6 Years Ago

"I can't stay here," Max said, looking across the kitchen to a happily occupied Regan and Natalie with their grandmother. "I have too many memories and…I can't. I'm sorry. I want to raise my kids by their family."

One month, Jimmy thought. "You can't abandon your entire life, Max. Everything is too raw for you to make that decision."

"I need to do what is best for my kids."

"What about you? Max, your entire life is here."

She looked up at her boss and friend. Kenny killed in the line of duty… "Kenny died doing his job, he saved those kids from… I can't let my kids end up orphans. I need to be there for them and they need their family. I put the house on the market and…I need this."

Present:

"Dad doesn't understand," Kara said, sitting across the kitchen table from Max. "He's so…ugh sometimes. I think he wishes I was still a kid like Nat and Regan."

"I remember you when you were five," Max said. "He used to bring you into the station and you slept on his office couch."

"But I'm not a kid. It's a belly ring, it's not like I want to get a face tattoo."

"You need to present him with a rational argument. He's a lawyer, Kara, and argues for a living. Present him with a clear and concise case to sway him. Maybe not mention a face tattoo."

She grinned at that before turning serious. "My dad really likes you. Like seriously likes you."

Max nodded, glancing outside as Regan and Natalie played in his backyard with him. "I like him too."

"I think it's romantic that you found each other after all those years. Dad has terrible taste in women. They all tried way too hard. Yeah, I'm supposed to be a moody teenager and hate you, but I like you too...and those little monsters. Dad is so much happier since you started going out…do you think that will make him relent on the belly ring?"

"Maybe," Max admitted. "My monsters like you too. Should we join them?"

2 Years Ago

"Max? Maxine Stuart?"

She looked up from where she was filling out registration for swim team for her six-year-old fish and dropped her pen in shock. "John? Hi."

He looked at her for a long moment. "What are you doing in Chicago? At a pool? Are these your kids?"

She nodded. "Yeah. This is Regan and Natalie. Regan is a fish, so we're going to try out swim team and get Nat registered for classes."

"In Chicago?"

She looked down at her kids before back at him. It's been eight years, she thought, we lost touch and…John Littleton. "It's a lot and…How are you?"

"I'm reregistering Kara for the team. She's 13. I'm good, Max."

"Kara is 13?"

"It's been a long time. You have kids. Wait, you and Kenny got married. That I know. So, these are your kids…aren't his parents in Chicago?"

Max nodded, looking down at them before back at him. "His whole family is. They're our family and…hold on. Nat, here. It's okay."

John suppressed a smile, as she squatted down to wipe the juice from the little girls face and hand her back her dropped stuffed animal. Maxine Stuart…no I guess Lacos. She and Kenny moved here to be closer to his family and… "We should catch up."

She looked up, smoothing back Natalie's hair. "I'd like that."

"Dad!"

Max stood up, a bit shocked at the 13-year-old in front of her. Kara Littleton, she was a little older than Nat than the last time I saw her. That sweet girl, who held her dad's hand, and colored on his office sofa. "This is Kara?"

"Dad, who is this?"

"This is Max…I'm assuming Lacos?" John said, as she nodded. "You knew her when you were a kid, Kara, when we lived in Wisconsin. She was a deputy I worked with. Her daughter, Regan, is joining your swim team."

"That weird town?"

Max smiled despite herself. "It had character. Kara, you were barely five the last time I saw you. This is a surprise, really."

"Why are you in Chicago?"

I don't think John knows, she thought, and I don't want to talk about it here. "Just a fresh start."

John caught a flash of pain in her eyes and frowned. Something is off. Kenny's family is from here, she isn't wearing a wedding ring…something is off. "We should catch up sometime, Max."

She nodded at that, as Regan tugged on her hand. I always did like talking to him. "Uh, we should, but I have to get these two home and fed. Maybe we'll see you here?"

John nodded, watching her ease with her children. "Wait. Here. My cell is on the back."

Max took his offered card. "Thanks. Um, yeah, I'll call you sometime."

Present

"Just wait," John said, handing her a glass of wine. "Your time with teenagers will come, Max."

"Nope. They're going to stay this age."

John smiled at her, as he joined her on his back porch. "You're in the pro-belly-ring camp? Seriously, Honey, she gave me a legal brief on why she should be allowed to get one."

"She's all you, John. Come on, it's a belly ring. The hole will close up as soon as it comes out."

"I want you to remember this conversation in eight years when Regan is dating a biker and wanting a nose ring."

