Poison Ivy was, at that moment, pouring herself a drink after her temper tantrum and trying to calm down. "Ignore me on Valentine's Day, that selfish, bipolar, two-faced creep!" she muttered, crushing some ice cubes into a cocktail glass. "God, Ivy, you sure can pick 'em! Well, no more! After this, I'm done with men! I'm swearing off all of them permanently!"

There was a knock on her door, and Ivy flung it open. "You better not be here to beg for forgiveness, Harvey…" she began, but stopped when she saw who it was.

"You're not Harvey," she said.

"No, we're not," said Selina, pushing her way inside with Harley following sullenly after her. "But we're here to commiserate. You think Harvey's bad, but the clown completely forgot it was Valentine's Day."

"Well, that seems typical of him," said Ivy, nodding. "Drink?" she asked, holding up her glass.

"I brought champagne," said Selina, holding up her bottle.

"Great," said Ivy. "We can toast to my new resolution – swearing off men forever."

"I'll drink to that," said Selina, clinking her bottle against Ivy's glass and taking a swig out of it. "Though it's honestly your fault my date abandoned me – one little attack on his precious Gotham and he's out the door."

"Well, that's really what you deserve for dating Batman," sniffed Ivy. "He already has a woman in his life, and her name is Gotham City, and no one is more important than her."

"Tell me about it," muttered Selina. "I can't compete with a whole city. Maybe I should swear off men forever too."

Harley remained silent, sitting down in a chair and trying to hold back tears. "C'mon, Harl, have a drink," said Ivy, handing her the cocktail she had made. "It'll make you feel better."

"I don't think it will, Red," murmured Harley.

"Trust me, we're all in the same boat here," said Selina, nodding. "I know Ivy and me have criticized your relationship a lot before, but we're honestly in no position to. Both the men in our lives have disappointed us just as much as the Joker has disappointed you today."

Harley looked up at them. "It's different for me," she murmured. "You gals aren't the type to get hung up on some guy. And you're so strong and confident that you know you can find another one out there, no problemo. When men disappoint you, you dump 'em and move on, because you're so sure you can do better, and you probably can. But with me and Mr. J…it's different. I love him madly, and he's so perfect for me, but he…lets me down a lot. I love so much about him, and when things are good between us, they're very good. I know there's no one out there who's better for me than him, but…he can just be so selfish sometimes. I just wish he could be better…"

"Well, he can't, because he's a man, Harley," snapped Ivy. "And they're all the same. Selfish jerks who'll disappoint you time after time. Which is why I'm swearing off them."

"Me too," agreed Selina. "Strong, independent women like us don't need men to be happy. We can find fulfillment in other ways."

"You mean like stealing jewelry, or developing killer plants?" asked Harley.

"Or taking out whole chunks of the city with plant vines," agreed Ivy, nodding. "That made me feel a little better anyway."

"I just don't think any of that is for me, Red," sighed Harley. "The only things that make me happy remind me of Mr. J, and then I feel sad again. I just wish he appreciated me just a little more, just enough to consider my feelings and to acknowledge the things that are important to me, like Valentine's Day. But he won't change, because he can't. Certainly not for me," she sighed. "He just…doesn't love me that much."

"Hallelujah, she's seen the light," said Selina. "Let's drink to that."

"Amen," said Ivy, taking a swig from her glass.

Harley just stared at her glass, and then put her head in her hands, her tears trickling out from behind her fingers.

Ivy's door was suddenly kicked open. "Batman, you really need to learn to knock," snapped Ivy, standing up as Batman strode into the room. "It's actually illegal to enter someone's home without permission."

"You're really in no position to talk to me about illegal activities, Ivy," snapped Batman.

"Hi, Bats," said Selina, nodding at him as she took another swig from her champagne bottle.

"Selina…what are you doing here?" asked Batman, slowly.

"Just drowning my sorrows with Ivy," said Selina. "But if you're ready to go on that little trip we talked about, I'm willing to forgive you for walking out on me."

"I…uh…just have to take Ivy back to Arkham first," muttered Batman. "Just business, you know…"

"Batman, Joker chewed through my lasso," said Wonder Woman, storming into the room after him. "How in Hera's name do you deal with him on a daily basis?"

Selina stared at her, aghast. "Oh, is this the friend from work who called?" she demanded, rounding on Batman. "Your ex-girlfriend?! You ditched me on Valentine's Day for her?!"

"I ditched you on Valentine's Day because your friend was tearing up the city!" shouted Batman.

"Because my stupid boyfriend was ignoring me!" shouted Ivy.

"I'm not your boyfriend, and I didn't ignore you!" shouted Two-Face from the doorway. "You said we didn't have a relationship! What was I supposed to do on Valentine's Day?!"

"Well, her, obviously!" chuckled Joker, entering the room. "She must get real bored doing plants every day, and wanted to feel a warm body for once, ain't that right, Pammie…" he began, but trailed off when Harley glared up at him, makeup running down her face.

