.
"Uh…let me just take this," he said, glancing at the name and turning away from Selina as he answered the phone. "Hello?"
"Bruce, I know you wanted today off, but something's come up," said a voice.
"Clark, I'm sure you guys can handle it," muttered Bruce. "You are the Justice League, after all, blessed with super powers. Surely I'm not needed for whatever this is…"
"It's going on in your backyard," retorted Superman. "There are some rampaging plant vines tearing up Gotham City."
"Oh God, who pissed Ivy off now?" muttered Bruce. "Look, can't you guys cover this for me? I really can't get out of this…very important business meeting I'm attending."
"Bruce, it's Valentine's Day – we know you're on a date," retorted Superman. "I can see you through the walls of the restaurant."
"Then you can use your x-ray vision to find wherever Ivy is hiding out and stop her, can't you?" snapped Bruce.
"Bruce, are you really going to let the people of Gotham suffer when you could be out there doing something to save them?" asked Superman. "I know you, and I know you're not that selfish. If one life can be saved by your actions, you will act. So get out there and save people, like we're all doing, or you can't call yourself a hero anymore."
The phone clicked off, and Bruce pocketed it slowly. "Who was that?" asked Selina.
"Uh…that was…a friend from work," said Bruce. "Um…look, Selina, I know what I just said, but…something's come up."
Selina stopped with her glass raised halfway to her lips. "Which one?" she demanded. "Which one of those insane, selfish ingrates is ruining my Valentine's Day plans now?"
"Ivy," said Bruce. "And I know she's a friend of yours, but I wouldn't feel right just sitting here when…innocent people are out there being hurt. I would be thinking of them rather than you, and you don't want me distracted like that. Please try and understand…"
"You don't have to ask my permission – just go," snapped Selina.
"I'll be back for dinner," said Bruce. "And we'll go on that private jet to Hawaii, just the two of us. I promise," he said, kissing her and hurrying off.
Selina sighed loudly. "This is what I get for dating heroes," she muttered, pouring herself another glass of champagne from the bottle. "But as long as this is all on his tab, I'm gonna make the most of it."
She looked around at all the happy couples surrounding her, and drained the glass, pouring herself another. She thought about going home to her cats, but that might be a bit too depressing on Valentine's Day. As would being out among people, she thought, looking around at the couples again. So she stayed where she was, snacking on the free food, drinking the champagne, and watching footage of the trending attack on Gotham and live clips of the Justice League from her phone. Someone had clearly really pissed Ivy off, thought Selina, as she saw the extent of the devastation. Probably Two-Face – she and Ivy sure could pick the best guys, she thought. But at least neither of them were as bad as Harley…
Speak of the devil, she thought, as Harley Quinn strode into the restaurant, wearing a fancy dress and smiling broadly. "Hey, Harley, where's the clown?" asked Selina. "Don't tell me he's stood you up on Valentine's Day."
"Nah, he'll be here later – he said he was just picking up a few toys for tonight," giggled Harley. "I got here early because I was too excited to wait. You look like you've been stood up, though," she commented, nodding at the empty chair opposite her.
"My Bat-date had to leave early because of Ivy's Valentine's Day temper tantrum," said Selina, holding up her phone.
"Oh yeah, I saw that on TV. Looks like a good 'un," said Harley, nodding. "Wonder what Harvey did to make her that mad."
"Probably forgot about Valentine's Day," said Selina.
"Talk about World's Worst Boyfriend!" laughed Harley. "Mr. J would never do something like that! And you both always tell me he's terrible."
"He is," retorted Selina. "But at this point, I'm beginning to think all men are."
"Now you're sounding like Red," said Harley. "I know you two have been disappointed in love a lotta times, but as long as you keep the faith and don't give up, you're bound to find a great guy out there who loves you madly, just like I found my Mr. J."
"Yes, I know Ivy and I both dream of an abusive, psychopathic clown to settle down with permanently," muttered Selina, taking another gulp of champagne. "One day…"
At that moment, one of the Joker's henchmen entered the restaurant. "Oh…hi, Roc," said Harley, surprised. "What are you doing here?"
"Hi, Harley. J sent me here to scout out this place for tonight," said Rocco. "Make a note of all the exits and entrances, security cameras, alarms, that kinda thing. You look beautiful, by the way."
"Thanks," said Harley, smiling at him. "It's a new dress. Mr. J bought it for me – he gave me three dollars, which I left at the store before stealing it."
"O…K," said Rocco, slowly. "That's…uh…generous of him."
"Yeah, he's a thoughtful guy," sighed Harley. "Like sending you to check and make sure we have a clear escape route if the Bat shows up and decides to crash our date here tonight. Mr. J didn't tell you his plans for tonight or anything, did he? I know he wants it to be a surprise, but I think I'm gonna die from excitement if I have to wait!"
"Uh…he's gonna…come in, interrupt everyone's dinner, hold 'em up at gunpoint, and then leave before Batman shows up," said Rocco. "Or…that was the plan he told me, anyway."
Harley stared at him. "Well, that can't be right. We're supposed to be one of those people having dinner here tonight. I'm not gonna rush through my meal because the Bat's been provoked by Mr. J committing a crime."
"I can check with the other guys, but I'm pretty sure we were all told the same plan," said Rocco.
"You guys are all gonna be here?" asked Harley, even more confused. "But…why would Mr. J want all of you on our date?"
"Maybe he didn't plan a date with you, Harley," suggested Selina. "Maybe he forgot it was Valentine's Day after all."
Harley frowned. "No, that can't be right," she said, standing up and heading over to the server. "Excuse me, sir, do you have a reservation tonight under the name of Joker?"
"Um…no, miss, we don't," said the server, checking quickly through the list.
"He might have booked it under a different name so as not to panic people," said Harley, nodding. "How about Jack White?"
"No, miss, sorry," said the server, checking the list again.
"How about Joe Kerr?" asked Harley.
"No, sorry," repeated the server.
"How about Quinn? Anything under the name Quinn? Or Quinzel?" asked Harley.
"I'm afraid not, miss," he replied.
"How about…Mark Hamill?" asked Harley, rapidly running out of Joker's aliases.
"No, I'm truly sorry, miss," replied the server.
Harley slowly sank back into a chair as tears rose to her eyes. "Maybe…maybe he did forget," she murmured.
"No, that doesn't seem like J!" exclaimed Selina, sarcastically. "He's such a thoughtful guy! He'd never put himself first for anything, and he's always thinking about you and your feelings, Harley! He's a regular Prince Charming – how could he have possibly forgotten to make plans for Valentine's Day?"
"But I reminded him and everything," murmured Harley, trying to hold back her tears. "I even offered to make our plans myself, but he told me he could take care of it. How could he have forgotten?"
"Because all men are scum, Harley," retorted Selina. "Have a glass of champagne and just accept it."
She stood up, taking the champagne bottle with her. "We should go see Ivy, actually. Not only to commiserate about how terrible our boyfriends are, but maybe we can also talk her out of stopping this attack on Gotham. Traffic always sucks for weeks afterward with everyone trying to rebuild things, and that's an annoyance I don't need on top of all the ones I already have."
"Ok," murmured Harley, following Selina out of the restaurant and trying to cry quietly, even though her heart was breaking.