"Regan will probably be the biker," she sighed, as he nuzzled her neck a bit, before kissing her. "Oh, they're upstairs."

"Kara knows, Regan figured it out…What do you say we really sit down and talk about it with them? It's not a huge secret with us, except with your kids and."

She looked up at that. "My kids really like you. As for…you don't Sharon and Hank. They were so good to me and…Sharon never got over Kenny's death. Me, the girls…"

"Max, I get it. I've been there."

She looked at him for a long moment. He took me to meet his mom, back before we started dating…and she fussed over the three of us. I do really like her; my girls do and…this isn't fair. "I don't want to hurt them, but…okay. I'll tell them."

2 Years Ago

"It is a small world," Max admitted, as they finally sat down to drinks two weeks later. My kids with their grandparents and Kara at a sleepover. Smiling nervously at him. "Neighbors to boot, huh?"

Two streets over, John thought, really looking at her. She's solo. No Kenny. "I've thought about you over the years. I heard Regan is doing great on the team."

"She's an athlete…she could swim the width of the pool when she was two. Nat is a bit more hesitant with it. Kara seems to be a star. I guess we just lost touch?"

"We were friends. I lost touch with everyone in Rome…I remember hearing you and Kenny got married," he said, as she fiddled with her drink. "There wasn't much after that, you know, life takes over. Kara has been swimming since we moved back here. How are you, Max?"

"We did get married," she said softly, looking down at her drink and back at him. "You told me I was a lonely person, and I wasn't with him."

"Max, what happened? He's not here with you?"

He'll never be with me again. My kids will never know their father…I won't go back to that dark spot I was in. I'm okay for them. Kenny wouldn't want me wallowing in self-pity. And I am okay most of the time. I'm not Sharon crying over pictures and videos. "I wanted Regan and Nat to be near their family and…John, Kenny was killed in the line of duty four and a half years ago."

John reached out and took her hand in his. "Max, I am so sorry. I had no idea."

She shook her head, as he squeezed her hand tightly. "I'm okay, John."

"What happened? Sorry, you don't," he said. "Max."

She shook her head and told him about the situation he walked in on. "I was very pregnant with Natalie, I had her the day after his funeral…I couldn't stay there."

John nodded, running his thumb over the back of her hand. "I know how that goes."

"I was a wreck. I couldn't take care of myself, my girls, I was so numb and…his parents stayed with me for a month. I had to get it together, if not for me, for my kids and…I couldn't stay there. I sold our house, our stuff, I only kept what was important. I needed a fresh start. I didn't think I'd get through it."

"I know."

"And I am okay. It took me awhile to be. It's great being by Kenny's family, my girls get to see their cousins, grandparents, everyone…I stayed with Sharon and Hank for about six months here. I had to get it together after that."

John nodded, just looking at her. This isn't fair. It wasn't fair when Deanna died, and it isn't with her and Kenny either. Her kids were younger than Kara when he died, god she was pregnant when it happened. "And you did?"

She smiled despite the subject. "Well, I started with showering regularly."

He smiled back at her. "I'm sure that was appreciated."

"What about you? The last eight years, John, fill me in."

"Legal aid, helping those who can't help themselves. Raising Kara. I do good work here, Max. Chicago PD?"

"No. I couldn't…I didn't want to leave my kids orphaned," she said softly. "Child advocacy, it's normal hours, I get to help people and still be home to cook dinner."

She sounds like me, John thought, work and kids. Why am I still holding her hand? There is a world of hurt in her. I know this loss…It's been 10 years since Deanna died and it still catches me off guard sometimes. "Max, if you ever want to talk about it, I'm here."

She held his gaze, suddenly very aware of her hand in his. "Thanks."

"You want another drink?"

"I really do."

Present:

"John!" Max laughed, as he tackled her back on her couch. "Oh, stop! John!"

"Stop what?" he teased, kissing her for a long moment. "We are kid free for another 20 minutes."

She wrapped her arms around him and kissed him back. "We can do a lot in 20 minutes."

"Name it."

She kissed him again, before snuggling in close and resting her head on his chest. "I like this…I should be food prepping."

He wrapped his arms around her and squeezed her tighter. My Max, he thought, brushing her long hair back…the first time I've ever really felt something for another woman beside Deanna. Both of us skittish…falling for her. "Stop being responsible. We only have 18 now."

She smiled at that, as she rubbed her hand across his chest. "I don't want to move."

