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I do not own Criminal Minds

At work the next day JJ was antsy. She couldn't sit still. She would get halfway through a report before feeling like she needed to stand up and move. She recognized the feeling, the sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach combined with the fast beating of her heart. It was the way she felt any time she thought about coming out to anyone. It was the same feeling that had kept her quiet for so long. That and the fear of losing people.

But she couldn't wait, she couldn't. Everytime she saw Emily she knew, she knew that she loved her. And she couldn't stand not saying anything.

She stood up for the upteenth time and was pacing back and forth when Rossi arrived at her doorway.

"Everything alright?" He asked.

"Yeah," JJ nodded, "I just can't quite seem to sit still."

"Come on, let's go grab a coffee."

"Did you need something?" She asked, indicating the file in his hand.

"It can wait," he assured her, "and if I have any hopes of staying awake, I need a cup of joe and I could sure use some company."

JJ nodded and grabbed her bag, following Rossi out of her office and down the stairs into the bullpen. They walked in comfortable silence to the kitchen where Rossi took a sniff of the coffee and made a face, "I thought we had a rule about letting Reid make the coffee."

"He sure seems to be enjoying it," they looked over at the four mugs Spencer had at his desk.

"Come on, there should be a coffee cart around here somewhere."

The two of them walked out of the bullpen and into the hall. They walked around for a few minutes, "so what's on your mind?" Rossi asked.

"What?" JJ asked.

"What's on your mind?" He repeated.

"Nothing really, just this case."

"Sure," Rossi said, clearly not believing her.

"What is it this time?" JJ asked.

"I just think there's something other than work on your mind. I'm here if you want to talk about it, but if not, we can continue our search for coffee in silence."

They turned the corner and passed by the White Collar Crime unit. They passed a few people in the hall who nodded at them. The lack of conversation gave JJ too much time with her own thoughts. She had thought about coming out to the team before, countless number of times. But every time it came back to the same thing; this was the only thing she had. They were the only people in her life. If they rejected her she would have nothing.

Rossi stopped and began to sniff at the air, "the coffee is near," he spoke dramatically. They took a right and found a coffee cart that was parked by a small open area with tables and benches. They walked up and JJ and Rossi both ordered black coffees. JJ reached for her wallet, but Rossi stopped her and handed the barista a ten.

Once they both had their cups they found a small table and sat down.

"So what's the verdict?" Rossi asked, "are you going to tell me what's going on, or are we going to be forced to partake in small talk?"

JJ sighed and ran her fingers through her hair, "it's just..." she trailed off and shook her head.

"Not ready to talk about it yet, that's okay. Just know that whatever is going on, the team is here for you, you're not alone." He rested his hand on JJ's, "this team will stand by you, and nothing will change that."

JJ saw the honesty in his face.

She didn't know how much longer she could do this. How much longer she could hide this part of herself. How much longer she could live with a piece of herself missing.

And she no longer knew if she had to.

XXX

Emily sat on the couch with a cup of coffee in her hand. The TV was on but she gave it no attention. Her eyes were tired and her head hurt. All she could hope was that the coffee would help. That the coffee would make up for the lack of sleep she had gotten last night. The lack of sleep she would get tonight.

She took a sip of coffee and sighed. She hadn't realized how comfortable she had become in JJ's home. In a way she never had been before, even in her own flat in London. But she would have to leave. Eventually, whichever way Interpol's investigation went, she would have to return.

And the thought of leaving all of this hurt. More than she would have expected. Because this was the first sime she had truly let herself feel her love for JJ. The first time she had realized for herself how head over heels she was for this woman.

She wished things could have been different.

XXX

When JJ got back from work she found Emily asleep on the couch. There was a mug of coffee in her hand that was dangerously close to tipping. JJ gently picked it up and set it on the counter. She took the blanket from the edge of the couch and laid it across Emily's body.

JJ looked at Emily and couldn't help but smile.