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I do not own Criminal Minds

JJ woke up to a hand on her shoulder and Emily gently saying her name.

"Jayje," Emily spoke quietly.

JJ opened her eyes and blinked a few times to clear them. The living room was dark and she was still sitting on the floor, slumped against the couch. She looked over to her right and Emily was sitting on the couch looking down at her, looking like she too had just woken.

"If you stay like that much longer you won't be able to move your neck in the morning," Emily lifted her hand from JJ's shoulder.

JJ sat up, turning her head from left to right and groaned at the pain in her neck, "well at least I can move it," she grimaced.

"Here," Emily moved so that she was sitting on the couch behind JJ, her legs on either side of the other woman. She rested her hands on JJ's shoulders. "Can I give you a neck massage? It might help."

"That would be great." JJ felt the other woman's cold hands on her neck as they gently worked to loosen her tight muscles. "What time is it anyway?"

"Just about nine."

JJ sighed, "a three hour nap and now I probably won't be able to sleep until four."

"Well, I'm always willing to keep you company," Emily offered. She couldn't help but notice how soft and warm JJ's skin was beneath her hands. She moved JJ's hair to the side and continued to massage her shoulders, moving down her back just a bit before returning to her neck.

JJ leaned back, her body beginning the relax, her shoulders losing some of their tension. She closed her eyes, letting the wave of relaxation pass over her.

She wanted to tell Emily, right now, how much she loved her.

But not tonight. Not while they were both bleary eyed and half asleep.

Tomorrow. Tomorrow she would do her best to get home early. They could have a nice dinner, and then, then she would tell her.

XXX

The next evening JJ checked on the chicken in the oven while Emily started making the salad. They kept the conversation casual as they made dinner, but JJ couldn't keep her thoughts from jumping around. She had to tell Emily tonight, she had to. She didn't know how much longer she could go without telling Emily how she really felt. But even though she knew she had to do it, it didn't make it any less terrifying.

All she could think about was how wrong it could go.

JJ had been getting the feeling that Emily may feel the same... but that could have also been wishful thinking.

What if Emily laughed at her? What if she left? What if she didn't want to be friends anymore?

Those questions all felt both ridiculous and all too realistic at the same time.

But she had to do it. She couldn't keep this bottled up any longer. No matter what happened, she wouldn't have to keep her feelings hidden anymore. But she was terrified.

Emily was tossing the salad and glanced over at JJ. She looked so serious, but also didn't seem to realize she had given them both two forks. Seemingly she was caught up in her own thoughts. Despite not wanting to be caught staring, Emily couldn't look away. It wasn't only JJ's beauty that drew Emily to her, but everything. Her kindness and laughter, intelligence and smile. The way she made her feel at home wherever she was. The way JJ could make her smile even when Emily had been pulled into her own dark thoughts.

JJ looked over at her and Emily immediately looked away. She went back to tossing the salad. JJ walked into the kitchen and took out the chicken and while she did that Emily replaced a fork each with a knife.

The silence remained as they moved the food to the table and they sat down. Both of their plates had chicken, green beans, and a salad on it before they spoke.

"This chicken is great, JJ," Emily said after her first bite.

"Thanks."

While she continued to eat, Emily watched JJ. She seemed distracted. Something was off, but Emily wasn't sure what.

JJ didn't taste the food as she ate. Her mind was running too fast. It was going over scenarios and possibilities, wearing itself out. Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe she just shouldn't say anything. Being friends was better than nothing, and she didn't want to lose that.

Emily cleared her throat and JJ looked up.

"I just asked if you were okay?" Emily asked, concerned.

"Oh," JJ said. The way Emily looked at her... her dark eyes and soft lips. She couldn't wait.

JJ looked down at her food and then back up. She was trying to muster up courage. She didn't want her voice to shake as she spoke, but it might be unavoidable. "I just... wanted to tell you something."

"What is it?" Emily asked.