He kissed her cheek before moving onto exploring her mouth with his. Hearing her sigh of contentment as she sunk into his arms and kissed him back. My Max, he thought again, as she shifted slightly under him. "Not even a little?"

"Hmm," she sighed. "What are you doing to me?"

"I like to think I'm seducing you."

"You're doing a fine job of it," she laughed, as he kissed her again. Hmm, she thought, relishing his hands slipping into her waistband. Eight months… "Don't stop."

"Oh my god!" Get off her!"

What the hell, Max thought, as John yelped in pain and grabbed his head. "John?"

"Get off her! Hank, call 911!"

No, no, no, Max thought, as she eased John off her. "Are you okay? John?"

"What the hell?" he asked, rubbing his head. "I'm fine, Max."

"What are you doing here?" Max asked, standing up slowly and looking at her in-laws. "You can't just walk into my house…Put the phone down."

"That man was attacking you!" Sharon cried. "Hold him down, Hank!"

"He wasn't attacking me," she said. I'm going to destroy Sharon. They're going to hate me. "I didn't want you to find out like this, I didn't know how to tell you…This is John. We've been seeing each other. Um, John, this is Sharon and Hank Lacos. Regan and Natalie's grandparents."

Kenny's mom just tried to knock me out with her purse, John thought, standing slowly. Max looks pretty freaked out. "It's nice to meet you. I actually knew Kenny, the three of us worked together in Rome."

"How dare you touch my son's wife!"

Max winced at that, feeling somewhat comforted as John laid his hand on the small of her back, as she saw the dawn of realization on Hank's face. "Sharon, will you listen to me? Please?"

"Dad? Max?" Kara called. "We're back! Oh, hi."

"You send you children off with this child, so you can do this? This would make Kenny sick! Natalie, Regan, get your things. You aren't staying here," Sharon cried. "How dare you!"

"You aren't taking my kids anywhere."

"Sharon," Hank said quietly, looking at his daughter in law. "Max, we're very sorry for interrupting. Sharon, let's go home. We can talk about this when we're calmer."

"John!" Natalie cried, running across the living room and hugging him. "I did a flip turn today!"

Nat is attached, Max thought, more so than Regan…who idolizes Kara. Oh, crap. And he is so good with both of them…Oh, he's hugging her back, in the midst of this. Nat is my ball of sunshine. "That's probably a good idea."

"Grandma," Regan sighed. "John makes Mom happy. Me and Nat like him and Kara. She doesn't have to cry all the time and be sad because my dad died."

Now I'm going to cry, she thought, my wise beyond her years kid. We do have this weird domestic, family, vibe, of late. Crossing the room, she wrapped her arm around Regan. She's still only a kid. A stubborn, hardheaded, kid. "Sharon, I'll call you later."

6 Years Ago

"It's okay, Max," Sharon said. "The girls are sleeping."

I need to get it together. I can't keep being this lump. "Thanks."

"How are you doing, Sweetheart?" she asked, smoothing back her daughter in laws hair. "You are welcome here for as long as you want."

I more or less fled Rome, she thought, a month ago…why can't I get it together? "Thanks."

"Oh, Max," she said, as she wiped her tears. "Come here."

I miss you, she thought, I can't do this alone.

Present:

"Honey?"

She looked up from where she had laid her head in her arms on the table. "That was awful. I was gearing up to tell them Sunday and…I am so sorry."

"You, Regan and Nat are her last connections to Kenny."

"I know…every conversation Sharon and I have is about him. It was okay for a while, but…I've moved on. And it was hard, it hurt…and I felt like I betrayed him, our marriage, the whole thing."

"I know."

She looked at him for a long moment. "How long did it take you?"

"To move on from Deanna?" he asked, as she nodded. "Years, Max. Not many women sparked my interest since her. I was okay raising Kara alone. I thought there may have been something with us back in Rome, but it wasn't until we reconnected here that I…"

"That what?"

He reached up, stroked her cheek and just smiled at her for a long moment. "Max, Honey, I'm in love with you. You don't have to say it back. Not until you're ready."

She caught his hand in hers, as he her heart leapt into her throat. "I love you too, John."

2 Years Ago

"You're friends with Mommy?" Regan asked, sizing him up. "Is that a cake?"

John glanced at Max, who was helping Natalie with her shoes. She does look good…she lights up around her kids. "I knew your mom a long time ago."

"Did you know my dad too?"

John nodded. She looks exactly like her mom, except with Kenny's eyes. "The three of us were friends. She knew Kara when she was your sister's age."