"H…Harley," he stammered. "What are you doing here? And why are you crying?"

"I'm crying because you forgot to make plans for Valentine's Day, you selfish creep!" shrieked Harley. "After I reminded you and everything!"

"No, baby, that's not true – we're going to Dini Towers at 7…" began Joker.

"I ran into Rocco and he told me everything!" shrieked Harley. "That was never meant to be a date – it was another one of your stupid schemes! I just can't believe you forgot! Aren't you meant to be some kinda genius?!"

"Yeah, a criminal genius, not someone who remembers random dates!" snapped Joker. "Especially not a fake, made-up, meaningless holiday!"

"It means something to me!" shrieked Harley. "And if I meant anything to you, you'd remember it! But I don't mean anything to you, do I, Mr. J?!"

"Harley, now is neither the time nor the place for this conversation…" began Joker.

"No, now's the perfect time and place!" screamed Harley. "If you love me, you say it, Mr. J! You say it right now!"

"What…here?" muttered Joker, looking around. "With all these people watching?"

"Yes, here!" shouted Harley. "You should be able to say it anywhere in front of anyone if you mean it! But you don't mean it, do you, Mr. J?!"

"Look, I am not some performing monkey who is just gonna parrot words you wanna hear…" began Joker.

"Say you love me!" screamed Harley. "Say it now, or I swear to God, I'm gone for good, Mr. J! I'm gone someplace you'll never find me, and we are through forever!"

She glared at him, and he stared back at her. "Harley, be reasonable…" he began, but she slapped him hard across the face and raced off, sobbing and slamming the door to the neighboring room after her.

"Harley's got the right idea," said Selina, glaring at Batman. "I'd like to go someplace where I'm never bothered by men again."

"Me too," agreed Ivy. "But sadly there is no such paradise."

Wonder Woman cleared her throat. "Batman, could you take Joker back outside with Two-Face, and leave me to deal with these people?"

"Gladly," muttered Batman, grabbing Joker's arm. "Come on, Joker."

"You'll be back, you ungrateful brat!" shouted Joker at the door as he was dragged out. "You won't last five minutes without me! And you are gonna get such a beating for slapping me that you won't be able to walk for a week!"

Batman slammed the door, leaving Wonder Woman alone with Ivy and Selina. "Actually…there is a place where men cannot go," said Wonder Woman, slowly. "The island where I was born and raised – Themyscira. If you are serious about never wanting to deal with men again, I can grant you safe passage there, and you can live among women until the end of your days."

Selina stared at her. "What, no men at all?"

"None," said Wonder Woman, shaking her head. "No man is allowed to set foot on Themyscira. My sisters the Amazons would destroy them if they tried."

"Why haven't you spoken of this paradise before?!" demanded Ivy, seizing Wonder Woman by the shoulders and shaking her. "I would have gone a long time ago!"

"It is a carefully guarded secret, known only to a privileged few," said Wonder Woman. "But if Batman already intends to lock you up in Arkham for your crimes, Themyscira is a far more permanent solution to his problem of keeping you away from Gotham. Women do not tend to leave there – as you might imagine, a life without men is devoid of many of the sorrows and cares that women experience in this world. I would never have left but for some higher purpose, although some days I do long for a return to that peaceful, serene life. I think you will both be very happy there."

"Why would you help us?" asked Selina, studying her suspiciously. "We're on opposite sides of the law."

"Opposite sides or not, I believe women should help each other," said Wonder Woman. "We should show solidarity with our sisterhood in order to make this world a better place."

"Well, I can't argue with that," agreed Ivy, nodding.

"What about Harley?" asked Selina. "Are we taking her with us to this island too?"

Wonder Woman shrugged. "I think taking her away from the Joker permanently can only be a mercy for her. She will be much happier once she gets used to life without him. He is, after all, the worst of men."

"No arguments here," agreed Ivy. "You know, I don't normally like hero types, Wonder Woman, but if you can actually take the three of us to this women-only utopia, you'll be my hero forever."

"Then it is settled," said Wonder Woman, nodding. "Pack your things, and meet me at the airport tomorrow morning at 7. We'll take my jet, but you'll have to meet me in the terminal first, as it's invisible."

"What about Batman?" asked Selina.

"He won't be a problem," said Wonder Woman, heading toward the door. "I'll tell him you're going to hand yourself into Arkham, Ivy, and then keep him busy with Justice League business. By the time he checks if you've actually done that, we'll be across the ocean, and you'll never have to deal with him again."

"That sounds like paradise already," sighed Ivy. "What do you say, Selina?"

Selina nodded. "Let's do it. But what do we tell Harley? She may be mad at J, but I doubt she'll want to go to an island away from him forever."

"We'll tell her we're taking her on a vacation away from the clown," said Ivy. "And once she gets there and surrounds herself with all these strong, capable female role models, she'll see how women should act, and how they don't need men, and she'll get over the clown no problem."

"Well, I hope you're right," said Selina. "I mean, I guess not even she could still be in love with him after this."