Present:

"Why now? I don't know. We just click. I can talk to him. He gets me," Max trailed off. "I didn't plan on this, I was okay alone, but we…he makes me happy in a way I didn't think I could be again."

Mel really looked at her. "How serious is it?"

Serious enough that my kids want him to be their dad. That I'm not repulsed by the idea of John raising my kids. With being a family with him and Kara…That I'm intrigued and scared by it. This isn't the family I pictured when I first got married, had Regan…This is what life does. It threw me a curveball and sent me down a new path. It was a dark path in the beginning, but I found my way back to the light. "I love him, Mel."

2 Years Ago:

"Is this Max Lacos who somehow survived a sleepover? I thought I'd have to rescue you from being tied up in your basement."

She looked up from her book at swim practice, as John plopped on the bleachers next to her. "Ha. I tamed them with baking cookies, arts and crafts and movies."

"What did you do to that one?" he asked, looking at Natalie sleeping with her head in her lap. "What was in those cookies?"

She smiled at him, stroking back Nat's silky hair. "This one was at ballet before swim lessons. Nat can sleep anywhere…lots of sugar and chocolate chips in the cookies."

He gulped, looking at her absently stroking Nat's hair and smiling at him. Don't even think it. She's becoming one of my best friends, that's all this is. She doesn't have any interest in anything else. Ah, Max, what is really going on in there? "I'm glad you survived it…and the Lacos family dinner?"

She looked down at a snoozing Nat before back at him. Hot dogs last week, he held onto my hand for a long time, and…it was nothing. Just John. The guy that I've been drinking a lot of wine with on my porch with lately. Crap, crap, crap, just no Max, don't even start thinking like that. "Sharon and Hank are wonderful people who were great to me and my kids."

"But."

But I'm a spectacle. Someone for them to parade around as Kenny's widow. My fatherless kids…even they look over it. Even Hank and Mel sometimes, even if they tell me to move on. I'm still Kenny's widow to them. It's all anyone there ever wants to talk to me about. It's been four years, and I still miss him, of course I do. I always will. Why can't they let me move on? Why can't I just be me? Why isn't that enough? "Can I ask you something? You can tell me to butt out and it's none of my business if you want."

"Ask away."

"Why didn't you ever…John, you're a great guy, why didn't you ever get remarried? Do we think we get a second chance at it?"

"You can't ask me anything easier than that?"

"You can tell me to shut up."

Look at her, he thought, all that red hair grown out and falling down her back, ghost pale skin, in an old purple long sleeved t-shirt and black leggings, looking far younger and vulnerable than her 37 -year old self. "Max, I…damn, Max. I hated dating, going through that dance and never meeting anyone that even sparked an interest."

"Do you think you'll meet her? Do we get a second chance like that?"

"I think we do, Max. I loved Deanna, I was 21 when I married her and…that can't be it. It wasn't fair when she died, we should have had more time. You and me, we know how much it hurt to lose the people we love, and I refuse to believe it's all we get. You think I'm a great guy?"

She felt a grin creeping across her face. "You always were. Even when you pushed all my buttons."

"You were easy to rile up."

Damn it, she thought, how are we so close on these bleachers with Nat snoring in my lap? I cannot do this. "I don't know what I was trying to prove back then."

"Ah, you were feisty. Stubborn. Hard headed. Reckless, emotional, impulsive."

"And now?"

"You irritate me less."

She laughed despite herself, as Nat stirred in her lap. "Right back at you. Hey, Kiddo, did you have a good nap?"

Nat yawned and slid between them on the bleachers and tugged on John's hand. "Are you and Kara coming over?"

John looked down at her before back at Max. Dangerous, he thought, something is simmering here again. "If you're up for it, Sleepyhead, Kara and I were going for tacos. You in?"

Run, she thought, I should stay away from him. Oh, I like being with him. Freaking John Littleton. "We're in."

Present:

"You love him?"

She nodded. "I didn't think I would ever love anyone again."

"Max, seriously?"

"Are you okay? Do you want more whiskey?"

