Crossover with Buffy the Vampire Slayer and the John Keats poem La Belle Dame sans Merci, which is an excellent little ballad.

Ok, pick up Willow's sage at the Magic Shop, carrots for Dawn, and duct tape and a hammer. Then home. I can remember that. Sage, carrots, duct tape, hammer. Sage, carrots, duct tape hammer. Sage, celery, duct tape, hammer. Wait... carrots! Not celery, carrots. Sage, celery, I mean carrots, duct tape, and... "Oh, hello there. Didn't mean to step on you." Xander paused to look at the man slumped on the sidewalk. There was always the risk in Sunnydale that he'd discovered a fresh corpse. Or worse. But no, this guy was clearly still alive, looked college-aged, and presumably was a normal human. Demons tended to have fangs... and didn't usually look sick. "Dude, you ok?"

The stranger glanced up at him listlessly. "No," he gasped.

"Ooookay... Do you need to go to a hospital?" He didn't answer, so Xander dug out his cell phone and called for an ambulance. Turned out, there wasn't one available for the next thirty minutes, or even a cop car, because there was currently a pile-up going on on the interstate. Well, Xander wasn't about to leave the poor guy out on the street at twilight to become vampire food. Praying he wasn't sick with anything deadly contagious, Xander hoisted the man up in a fireman's lift and continued on to the Magic Shop.

Giles looked over as soon as the bell tinkled. "Good lord, what happened?"

"Demon in the street?" Anya asked, "Are you hurt, honey?"

"I'm fine. He's just sick. Couldn't leave him for the vamps."

Anya's concerned tone immediately switched to irritation. "Sick? Why bring him here, then? He could infect us, drive away customers! What's wrong with a hospital?"

Giles cleared his throat. "Bring him over here. What's wrong with him? Will EMS be sending someone here eventually?"

"That's the plan. And I'm not sure. He was just sitting on the sidewalk. He's real pale, sweaty, awfully weak. I dunno. He didn't say what happened."

Giles approached with a cup of water and poured some into the stranger's mouth. His eyes flew open, and he coughed weakly. He looked around. "Where..."

"At a profitable business," Anya said. "Can we move him to the back? Sick people are off-putting."

"Where did she go? So beautiful..."

"Oh, well, I'm right here."

"An, hon, please," Xander said.

"Was someone with you?" Giles asked him. "Did you see anyone, Xander?"

The stranger mumbled, "The woman in the woods. She was magical, made the whole place bloom...a garden nothing to disturb the stillness. A cave... Her lips... Those creatures... like extras in a cheap zombie horror movie." He shuddered and started shivering.

Xander looked at Giles. "So, is he sick or cursed, do you think?"

"Sounds like typical male delirium to me," Anya said, sounding bored. "Blah, blah, pretty girl, blah, blah. Probably had a lot of sex in the dream."

"Ahem, well, it is possible of course," Giles ventured, "but the zombies are at least somewhat suspicious. Might be prudent to look into it, just in case. Um, young man, where were you when all this happened?"

"Miller's Forest..."

"Dude, that's clear on the other side of town. You just been wandering around like this all day?"

He shook his head. "A cave in the forest. The woman. Then the dream. Then you tripped over me."

"Uh, what about the zombies?"

"The dream... They said she killed them. She would kill me... she wouldn't. Elle a dit je t'aime..." His eyes closed, and his shivers grew more vigorous. The bell tinkled again. EMS had arrived. Within a few minutes, their unfortunate guest was packed up and on his way to the hospital.

"Well, that was weird. Do we call in the team?" Xander asked.

"Je t'aime? La Belle Dame? No." Giles was muttering to himself.

"Hello? Earth to Giles?"

"What? Oh, yes, yes. I must consult my books..." He drifted off. Xander rolled his eyes and looked at Anya.

"Hey, I'm still minding the store. It's business hours."

"Right. Fine, I'll go collect Willow and the Buffster. Hopefully Giles will know what's what when we get back." He kissed her lightly and headed out. It was full dark now, so he took a stake. The streets were strangely deserted. After he'd walked a couple blocks, a mist started gathering around him. "Great. Demons are out, visibility is down, and I'm the only munchies in the area. Just great."

"Hello."

He spun around to see a girl emerging from the park through the mists. Although girl wasn't really the right word. She was barefoot and wearing a long dress so thin it was practically sheer, every curve tantalizingly revealed by the drape of fabric. Her hair fell past her waist. Her eyes somehow sparkled with mischief in the streetlamps. She looked...timeless, caught between girl and woman, with a face that would easily grace the cover of some fashion magazine...or his other magazine collection hidden back in his old basement. Xander felt his cheeks warm. "Hi," he managed.

"What are you doing out here, alone?" She asked, voice low and gentle as a lover's whisper.

"I, um, I could ask you the same thing."

