Present:

"We're just," Max started, as John let her go. My love, she thought, he's staring at us. I'm all over John, right where I married Kenny. I'm a terrible widow. "Hi."

Carter stared at them, as they stepped apart. "What are you doing?"

Ah, Max, John thought, this town gets to her. "Is the jury back?"

"Max, you got married here."

"I'm aware of that," she stated. What are we doing? We weren't doing anything wrong. I stood over there and said my vows. I thought it would last forever…and I'm not bursting into tears this time. It kind of warms my heart a bit to think about my wedding here, how happy we both were and…hold onto the good of it. Look at me being all wise and rational. "It was a great day, Carter."

"Are you two together?"

"That is a question for after a verdict," John said. That's what we said. Not letting our relationship effect this case…even if I can't keep my hands and eyes off her. Ah, I do want everyone to know. "Just two friends taking a walk. You're right, Max, it's a beautiful park."

I hate playing games, she thought, I don't want to deny how I feel about him. Not with my in-laws, Rome, anyone, I just want to be with him. I just love him effortlessly. "I suppose so."

"We should probably get back," John said. "Before we violate some unwritten rule here."

Screw it, she thought, reaching out and lacing her fingers through his. Catching his look of surprise, as he squeezed her hand in his. "I don't care anymore."

That's my girl, he thought, still more feisty and stubborn than she wants to admit. "We've been dating for nine months, Carter, and we were going to keep in under the radar until the jury came back. We'd appreciate if you would too. You ready to head back, Honey?"

She looked at him, ignoring her heart leaping into her throat at Carter's shock. "We should."

"The two of you?"

"Yes, the two of us," John said, tugging her closer to him. "We have a pretty good thing. Right?"

Max smiled despite her nerves. "I'd say it's pretty good."

Carter just looked at her for a long moment in her floral dress, army green jacket and boots, looking quite content, as John wrapped his arm back around her and she couldn't wipe the smile from her face when she looked at him. "Max, what about Kenny?"

"That isn't fair, Carter. He died," Max said softly. "More than six years ago."

He studied his old friend for a long moment. She cried, she fled this town, she was so cold here three years ago, except with her kids. "Max, are you happy?"

She nodded. "Very happy."

Carter stared at her, before breaking into a grin. "Then I'm happy for you."

Not pity, she thought, I think he really is. "Thanks."

9 Years Ago:

"You're what?" Kenny asked, staring at her for a long moment. My wife, in tight t-shirt, short-shorts, her short hair red again and she is so happy. Glowing. Elated. "Max?"

She broke into a grin and nodded. "Kenny, I'm pregnant."

He stepped back from her, and she's happy? My wife of two months. "Pregnant. We've been married for two months."

She looked back at him, rubbing her flat stomach. "I know. I didn't expect, didn't plan, but I am. Come on, we weren't exactly careful on our honeymoon."

"You missed one pill. You cannot get pregnant that easily. We were going to wait and see if this is what we really wanted."

"You don't want our baby?"

"Of course, I want our baby. You're sure?"

"Yeah. Jill called me about my blood work from my physical. I'm eight-weeks along and… pregnant."

Present

"Are we doing this?" Max asked. Verdict in, Murphy is staying in jail…and we go home tomorrow. "You're holding my hand in public."

"I'm putting my moves on the Widow Lacos."

She leaned up against their rental car and smiled at him. "I believe your moves consisted of making out in the mud?"

"Ouch."

"You're a really good kisser if that helps."

"Oh?" he teased, lacing his other hand through hers. "You're not going to be so saintly after this."

"I never wanted to be a saint. Do I do to Sharon what they do to me?" Max asked. "Carter non-withstanding."

"Max."

"No. Every time I see her, talk to her, I'm so glad it's not me who is falling apart. I was able to get it together, partly because I didn't want to live like that. I should have helped her."

"You do. You stayed in her life. She loves her granddaughters. She needs more help than you can give her. Max, you moved to Chicago, so your kids could know his family. You're not perfect, you're not a saint, but this all about family attitude you have going on? It's a part of you I really like."

She let out a long breath. "How do you always know the right thing to say?"

"I love you. It makes it easy."

The best guy, she thought, ten years ago I never would have thought that we…would this have worked to years ago? If I wasn't such a freak about it? Don't do what ifs now. I had a wonderful marriage that I wouldn't trade for anything. "You really are too good for me."

"Get this straight in there, Honey, I'm a lucky guy. You and me? We're going to have a beautiful life together. Come here."

She didn't fight him, as he pulled her in and pressed his lips to hers by their car. Leaning into him, she kissed him back. Resting her head against his chest. The best guy, she thought again, the guy I want to raise my kids. The guy I want to marry. The guy I love.

He opened the car door for her. "Get in. We have dinner plans."

8 Years Ago

"Look what we did," Max smiled, cuddling hours old Regan to her. Inhaling the scent of new baby, she marveled at the perfection of her. Smiling up at Kenny, she stroked their newborn's tiny limbs in wonder. "We made her."

Elated, radiant, he thought, she should be exhausted. She can't stop smiling. "She's tiny."