"You really want me to believe you weren't screwing around with him while you were with Kenny?"

Max leaned back against the counter and looked at her sister-in-law. "I loved Kenny, he was my very best friend on top of being my husband, part of me will always love him. I wanted us to be together for the rest of our lives…we had so many plans, dreams, and…it changed because of one moment, some psycho with a gun took him away from me. You know how I fell apart, Mel. I can't…I'm not just his widow. I need more than that. I thought you knew that. You're my family, I love you, and…that isn't going to change."

1 Year Ago

"They're at their cousins…they're all between five and nine," Max shrugged. "I think Mel does this because she thinks I need a break. That I need to go out and have fun."

John looked at her, sitting in the growing darkness on her porch. "Does she know that you have girl's night and book club nights?"

And that I pick up men and bed them, she thought, that I'm not broken and sitting home alone every night. That I made a life for myself again. "I don't think she believes me."

John smiled at her, as they drank in silence. "Hey, Kara is at her friend's house tonight, do you want to go out? We can pay to drink instead of doing it here."

She smiled at him and shook her head. I was planning on flopping on my couch and binge-watching movies until he called. "I kind of wanted to crash…I don't have too many kid free nights. This is nice though."

He watched as she shivered as the sun went down. Unzipping his sweatshirt, he wrapped it around her, his fingers brushing against her neck and inhaling her scent of coconut shampoo. "Better?"

She looked at his fingers lingering on her shoulder and back to him. It smells like him. What am I doing? It's just John and me, hashing out our weeks and lives. How is he the person I can really talk to? One of the few people who really knows me and doesn't treat me with kid gloves. "Much…do you want me to get another bottle?"

No, I don't want you to move. I want to sit here with you, with you smelling so good, smiling at me, and not moving from where I put my arm around you. Giving her a tentative squeeze, she looked at him curiously. "Tell you what, why don't we finish this one first and you let me take you out for dinner."

She nodded, very aware of their closeness on her porch. I need to get away from him. If we stay here…no… "Drink up, then.

Present:

"I'm not my mother. I know that," Mel said. "Did Kenny like him?"

"Most of the time. They got along better than John and I did back then."

"He'd like that you were with him?"

She smiled despite everything. "I think he'd be surprised."

1 Year Ago

"No, way, ah, John!" Max laughed, as flopped back on the ground next to her after her spectacular slide after missing the soccer ball. Shrieking as he wiped the mud across her face. "I hate you right now!"

"You're just mad because you lost," he teased, thinking about how adorable she looked, with her mud streaked legs and face. "Didn't you go to college on a soccer scholarship?"

"Yeah, 20 years ago," she retorted, seeing a teasing glint in his eye, as she ducked out of his second mud swipe. "No, way, John, please… Ah!"

What am I doing, he thought, what are we doing? I have her over, sans any of our kids, for a drink and this happens? Way too competitive this one. What are we doing? She's a laughing, muddy mess, leaning up against me…her hand resting on my knee. Way too close, way too tempting this one. Wrapping his free arm around her, he gave her a long squeeze. "Are you conceding defeat?"

"My coaches would be ashamed," she sighed, resting her head against his shoulder. "Rematch?"

"If you think you can stay upright."

She shifted slightly to look at him. I should move. He shouldn't have his arm around me, I shouldn't be so comfortable with the way his hand is kneading my shoulder. What am I doing? This is John…Oh, crap. She snuggled in closer, despite her better judgment and wrapped her arms around his waist.

"Max?" he asked softly, not taking his eyes off her. "Hey."

I'm covered in mud and sitting in a puddle, she thought, as he brushed her hair back from her face, his fingers lingering on her face. I can't move. I didn't come here for this. No. She shivered a bit, as he traced his thumb over her cheekbone before resting his forehead against hers. His breath warm on her face, she inhaled his scent of wet grass and soap, as his lips hovered above hers. Shivering slightly, she ran her finger across them. "John?"

So many questions in that, he thought, she's shivering, wet, muddy, and I can't move away from her. "Your call."

