To the Reviewer who asked: Kenny was shot and killed in Rome. Max picked up and moved to Chicago to escape her own pain and raise their kids by his family.

Present:

"So, your kids love me and want me to be their dad?" John asked, looking toward the backyard where she had distracted them, as they drank coffee on the porch.

Damn my outspoken kids sometimes. She looked at him, the guy I love, and our makeshift family. "They're not yours."

He shot her a look. "Hey, I love you. You are a part of my life. That makes your kids a part too. And for the record, Max? I love them too, and not just because they are yours. You're raising great kids."

"Damn it, John."

"Talk to me."

Kenny's kids, she thought, the ones I moved down here to know their family. So, they would still have a connection to him. My kids who are overwhelmed with info about their father by their grandmother and…damn it. "They're Kenny's kids…and…oh, when Nat told you she loved you and Regan asked if you were going to be their Dad? How do I do that to him? I know he's dead and…How? I love you, and you are so wonderful with them. Then I feel guilty that they love you so much and want you… I love and want you."

He broke into a smile and tilted her face to his. "Max, breathe. We're still feeling this thing out, right? I know Kenny was their Dad, just like Deanna was Kara's mom. Honey, you know what's happening here as well as I do."

I thought it would just be the three of us and I was okay. I need more. My kids need more. "Are we going too fast?"

"It took us 14 months from when we met at the pool to go on date…after you gave me a spectacular kiss in the mud. Four months to sleep together. We just said I love you last week."

Warm and loved, it's how he makes me feel. "I didn't expect this. I was okay on my own. I'm having a really hard time with my kids wanting you to be their dad."

"Because you feel like you're betraying Kenny?"

She winced at that. "Yeah. And I know I'm not, that he would want me to move on and for our kids to have people in their lives that love them. I couldn't pick a better man than you, for me and for them. I'm so completely in love with you."

"Ah, Max."

"Can we take some time with this? I know we're…we're becoming a family."

He pressed his lips to the top of her head. "I know. I'm not talking about running off and eloping, Honey. At least not yet."

"What?"

He didn't take his eyes off her. "You heard me."

"You want to marry me?"

His grin broadened at her shock. "Eventually. Get used to it."

She looked at her hand in in his. "Wow."

"Maxine Lacos, I love you, and it's as big a deal to me as it is to you to say those words. We both lost the people we loved, and it wasn't fair to either of us. I didn't know if I would ever find a second love of my life, until I found you.

"John! Mom!" Regan called. "Come play with us!"

1 year Ago:

Oh, this is nice, Max thought, leaning up against his chest. What is this…three weeks in? Fifth date? At least not including sitting on bleachers at pools and a kid pizza night. How is this happening? Feeling him squeeze her tightly, she laid her hands over his on her stomach, as they listened the concert in the park. Sighing, as she nuzzled her a neck she shifted slightly to look at him. "That feels good."

"You feel good," he said, pressing his lips to hers. Ah, I want to take her home…Kara is at her cousins, Nat and Regan at their grandparents…we could, is she there yet? This is right, I know it in my bones. "You taste good too."

She smiled at him, seeing something new…I know that look. Sex…I've had a lot of it since Kenny died…this is different. We're different. How do I explain it to him? Not now, just relax back into his arms, she thought, as he kissed her briefly again. Oh, I can't think when he kisses me like this. Freaking John Littleton…how am I falling for him? Breaking apart, she intertwined her fingers with his. "Oh, I don't want to move."

Tell her, he thought, no it's been three weeks. Our fifth date…she certainly kisses me like someone who is sure. "Do you want to go back to my place?"

She gulped, glad he couldn't see her face. I know what that means…if I go with him…tell him. I know I can tell him anything. I want to…I really want to. "What happens if we do?"

"Whatever you want."

"Even if it's playing board games and not," she started, looking at their joined fingers. "John, I…I don't know if I'm there yet."

"Max, if you want to sit in my living room and play Jenga, I'm in. We don't have to rush anything. I like spending time with you."

Too good for me, she thought, he's so honest, full of integrity, passionate, and I have more fun with him than I thought possible. I like him too. Tell him. "John, I told you about the guy at the gym, but…after that…I picked up a lot of men to sleep with. I wanted to feel something. I don't…this is different, and I don't want to hop into bed and…you're not some guy I picked up in a bar."

He squeezed her hands tighter, feeling her tense when she haltingly said that. "Did you feel anything?"

She bit her lip and relaxed back against him again. "I got good at faking it. Pretending I was someone else with them and never seeing them again. I know it was dumb, reckless, that it makes me a bit of a tramp."

"You're not a tramp, Honey."

"You're not disgusted?"

"By you having sex?" he asked bluntly, as she winced. "I want you having sex with me. Not some random men you pick up. I want you, Max. When you're ready."