She didn't feel tiny coming out, Max thought, oh I didn't think I would feel like this. I love you, she thought, I want to give you the world. "Do you want to hold her?'

"You two look pretty comfortable together."

She pressed her lips to Regan's tiny head and leaned into Kenny. Our family, she thought, as he wrapped his arm around her on her hospital bed. Resting her head against his chest, she smiled at him again before looking back down at Regan. "This is really weird."

"You're a natural at it."

"Are you okay?"

Just had a baby, he thought, she is so enraptured by her and she still picks up on that? How is she so sure with our daughter? "It's a big change, Max. You can't stop smiling."

And you haven't, she thought, it's like he's afraid of her. "It is, and I can't. Are you okay?"

No, he thought, no. How is she so comfortable and sure? I'm terrified that I'm going to break that six-pound baby in her arms. Max being so gentle and soft, this is a whole other side of her. "Pass her over, Max."

Present

"We're really doing this?" Max asked, as they sat in the Brock's driveway for a long moment. "Are we the last ones here?'

"Dinner at the Brocks? With you and me one of the main topics?" John asked. "Come on, you know that they had a predinner meeting all about you and me."

"I'm not going to be hostile, ungrateful or defensive. Or at least I'm going to try not to be."

"You can be brave and strong."

"A saint and martyr. I want to go home. Hang out with my kids. Get back to work. Day drink at book club. Get a hot dog with you without it being made a federal case over."

"Nice to have goals, Honey."

She leaned across the car and kissed him. "I love you. Are we ready?"

He kissed her back. "I am if you are, my brave, strong, saintly, martyr."

8 Years Ago

"Oh, it's okay, Kiddo," Max whispered, changing her diaper. "You're okay. Ah, there you go, Regan."

Picking up her two-month-old, she settled into the rocking chair with her. Squirmy, she thought, murmuring sweet nothings into her ear in the middle of the night. I kind of want a houseful of these, she thought, even if I have to get up in the middle of the night, while Kenny sleeps through it. Oh, I don't want to go back to work and leave her. No, I do, I really want to work, how do I just leave her? Shifting a now feeding Regan, she smiled down at her. I can. Work, be her mom, a wife, and me. Other people do this, so can I.

Burping her, she laid her back down in her crib. "See you in a few hours, Kiddo. I love you."

Present

"Breathe," John murmured in her ear, not letting go of her hand in the Brock living room. They are looking at us like we're out of our minds. Max, the patron saint of widows, she said she was out of her mind with grief, not able to take care of herself, she did flee from this place. "Yes, we've been dating."

She said she loved him, Jill thought, at lunch. She was talking about John? As nervous as she looks right now, she is glued to his side. John hasn't let go of her hand since they've been here. "Max, for how long?"

Be normal, Max thought, be who I am every day. He hasn't let go of me. Staking his claim, making it very clear that we're together. I'm not something for John or anyone to claim, stop it Max, he has his arms around you every day. You don't have a problem with it with our kids, at the pool, when we're out together, alone, you love it. The guy I love, she thought, there isn't wrong with us being together, and it's actually everything right. Screw it, he's the person I love and just agreed to live with. Breaking into a grin she said. "Nine months."

"Nine months?" Jimmy repeated, looking at the casual way John wrapped his arm around her waist and gave her a reassuring squeeze. Max looks stressed, but there is something…there is something. An ease, contentment, the way they are looking at each other. "The two of you?"

Do it for her, she's caught up in her own head here. "Yes, the two of us for nine months. We have a good thing between us and we can leave it at that."

Max can't stop smiling, Jill thought, even though she's trying to. Everything she said at brunch, it was about John. They were all friends and…Max and John. They weren't, not 10 years ago, they couldn't…it was always her and Kenny. I delivered their children, I watched them all in love and Max fall apart. How she's looking John right now, it's different… "Max, can you help me with the wine?"

8 Years Ago

"What?" Max said, as Kenny practically dragged her into the coffee room her first week back from maternity leave. "Is everything okay?"

He looked at her. So, poised, he thought, she just kissed Regan good-bye and promised her she'd be home soon. "You should go home."

"Is Regan okay? Did her daycare call?"

"No."

"Then what is it? It's my first week back, I don't think Jimmy would appreciate me bailing. What's going on?'

"You should be home with Regan, not here."

She cocked her head to the side and looked at him. "I love Regan. I love being her mom. It was heart wrenching for me to put her daycare. I need this, Kenny. I get up every night with her. I wouldn't trade her for anything, but I want to work."

"What happens if you get hurt? Shot? Killed?"

"Morbid much? I can ask you the same thing."

"I'm serious, Max."

"Are you nervous about picking her up and being alone with her? We have a really awesome kid. You don't have to be afraid of her."

"I am not afraid of our kid."

"You've never been alone with her for more than 10 minutes. You're not going to break her. Seriously, I left her awake in a playpen while I took a shower. She survived it. If she cries she's probably wet or hungry. Or just crying. I can't keep doing it by myself."

"Excuse me?"