JJ took a deep breath, it was hard to look at Emily as she spoke. "We've been friends for almost ten years now," she started, "you've been the best friend I could have ever asked for. And even when you were gone... I couldn't stop thinking about you." JJ's voice had begun to shake, "I like you, Em," she said, "more than..." she shook her head. Her eyes begged Emily to understand what she was trying to say.

Emily froze. There was no way she could be hearing this right. She must have misunderstood, or maybe this was all a dream. She would wake up alone in her flat in London. Her heart, which had seemed to stop beating for a moment, was suddenly racing. Her palms were sweating.

Emily wanted to say something, she tried to, but nothing would come out. This was what she had been dreaming of, but now she was just sitting there.

"It's fine, just forget I said anything," JJ said quickly, starting to stand.

"No," Emily finally managed to say.

"What?" JJ asked.

"No, don't–" Emily took a deep breath, "don't leave."

JJ stood there and looked at her. Everything seemed to freeze while she waited to see what Emily was going to say.

"I just can't believe that I heard you right," Emily said, "because I have been waiting so damn long to hear those words. I've gone over what this moment would be like so many times in my head. I was usually much more composed."

"So you–?"

"Yes, JJ. Yes." Emily stood so that she was looking right at JJ. JJ's bright blue eyes stared right back at her. Emily bit her lip and brushed a strand of blonde hair away from JJ's face. "Can I kiss you?"

JJ smiled and laughed in relief, "yes," she said, "yes, of course you can."

Emily brought her face to JJ's and felt her soft lips against hers. She ran her fingers through JJ's hair and felt JJ's own hands find her hips. Their lips moved together and Emily felt the warmth of JJ's body against hers. Emily didn't know how long they stood there, JJ's hips swaying just enough to drive her crazy. Emily moved her own hands from JJ's hair to her face, feeling the smooth edge of her jawline.

When they finally pulled apart JJ gasped, "wow."

"So, wanna finish the green beans?" Emily asked, a brow raised.

"Not really."

"I overcooked them anyway," Emily grinned.

JJ took Emily's free hand and began to walk backwards out of the dining room and down the hall. Emily followed, unable to keep her eyes off of JJ. Her blue eyes were bright and her cheeks flushed. When they were in the bedroom JJ sat on the edge of her bed and Emily sat next to her, dropping her cane to the floor. JJ turned so that she was facing Emily.

"Now can I kiss you?"

"Yeah," Emily nodded.

JJ tangled her hands in Emily's dark hair. Their lips came together, harder this time. Emily put her hands on the small of JJ's back and laid her own back against the bed so that JJ was straddling her.

JJ's heart was beating uncontrollably and her hair hung on either side of Emily's face. When she pulled back she saw Emily's dark and beautiful eyes. She stared into them for what felt like an eternity. But she had never done this before. Been this close to someone she felt this strongly about. She tucked her hair behind her ears so that it was just their unobstructed faces.

"What do you want to do?"

Emily so badly wanted to say more, but then she remembered the cuts on her chest. The wound on her leg. The things she had been trying so hard to keep away from JJ. That if they went any further everything she had hidden would be exposed.

"Can we just..." Emily started, hesitant, she glanced away.

JJ moved herself so she was no longer straddling the other woman, but instead sat beside her on the bed, "what is it, Em?" she asked, watching her closely.

Emily glanced back at JJ and saw the softness in her eyes, "I don't think I'm, you know, ready, for... I'm sorry," she said quickly and looked away again.

"You never have to be sorry," JJ used her hand to turn Emily's face until she was looking at her, "and we never have to do anything you don't want to or anything you aren't ready for."

"Could we maybe, just, just lay for a while?"

"Of course," JJ smiled. She got up and laid on her usual side of the bed, her hands behind her head, waiting to see what Emily did. Emily moved over toward her and laid beside her, resting her head on JJ's shoulder. JJ moved her arm so that it wrapped around Emily's shoulder. Emily's body was warm against her.

JJ closed her eyes with a smile on her face.