She smiled then. "I'm looking for someone." She stepped forward and licked her lips. "It might be you."

All the alarm bells suddenly went off in his head, and he stepped back. "Oh, no. Nuh-uh. Nope."

She pouted a little and stepped forward again. "What's wrong?" Xander retreated until his back was against the wall. She had him cornered. She sidled closer, not quite touching, but far too close for comfort. He could feel her breath on his shirt. She reached between them and traced one finger across his chest.

"I'm engaged," he squeaked, knowing that wouldn't matter to whatever demon this was.

"Are you? How wonderful. You must be very... good." She pressed into him and kissed him on the lips. He tasted honey, and dust and blood. The mist brightened and faded away to reveal a meadow of wildflowers of every color. At high noon. With summer heat. What happened to that January night? The scent was dizzying in the heavy, cloying air. Any distant traffic sounds had gone. The world was perfectly still, not a breath of wind, not a bird, not even the hum of an insect. The woman smiled and took him by the hand, making to pull him away into the flowers, but he resisted.

"No."

She spun around, suddenly angry. "No?"

"No! I have been the booty for too many demon ladies already, lady. And I'm currently the booty for just one former demon lady. I'm not going anywhere with you."

Her eyes narrowed. "He's warned you," she hissed.

"Uh, if you mean the fevery guy, well, he wasn't really up to warning anybody about anything. But I'm wise to you anyways..." Her face twisted, revealing the vampire features as he'd anticipated. Xander immediately pulled the wooden stake from his pocket. "Ah-ah-ah, lady. Not tonight, unless you want to get friendly with this guy."

She glowered at him, then raised a hand. The flowery meadow vanished, plunging them back into the dimness of the streets. Xander took off sprinting, hoping he was still headed towards Buffy's house. He heard the demon behind him, but then he saw the turn for Buffy's neighborhood. "Buffy! Help!" he shouted, praying she was nearby outside, or would somehow magically hear him down the block. He was tackled from behind. He and the demon rolled across someone's lawn for a second, then she was on him, pinning him down. She tore the stake from his hand and crushed it to splinters. Then she kissed him again, hard and aggressively, a deep moan escaping her. She tore open his shirt and felt him up, and, stunned, Xander let her. He was the weak one on the Scooby team, he freely admitted, but even he had rarely felt more helpless. He stared at the demon straddling him, at the erect nipples poking through her flimsy dress. He saw a only predator intent on devouring him, and for the first time in his young life, the thought of a hot woman's body was simply revolting. He closed his eyes and turned his head away, which might have been a mistake, as it gave the vampire easy access to his neck, but...

There was a dull THWACK, and the demon's weight left him. He opened his eyes again to see Buffy wielding a very large stick. She tossed him a new stake. "Don't break Mr. Pointy." She jabbed the demon in the belly with her stick. "It's my favorite."

Xander grabbed the stake and climbed to his feet.

The female vampire growled at them and screeched, "Is this girl the one? The one that makes you resist me?" She swiped at Buffy, who easily dodged. Buffy kicked her legs out from under her, and Xander was there, stabbing down with Mr. Pointy with all his strength. Her eyes widened in shock, then disintegrated into dust.

"What the what?" Buffy said, sounding disappointed. "Did you get the carrots?"

"What? Oh. No. No, something came up, and I was coming to get you."

"Oh. Alright. Let's go, then." They set off down the street. "What was that about?" she asked, gesturing back at the empty lawn.

.

"La Belle Dame sans Merci," Giles said, reading from one of his many, many ancient tomes. Although this one looked less ancient than usual. He looked up at them. "It means 'beautiful woman without mercy.' She's old. You probably read the Keats poem about her in school. This is clearly her modus operandi. She hunts down young men, seduces them, enchants them, usually spends a whole day or even two with them in her lair for...you know...anyways, then she drinks from them but discards them still barely living, and they waste away. Even in the modern era that's happened. She must poison them, or spell them, or something." He looked up at them all. "It's lucky Buffy heard you, Xander. She's not known to leave any of her selected victims unscathed. The young man you found earlier is probably going to die still, unless Willow and I can figure out how she does it."

Xander felt arms encircle him from behind as Anya rested her head on his shoulder. "I'm glad she didn't get to you," she whispered.

He turned and kissed her forehead. "Hey, no vampire chick in a skimpy costume is going to lure me away from you, An. You're my only demon."

She smiled. "You mean it?"

"I mean it. That Bell Dam was pretty angry when I turned her down, but you're way scarier." Anya grinned at him and kissed his cheek.

"Whelp, guess I'll patrol on the way back to the house," Buffy said. "And I'll get my own carrots, I guess, Xand. See you guys later."

So, if she's getting the carrots, that leaves celery for Willow, duct tape, and a hammer. Wait, no, they don't sell celery here...