She held his gaze. "I know we were going to wait, and that Regan was a huge surprise."

"You think I'm a bad father."

"No. I think she makes you nervous. That you don't think you'll be a good dad. You are. There is no one else I would ever consider having a child with. We made a pretty good one. I'll see you tonight."

Present

Damn it, Max thought, this was a divide and conquer. No, I can do this. Taking a long drink of her wine, be myself, don't be hostile. Don't be a victim for them. Let them ask away. Let them judge me. Just Jill and me in the kitchen. Come with me to get another bottle of wine, she said, and I fell for it.

"I thought you two couldn't stand each other."

A simmering attraction, Max thought, something I couldn't deal with 10 years ago. "We changed. We connected in a way neither of us really saw coming. We got to be friends, neighbors, Kara still is my kid's favorite baby-sitter, we got hot dogs together every Wednesday, we really started hanging out together. It grew into something that I tried to deny was happening until…"

"Until what?" Jill pressed.

Screw it, just tell her. It's not a secret. "He had me over, we've spent a lot of time drinking wine on our porches as friends, actually we still do. We ended up playing soccer, I can't back down from a challenge like that…the yard was really wet and muddy, which ended up with me wet and muddy in a puddle. We just…ended up on the ground, laughing and…"

"And what?"

The way he looked at me, she thought, how gentle his hands were. How I felt so right in his arms. "Then I kissed him."

"You kissed him?"

Max smiled at that. "Yup. He kissed me back."

"That's it?"

8 Years Ago

"You're late."

Max looked up, after locking her gun in the drawer. "Sorry, I got caught up and…Are you okay? Why is Regan screaming?"

He shifted a screaming Regan in his arms and stared at her. "I don't know, Max. I've changed her, burped her, put down, picked her up, gave her a bottle, a toy, music, everything. Can you please fix your daughter?"

She leaned back against the counter, going against every instinct screaming inside her to cuddle and soothe her. "Well if I get myself killed, this is all on you."

"Max, seriously?" he said, bouncing the red faced infant a bit. "That's your answer?"

"She doesn't know you," Max blurted out. "She's not mine, she's ours. You need to start being her dad."

"Max."

I can't take it, she thought, Regan screaming and crying. Damn it, Kenny. No, he's just scared. Nervous. Crossing the room to them, she wrapped one arm around Kenny and laid her other hand on Regan's back. "Hey, there Kiddo."

"Max, take her."

She leaned into him, rubbing slow circles on her back and murmuring nonsense to her. "This is your dad, Regan, stop crying and freaking him out. Ah, that's my girl. See?"

"How do you know how to do this?"

"I learned," she said quietly, standing on her toes and kissing his cheek. "Like you can."

Present

"We have a wonderful life together in Chicago. It's a different one than I planned on," Max continued. "I'm really happy, Jill, and I didn't think I could be."

"With John."

"He and Kara are a big part of my life, and my kid's life. We were doing great before, this is just…I fell for him and I fell hard. We're planning our future together."

"Regan and Natalie like him?"

"Nat is especially attached. Regan is more hesitant, she needs to come around to things in her own time. She takes after me that way."

"You've moved on."

"Moving on doesn't mean forgetting."

"Do you think Kenny would approve?"

Not fair, Max thought, he died. He left me alone to raise our kids and it shattered me. I don't even know if he would like this new me. The person I had to knit back together. "I would hope that he would be happy that me and his kids are doing good and have people in our lives who love us."

"Do you love John?"

"Yes," she started, as he phone rang. Pulling it out of her pocket, she tried not to grimace. "Completely and totally love him. I need to take this."

8 Years Ago

Kenny kissed the top of her head, as she snuggled in closer to him on the couch. Max and Regan, he thought, this is all I need. Just the three of us. "Honey?"

"Hmm?"

Eight months old, he thought, watching her play on the floor. She looks so much like Max too. My reckless, feisty, stubborn, wife, who is just so soft, loving, and so completely into being a mom. She's making it look easy. Ah, Max, what are you doing? Kissing her back. "Wait."

"Since when?" she teased, smiling at him. "I don't think she'll be scarred for life. I want you inside me."

"Jesus Christ, Max. Wait."

"For what?" she teased, shifting so she was straddling him. "I miss this."

"Regan is right there."

"Regan is eight-months old. Come on."

"You just started taking the pill again. We don't have protection."

She smiled at him. "You don't want me to get pregnant? What are the chances of it happening twice?"

"You missed one, and suddenly we had a baby. I'm not taking the chance."

"You don't want to have another one?"

"No. Just one."

Present

"What?" Max said. "Mel, I can hardly…What happened?"

"It's Mom. She found out you left the kids with John's mom and…She flipped out."

Regan, Nat… "Is she okay?"

"No, she isn't. John's mom didn't call you?"

She glanced at the living room door. "No. What happened?"

"She went there, she tried to drag Regan and Nat out with her."

My babies, she thought, her heart dropping to her knees. "I need to call them."

"Mom had a heart attack."

"Max?" John called, bursting into the kitchen, phone in hand and staring at her. "We need to go home."

TBC