Present:

"It's okay, Nat," Max said, listening to her sobbing daughter on the phone. My baby, I need to hug her, make it better, my sunshine and rainbows kid in tears. "I love you so much, Kiddo."

"I want you, Mommy. I want you right now."

I shouldn't have come here. I should have never left them. I didn't have to testify…I can't abandon them. Don't cry, oh Nat, you're breaking my heart. "I'm right here, Sweetie. I'll stay up all night talking to you."

"I want you here. Mommy, I need you."

She looked up at John, who was still talking to Mel after they traded phones in the Brock kitchen. This can't be happening. I vowed to keep them safe, give them a wonderful life…My babies. My hard-headed Regan and my sunshine filled Nat, my kiddos. And Alice, she did this for me, took care of my kids for three days and… "I'll be there tomorrow, Nat, I promise. We'll do whatever you and Regan want."

"Is Grandma dead? Is she with our dad?"

"No, she's okay. Aunt Melanie, Uncle Colin and Grandpa are all there with her."

"Is she going to come take us again?"

"Never, Sweetie. You, me and Regan, we're a team, right? We're sticking together."

"With John and Kara? They're on our team?"

John is so on our team, she thought, as he finally hung up and laid his hand on her shoulder. Reaching up, she took his hand in hers. "Always, Kiddo."

"John won't let Grandma take us away? Kara says he helps kids. Like you do, Mommy. Mommy, come home, please come home, Mommy."

She wiped her tears. Keep it together for Nat. I can dissolve into a bucket of tears when she's okay. "I'll be there tomorrow, Nat. We'll go home. Make some cookies, read, whatever you guys I want. Nat, you're safe with Ms. Alice, she won't let anything happen to you."

"Kara is letting me and Regan sleep with her."

I could hug Kara right now. John raised an amazing kid…He should be raising mine with me. "That's great. You can sleep, have slumber party, and tomorrow we'll all be together. I can't wait to see you and Regan."

"Is John going to keep you safe from Grandma?"

Kneading my shoulders, he won't stop touching me right now. It's because of this that Sharon… no, Sharon let her grief control her. Even if I had told her…I don't know. I need to focus on my kids. "He will."

"I love you, Mommy."

"I love you too, Kiddo."

8 Years Ago

"I want a houseful," Max said, still straddling his lap. "Being a mom is…I love it. Regan is amazing, and…really?"

"I can handle Regan, Max. I love Regan. You know how long…I can't do it again. You just got your body back."

She slid off his lap and stood up. "My body?"

"You gained 25 pounds with her. You look better now."

"I grew a person inside me. I'm sorry if my flabby stomach offended you after that."

"Max."

"Do not touch me," she stated, pulling back from him. "If you think you can handle putting her to bed alone, I'm going to take a walk."

"Don't you walk out on me."

"Got to keep myself thin and pretty for you."

"Max, knock it off," he started, as Regan began to cry. "See? This is why we don't need another one."

I do want another one, she thought, scooping up their wailing child. I really want a big family with him. "Hey, Kiddo. Oh, you're wet."

"Do you want me to do it?"

Max pressed her lips to Regan's head. Regan, named after Kenny's mom's maiden name, I didn't know I would love her this much. "I got it."

Present:

"You okay?"

"I want to hug my kids and never let go," she started, as they just stood in the Brock kitchen. "Regan bit her and threw a shoe and Nat…my ball of sunshine, she never cries like that. Everyone and everything is always good and wonderful with her. Your mom, Kara, they shouldn't have…I'm so sorry."

"Don't you apologize for Sharon."

"I shouldn't have left them."

"Yeah? She has a key to your house. It could have been much worse. You need to change your locks, take her off your pick-up lists, all of it. They are not going near her until she is evaluated by a shrink and cleared. You guys can stay with us."

"I don't need you to take care of me."

"Tough. You have me," he stated, keeping his arms firmly around her. "I switched our flights to the crack of dawn. There is nothing out until then. Max, look at me, they're okay. They're your kids, you've raised them to be independent and strong."

She gulped. I want to fight. Scream. I want to run home and never let them out of my sight. I love them so much, I vowed to give them a great life. "Your mom and Kara? Are they…Kara, is she okay? I know she has to be freaked out."

"She is," John started, not taking his eyes off her. "So is my mother. Don't you dare apologize to me. Come here."

She sunk into his arms, and he held her tightly to him. I don't deserve him. I built a wonderful life with him, and let my old friends and family...I let myself forget other people hurt too. How could I just fall in love so easily?

"John? Max? Is everything okay?"

8 Years Ago

"Don't," Max said, after she put Regan to bed. 'Kenny, stop."

He looked at her in her long sleeve t-shirt and gym shorts. "Really, Max?"