Her gaze flicked up back up to him. His gentle touch and kind eyes. How warm he makes me feel…how I'm never lonely with him. Jumping out of his arms and landing face first in the mud puddle at the car backfiring on the street. Hearing John's yelp of surprise and laughter, as he helped her up and wiped the mud from her face. "Oh, don't look at me."

He ran his fingers through her mud clumped hair. "No, you look good right now. Straight out of a nature documentary or reality show."

She smiled at him and caught his hand in hers as he trailed it through her wet and muddy hair. The best guy. I'm not sure I'm ready for this. "John?"

"Max?" he asked, catching a devilish look in her eye as she wiped her mud-covered hands down his face and giggled despite being covered in mud and water. "Oh, it's on, Honey."

"John!" she shrieked, as he flipped her on her back in the puddle and she landed with a big splash again. "Ah, stop! John!"

He ducked as she got off another mudball at him and struggled to sit up again in mud. Laughing, as his arms gathered her close, and he wiped mud down her cheek. "Max?"

She threw caution out the window, as she wrapped herself around him and kissed him.

John pulled her in closer to him, exploring her mouth with his. My Max, he thought, she's right. She's so right here, in my arms, kissing me, maybe we shouldn't be muddy. She's way too good at this.

Coming up for air, she stared at him for a long moment. What am I doing? This is John…I shouldn't…we shouldn't. Out of my mind. "I should go."

"Stay."

Trembling, she couldn't move from his arms, as he leaned down to kiss her again. Melting in to him, she felt her doubts fly out of her mind, as she inhaled his scent on wet grass and soap on skin. Wrapping herself around him, she kissed him back, as she pressed into his warm skull. John… "Wait."

He rested his forehead on hers again and neither of them made a move to let go of each other. I don't ever want to let go of her, he thought, she's starting to panic. Don't let her. "Hey there."

She gulped. He's not like the random men I've picked up in a vain attempt to feel something…this is John Littleton. Why is this happening? Why can't I stay away from him? I don't want to stay away from him. "Hey."

"Maybe I should take you on a proper date before this goes any farther?"

She gulped, enjoying his fingers massaging her waist. Dangerous…what he's stirring up at me. "Can I shower first?"

Present:

"When do I get to meet him? You could have told me. You didn't have to hide it."

"We were feeling it out. Seeing who we were to each other now. We have three kids between us. We're both older now. He's a good guy, Mel. My girls like him, Nat is really attached. Probably more than she should be."

"Mom isn't going to let it go."

"It was so hard for me to move on…I didn't want to date, I wanted to be left alone. It took me a long time to really want to be with anyone else. Every time I looked at another guy, I felt like I was betraying him. I can't live like that for her or anyone."

1 Year Ago:

John smiled at her, glad she hadn't fled yet, as she sat across from him freshly showered in his ancient law school sweatshirt and Kara's leggings. "Feel better?"

"I had mud in places that mud should never be."

"Max, are you okay?"

She looked at him. "I hate when people ask me that. I kissed you because I wanted to kiss you. I don't need to by be psychoanalyzed over it."

"Ah, that's prickly Max I remember."

"I'm still me, John. Aggravating and irritating."

"I wouldn't want you any other way. So, you wanted to kiss me?"

"You catch the key words. Yes, I wanted to kiss you. I want to do it again right now."

He stood up and walked around the kitchen table to her. Holding out his hand, she didn't hesitate to take it and let him pull her to her up to him. "Do it then."

Oh, I can't back down from a challenge and he knows it. Whatever is happening now…oh, I like him. I really like him. Screw it. Wrapping her arms around him, she kissed him again for a long moment before pulling back. "Satisfied?"

"Not even close," he teased, combing through her damp hair before kissing her again and backing her into the counter. Hearing her sigh of contentment, as she melted into his embrace, he pulled her in closer to him.

"John?" she breathed, unable to think or move. "John."

"I love how you say my name."

She nodded, leaning into him and enjoying his hands on her. "I like saying it. I really like kissing you. What are we doing?"