She turned to look at him again, shifting around so she was facing him completely. "Are you for real with this?"

"I like you," he said again, running his palm down her cheek and tilting her face to his. "I want to see where this goes."

She held his gaze and felt her heart pounding in her chest. It's going somewhere. Don't rush it. "I will be ready, John…I really like you too."

He kissed her again before pulling back. "Come on, I'm taking you down in Jenga."

Present:

"What?" she said, shifting the phone under her ear and sliding a bagel on a plate to Regan. "Hold on. Here, eat. I need five minutes, Kiddo. Eat."

"Mom, please?"

"I'm thinking about it, Regan."

"That means no. Kara told me that."

She shot her eight-year old a look at that. "It means I'm thinking about it. Eat. Let me finish this...Sorry, hello. Are you still there?"

"Max?" Jimmy said, hearing the clamor of breakfast in the background. "Did I catch you at a bad time?"

Yes, she thought, are they dedicating a bridge this time? That's all these calls ever are. "No, we're just…breakfast and getting ready for school and work. What's up?"

"Regan seems upset."

She shot her kid a look from the other room. "Regan wants a puppy and she's pretty relentless. I'm beginning to cave…she made me a bullet point list of reasons why we should. Sorry…How are you?"

She sounds good, Jimmy thought, she said she moved on. She ran from her life, she reinvented her entire life, the two times she's been back here she was very distant. "Do you remember the Murphy case?"

"Uh, huh," she said. Dead child in a box… "Why?"

"It's being reopened. You're going to need to re-testify. I know you see John Littleton sometimes. Do you have his number? He was the prosecutor. I need to get in touch with him too."

"Yeah, um," she said. I saw him naked last night. John who said he wants to marry me someday and loves my kids. "I'll see him at swim team tonight. When do I have to testify? I need to make arrangements at work and for my kids."

3 Years Ago

"Oh, Max," Jill said, hugging her tightly. "It is so good to see you."

Max hugged her back, forcing herself to relax. I was pretty much a depressed nut job and then I cut people out of my life when I pulled myself out of my funk. Funk, yeah, that's what that was…being a widow at 33 put me in a funk. "It's been a long time."

Oh, she looks good, Jill thought, as she stepped back. I didn't know what to expect. It's been three years since Kenny died and two since she basically dropped off the radar. Dark and tight jeans, a flowing white lace top, with her hair grown out. "I love your hair this long.

"I'm just trying something with it."

"Regan and Natalie look so grown up."

"They're pretty great."

"You've been missed. I'm glad you came for the park dedication. Kenny's parents have been really making the rounds before you got here."

For a week, Max thought, with Sharon calling me in tears every night. I haven't cried myself to sleep in two years, and I'm on the verge now. "I'm sure they have."

"Are you okay?"

I am, that's the problem, she thought, I am because of Regan and Nat…because they need me. They made me get off my butt and back into the world…and now I have a job I like, friends, and my kids are thriving. I'm not broken…I can talk about Kenny without falling apart. Tell her. "I am. Really, Jill, I'm good. You don't have to worry about me."

Present

"You, me and Rome," John said, as they watched swim practice. "I remember that case. We put the father away for it."

She nodded, as they just looked at each other. "Is this weird?"

"We shouldn't tell anyone until after the retrial."

"I know."

Kenny was the arresting officer, she found the knife, I prosecuted it, John thought, now he's dead and we've been gone from that town for years and are together. Messy, yes, when we have it easy here. "Can you fake being annoyed by me for a few days?"

"Oh, I can antagonize you the whole time, Counselor."

"You were really good at that, Deputy."

She smiled at that, looking at their interlocked fingers and back to him. "They're going to be weird there. About us."

"Does it matter? We know what we mean to each other."

She shook her head. "That we love each other?"

That you didn't flee with my eloping remark, he thought, what am I thinking? Slowly, he thought, that's what we said. We know where this is going. "Do we?'

She caught his teasing look and grinned at him. "Last I checked. Crap. We have kids."

"Which you don't want to leave with your in-laws. I bet my mom would take them…don't look at me like that. She likes them. And you."

"Are you serious?"

"If we're going to elope sometime, she's going to be your family too."

Eight-months, she thought, after 14 of a pretty solid friendship leading up to me kissing him like a lovesick teenager. Finding each other again after all this time. Freaking John Littleton. It had to be him. "I know. They like her, she spoiled them with all that candy. John, I can't ask her to do that. I can make nice with Sharon, smooth it over and…what? She can hate me, but she loves her grandchildren."

"Smooth it over? Max, your kids hate staying with her."

"They're our family. I'm not cutting their grandmother out of their lives."

"I'm not asking you to. She needs to get some help; her grieving is unnatural at this point. It stresses you out."

"Why do you put up with me?"

"Because you're pretty."

"You really are too good for me."

"Nah. I love you. It's three days."