She stepped back from him. "I'm not exactly in the mood."

"Because I don't want to knock you up? We didn't even know if we wanted kids before you got pregnant with Regan."

"You just want a pretty girl on your arm?"

"We have a kid, Max. You get to be a mom. Why can't this be enough?"

She held his gaze. We do have Regan, and she's wonderful. Kenny is good with her…He loves her. He loves me. "Why don't you want another one?"

"I didn't want the first one."

I can't, she thought, I thought the three of us were okay. "Is that how you still feel?"

"She's my daughter. I love her. I don't want anymore. Why can't she be enough for you?"

She gulped. We can give her a great life. She'll be so loved. Even if she was never what Kenny wanted…why did he marry me then? We never even talked about kids. I wasn't even sure until I felt her move inside of me the first time, and then when I held her? Just Regan. I can do this. "Regan is more than enough."

"Come on," he said, slipping his fingers into her shorts. "Lets go to bed."

Present

"We're fine, right?" John said, not letting her out of his grasp. "Honey?"

She took a steadying breath. I won't be fine until I have my arms around them. "That's not the word I'd use."

"Max?" Jimmy pushed, seeing a familiar pain in her face. "What is it?"

Sharon, my kids, how do I do this? She had a heart attack after scaring the crap out of them. I'm so angry at her and…she could have died. She's Kenny's mom. She lost her son and now…I should have done more for her. "Sharon had a heart attack. Mel said she's okay, but…I just need to get home."

"Kenny's mom?"

She nodded. "Yeah."

"It's going to be fine," John said, as they just looked at each other. Ah, Max, you look so wrecked over this. "First thing in the morning, right?"

She nodded. Sharon has been devastated and I've been playing house and starting a new family. I'm giving Kenny's kids to John. The kids he never wanted. I'm an awful person. "Yeah."

Heart attack after she tried to kidnap her kids. She considers them her family, they are Nat and Regan's… "Do you want to get out of here?"

All I want is his arms around me and a good 10 minutes of sobbing. He gives the best hugs. "We should."

6 Years Ago

No, no, no, Max thought, throwing up again. I'm on the pill, Kenny always uses a condom…like he doesn't trust me. He bugged me to get an implant, but I refused. I'm not. I can't be…I want to be. I do want another baby. No, it's the flu. Right…every morning. This is how I felt with Regan.

"Max?"

She pushed back from the toilet and splashed water on her face. Home from his overnight shift…I can't. It's been a good two months… he loves Regan and me. There is enough for this one. "In the bathroom. Give me a minute."

Looking at herself, she grimaced, as she heard Regan making happy noises as her dad picked up her up from the crib. He's going to hate me. If I am…it'll be okay. He came around to Regan, he can come around to this one.

"Max?" he asked, knocking on the bathroom door. "You alive?"

Not yet, not until I know one way or the other. Forcing herself to smile, she opened the bathroom door. "Here are my two-favorite people."

Present

Silent, tense, John thought, her hands are shaking. Ignoring his packing, he took her hand in his and wrapped his arms around her again. "What's going on in there?"

"John, I'm fine."

"You know it's okay not to be? You don't have to be brave and strong. Not with me."

"If I start crying, I might not stop."

"We have all night," he said softly. "Regan and Nat are sleeping and are looking forward to seeing their mom tomorrow. Get it out now, so you can be there for them."

"Sharon loves them so much because they're Kenny's kids," Max said quietly. The thing I never told anyone. "He never wanted them."

6 Years Ago

"Three months?" Kenny stated, looking at his wife who was standing on the other side of the kitchen island from him. "How long have you known?"

"A few weeks."

"Damn it, Max."

"I was afraid to tell you. I know you didn't want this."

"But you did. How did you do it?"

She rested her hand on her flat stomach. "I took my pill every day, and you wear a condom every time we have sex. I didn't do anything beside ovulate."

"And you're knocked up."

"You had a part in it," she stated. "Okay, yes, I wanted another baby, but we agreed that we wouldn't. That Regan was enough…I'm excited to be pregnant. To grow our family and…to give Regan a little brother or sister."

"Regan would be fine as an only child."

This hurts, she thought, I love him so much, I've loved him since I was 23 and couldn't spit it out. "You don't want me to have it."

"You're three months pregnant. You made it very difficult for you not to have it. Good job, Max."

Don't cry, she thought, don't fall apart. Regan and this peanut need me. "I can do this on my own if you're that opposed."

"You're going to leave me?"

"I love you," she said softly. "I can take care of this baby inside me alone if you don't want to."

"You wanted to be a mom more than you wanted to be my wife. You could have gotten yourself pregnant by anyone and had a kid, Max. You had to drag me along for the ride?"

She stepped back like he slapped her at that. No able to stop her tears, she fled upstairs.