He squeezed her tighter. "Something I want to keep doing."

She rested her head against his chest, unable to move away from him. "Me too. John, I should go…If I stay…we shouldn't."

"What are you doing Saturday night? I want to take you out. On a date, Max. Not us getting tacos with our kids or playing mini-golf. Just you and me. What do you say?"

She looked up at him, her heart pounding in her chest. "I'm in."

Present:

"He's hot," Mel said, elbowing her in the side, as they sat on the porch together and watched their kids play with Colin in the yard. "That is John? You don't have other random men coming over?"

Not anymore, she thought, seeing his look of surprise. Oh, he didn't get my message. "I think so too. I'll be right back."

"John!" Nat called, abandoning her cousins and the soccer game and running to him. "My tummy is better!"

Do not cry, Max, she thought, watching as he scooped up a squealing Natalie, who threw her arms around him. Crossing her small yard to him, she smiled. "Hey."

He shifted Nat in his arms. "Hey yourself."

"I'm sorry I got sick on you. Are you mad? I made you a card. Mommy says you don't hate me."

"I could never hate you, Kiddo," he said. "You're one of my favorite people."

Natalie giggled and hugged him again. "Are you going to kiss Mommy?"

"Well, she is also one of my favorite people. And very kissable," John stated, smiling at her over Nat's head. "I kind of like all three of the Lacos ladies."

Nat giggled and hugged him again. "I love you, John. Can I go play soccer?"

He looked at a shocked Max, as he put her back down on her feet. "Go. Have fun. Max?"

She looked at her kid running back to her sister and cousins before back at him. "Wow, uh, sorry…I can talk to her about that."

Ignoring her company, he reached up and brushed her hair back. "I've had two out of three of the Lacos ladies tell me they love me in 24 hours. Think I can convince Regan?"

"Regan will do the opposite if you push her. She's pretty much me."

"They're easy kids to love. Like their mom."

She looked at him seriously. "Do you love my kids? Or is it just because you love me?"

"Do you think that this is a conversation for right now?" he asked. "You have company."

She glanced back at Mel who was doing her best not stare. "Probably not. Where's Kara?"

Way too pretty right now, he thought, in her favorite old cut-offs and some old and threadbare long sleeve green t-shirt, with her long hair in a fishtail French braid. "I dropped her at practice and then she's going to Sally's to do homework. Do you love her?"

"Sally?"

He smiled at that, slipping his arm around her waist as they walked back to the porch. "No, smartass."

That sweet little girl, who followed her dad around, who is one of the most put together teens I've met. God, when did this happen? How did we get to this point and why aren't I freaking out? Tell him. "I love what the five of us are becoming together."

He looked at her with that one. She knows it too, are we really doing this? "Max."

She smiled up at him. "Later? Mel, hey, this is John."

1 Year Ago:

Damn, John thought, looking across the table at her. "You look great."

I changed my clothes about 10 times, she thought, for a dinner date with John. He's seen me in my sweats, nothing but jeans, t-shirts, ponytails…This is way more girly than I usually go, and he can't take his eyes off me. "I clean up well."

"I didn't know you owned a dress."

She smiled at him, leaning back in the booth. This long bell sleeved, short, lace, blue dress, boots, and the 10 minutes it took me to blow out this mop on my head. "I'm glad you approve."

He reached out and interlocked his fingers with hers on the table. "You could have showed up in a hoodie and leggings and you'd be the most beautiful thing here."

She felt herself flush at that. "John. Stop."

"You all dressed up is messing with my head."

"Good because it took me a long time to make myself look like this… Are we being weird? I mean, I talk to you every day, I've spilled my guts to you on a lot of things and I'm sitting here unsure of what to say. I don't want…our friendship…to go away because of this. I really like you."

"We can go slowly, figure this out," he smiled at her. "The only thing that changes is that I get to kiss you now. Deal?"

She looked at her pale hand in his and back up at him. "Deal."

TBC...Next up, a return to Rome.