She relented and nodded, sensing this was some unspoken step happening. "Okay."

Three Years Ago:

Hugs, hugs, hugs, and my kids being passed around like they are public property, Max thought, forcing herself to listen to yet another story about her and Kenny. Like I didn't live it, she thought, he was my husband, my very best friend, partner…and all I want is to be back home, with my kids, not here where it's a constant reminder of my loss. "Thanks."

"Look at all these people," Sharon said, wiping her tears. "They loved him so much."

Max looked at the crowded park and her former co-workers talking with her kids. Regan looks like how I feel…they don't remember Kenny. They'll never know their dad, do not cry, Max, don't do it. You're giving them a wonderful life, and they're thriving. "Yeah, this is really something."

"Oh, Max," Sharon sighed, hugging her. "How could he leave us?"

He was shot, she thought, he saved three lives at the expense of his own. That's who he was…the least I can do is not waste my life. She pushed back from her and nodded. Kenny would hate this. "They're about to start…I should get Regan and Nat before…I'll be right back."

"Max."

I'm going to scream, she thought, as someone caught her arm. It's like they're waiting for me to breakdown in tears. "Hi."

Carter looked at his old friend for a long moment. "Sue and I wanted to have you over for a drink before you head back to Chicago. You know, get the kids together and stuff."

Say anything, she thought, I need five minutes to get my head together. "Yeah, sure. Carter, I'm going to go grab them before the speeches."

"Max."

She turned back to look at him. "What?"

Carter looked at her, seeing her tension. "You know everyone is just so sorry. You're very brave to be able to do this."

Do not scream. "I'm not the only one to lose someone, Carter."

Present:

"It's not like we're going to be using it," John teased, as they opened the adjoining hotel rooms door. "It's a shame they're paying for two rooms."

"We could mess up both beds," she laughed, as he pulled her close in the doorway. "Make it real it for the maids. How much time do we have?"

"Two hours, Honey," he said. "Why don't we make good use of them?"

3 Years Ago:

I'm awful, Max thought, as she walked hand in hand with her girls away from the Kenneth Lacos Memorial Park dedication. They care about us, I know that, but I can't take it. The hugs, the sympathy, the stares…Nope. Me and my girls are going to enjoy the park, like Kenny would want.

"Mommy?" Regan asked, taking a big bite of her hot dog and grinning at her. "All these people knew my dad? Is that why they're sad? Did Daddy make people sad?"

"Nah. Your dad was a great guy. People just miss him."

"Like you do."

"Like me."

"But Mommy you don't cry anymore. I used to hear you. Are you not sad?"

She stared at her five-year old for a long moment. "I can't be sad all the time. There is so much good in our lives, Regan, and that's what we want to focus on."

"Like ice cream?"

Max laughed despite her mood. "And hot dogs, Kiddo. Eat up, and we'll go see-saw."

Present:

"They're fine, Honey."

"I know," she trailed off, after she hung up with her girls. "I've never left them like this."

"Are you crying?"

She rolled her on her side and smiled at him. "Are you laughing at me?"

"Those girls made you soft."

"I know. Don't tell anyone."

He leaned in and kissed her in the privacy of their hotel room. "And irritating and antagonistic… gorgeous, smart, funny…brave and strong?"

She groaned. "You were doing good until the last part. I'll take irritating. What are you doing?"

"We should go. Get dressed. Save the world," he smiled, kissing her again and pinned her to the bed beneath him. Intertwining their fingers, he pressed her hands into the pillow. Why didn't we do this 10 years ago? Before she and Kenny…No, that is a conversation we can't have. What if we did? Where would we be now? Would we have kids together? It's too late…she's 39 and I'm 41…and what we have is enough. We found each other again. "We really should."

She smiled at him, enjoying how close they were. "I can't really move, John."

"Then we have a problem. We have witness statements to review. A murderer to make sure stays in jail. Game face, Max."

"You need to let me get dressed for that."

3 Years Ago:

"She's good with them," Jill said, as they watched Max kicking a ball back and forth with her kids, and with the first genuine smile she had seen out of her in a long time. Not as tense as she has been, laughing with them, kicked off her shoes and may actually be okay.

Jimmy nodded, watching his former deputy. Joy, that's what on her face, her kids bring her joy. "Max?"

She stopped the ball with her foot and looked over at them. "Hi."

Oh, Natalie, Jill thought, as she ran to her mom and she watched as Max broke into a grin and picked her up. "We were wondering where you went."

She shifted a giggling Natalie and balanced her on her hip. "Just enjoying a park as it should be."

In a sundress, barefoot, her long hair twisted back now, Jill thought, oh, Max, what are you doing? "You know there are a lot of people who miss you and want spend time with you here."

She paused at that. They all keep hugging me, telling me how sorry they are, that they don't know how they could move on, that I'm so brave and strong, and I'm not this person. "I know."