Present

"What?" John said, as she finished choking it out to him. "He said all that?"

"I keep thinking," she sobbed into his chest, as he didn't let go of her. "He didn't want Nat, he hated that I was pregnant…he went into that house…if wasn't distracted, if we weren't fighting…he might have, we might have…"

"You get that out of your head right now. It's crap, Max, total crap."

"The last thing I said to him was that I wanted a divorce."

John hugged her tighter at that, as she sobbed against him. "It's okay. You're okay."

"It wasn't fair. He died thinking I hated him. I loved him…I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, but not if…we wanted different things. It was so hard and... then he died, and I couldn't…"

She became a sainted cop's widow, a martyr to his family, John thought, the mother of his children. She'll never tell them either, she'll never do that to Regan and Nat. Sharon, trying to take them, oh Max. No pity, she'll never forgive me. Just let her cry it out. "He loved you. He would have loved Nat because she's a part of you. You're an amazing mother and I know you were a great wife. Kenny was a lucky guy."

"I can't do this."

"You can do anything."

"Why is it so easy for you to the love them?"

When they're father didn't want them, John thought, how could he do this to her? They would have grown up knowing…no. Oh, Max. "They are very easy to love, Max. I do partly because they are yours, but mostly because they are wonderful kids. I love watching you with them. That prickly deputy I knew? I never would have guessed would be such a warm, loving, devoted, mom, and one of the things I love best about you and them? Despite you being devoted is that you let them explore, get messy, make mistakes, learn from them, and they have. Regan may conquer the world and I really can't resist Nat. Seriously, Max, that girl makes my heart melt, which I need some days because her mom makes it race."

She clung tighter to him. "I promised they would have a great life."

"They do."

"They can't know. Ever."

"Never. It doesn't leave this room."

6 Years Ago

Max smiled despite her nerves, as she cuddled with 16-month-old Regan on the couch, who was happily patting her seven-month pregnant stomach, while she read to her. "Pretty neat, Kiddo, huh?"

"Baby."

"Yes, baby," Max smiled. "You are going to be such a great big sister."

"Mama."

She kissed the top of her head. I can do this. Kenny is basically ignoring me at home…we're good at faking it in public. He can't even look at me. It's 15 pounds and I'm disgusting to him. He hates this baby in me. I need to make some decisions…I can't live like this. Jumping at the door opening and closing, she tried not to wince at Regan's squeal of delight. She loves her daddy, I'll never take that away from her.

"Max?" he asked, watching them on the couch together. Seven-months, he thought, looking at her bulging stomach. Another kid in there…she's glowing, radiant, and looking at me like she wants to flee the room. "I tried calling."

"I had the ringer off. We took a nap together and…I forgot about it."

"You feel okay?"

"Yeah," she started. It's been an easy pregnancy. "I found out it's a girl."

He nodded, watching Regan continue to rub circles on her stomach and babble on. How is she doing this? Pregnant, mom, cop, she's so sure…every time I change a diaper, am alone with Regan, it's… Max took to this. She loves this…I don't know what to do about this new version of my wife. "Do you want me to take Regan for a while?"

"Do you want to join us? We're just reading and stuff."

"I'm going to hop in the shower. I'll see you later."

Present

"Mommy," Nat continued, as Max held her tightly. "Mommy, don't go."

She squeezed her and Regan tighter for a long moment. "Never, Kiddo."

"Grandma is crazy, Mom," Regan said. "Mom, it's too tight."

Regan, she thought, easing off a bit. My hardheaded Regan…she is all me. "She isn't crazy. She's just sad and it makes her do…she isn't thinking clearly."

"Don't let Grandma take us, Mommy," Nat said, not letting go. "I want to stay with you and John."

John who loves all of us, she thought, he loves us so easily. My happiest kid, my ball of sunshine, is a sobbing mess. "We're going home."

"Mommy."

Oh, she isn't letting go, Max thought. She is getting too big for me to pick up…no, I got this. "I'm right here. I'm never leaving you, Nat."

"Max," John said, seeing her valiant attempt at not bursting into tears again wavering. "We got to talk about…some adult stuff."

"Crazy Grandma stuff?" Regan asked, hugging Natalie too. "She made Nat cry, John. Nat is always happy, Grandma shouldn't do that."

He nodded, looking at Nat clinging to Max. "You're right. Do you guys want to hang out for a few minutes before we go? Make sure you have all your stuff?"

"I want Mommy."

Max pressed her lips to her head. "I think Ms. Alice made you cookies. Then we'll go home, Nat."

Nat hugged her one more time before letting go and taking Regan's hand. "No one is coming?"

"No one," John said, seeing Max's stricken expression. "It's just us. Can you get me a cookie too?"

She nodded. "They're good."

"I know, my mom made them for me when I was a kid."

