"The shrinks say it's all about communication," Two-Face was saying. "I mean, not that I've ever been to a relationship counselor, but you pick up things being stuck in Arkham for so long. And apparently women are meant to be better at that than men, but in our relationship, or whatever it is, Ivy doesn't communicate anything, which I think is the root of the problem. I think communication is really the key…" He trailed off when he noticed Joker picking at some of the debris above them. "What are you doing?" he asked.
"Trying to break off a piece sharp enough to kill myself with," muttered Joker. "So I don't have to hear any more about you and Pammie. Honestly, Harvey, you're worse than a woman, babbling about your relationship like anyone wants to hear."
"Man or woman, I'm telling you, it's all about communication," retorted Two-Face. "Which is a two-way street. It would definitely help you and Harley too."
"If I wanted your advice about my relationship, I would ask," snapped Joker. "And since your advice would be worse than useless, I would never do that. Harley and me communicate just fine. I tell her what to do, and she obeys me. Couldn't get better communication than that."
"I don't think you understand what communication means…" began Two-Face.
"I think I'm gonna bring this rubble down on top of us if I have to hear that stupid word one more time," interrupted Joker. "Just change the record, huh?"
"I don't think it's unreasonable for me to want to analyze the cause of my demise," snapped Two-Face. "And it's a good way to distract myself from thinking about my impending death."
"Neither of us are dying," snapped Joker. "I told you, Batman is coming to save us."
"It's good that you have faith in him, J, but I don't," snapped Two-Face. "It's been two hours, and there's no sign of him."
"Two hours?" repeated Joker, glancing at his watch. "God, it's seemed a lot longer than that with you whining on and on."
"We've maybe got enough oxygen for a couple more, but then it's…" Two-Face trailed off, slicing his hand over his throat.
"You are such a downer, you know that?" snapped Joker. "Maybe that's why Pammie's annoyed at you – women hate brooding, miserable guys."
"Which is why Batman has such a hard time getting dates, I suppose," retorted Two-Face, sarcastically. "You don't know anything about women, do you?"
"Sure I do!" snapped Joker. "And I always thought Bats did have a difficult time getting dates. I mean, what kinda pathetic woman would put up with a guy who treats her as an afterthought to his justice obsession? I expect pathetic from the cat, but surely other dames have gotta have a little self-respect."
"I think people wonder the same thing about you and Harley," said Two-Face.
"Well, they must be idiots!" snapped Joker. "I'm a helluva catch! And Harley is always happy around me, and you know why? Because I'm a fun, cheerful guy who likes to spread smiles! Bats must just date messed up, psycho chicks."
"He dated Wonder Woman," said Two-Face.
"Well, who's to say she's not a messed up, psycho chick?" demanded Joker. "Isn't she some kinda immortal goddess? Those freaks are all messed up!"
At that moment, the debris above them was lifted, letting light shine into the hole. When their eyes adjusted to it, they saw that the huge slab of rubble was being held up single-handed by none other than Wonder Woman.
"Speak of the devil," commented Two-Face.
"You?" snapped Joker, annoyed. "I don't want to be rescued by you, dollface! Where's the Bat?"
"Busy helping other people," retorted Wonder Woman. "You can climb out now, or I can put this back on and let you stay in that hole. It's your choice, Joker."
"I'm not being rescued by anyone but Batman," said Joker, folding his arms across his chest.
Two-Face flipped his coin, which landed good side up. "I am," he said, standing up and climbing out of the rubble.
"The good side means you should stay and wait for Batman!" snapped Joker. "That would be the right thing to do! Or does loyalty mean nothing to you, Harvey?"
"Don't be stupid, J - come on," muttered Two-Face.
"No!" snapped Joker. "It's Batman or no one!"
"Joker, come on!" snapped Wonder Woman. "I have other people to rescue!"
"So go do that – I'm waiting for Batman," said Joker, firmly.
Wonder Woman sighed heavily. "Batman!" she called.
"What is it?" asked Batman, heading over to her.
"Someone insists on being rescued by you," retorted Wonder Woman, nodding into the pit.
Batman looked down and gritted his teeth. "As if my day couldn't get any worse," he muttered.
"Hey, Valentine, thanks for the rescue!" exclaimed Joker, as Batman grabbed him by the back of his collar and hauled him out. "You see how I waited for you when Harvey didn't – he has no respect for tradition. Plus he probably doesn't feel emasculated being rescued by a girl – Pammie's probably already emasculated him both figuratively and literally, knowing her…"
"Where is Ivy?" demanded Batman, turning to face Two-Face. "She's going back to Arkham right now for this stunt."
Two-Face flipped his coin, which landed good side up again. "I'll take you to her," he muttered.
"I'll tag along in case you need back up," said Wonder Woman.
"And I'll tag along for the fun of it!" exclaimed Joker. "So sweetheart, we were debating if you were one of those psycho, messed up chicks," he said, turning to Wonder Woman. "Tell me, that lasso ain't just for getting the truth outta people, is it? You're kinda into the tying people up thing, right? And Bats enjoys it, doesn't he? I know he's never had any complaints when I've done it to him, but of course the feeling's mutual…"
"Shut up, or I'm punching you in the face," interrupted Batman.
"See, he enjoys the rough-housing," said Joker, nodding. "You can punch me if you wanna, Batsy - I know it would be just the thing to get you in the mood for your pussy date on Valentine's Day…"
Batman seized Joker around the throat and lifted him off the ground. "My date had to be postponed because of you idiots!" he shouted. "So it's not a good time to bring that up unless you want me to break your neck!"
"Okie dokie!" said Joker, beaming at him. Batman released him, and Joker massaged his throat, muttering, "That must be the reason why you're so tense – not getting laid enough. Can't you help him out with that, sweetheart?" he asked, turning back to Wonder Woman. "Take it from Harley and me, sex between team members can really add a lotta pizzazz to the whole workplace environment…"
"You know, the lasso isn't just good for making people talk – it can also shut them up," interrupted Wonder Woman, suddenly flinging it around Joker's mouth and pulling tight.
"Thank you," sighed Batman, as Joker struggled to speak through the rope gag. "Now let's go find Ivy."