"Kara is a good swimmer," Regan stated. "Mommy! Kara's dad is here!"

"Hi, Kara's dad," Max said, as Natalie pressed close to her side. "And Kara."

She looks happy, he thought, not as torn up as she did last week at the bar. "Hi yourself."

"Kara," Regan said, grabbing her hand. "I want to show you my room. Please?"

"Dad," Kara sighed. "Really?"

"Kara, come on. Nat, stop being shy," Regan stated. "They're going to do adult talk. Work, math, how great we are. Come on."

"Is she always like this?" Kara asked, looking at Max.

"Yeah. She takes after me," Max said, as Regan took her sister's hand. My relentless, determined, smart, kid. Unlike my shy little Nat, who is just a ball of sunshine when she comes out of her shell. Ah, they are great. "Kara, you don't have to."

Kara frowned, looking at her and back at her dad. Breaking into a grin, she shook her head. "I don't want to talk about math. "Come on, you little monsters."

"Regan is like you," John said, after a long moment. "Kara says she leads the 8-unders around at practice."

"I'm hoping she will use her powers for good," Max smiled, uncorking a bottle of wine. "I'm glad you guys came over tonight."

"I didn't realize I missed hanging out with you until," he said, watching her pour. I can really talk to her, differently than most people. "Me too."

She handed him a glass. "We don't have to talk about math. Despite what Regan thinks."

He grinned back at her. Ah, Max, he thought, I did miss her. "I like this house."

"Me too," she admitted. "I thought about living downtown, the heart of the city and all, but…I liked the idea of you know, house, yard…maybe I'm just small-town girl at heart?"

This is two streets over from me, and that makes a huge difference. How did she afford this? She works for a non-profit, it isn't cheap…Ah, Max. Don't push her on it. "I'm glad you moved out here."

She looked back at him. God, John Littleton, she thought, I think it's nice to have a real friend again. Someone who knows me. "So am I…close enough to get to downtown, see family, but…I really like it here."

He studied her for a long moment. Smiling, he thought, the ease and love she has with her kids, there is some sadness in her, Kenny dying crushed her, but…this Max. She gave up her life to make a better one for her kids and she seems okay. She looks good too, what am I thinking? This is Max. "How far from your in-laws are you?"

"It's about 20 minutes. They wanted me to buy a house on their block, most of the family lives on the same block, but…they've been wonderful to me."

"Smothering?"

She smiled and shook her head. "I'm so grateful to them, and I feel awful for even thinking it. John, do know I was a wreck for the better part of a year, and they took care of me, my kids, and…I'm okay because of them. I think if I stayed there, practically next door…"

He didn't take his eyes off her, as they leaned back against her kitchen counters. "You can tell me."

"And I hate that I can even think this."

"Spill it."

"That I would always be Kenny's widow," she said softly, looking down for a moment. "That they wouldn't let me be anything else."

"Max," he said carefully, as she looked back at him. "He wouldn't want that for you."

"I know. It would have been so easy to just…to be that. To let that be my life."

"What do you want?"

"I want my kids to be happy, safe, loved. I want to help the kids I work with. I have some friends and family and."

"For yourself. Are you seeing anyone?"

She looked at him seriously. "Dating? If I was bad before, I'm worse now. I've been set up so many times…I don't know. I feel like I'm betraying…and it's been four years. We talked about it, what we would do if one of us died. That we would want the other one to move on, be happy and…it's one thing to say it, it's another to do it."

"I know."

"What about you?"

Ten years since Deanna died when Kara was three, and there was one two-year relationship, a handful of short term and it's not because I couldn't move on. "Nothing serious. I know how hard it is."

"Eight months after," she started. "I went to the gym, Mel made me, she started dragging me out with her. I met this trainer there, and he was just this gorgeous man. He had about 12 pack and…probably the most perfect looking man on the planet. We had sex in an equipment room, I wanted to feel something again and…God, I just sobbed afterward, and he fled from me. I haven't been back to the gym and still pay a membership fee because I'm too chicken to go in and cancel my membership. I can't believe I just told you that either."

Impulsive and reckless, he thought, it's still in her. "Are you laughing?"

She nodded. "I was mortified about this…and I know I was pathetic when I did that…why is it funny to me now? I'm a horrible person who traumatized what was basically a Greek God."

Ah, Max, he thought, laughing along with her. She's healing, he thought, that's what this is even if she doesn't know it yet. "What are you cooking? It smells great."

TBC