"Come on, Nat," Regan said, tugging on her hand. "They have to talk about grown up stuff. Let's eat cookies with Kara before Mom makes us veggies at home."

"Thank you," Max blurted out. "I am so sorry, Alice… I didn't think. I'm so sorry."

"You and those girls are important to John, therefore you're important to me," Alice said. "It was unfortunate. Regan and Natalie are fine, I would have never let them go with her."

She nodded, very grateful for John's arm around her at that moment. "Thank you."

6 Years Ago

"You're going to leave me?" Kenny asked, tossing the papers at her. "What do you think you're doing looking for places to live? You are my wife, Max!"

She stepped back, resting her hand on her eight and half month pregnant stomach. "You won't talk to me. You don't touch me…You resent me. How can we…Stop punishing me."

"I love you. I need you. No, I need the woman I married. Not this…you're all about Regan. Now this new baby. You're not just a mom."

She stared at him. "I know that. I'm still me, Kenny, look at me. You're the one who pushed me away the minute I told you. I love being a mom, but it's not all I am."

"Really? When is the last time we did anything not baby related?"

"When is the last time you bothered to talk to me? God, Kenny, we could talk about anything. Yes, I love Regan, I love our daughter who is growing inside me. I'm still me. If you don't know that…Do even want me anymore? I can't live like this."

"You want a divorce."

She stared at him. "I want you and our kids. I married you. I love you. If that isn't enough? Then I do want a divorce."

"You got it. I'm going to work. Good-bye, Max."

Present

"Why didn't John and Kara stay?" Regan asked.

"I wanted to spend time with my girls," Max stated, looking at the disarray in her kitchen as they made cookies. I do want him and Kara with us, but we need this time. "That's something, Nat."

She smiled at her mom as she took a big bite of the batter. "Can we eat it all?"

"You'll puke," Regan said. "Right, Mom?"

"One more, Kiddo," she said. "Then into the oven. What do you guys think? Why don't we order pizza, we'll eat these cookies…How about some soccer?"

Nat ran to her and hugged her again, getting batter all over her leggings. "Just us?"

Team Lacos, she thought, it's always been the three of us. "Just us girls today, Nat."

"I want John to stay with us. I want him to be my Daddy and Ms. Alice to be my Grandma. Kara said we were her sisters to Grandma and we weren't going with her."

Max slid the cookie sheets in the oven and turned back to her kids. Oh, Kara, you wonderful child you. "You like John?"

"Mom," Regan sighed. "We're not dumb. Of course, we like John. He's fun and he makes you smile. He plays with us. He takes care of us."

She nodded at that. "You know John really likes you guys too."

"Are you going to marry him, Mommy?" Nat asked. "He can be our Daddy and you can be Kara's Mommy. I never had a Daddy."

You never did, Max thought, you probably wouldn't even if Kenny lived. He was such a good man, except with this. "What would you guys think about the three of us, John and Kara living together?"

"Like a family? He'd be my Daddy? Can I call him Daddy?" Nat asked. "I want him to be my Daddy."

Max wrapped her arms around Nat and hugged her closely. "It's something we need to talk to John about."

"He doesn't want to be?"

"Nat, John loves Mom," Regan piped up. "That means he loves us and Mom loves Kara. We're going to be a family. Mom why haven't you married John yet?"

"Oh, you two," she sighed. God, they're wonderful. So very different, I do wish Kenny got to know them. I think he really would have liked them. "You want John and me to get married?"

Regan nodded, as they used their fingers to scoop cookie batter into their mouths. "Mom, what are you waiting for?"

"He hasn't asked me."

"You can ask him."

Max smiled at that, enjoying the raw cookie dough with them. Marry John, she mused, it isn't as scary as it sounded before. "Why don't we work up to that, Kiddo? Let's make these cookies first."

6 Years Ago

"Max?" Jill said, watching her grieving friend hold her daughter for the first time. "She's perfect."

Max nodded numbly, stroking the tiny limbs and her heart warming slightly at the tiny person she had just brought into the world. If I hadn't gotten pregnant, we wouldn't…Kenny would…no, it's not this babies fault. She is brand new in this world, I'll never blame her for this. No one can ever know that we…it's my fault. I shouldn't have pushed him so hard. I could have been happy with just him and Regan…now this. I can't do this.

"Max?" Jill pushed, just watching her. "She's beautiful."

Max nodded, kissing the top of her head. She is. I love you so much. You, me and Regan, we'll be okay. "She is."

"Did you have any names picked out?"

Max looked up. "Natalie. Regan picked it after her favorite book character. Natalie Rebecca Lacos."

Jill smiled at that. "That's beautiful."

Max gulped and nodded. Just the three of us now. "Is Regan here? I want her to meet her sister."