"I wanted to play with Mommy. Everyone here is sad," Regan piped up. "We have fun at home. Mommy, can we go home? I don't like it here."

She put Natalie back on her own feet, and smoothed back Regan's red hair. "Two more sleeps, Kiddo, then it's back home and school for you."

"And swimming? I want to get ready to try swim team."

"And swimming," she promised. "Maybe we can get Nat to put her face in too."

"She's being a baby about it."

Very different, these two, and I love them both more than I ever thought possible. "Well, she's lucky to have you to show her how."

Regan giggled and hugged her. "Do we have to go with these people?"

Max glanced back at the Brocks. I don't want to. I'm such an ungrateful twat. Friends and family who love us and just dedicated a park to Kenny. Ugh, and all I want is to play with my kids and possibly get them another ice cream cone. They need to stop hugging me. "I think we're going to hang out a bit. It's a beautiful park…I kind of want to show kids where we got married and stuff privately. We'll see you later."

"Mommy is sad here," Regan said, hugging Max tightly. "Why do you make her sad? She isn't sad at home. We have so much fun. We go on adventures. Mommy, don't be sad."

"Nah, never with you and Nat," she said, hugging her back. "We'll be back in a while. I need to breathe. They need some space."

"Max."

Leave me alone, she thought, just let me have this time, in this park dedicated to my husband, with my kids. "Please. Just leave us alone for a bit…I need to be with my kids."

Present:

Kid gloves, John thought, everyone treats her like she is a child. Ah, and she's so irritated already by it. Hugged her, told her she was so brave to be testifying, that they were just so sorry for her. Do they really not know she's okay? That she has a good life, that she had one before we got together? This town hasn't changed. How can they not just look at her and know?

"Are you sure that you're okay?" Jimmy asked, watching Max in his office. "I know that it must be difficult for you to go back to court."

Do not look at John. I might lose it if I do. "I go to court most days and advocate for children."

Tense, Jimmy thought, what is her life really like these days? Max and John, this is like old times…It has to be hard on her. Jill said that they were friends these days, that his daughter is her baby-sitter. They seem on better terms than they did before. She hasn't mentioned Kenny one time, she never brings him up, not for years. It still hurts her. "It's not the same thing."

"She's really good," John said. "We've been in court a few times together over the last two years."

Like old times, Max thought, he's great in a courtroom…helping people who need it. From us locking up criminals together, to us both helping people in need. A different path but still us. Me and John. Who would we be if…forget it. "Thanks."

Jimmy looked at them both. A strange ease between them, an understanding, not the bickering and hostility that used to be there. They're both widowed, single parents, they seem to be friends, and not exactly thrilled to be here. John was shot by his brother and Max lost Kenny here. Things they didn't get over. "You do know we appreciate you both flying up to testify. I know you both have lives, jobs, your kids."

"Of course, we would come," John said. Max wants to bolt. I think the hugging from everyone here did her in. "It was our case."

And Kenny's, Max thought, it used to be the four of us here. Being here does rip the band-aid off a bit, sparks up my memories, I do still miss him, I always will…but I'm okay. A new path with John, a new love. Kenny would smile knowing that the three of us are good.

"Max."

She looked up, at her old friend and her love. "Sorry, I zoned out. Are we done for now?"

Ah, Max, John thought, the hugging and sympathy did her in. "Can I buy you lunch? Something beside a hot dog on a street corner?"

She smiled despite herself. "I do enjoy street hot dogs."

Standing Wednesday date, he thought, even before we started dating. Ah, she looks right now. Rome's tragic widow and she hates it. She looks anything but tragic in snug jeans, green sweater and her hair blown out. Vibrant and passionate, he thought, and we so completely belong to each other. "I know you do."

Jimmy sat back and looked at them. Something they're not saying, it's passing between them right them right now. They aren't, they can't be…

3 Years Ago

"It's pretty, Mommy."

She felt a pang in her heart, as she looked around where she and Kenny got married. Where I pledged to love and be with him forever, she thought, when I really thought we would be. Oh, Kenny, I do miss you so much. "It is, Kiddo."

"Play?" Natalie asked, tugging on her hand. "Please, Mommy?"

Mommy, she thought, I do love being their mommy. "Give me a second, Nat."

Regan hugged her sister and looked at their mom. "Don't cry, Mommy."

She wiped her tears, as overwhelming grief hit her. He kissed me right here, I married him and really gave myself to him…how could he just leave me like this? Why didn't he wait for back up? He left me all alone to raise our daughters and ripped my heart out in the process. I broke down, I didn't think I could go on…Damn it, Kenny, how could you do this? Why did it have to be you?

"Mommy?"

She knelt and wrapped her arms around them. "Sorry, Ladies. How about we head back to the hotel and try out the pool?"

TBC…As Rome explodes…